This is a fanfiction, and as such, most of the characters in the story are not mine. Most characters are © Sega, and are not used with permission.

Chapter 9: Lost Hopes and Dreams

Day 14

Shadow remained overnight in the burnt out village just in case any survivors would be found; sadly there were none.

In the morning, Shadow made one quick desperate once over the village, but nothing. Finally convinced that everyone was surely dead, Shadow found some food to have for breakfast, then walked to the outside of the ruins. After taking one last look back, Shadow turned his back on the ruins, then ran towards Lalberdean.

In his weakened state Shadow wasn't able to get up to full speed, his whole body was real sore, and his skin still burned despite the cold air. Only getting up to half speed, Shadow winced in pain with every step; the first few were so bad that Shadow needed to stop after only a few seconds travel. Shadow couldn't just stand around, and walked down the road for a few steps before trying to run again. This time he managed to get out of sight of Nosadire before falling back to a walk. After a few more false starts and spots of walking, Shadow was finally able to get a constant run going and hit the road back to Lalberdean.

* * *

Along the way, Shadow needed several stops, unable to keep running for more than a few minutes. Each time he stopped his muscles ached in retaliation, Shadow kept walking to shake off the pain before trying to run again.

After more than a dozen stops and almost two hours, Shadow was finally able to see his goal.

* * *

When Shadow finally got inside the town limits, there was no one to greet him, or help him. He walked in past the first house before anyone noticed him. One of the guards was making rounds through the roads when he saw Shadow and ran up to him.

"Help! Help!"

The guard tried to help Shadow walk into town while other people in the area heard the call and came to see what was happening. Amongst them was the mercenary rat.

"Looks like someone had a party and didn't invite me."

* * *

Shadow was brought back to the Sancot's house to his room where Karma was looking over him. The first thing that mother bear did was to wash and bandage Shadow's back; three long diagonal strikes would be an eternal reminder of his battle in Nosadire. Shadow was in pain, but it could have been a lot worse were it not for the large backpack that sacrificed itself to protect its owner. After the bandaging she cleaned up his fur, trimming away the burnt strands. After the treatment his jet black and red stroked fur looked cleaner and better than it ever did, but the shorter spines were not to Shadow's liking; it would take a few months for the longest to grow back to full size, but Shadow would just have to live with it.

After Shadow was cleaned up, it was close to dinnertime. Karma fetched some supplies from the mess hall and prepared the meal in her kitchen, while Marcy watched over him.

"What happened?"

"There were too many of them; 20, 30, maybe more. I could take down a few of them, but others would come and back them up until they recovered. Then a few of them focused on me; I tried to keep them away, but one of them got the drop on me. That's how I ended up like this."

"Does it still hurt?"

"I feel really sore, all over, but I'll live."

"And Nosadire, is it…"

"It's gone, wiped out just like Vannannen was. I couldn't save anybody."

Karma came in bringing dinner. "Marcy, you can go to the hall now."

"Can't I stay and look after Shadow?"

"No Marcy, he needs rest; get Brian and go get dinner at the mess."

With a pout, Marcy left the room.

"Here, eat up."

"Thank you." Shadow was presented with a warm bowl of soup, not hot like normally served, and on the side was some French bread.

"The soup's a bit cold."

"In your condition, you shouldn't have hot soup."

"I wasn't complaining."

* * *

Shadow was alone for the afternoon, Karma wanted him to rest up, but sleep was not something that would take the hedgehog. After lying in bed for more than an hour, Shadow lifted himself out of bed enough to reach the dresser. Opening the top drawer, he clamored around to find his crossword puzzle book and got cracking at it again.

* * *

After supper, which for Shadow was prepared the same way as dinner, Shadow thought himself well enough to come out of his hole, at least enough to get to the Sancot's living room.

This was the first time he saw Yohan since he came back.

"I'm really sorry about this, Shadow."

"You came and brought me into a war zone and it's only now you're regretting it. My body has endured worse than this. Do you remember when I talked about Robotnik and his Roboticizer, you're looking at the only victim of the Roboticizer gun."

