Chapter 10: A Link to the Past
Pl/N: Hello again did you miss me?
(I highly doubt it...)
Pl/N: Now for a brief recap of what has gone on before...
An announcer comes in and slides in front of the motionless Link, Goku, Washuu, and Pl. "Washuu used Goku in her latest experiment and zapped him into the video game, Ocarina of Time. Here he met and teamed up with a reluctant Link. Pl, the noble (cough) author and lab assistant under Washuu, zapped herself into the game to get closer to Link. After the party grew up and went through two temples, they remembered the Sage of Water was killed during their childhood, so Pl took up the role of the sage leaving the two men with Washuu. After beating the boss of the temple the party warped to an island in the middle of Lake Hylia where the mysterious man, Sheik was waiting for them. After Sheik disappeared, Pl re-appeared much to Washuu's disgust. What peril awaits this strange band of misfits? Will Washuu ever win the Nobel Prize? Will Pl ever grow another inch? Will Link ever choose one of the girls that are in love with him? Or does he have more feelings for Sheik?
"Will Goku ever get a chance to eat?!?!" Everyone including the Kokiri clad announcer glared at him for ruining the dramatic moment. The announcer disappeared to do a commentary where he was wanted. Link walked away from the party to examine the place where he thought Sheik jumped into the water. He saw a tablet lying on the ground facing towards the eastern horizon. He muttered quietly to himself to trying to discern the meaning of the strange words. Goku moved closer his mouth watering, "Does that say, 'Free Hamburgers Here!'?" Link said nothing in response to Goku's illiteracy of Hylian, and began to mutter incoherently again. Pl bounded over to them. She read the tablet out loud for Goku's benefit, "'When water fills the lake, shoot for the morning light.' That is a puzzler." Goku quickly reached behind Link's shield and pulled out the bow and a couple of arrows. He began trying to get the arrows to fit on the bow. The rest of the party ignored him still puzzling over the strange orders on the tablet. Goku wasn't too successful at knocking an arrow. One of the arrows sprung out and bumped Link in the head. Link leaned forward to strangle him but looked at the sun as it was creeping up the horizon. He grabbed the bow and arrow from Goku and skillfully shot it at the sun. There was a brilliant flash of light as something descended upon a small island across the way. The party swam over to the small island. Pl examined the arrow that looked to be made of fire. Goku grabbed the arrow but it was too hot to handle. "Ow!" Goku reflexively threw the arrow into the lake. The arrow bobbed back up now hissing steam. Link gingerly fished it out of the water. Washuu examined the arrow; "It looks like the Really Hot Steam Arrow to me."
Link screamed at Goku, "You ruined it! Now we have to do that all over again!" Link swam over and repeated the process. There was a buzzer sound as a slip of paper descended on to the island. Goku leaned over it and tried to read, "'No Cuccos Allowed'? Did I get that right?"
"NO!" screamed everybody.
Link read the note and groaned, "'Sorry only one per customer –The Management'"
Goku was confused (like usual), "Who is The Management?"
Washuu looked up at the sky, thoughtfully, "We shall never know..."
Meanwhile, up in the clouds:
Nayru: Din, we need more fire arrows!
Din: Make Farore do it!
Farore: You're the one who uses fire, stupid!
Din: I'm too tired to it. We made the Triforce and the world, isn't that enough!? (reclines on a cloud) I'm not going to do it. Send them a note or something. (Nayru writes the note that the heroes just received in perfect calligraphy)
Meanwhile back on the ground:
Goku was running away. "That lady was cooking for seven years she must have something done by now!" Everyone followed him to Kakariko Village.
At Kakariko:
"Hey...there's something different about this..." Goku commented as they reached the village.
"It might be that huge whirl of smoke and ash going up into the sky," Washuu noted sarcastically.
"No...I think it changed its hair..." Goku said thoughtfully, staring at the large poof of burning matter above the village. "It's an Afro!"
"It kind of is!" she said in shock.
