Hello all! Once again, I do not own any part of Days of Our Lives, including the characters, otherwise the storylines would be vastly different.
Phillip rushed forward, weaving in and out between the trees, his jacket flapping out into the light breeze. Belle was close behind, keeping an eye on the flash of jeans and the blowing of his jacket to keep him in sight. A giggle escaped her at this small adventure of theirs as she called out, "Phillip, are you crazy? Where are you taking me?"
"It's a surprise!" Phillip called back, risking a glance over his shoulder as he ran forward. It was worth it. He could run straight into a tree, and it all would have been worth it. Seeing the smile on Belle's face, her hair scattering around her in the blowing wind as if it had a life all to its self, the skirt she was wearing being blown up and her thrusting her arms down trying to keep it from revealing anything. Phillip wished he could add this picture to his permanent memory bank and just keep it forever. She was absolutely beautiful. Belle had more beauty in her than he could ever hope to find in anyone, and it wasn't just her image either. Her entire personality, her integrity, the determination he found in her was like no other. It was like she was some artist's dream masterpiece come to life. She was that girl in high school that everyone knew and either loved or hated. She was ravishingly and stunningly beautiful, and she could easily be picked out of a crowd because her hair was like a ray of sunshine, being the brightest and most gorgeous hair in the room usually, and then there was her natural instinct to be kind and sincere to everyone. She was one of those people who you actually felt cared about your every whim, and didn't have to pretend to be interested. She was just that way, and some people rejected it because they could not handle the thought that someone so beautiful could also be as sincere and kind as she was. Belle was not perfect, no one was, but Phillip believed she came pretty damn close.
"Am I going to like this surprise?" Belle questioned, feeling herself grow more intrigued by the moment. Phillip had seemed more reserved after returning from the Marines, and less outgoing and impulsive than he had before leaving. At first she had thought it was good because he wasn't going after more flimsy and nearly impossible dreams and ideas, but after awhile Belle had thought he had changed too much. He had gotten a bit on the boring side, but then when Shawn left he had come through for her as no one else had, and once again she was seeing the wild guy she had grown up with, with a less stuck-up air about him.
"I hope so," Phillip admitted, not really knowing if she would truly love it as much as he hoped she would. He wanted to show her so much, and hoped she would see the message behind it.
Belle opened her mouth to tease him when she ran into Phillip. She let out an "Oompfh!" before pulling herself back.
Phillip was thrust into the air from the impact before being sprawled out on the ground. He let out a painful moan as he rubbed his back, hoping to relieve some of the pain that was suddenly upon him. "Shit!"
Belle blushed profusely and bit her lip as she rushed towards him, reaching out an arm to help him up. "Sorry! I didn't realize you had stopped." As she pulled him up, her eyes scanned the area. Suddenly, she yanked her arm away, stepping backwards as she took in the image.
The plants were brittle and wilted, looking as if just a brush of the wind would cause them to break. Belle couldn't imagine how they had survived the bitter winds that were starting to appear more often as winter drew nearer. The grass itself was sparse, appearing in little tufts, and even then it was barely tinged with a green color, but was more of a brown and orange color. The trees stood tall and proud, but Belle could see that in truth, they were far from strong and proud as their health was very poor. The leaves seemed to have never existed, disappearing into the vast infinitive world of lost time, seeing as their branches were bare, and there were none lying upon the ground. The bark was peeling off in huge amounts, lying coiled up on the ground beneath the trees. The soil itself seemed to somehow be dead in ways that Belle would never be able to explain in words. Everything was seemingly dead. This was the very realm of death.
Somehow, this was too much for Belle. All the deaths she had to hear about, the horrors and the pain they had caused, and now being surrounded by death not only emotionally but physically as well was too much. Belle found herself placing her back up against a tree and slipping to the ground, closing her eyes tightly to block out the images, or just sink into some false reality that held more life to it. That the world was suddenly right again, that Shawn was still with her, and that the deaths had never took place. That everything wrong and painful had never happened, but the few good things that had come of it, such as Sami and Lucas's engagement had still emerged.
Standing before a casket was the first image to hit her despite her efforts to not see anything, but she no longer knew whose casket she was staring at. They all blended together now. So many deaths... People like Abe and Jack she had admired and wanted to be like. They would never be there to see there own children grow up and succeed in the world, and they would never see how intensely loved they were because death had stolen them from everyone, taking them to a place where no one else could follow. People like Cassie and Tony who had spent their last dying moments trying to reveal the serial killer and turning from their once horrible selves, and being punished for the effort, and they would never be able to know how her views had changed about them because their punishment had been death. They would never see how everyone's opinions on them had changed so drastically because they were forever gone. People like Maggie, Caroline, Roman, Doug, and Alice who had made such a huge difference in her life for being the wonderful people they had been. And it had all been because of her mother, who had also been lost. Her very mother had done all of this, and she would never truly understand why her mother would hurt those that had treated her so wonderfully. That was a question that could never be answered with her mother gone. Death hadn't stopped there though. Jennifer was assumed dead after following some crazy notion that Jack was still alive, and with her had gone her unborn child. Patrick and Hope had tried to go after her and save her, but they had also died in the process. So much good was gone.