Brian was impressed that Shadow had survived the dragon attack. "It takes a lot to stop you, doesn't it?"

Yohan still regretted bring Shadow into their mess. "Still I…"

"Yohan, please, save your regret for the people of Nosadire; that's where my regret is."

* * *

Later that evening, it was time for bed, and Shadow was feeling very tired, but Shadow's sleep was not calm or restful. Deep in his dreams was the nightmare of the devastation of Nosadire, an accursed event in Shadow's life that questioned his very worth.

Wandering around in the burning town, Shadow was surrounded by screams and wails that echoed around him. The road he walked on was only a path of blackness that zigzagged between the flaming rubble, framed on both sides by charred skeletons of every shape and size, twisted in various positions of standing, kneeling, and acrobatic feats not possible for a living and fully fleshed being.

Shadow had no idea where he was going, he just walked down what seemed to be the only path to follow. As he walked, his head kept checking to both sides of the road, seeing the destruction and the dead bodies. None of it really phased him, but it was not because it didn't scare him, it was because Shadow knew that what was down the path would be a million times worse; that kind of directness with dreams was the only thing he liked about them.

As he followed the path, which seemed to go on forever, Shadow finally saw something in the way. Far down a single person was walking on the same road, leading away from Shadow. The hedgehog picked up the pace a bit to catch up. When he got closer, the figure took on a more distinctive shape; walking slowly like there was no reason for going anywhere, the lost person was changing from a shadow to a solid shape, a female with sharp ears and orange fur.

"Sandy!"

Shadow ran to the figure of the cat, but as he approached, the body of the teacher changed color, darkening to a vile black, and twisted in shape, hunching over and collapsing to the ground. When Shadow finally reached her, the sight scared him so much that he was sweating in bucket.

On the ground was a charred mass, folded over like a turtle hiding in an ash shell. Shadow didn't want to move, but he couldn't tell his spiritual body to stand still; instead Shadow stepped up and dared to touch the teacher.

The cinder exploded, blasting a wave of ashen air into Shadow's face, stinging his eyes. Gripping his burning face, Shadow collapsed to his knees.

"Noooooooo!"

* * *

Day 15

Shadow was a totally different person the next day, if he was despondent over the destruction of Nosadire yesterday, he was in total despair today. Two days ago he was beaten, yesterday he was in pain, now he was defeated.

Shadow didn't speak or even look at anyone during breakfast; he walked to the hall, took his tray and food, sat down, and ate without lifting his head. By now, everyone in town had heard about Nosadire, and how Shadow stumbled into town with burns and several gashes in his back. Most of them left him alone, partially because he needed time to recuperate after the disaster, but also because their faith in him was all but erased by his failure. No one was really disappointed; they knew how vicious an army of dragons was, and didn't hold Shadow to blame for being unable to stop them. They were just disappointed that the first real hope they had in months was washed out so soon.

After breakfast, Shadow didn't want to be held up in bed and tried to keep busy by walking around town, walking a beat like a police officer. His back wasn't hurting him as much but it still stung a bit.

* * *

As he walked around, most people gave him space, although a few did offer him a bit of support. There was only one who didn't give him that slack.

"So, the great hero failed."

Shadow looked behind him to see the rat coming up behind him.

"You must be enjoying this."

"I always enjoy ribbing people who are too big for their britches."

"That's about the nicest thing anybody's done since I got back; most ignore me, or pity me."

The taunting that Shadow was getting might have been welcome if it came from anyone else, at least then he'd know the disappointment of the villagers, which would be better than the condescending pity; but it didn't count coming from this jerk.

"Always glad to help."

"Can't you bother someone else."

"But it's fun to taunt you."

"Kicking a guy when he's down?"

"That's not fun, what's fun is planting seeds of doubt. You doubt your abilities so it's fun to push your buttons; I practiced this on a guy by saying he was gay."

"Oh that's a laugh."