"Shut up and come on!" Link exclaimed, running for the small burning town. Once they had gone through the obligatory screen transition, they ran toward the well, forgetting temporarily that in adulthood it was dry and that they had no bucket or anything else to carry the water in except tiny glass bottles. Sheik leaned over the well, staring into it.
"Get back," he ordered. "I sense a malevolent force." Goku walked back as commanded, PL and Washuu took a few doubtful steps back, and Link walked forward a little, taking out his sword.
"That's why he's the hero, ya know," Washuu said in an aside to PL, who responded with a shrug. A purple, red, and black mass erupted from the well, looking like a swarm of insects, and flew straight at Link after sending Sheik flying into the wall. He held up his sword bravely, but when it hit him he started jerking around. More fuzz flew back to the others, causing everyone to jerk around rather uselessly and emit the same trite exclamations of pain. The scene looked much like a visual kei concert gone horribly wrong.
"Aah!" Washuu cried.
"Ack!" PL croaked.
"Gackt!" Goku choked.
"Yaaaah!" Link screamed. Everyone flew back in a simultaneous motion and hit the conveniently placed buildings.
"Oww," everyone finished with a fitting air of finality. The evil shadow made a strange noise and zoomed off toward the graveyard.
"It sounded like...clapping!" PL said, narrowing her eyes dangerously.
"It was mocking our performance!" Washuu said irritably. "I mean, maybe my 'Aah' lacked creativity, but I did have to think of it on the spur of the moment in horrible pain! And that fly backward in unison thing was so cool. If we'd only pirouetted three million times and occasionally submitted to fan-service, we would have looked just like Malice Mizer! I could have been Kozi! Kozi, I tell you!" Before anyone could stop her, she whipped out an ornate blue wig and put it on her head. "Or Ma-ack!" Pl shoved her over again.
"What was that thing?" she asked innocently, pretending nothing had just happened even though Washuu was flailing around, trying to regain her bearings and her wig.
"My one and only Mana wig," she lamented, cradling the sad, sad bunch of artificial hair. "I got it only at the cost of a restraining order from Mana himself..."
"Shut up and focus on relevant things!"
"Aw, easy for you to say." She focused on primping the hair back into its former curliness and style.
"Sheik!" exclaimed Link, starting to run over to the young man, who was sitting up against the wall waiting for everyone to shut up.
"No, things are decent here," he said, shrugging a little. "I have a song to teach you, though, as soon as you get your friend out of the crate." Everyone turned to see Goku, butt stuck in a crate.
"Why does it always happen to me?" he exclaimed in consternation.
"You're comic relief. Like Lucille Ball," PL explained.
"Who?"
"Never mind." The crate shifted a little and then fell apart, leading him sitting in a pile of fragmented wood.
"I have a song for you. It is called the Nocturne of Shadow. It will take you to the graveyard where the Shadow Temple waits," Sheik said, his usual solemn moment ruined. Still, the touching music started playing and the camera angle narrowed so that everyone but Link and Sheik was cut out of the picture. Aside from a few exclamations of protest, there was nothing more from them. "Follow my lead." He lifted his harp and played a shadowy melody, which Link mimicked perfectly. "Very good." He walked over and adjusted Link's grip on the ocarina. Link blinked in faint surprise.
"Hey," Pl said in the background, a little muted, but no one noticed.
"You're flat," Sheik said, nodding seriously.
"Um...thanks," Link said almost reflexively, confused. Sheik then temporarily blinded the onlookers with a thrown Deku nut and vanished.
"Hey...um...the village is still on fire," Washuu noted, looking dubiously around at the burning buildings. "And Sheik left!"
"Wow," Goku said intelligently.
"Could be worse...could be raining," Washuu stated, prompting a sudden torrential downpour. "I wanted water! That's not bad!" Immediately a stray bolt of lightning struck her, and reduced her to ashes. Only the wig remained, indestructible because it came from Mana.
"Whoa!" Goku exclaimed, but then she dropped down off the nearest roof.
"Ow," she complained. "Respawn hurts."
"What's 'respawn'?" Goku inquired.