Belle felt an arm around her suddenly, pulling her out of her reverie, which she knew belonged to Phillip, pulling her closer to him. Quietly she whispered, "Why did you bring me here? To torture me?"
"No," Phillip said quickly. "I was hoping you might see that you can't keep blaming yourself for any of the deaths, not even Alice's. What you did was totally natural. Anyone put in your position would have tried defending your mother, and it wasn't like you knew for certain. Death is everywhere. It's part of nature. Nothing can stop it, and we're all going to follow the same path someday, for all our paths eventually lead us to death. None of us are immune to it, and you can't blame yourself for something you can't even stop. And if you had tried outing your mother, she probably would have tried killing you too, as hard as that is to imagine. You would have been one more name to add to the list, and since you were Marlena's daughter, it would have thrown suspicion off of her. No one would have believed that Marlena would murder her own daughter."
"That isn't true," Belle argued. "Someone a bit braver than I would have known something was off, and would have been able to face that. Instead, I was weak. I gave her an alibi that cost more people their lives, and it cost me Shawn too. It is completely my fault, and I refuse to try to pin this on something or someone else and blame them. I have to face the fact that what I did was horrible and wrong of me, but I will. I think I'm finally okay with that. I'm okay with knowing that it's mine to face."
Phillip looked at Belle skeptically, hoping she wasn't lying for him. He didn't want that. All he wanted was her honesty, whether that honesty was something he was going to like or dislike was something entirely different. "Are you sure you're really okay with it all?"
Belle nodded, giving him a brief smile. "Yeah, I think so." But she wasn't so sure. She had tried facing it many times before, and each time she had found it was too big for her to handle, overwhelming her, and she had tried shutting it out. This time though, she would try, and she would do the one thing she had always believed she had to suffer because of her inability to believe that her mother could be the culprit behind all the deaths. The same inability that had caused more pain and suffering. She truly believed she was just as guilty as her mother, knowing it very well was possible that her mother knew something, yet refusing to give that information away.
Belle felt his hand brush hers again, and this time she didn't pull away. Shawn didn't even enter her mind for once because Phillip's touch felt incredibly... Right. In every sense of the word even. It was like some new sensation that had been born to the world that very moment. A tiny electrical shock ran up her hand and slowly spread throughout her entire body, and Belle found herself truly smiling despite the seriousness of the situation.
"You know what?" Phillip asked, turning to her, a grin slowly spreading across his face. "I have an idea."
"And what idea is this?" Belle asked, the corners of her lips upturning slightly. She needed a distraction until later, and if Phillip was offering her one, she was going to take it. She didn't want to be debating what she planned all day, and having to dread it. If Phillip wanted to give her a good time until then, she would take it happily, knowing that it could very well be her last chance.
"Well, I was thinking I would save my surprise for some other time," Phillip said slowly. There was one more thing about this place that he wanted to show her, but perhaps later, when she would want to see it. Right now he could see she desperately desired to just leave this forsaken area that seemed to be death itself. Phillip had always seen it that way. As if it were a glimpse of death itself, Phillip remembered thinking when he had first stumbled upon it.
"Wait- there is more?" Belle interrupted, looking around again. There seemed to be nothing more at all. Nothing significant stuck out. It all appeared to be the same bleak look at death as it had been before.
Phillip nodded. "Yeah, but that can wait. I'll show you later." He silently added, when we both can look at the true beauty of it and see it for what it really symbolizes. Right now you don't want to see it, but later you will. "How about I buy you a coffee?"
"A coffee?" Belle repeated, not quite sure if she should believe him. The last idea of his had been to bring her right into the desolate, dark fortress of death, and now he was asking her if it was okay to go out for coffee.
"Yeah, coffee," Phillip smirked. "Don't tell me you somehow forgot what that was."
Belle glared at him, playfully punching his shoulder. "I did not forget what coffee was. It just seemed kind of... Well, odd really. I mean, here we are, discussing life, death, and the guilt that comes along with some deaths when all of a sudden you ask if you can buy me coffee. It just seemed out of place."