"You see, it only works on people who are insecure about themselves; for people who are sure of their sexuality be they straight, gay or whatever, they're not bothered by it and that ain't fun. But those who are unsure of themselves, they don't want to face it, so taunting them really gets on their nerves."

"So I guess I'm ripe for the plucking then?"

"Why, are you gay?"

"Oh, shut up."

Shadow dashed away. Veder smiled, accomplishing his revenge.

* * *

For the rest of the day, Shadow spent it by himself, rarely talking to anyone else. For dinner and supper, he sat with the Sancots and built up the courage to talk with them for at least a few minutes, but never did he mention just what it was that pushed him to the brink like this. They didn't need for him to say, they knew how horrible the nightmares were. Everyone in the mountains knew how terrible and disturbing the nightmares could be; ever since the dragons destroyed Polbal everyone has lived in fear of the dragons' wrath, and there was no safety in their dreams.

* * *

As the supper crowd were leaving the mess, Shadow wasn't paying much attention and was still sitting, ignorant that the table was nearly empty. Karma asked if he was coming or not, but he just waved her off, wanting to be alone for a bit.

As the bear left, her eldest came up and sat down across from Shadow.

"How long are you going to keep moping around like this?"

Shadow looked up at Kirkigard's stern face behind the cup of coffee.

"You can't just hang around here in a stupor, if you're not going to get off your butt and help, then you might as well get lost."

"I hope you're not trying to cheer me up, because you're failing miserably."

"I don't care what you're feeling, and I definitely didn't come here to cheer you up; but this is no place for hiding in your shell. We're in the middle of a war, and if you can't get out of this rut and fight, then you're useless."

Shadow didn't answer, falling into his shell like Kirkigard had said.

"Look, no one here blames you for what happened in Nosadire; the dragons are a menace, and you can't blame yourself for what they did. Now you've got a choice to make, either you can snap out of this, or you can pack your bags."

Kirkigard got up and left Shadow at the table. It was the chewing out that Shadow deserved, but not the one he wanted; Shadow wanted to be blamed for failing, but Kirkigard wasn't giving him the relief he so badly wanted.

* * *

After Shadow finally left the mess hall and returned to the Sancot's house, Karma thought it best to try and keep Shadow's mind off Nosadire with a distraction. For about two hours, Shadow sat down with Yohan, Carmelita, Marcy and Brian, playing cards until the dark hours.

When everyone was getting tired, they concluded the game and got ready for bed. When Shadow was laying down, Karma looked in on him.

"Is there anything I can get you?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Is there anything you want to talk about, anything you want go get off your mind before going to sleep?"

"I've got someone else to talk to."

* * *

That night, Shadow reached out, looking for someone to talk to.

"My, we're not looking well, are we?"

"No, we're… I'm not."

The echidna was concerned, Shadow really did feel different. "What's wrong?"

"I needed to talk to you."

"Is homesickness finally kicking in?"

"I need you to convince me to stay."

Tikal turned her spiritual head. "What happened? It's been three days since we last talked, something went wrong."

"I was in another town, I ran there a few days ago. Anyway, while I was there, the dragons attacked, lots of them, they filled the sky. I tried to fight them off, but there were so many, they circled and overpowered me. After I was beaten, I ran for it and left the town behind. For a few hours, I hid in a crevice licking my wounds while the village was burned to the ground."

"You blame yourself for letting the town be destroyed? Do you really think that you could have stopped the dragons if you didn't run away?"

"Not really, but I feel like I failed everybody, not only in that town, but here as well. Do you know what it's like to have people depending on you?"

Tikal smirked a bit. "Actually, I do now."

Shadow paused to consider that. "The twins?"

"They came out yesterday morning. You should see them, they look beautiful; two lovely little baby girls."

Shadow remembered his little curse that he put on Knuckles and Tikal a few months ago, but decided to save it for their father. It was just what Veder was talking about, Tikal wouldn't be bothered by having twin girls, but Knuckles might. "How is Knuckles doing?"

"He's doing fine."

"How'd he do in the delivery room, or did he stay out?"

"He was there, all 40 kilograms of jelly of him."