"It's a precaution I took to make sure that if we fall down a hole or lose all life, we just respawn like we would in a first-person shooter...you know, spontaneously come back to life in the game...But it isn't perfect."
"How?"
"Well, look at me..." Her hair, rather than being the usual red mane, had actually turned into Mana hair. "Our last notable perception of ourselves is what respawns. Hence the Mana hair." She primped it and looked self-satisfied. "However, if you get your legs cut off, there's a problem..."
"Man, too much talking, not enough eating!" Goku said, running toward the house.
"We should get out of this overly convenient torrential downpour," agreed Pl. Everyone ran to the house of the cooking woman.
"No, dinner isn't ready!" she bemoaned. "As a matter of fact, it's still on fire!" She held up a flaming chicken. "The fire's weird and it won't burn me, but the Cucco won't go out!" She waved it ineffectively in the air by its leg a few times, but the fire obstinately remained burning. "It's a good thing anyway. This chicken was always weird ever since I bought it from the Cucco lady!"
"How?" asked Link, curious in spite of himself.
"I would find it across the room from where I left it even if it was enclosed in something. It was weird! Sometimes I would hear a voice saying 'Let the Cucco go, let it go'..."
"Sounds magical," Link commented. "Maybe that's why it doesn't burn people."
"Bummer," Goku said, slumping. "Now we can't eat it."
"You can have it," she said distastefully, throwing it down on the table. The table began to catch fire before PL swept it up off the table.
"Owww!" she screamed, throwing it up in the air. Goku tried to bite it, but retreated as the heat began to hit his face. Washuu tried to catch it but also screamed and threw herself backward into the wall.
"Hot chicken!" she cried. Link caught it by one leg as it was about to hit the ground and stood there holding it, staring at them strangely. "I guess only people who are naturally from here can touch the chicken-I mean, Cucco."
"It must be the Fire Cucco," Link said.
"That way beats the Ice Cucco!" Goku said enthusiastically.
"What would you know about it!? As a matter of fact, there is no Ice Cucco!"
"Maybe you can use it instead of those Really Hot Steam Arrows," PL offered. "But you have to carry it in your things. I guess that's out, since stuff still catches fire." Everyone scrutinized the chicken and wondered.
"I guess I could make a fireproof bag out of...something," Washuu said.
"Hey! I know! You said that wig was indestructible, right?" Goku asked eagerly.
"NO! NEVER! You will not use the sacred headpiece of Mana to carry a chicken-I mean, Cucco!"
"I have a fireproof vest," PL said, pulling it from her bag and handing it to Link, who wrapped the chicken in it. He then dropped it into his shirt where it vanished along with everything else he was carrying. "No Mana hair."
"Speak for yourself." Washuu primped her tresses again.
"Don't we have to go down in that well?" asked Goku. "I think the rain stopped now."
"Why?" Link asked. "It flew off somewhere else."
"The rain?"
"No, the monster!"
"But, I mean, if it came out of the well it must have come out of something, so maybe we can find some clues there."
"You know, that's the smartest thing you said all chapter."
"Thank you."
"It wasn't a compliment." Washuu was too busy messing with her hair to comment, and PL was just watching them idly. "I guess we should go to the well, though." They headed to the well. Goku leaped in and fell straight to the bottom with a resounding thud. Everyone stared after him strangely, and then the others followed. Link went first of the remaining three, Washuu followed, and tiny PL drifted down on a current of air merely because she was already so small that there was no need for a ladder.
"Hey," Goku reported from the bottom of the well, "I can't get in."
"What!?" Link said irritably. "Why?"
"There's a lot of rubble that I can't even get rid of. There is a small crack in the rocks, but it's way too small for us. Really small! Even if we were kids we would barely fit!" Goku punched the wall hard revealing a small passageway. "And only a child could fit through here."
"We'll never fit through that now," Link agreed, starting up. Washuu climbed up with surprising quickness and beat him there by a few moments. PL just rode up on the same convenient and agreeable current of air.
"I bet PL could fit through it. She's so tiny," Washuu mocked, leaning over the adolescent, who was actually just a tiny bit shorter than she was. "Sooo tiny."