"Well, despite its oddness, would you like some coffee?" Phillip persisted, determined to have her agree. It wasn't like a friendly trip to the coffee shop to buy his best friend a coffee was exactly hitting on her anyway. And even if it was, so what? As much as Shawn was an awesome friend, he was quickly losing credit with Phillip. He didn't deserve Belle if he was going to treat her like this. He had to have known that Belle's mother had died, and he hadn't cared then. In fact, he had been absolutely indifferent, doing nothing at all. All of this to a girl he had long befriended and had claimed to love more than words could possibly express just a few months ago. Belle deserved more than that.
The beautiful blonde hair, the honest and loving dark eyes, her caring nature, her utter sweetness... Who could ask for more? It was no wonder that she had put Shawn into the world of romance not too long ago. He wasn't even surprised at the perpetual bliss he himself had been thrust into just by her mere smiles and the sound of her melodious laughter. And now here she was, desperate for Shawn to just talk to her, to say anything at all. It pained him to see her love another, and knowing that the other didn't care at all was infuriating. There was nothing he could do either. He had tried convincing her time after time to let Shawn go, to move on with her life, that there was more to the world than what had once been with Shawn, but Belle held out this smaller flicker of hope that Shawn was out there and coming back to her, still completely in love with her, and Phillip had always been unable to extinguish that tiny, mere flicker of a flame of hope.
Belle smirked at him, pretending to think about it, although really it was a no-brainer. Of course she was going to agree, and of course she would follow him wherever because she trusted him, and despite all the things she had done, he trusted her. It was amazing really. Her own boyfriend had condemned her by being too repulsed by her actions to even glimpse her, let alone exchange words or participate in a simple conversation with her. Somehow someone not even her boyfriend had seen past it all, seen past the lies and the hurt and the pain that she had caused, past the chance she had given to death and that chance being taken... Phillip had seen past it all, and he was suddenly no longer just her friend, or even her best friend.
They were soul mates. Not in the sense of lovers really, but their souls were really kindred spirits, understanding each other in ways others couldn't see past. They saw past their mistakes, past their misunderstandings, past the fronts they both put up. None of that mattered when they were together, because they understood, truly understood. They saw the reasons behind all their actions, and each had made peace with it.
So if all of that was true, why was Belle suddenly feeling an urge to close the little space between them and let their lips meet? Why was she fantasying about a relationship with her best friend? Had she not learned that all relationships ended in some sort of pain? Death had struck so many of the strongest couples, lies and secrets had torn others apart, and sometimes time alone was too much for them all. Some of those couples had seemingly had a love that could never truly be equivalent to, yet they had all crumbled before her eyes. Although some of them claimed to have a love stronger than death, that went deeper and farther than could ever be imagined, Belle saw that it had to be hard and almost unbearable. Jennifer hadn't been able to cope with the loss of Jack. She had convinced herself that Jack was alive somewhere, and she had let herself slip farther and farther into that crazy notion with every passing day until she had sunk so far that she followed it, resulting in her own death. The love she had shared with Jack, and the loss of him had been too much for her to handle. She had let go of all sanity when Jack disappeared from the world forever, being overwhelmed with her own grief, and Belle knew this proved her point. Love was painful and hard, and sometimes you got hurt. Sometimes love killed you emotionally.
Belle knew that you could love the dead, but it wasn't the same as them being alive. It wasn't the same as being able to hold them, and have them hold you. It wasn't the same as being able to have a conversation with them and whisper the 'I love yous' to them. It could never be the same kind of love as when they had been alive. All you had left was memories, and with those memories, came the sorrow and pain. Those memories came with anguish and tears because never again would you be able to create more memories. In a way, memories were both the most wonderful gift in existence, as well as the most horrible curse.
So why in the world would she want Phillip and her to be together when she knew what she had to do? She glanced up at him again, and another image slowly formed in her mind of him leaning down to kiss her, his blonde hair falling forward and brushing not only his forehead, but hers as well.
Slowly Belle shook her head, trying to erase the images and thoughts of her and Phillip that kept seeping into her mind like a slow poison. She forced another smile on her face, nodding. "Coffee sounds good. I'd like that."
An hour later, Belle and Phillip were still seated at the newly built café, although which was very tiny, was also very cozy and comfortable. Most of all though, it was more private. Not as many people were standing around in groups, and it was never as busy as some of the other places. Belle was about to take another sip of her coffee when something Phillip said caused her to burst into fits of laughter. "Oh, you can't be serious!"
Phillip faked sighed before smiling grimly at her. "I'm afraid I am being quite serious. I was just so drunk that night that the words came out before I could stop them."
"You really told Jan Spears that she was a slutty bitch?" Belle asked incredulously. She had never imagined Phillip being so blunt about such things to someone's face before.