Shadow laughed. "What are their names?"

"Juli and Sue. Juli came in the morning after breakfast, Sue decided to wait until the afternoon."

Shadow thought about the timeline, Juli was born at the time of the dragon's attack, and Sue was born after it was over. This was a depressing thought that Shadow thought best left to himself.

Tikal did notice the slight frown creeping onto Shadow's face. "I was hoping that would cheer you up."

"Huh?"

"You were perking up when I mentioned my daughters, but you've turned inside out again. There was something more, wasn't there?"

"No, it was just the destruction."

"There was something else, something that you're not telling me. You're not looking at me anymore."

Shadow quickly turned back the echidna, realizing that she had found him out; sometimes he'd wonder if the power that the Master Emerald gave Tikal opened a wide open door that Tikal could see through, but kept it shut for him to see back. Although her forbidden sight didn't allow her to read minds, Tikal had learned how to read every little mannerism a person had to peer into their soul; and Shadow was an open book.

"There was something else, something that I don't want to talk about."

"Do you really think that you're doing any good keeping this bundled up?"

Shadow hesitated, but he broke down. "Tikal, just don't tell anyone, least of all Rouge and Bunnie."

"Oh, I see. You met someone in this town?"

"Tikal, please."

Tikal grinned, but returned to her serious side. "I won't tell them, but will you?"

"In due time."

"O.K. Only between us."

"There was this girl there, Sandy; she was 25, and lonely."

Tikal noticed that Shadow knew her exact age, a sign that she was very lonely, and wanted companionship. "Were you intimate?"

"No!" Shadow calmed down after realizing that the question was just that, and not an accusation. "I was thinking of Rouge and Bunnie and didn't even try; but before I fell asleep that night, I considered how lonely I was, and that maybe I should have taken her up on her offer to stay with her that night. I don't know how far she wanted to go, or if she was just making an honest offer of a place to sleep, but I definitely thought about… us."

"So, your regret is over this girl."

"Yeah, not only did I turn her down, but I couldn't find her after Nosadire was destroyed."

"Lots of people regret decisions they've made because they'd never have a chance to fix things, to go back and try the other route. You cannot continue to lament this, you'll just have to let her go."

"I let her go, and now she's gone!"

Inside the dreamscape, Shadow placed his face in his hands, and started to cry. Tikal laid a ghostly hand on his back, just above three fiery marks that crossed his back, which she only now just saw. At this time, she thought it best to let Shadow pour out his pent up feelings.

When Shadow had finished, he tilted his head up. "Tikal, what do I do?"

"Shadow, if you have already made up your mind, I'm not going to try and change it; and if you still haven't decided, I won't say anything. Only you can decide what you want to do."

Shadow would have preferred it if Tikal had just told him right up weither he should stay, or to go home.

"If you want to come home, no one will hold it against you; and if you stay, we will wait for your return. Shadow, whatever you do, we all want you to come back, safe and sound."

* * *

Day 16

After breakfast, Shadow was lost in another world; he wandered around before sitting down on a bench, looking up at the towering mountains around him. Like yesterday, no one bothered him until Yohan came along after hearing that Shadow had spent two hours just sitting there.

"Shadow? Are you O.K.?"

Shadow looked up for the first time. "Oh, yeah. Just had a lot on my mind."

Yohan sat down.

"How's your back?"

"It's doing a lot better."

"You've been out here for a while."

"I hadn't noticed."

"Do you want to be left alone?"

"Not really. I've been alone for a while now, wouldn't bother me either way."

Yohan kept silent for a bit, trying to determine what he could say without setting off some deep trigger in the hedgehog.

"I don't know what happened, but you shouldn't blame yourself; to face that many dragons and survive is quite a feat."

Shadow didn't say anything; he really didn't feel like talking about Nosadire.

"I know I've said this before, but I'm sorry that I dragged you into this."

"Don't apologize, I'm the one who should be sorry, Yohan." Shadow paused for a moment before he could gather the words. "I'm going home."

To be continued