"Shut up!" she said, pushing the scientist back so that she ran into Goku who had just ascended the ladder, sending him tumbling back down the shaft with a howl and another devastating thud. "You're only a little bigger than me!"
"Yeah, but I AM bigger..."
"They're bigger than both of us!"
"But they're men. They should be taller than us anyway. Leave 'em out of it, I say. You're really just short." PL gave her a murderous glare. Goku, down in the well, continued to bemoan his sad fate and his even more sad tailbone. The well echoed his complaints and made a horrible din. Several people who had originally been in the rather loud Hyrule Market came over to complain to Link, who stood there looking stoic for a few minutes before suddenly throwing the Master Sword to the ground.
"Man! I can't stand it anymore!" he exclaimed in frustration. "Three annoying people and I'm the one who has to save the world! Always fighting and complaining and falling into things!"
"It has become a little like a slapstick routine," agreed PL.
"More like a short skit in your case," Washuu said mischievously, starting it over again. Link put his head in his hands for a moment and then picked up the sword and just walked away. He left the village and headed for the market where the Temple of Time loomed against the gray, ash-stained sky. He walked into it sans any sort of group and strode purposefully to the Pedestal of Time, lifting the sword above his head and plunging it deep into the stone. A pillar of blue light erupted around him and suddenly, as he stepped from the pedestal, he looked back down at himself and emitted a gasp of surprise. He was a child again! He heard a buzzing sound and a small "Hey!"
He tugged the sword upward again hoping he could use it to slay the foul creature hovering above him; the blade moved without any sort of resistance. He found himself holding it in the blue light, suddenly a teenager again. He turned then to see Sheik, who stood impassively behind him without saying anything. The red eye painted on his garb seemed to pierce straight to Link's soul.
"Yes, that is how it works," he finally stated. "I have another song for you." He whipped out his harp and cradled it against his body, plucking out a tranquil melody. Link, more out of habit than anything else, mimicked it perfectly. "This time you're not flat," Sheik reassured, putting his harp behind himself again. "Very good."
"Wait," Link said, kind of wanting an explanation as to why the sword had these properties, but Sheik had already thrown down his obligatory Deku Nut and vanished. Link figured that since the place was called the 'Temple of Time', it would after all make sense that it could change the flow of time.
The Weapon Store in Kakariko Village:
"Yes...Arrows, if you please...Of course I have a bow!" Just as Washuu reached for the arrows, she suddenly began to shrink and morph. She looked down at herself in surprise; out of her control, she was abruptly young again!
"You're too young for this item," he said, staring suspiciously at her. "And I don't know how you did that, but you'd better get out of my shop now." She walked away dejected and confused and suddenly began to grow again.
"Aah!" she said articulately. She fled the shop to find a little Goku with a tail and an even more miniature PL.
"What was with that?"
"The game functions to put us in the same age level as Link," she said ruefully. "I mean, I can still change, but it's unstable and the game might glitch. That could be serious."
"Yeah...don't change," PL said nervously. "I don't want to end up stuck in a wall." At that moment Link walked into the area as an adult and the party returned to adult normal. Pl looked up at him dejectedly. Link sighed, "I visited the Shadow Temple already...A wall talked to me and said that I may only enter IF I have found the Lens of Truth located in Kakariko Village. I asked around and apparently there was a house of a strange sorcerer where the well now stands...The man in the windmill said a kid drained the well by playing a song on the ocarina...I bet that was me seven years ago. The Master Sword, I think will allow us to travel back in time seven years. We will go investigate the well seven years ago."
Goku became very confused, "Does that mean we already have and you have the Lens of Poof?"
Link suddenly wondered why he returned to the party, "The Lens of Truth, Goku. And no we don't have it yet, so let's go on a treasure hunt..."
"You mean like when I go searching for Dragon Balls?"
Pl looked at Link doubtfully, "And a wall told you this?" Link nodded. "Why did you come back. As you said before we are worthless to you."