"Well, actually, I told her she was a slutty bitch from hell and to fuck off because I knew she was terrible in bed from certain people," Phillip corrected, laughing at the look on her face at the time. "That party didn't last much longer, but I was the first to go. She threatened to come after me sometime after school and 'kick my skinny rich boy ass,' but nothing ever came of that threat." He laughed again, remembering her exact words as if she was still standing before him saying them.
"She said she was going to kick your ass?" Belle asked, laughing at the mere thought. "Yeah, right. You were on the football team. As if that would ever have happened."
Phillip laughed again; ready to respond with a comment of his own when his cell phone rang. He frowned as he yanked it out of his rough jean pocket, flipping it open and saying gruffly, "Yeah?"
Belle giggled. "That was polite of you."
Phillip gave her a brief smile before frowning again. "You can't be serious. Why me? Can't you get anyone else to help you? Fine, I understand. I'll be right there. I swear, I won't say a word. Yes, I know. Don't worry. Have a little faith in me. Okay, bye."
Belle stared at him, raising an eyebrow. Secretive phone calls that were obviously not to be repeated? She had thought Phillip was no longer into that stuff. Slowly she stirred her coffee, looking down into it before trying to put on a casual tone as she asked, "So, who was that?"
"Oh, no one," Phillip answered vaguely. He stood up, looking at her regretfully. "I have to go. I'll explain later tonight. Bye." Before he could think through what he was about to do, he leaned down and kissed her lightly on the cheek before rushing out, not wanting her to have the chance to comment on it in fear she would be repulsed by being kissed by him, even if it could be taken as a friendly gesture.
Belle watched him leave. He was wrong. What he had shown her today had let the light seep into her mind. People had died because of her. She was the cause of one of the biggest losses in life. She sighed, staring at the spot Phillip had been in moments before, wondering sadly if that kiss had meant anything at all. Her hand grazed her cheek where his lips has been before she finally lowered it and stared into the coffee still in her hand. Even if it had meant something it would no longer matter.
Sorry Phillip, there isn't going to be a 'later tonight' for us. I just pray that you aren't going in the same circles as I am about where we really stand because the last thing I want is to hurt you. You've been the only person I could really say anything to and still hope to be accepted for me. Please understand. Knowing you hated me would be too much, so please, understand, if only for the sake of our sacred friendship. And Shawn, if there is any possible way that you still care, and that lovers really can read minds, please know that I'll always love you. Always and forever. You were my first love, and that makes it all the more spectacular and wondrous, and even unforgettable, but sometimes, you have you to let go, right? So, if you do hear this beyond all reason that technically it is impossible, know that I would never hurt you either without reason. And I'm sorry for everything. All my lies and secrets, but especially the pain I caused you. Thanks to both you and Phillip, just please understand, both of you. Please...
Well, there it is, once again. The second chapter to Forever Friends. I hope you all enjoyed Just so everyone knows, I've been picturing Jay Kennath Johnson as the one playing Phillip still (that's why he has the blonde hair description and having it flop all over his face) and Kirsten Storms as Belle. Shawn will have the same descriptions as the actor already playing him. So, anyone up for speculating what Belle so desperately wants Phillip to understand? Or how about who called Phillip? Have fun guessing. ::cackles evilly::
Danetha: LOL! Well, I try not to beat myself up. 'Tis rather hard, it hurts, and the guy in Fight Club kinda scared me doing that... Heh, I know. Not what it meant. Much thanks... I really do try not to beat myself up over it. Don't worry, I shan't give up on writing, and I'm curious myself where I'll end up taking it. I'll probably end up going in some random direction that makes the ending all weird and messed up... I had a different story that I wrote awhile ago based on a movie that ended up that way, but I never put it on the web. I deleted it. It was, uhhh... Odd, lol. Thanks for the review though!!! ::bows down::
Anon 14: Heehee! Thanks so much for the wonderful comments! I just hope I can continue making it a good read. ::glances nervously at chapter two... :: Err... Well, I hope this chapter was as good as the first in your opinion, or even better, that you enjoyed it more. I'm more pleased with the second chapter, so hopefully you will too. As for Shelle I dunno. I know it's looking like a Phillip/Belle fanfic with this chapter, but don't worry... Shawn shall make an appearance sometime soon, and that is when I plan on letting all hell break loose, and then I'll see where the characters take me. It's basically up to Belle. She has to tell me, but she is going to make the decision based on whoever steals her heart away. Errr... yeah. Look at me go. Pretending the characters are real... ::shakes head:: Yeah, yeah, I'm crazy and weird, but who isn't at times? Anyways, thanks once again! ::bows down::
Until next time...
