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Disclaimer:
I don't own Love Hina. Love Hina is property of Ken Akamatsu.
Kokoro no Tsubasa
Wings of the Heart
Chapter 2
"Motoko?" I heard in the darkness.
"Hai, Urashima?" I had not spoken, I was sure of it.
"We can do it, you know? We'll be able to end this entire episode. The training was intense, but there is no doubt you'll be free of me." I heard the feeling in his voice, of how.... Joyous, perhaps, he sounded.
I felt myself stiffen the slightest. 'Does he detest me so? I almost wish... Perhaps it would be better if we were indeed married. Damn you, Keitaro. You're kind soul has led me to spend much time with you. And your devotion to breaking away this foul bond has been unwavering. Does this mean you truly care for me, now that I am in trouble? Or does this reflect your desire to reach Narusegawa?
The feelings I felt changed. They were calmer now, the heating emotions replaced by calmer ones. There was no doubt where I was, within this darkness. It was easy to recall the time when I had fallen for a man, the one who had been through a moments of tortue all because of me. And yet, I never heard him complain once. There was no doubt that Naru had been far more aggravated as usual. The guilt I had had within was so strong, I could barely keep myself together.
The voices continued.
"Motoko! We did it! We won! Now, you can go back to your first love - the sword! I guess you'll be better off rid of me, ne, Motoko?" I felt him smile. How? I knew that feeling I had, every time he would look at me, which had developed during the final stages of our training together. I remember his informality... How comforting it had been.
I felt myself reply with a smile as well. "Urashima, after today, you realize I will not reduce your punishment if I catch you in an act?" Something within me churned. I had listened to this in my head so many times... Why now? Why such memories in darkness? How many times had I realized my folly in letting him back to Naru? I was such a coward, how could I have been as such?
"Eh, time to tell the news, Motoko. Would you like the honor?" The scene I had memorized. I hated this the most, it showed how much I had changed into a fool. This was weakness, and this was also pain. I felt him smile at me once again.
"Urashima, go ahead. I am tired, I believe I'll rest out here for some time." What a lie. I wanted to spend more time with him, but I was an idiot.
"Well, I hope you'll feel better, Motoko. Ja ne!" I could feel the rushing of air suddenly, coming at me. There was something from within me that symbolized the sensation of a free fall. I knew what had happened. This had been where he had run up the steps and threw open the doors to Hinata-Sou, screaming "We did it! We did it!" repeatedly.
The skies appeared. Nothing else. A vast expanse of brilliant light blue was visible in all directions. A sigh of relief echoed from me. I felt safe. But it did not last.
I realized where my sensation of falling had come from. Finally, vision had come to me, driving the darkness away, and revealing my vulnerability. I knew I was dropping. And I knew it would never end. Could this be a sign of my future? Myself forever falling into pity and despair? I have long since admitted my love for Keitaro, but the ghosts have not let me alone. His pain affected me. It affected us all. And I could do nothing but watch him, and realize my sadness was his fault.
No blame was placed on him. I was the weakling. I was the one who could not let myself come to terms with how much of a coward I am. That man had taught me some things more important than the sword, especially the strength of heart needed to be happy. I had none of that, but he did.
I had no more time to think of my grievances. The sensation had returned, and I continued to fall. I knew, in my heart, it would not end. It soon became dark. The numbness never came. And the gut-clenching feeling had never left.
But there was darkness again, this time punctuated by the occasional word. Soon, an occasional sentence as well. These voices did not belong to my memories. They had not come to haunt me, but rather to bring me from these disturbing thoughts.
"Poor Motoko-sempai!" Shinobu's voice had long since changed, I recognized it without even realizing I had.
"She must feel guilt for what she had done. I'm sure she understood what had happened to him, otherwise she would never have called us awake. Her dreams must be affecting her..." Mitsune's voice trailed off, although I could feel what it was implying. Did she know? Mitsune, by far the most understanding person of all these adventures at Hinata and their reasons, might be able to conclude my feelings for Keitaro?
I did not know.
The light came in. I never realized how much I had missed those glorious rays, generated by that inspiring flame within the sky. How many times had the sunrise given me strength and inspiration? Far more than I could ever count.
My eyes were open, slowly widening until it had adjusted to this sudden change of light. My arm moved slowly to shade myself from the enslaught of attacking rays. I finaly adjusted, finding myself looking at a dark furball. Then it hit me. Right in the face. We were in the hospital.
"Keitaro!" I felt my entire body stiffen, the pain pushed away as I sat up, eyes open and seeking. Then I realized what the black fur symbolized. His hair. Keitaro's hair.
"Motoko!"
"Motoko-Sempai!"
Mitsune and Shinobu rushed to my side. Su was sleeping in a chair, smiling in her dreams. There was an awkward silence, until Shinobu broke it. Brave Shinobu.
"Motoko-sempai," She eased me back onto the bed. Mitsune raised the headrest so I could learn back, "please calm. Sempai is resting peacefully. Don't wake him."
I let out a breath I had been holding in, and I relaxed my body. I had not realized that I had been doing either.
"Urashima... How is he?" I saw Mitsune's look at me, eyes showing she was thinking of something. Then she replied.
"Keitaro.. Just came from his third trip to Critical.... Three broken ribs, twisted knee, a concussion, bruises, and minor internetal bleeding, but the docs said he'll live." She looked to my left.
Daring to look, I turned my head until I could see him. A gasp echoed throughout the tiny room. I found my mouth open.
There was a large bruise on Keitaro's forehead, as well as two stitches done to his right cheek. I noticed bandages wrapped dtrewn about his metal bed, the table nearby piled with more gauze. His body was placed upon several pillows, left leg casted and lifted by a rope and pulley system. This was enough to make me begin tearing.
And I was not ashamed to cry.
My eyes left his poor body, vision blurred by the salty tears forming. Ever since he had suffered so much, I had cried for him. And for myself. It was mostly the pain I felt at his heartbroken state, his pain so much that he was no longer the man he once was. And now, I had let him to protect me from serious injury by using himself as a shock abosorber.
"He woke up once before... He looked at you, and whispered that he was sorry. It seemed as if he wasn't focused, because his eyes were glazed with a certain veil. We remember the words clearly. 'Gomen nasai, Motoko-chan... I couldn't...' and he fell back to sleep.
I noticed that both Mitsune and Shinobu's eyes were red from crying. And this had all been my fault. Why did I have to be so weak in the first place? And now... Why do I have to be so clumsy, stupid, and dazed? If it wasn't for me, Keitarowould never have had to suffer this pain... Caused by the idiocracy of a woman who could not control her emotions.
This was by far too much. I closed my eyes, and a tear forged a path down my cheek. I wiped my eyes, but it was to no avail. I was still such a coward and fool. I need to stop thinking. I opened my eyes again, looked at the pitiful form of Keitaro Urashima, and I began to cry in earnst. There was no doubt they would all hate me.
And so I let the tears come, and with it, the darkness.
-------------------------------------- Thank you, reviewers! 5 Different reviews in one day, and I am quite satisfied! I spent two hours on this chapter as a token of appreciation, and if any of you wish to pre-read, contact me at . Arigatou! -Ky