"I need protection. Since I killed Navi here in the future, she still exists in the past. You guys are better than her any day." The whole party exchanged nervous "noooooooo" looks. Link played the song that brought them back to the Temple of Time before anyone responded.
In the Temple of Time:
"I believe if we hold on to the Master Sword as Link puts it in, we will all be sent to the past. When he went without us, we merely turned into children. We're ready when you are Link," Washuu finished. All four of them placed the Master Sword back into the Pedestal of Time. It worked. After the blue glowing aura departed, they found themselves as children with Navi hovering over them again. Pl pulled a rocket launcher out of nowhere and killed her again, "Washuu, she won't respawn right?"
"No she is native to this environment, so she will stay dead." The whole team cheered and soon forgot that Pl pulled a menacing rocket launcher out of nowhere. They went outside to a cheerful Hyrule Market. Pl found herself dancing happily to the music. Out of the corner of her eye, Washuu spotted an interesting sign for entrepreneurs. She dragged Pl with her and motioned for Goku and Link to continue without them to Kakariko. Link was a bit frustrated about being alone with the overly cheerful Goku, but Washuu assured him that they would join them at the bottom of the well in 24 hours.
Back in Kakariko Village:
Link and Goku went into the windmill and found the cheerful windmill guy. Link felt sorry for the man as he played the Song of Storm, sending the windmill out of control and draining all the water from the well. Goku was all gung-ho about jumping into the well, but Link insisted that they go to the Graveyard and spend the night. Goku really didn't like this idea, but Link promised him a nice cold glass of milkj in the morning.
In the Graveyard, they spotted the kid that loved to play there. He was making a purchase on a spooky looking mask, "Now I'll look just like Dampe the grave keeper!"
Link recognized the salesman, "Washuu?!?!" Washuu collected the kid's rupees, smiled at Link, and walked off.
When night fell, the two boys went into Dampe's hut and fell asleep sharing his bed. Dampe kicked them out the next morning saying that he had to go to sleep. Link and Goku went back into the village and found Pl and Washuu waiting for them. Somehow Washuu's hair was back to normal and no longer looked like Mana's. Pl noticed them staring and explained what happened to them, "Washuu found the Happy Mask Shop and we became salespeople. We earned a lot of rupees and this really cool mask." Pl put on a mask that resembled the crest on Sheik's chest.
Link was somewhat drawn towards the one eyed mask, but then he shook his head, "What happened to Washuu's hair?"
Pl looked troubled, "There is a stage in the middle of the Lost Woods. We took turn putting on masks there for the Deku Shrub Seedlings, but Washuu put on a mask that they didn't like, so they shot Deku Nuts at her till she respawned again. Somehow the Mana hair did not respawn. Are you ready to jump down the well again?" Link shook his head and went into a nearby house where there was a cow resting in a cage. He played Epona's Song and the cow spontaneously milked itself. Link handed a glass of milkj to Goku, "I made a promise..." Goku's eyes lit up and he drunk the milkj instantly. "Now we are ready to go."
Goku jumped headfirst into the well, using his tail to helicopter himself safely down. The rest of the party except for Pl used the conveniently placed railing to reach the bottom of the well. When Pl tried to use the amenable current of air, she ended up sailing over Kakariko village like a large kite. Then she eventually hovered back down and grabbed the railing making a slow decent. They noticed that instead of the rubble there was a wide opening at the bottom of the well. The hole was still there, or was as it will be? They crawled through the small opening and Goku bounded on ahead unusually cheerful. He ran straight into a rather large Skulltula. Link deftly finished the spider off with his slingshot. Slumped up against the wall they saw a skeleton. Pl's orb like pupils suddenly contracted and became opaque, "I can hear the spirits echoing in this room. They are saying, 'Look for the eye of truth....'" Pl shook her head and closed her eyes.
"Well how are we going to continue? This is a dead end." Goku knocked against the wall to prove his statement but fell through the wall and was ran over by a Green Bubble. "Waaaaaaah!" The party ran through the wall to discover....
Pl/N: Don't you just love cliff hangers? Next chapter is Linky Went Down the Well
