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Disclaimer:
I don't own Love Hina. Love Hina is property of Ken Akamatsu.

Author's Note:

Before I begin this chapter, I have to say thank you to all reviewers, especially dennisud, jennyjennai, HinaGuy749, and Kei-kun (although his/her comments are small, they still rock).

Iin answer to your comment, HinaGuy, yes I know this is more angst. But I normally don't write angst, and I was never hoping for this to be one. But when I wrote this, I couldn't help but remeber a friend who had passed away this year, and thought that she would've enjoyed this story very much. We shared a lot of moments, so I somehow subconsciously changed it to express some of the feelings that someone can feel when they were in love - frustration, pain, and anger above all. Again, don't hurt me.

On another note, for those of you who are curious why I'm writing in first person, I wondered what it was like to express emotions from one's own point of view.

And also, too bad the school year's over. (No, I'm not one of those work freaks with straight A's.) I'm going from the top... To the bottom. Damn, I wonder if they trashcan people at the school I'm "graduating" to. Help me...

Right, besides that, I'm hoping this chapter is long enough to make up for the three days of no updating. A big more angst-yish than I would normally write, but I feel it's appropriate for the... developement, perhaps? And I was also feeling a bit like this. And no, I'm not a goth. The song in the middle of this chapter is: Kimi Sae Ireba - Love Hina Ending Theme, for those of you who would like to know. It's a lovely song, and I can't get tired of it. Anyways, let's get this show on the road.

Kokoro no Tsubasa
Wings of the Heart

Chapter 4

"Motoko-chan?" The calm sound of water droplets gently falling on the brick roof of Hinata-Sou was punctuated by a soft voice.

"Urashima." I felt some disbelief. Why was he out here in the rain?

"You should come back in. The others, myself included, don't want you to fall ill."

'He's always so nice when one of us need help, or when we're alone and need someone to talk... But other times he is just dead...' I sighed, shifting my form so I could look backwards at Keitaro. 'Keitaro... Why do you have to kind? I wish you would be more selfish so none of us girls have to endure the pain you've been holding for the past month.'

"Go back in, Urashima. I often enjoy sitting in the rain. The sound calms me." I turned my head to look, and I found him close to me, so much that I could smell the dampness of his clothes. This surprised me. 'How long has he been there?'

"My apoligies, but please come in. Shinobu will be glad to make you some soup, or food, if your stomach felt to it." His eyes looked at me, questioning in their stare.

"No need. I have eaten, and require some time to go over a new technique I wish to learn." For some reason, I could feel that there was no guilt from lying. No pain at being so dishonorable. 'I need this time to myself. If I continue to live as it I do now, I doubt I'll find myself waking to see the sun.'

"Motoko-chan, I... I know what you're doing." His voice was soft, a hint of emotion even if it was still in his now customary monotone voice.

I shuddered. I only let myself vent frustration at night, doors locked, and when all the residents were asleep. 'Unless he has been... No. He would not do that. Keitaro wouldn't bear to let himself to do such against Naru, even if she has left him.'

"How c-can you tell, U-Urashima?" My voice was weak. Would he send me to see a psychiatrist?

"I saw the marks during practice, Motoko-chan. Please, stop. I'm unsure why you feel so..." His voice trailed off, leaving an awkward silence between us.

'Damn you, Keitaro. Are you so stupid? Why do I let myself feel the pain?Because I don't know who I am anymore. The one thing I least expected was to fall in love - with you, nonetheless! Such dishonor... Swordswomen were greater than men. And you were just another man... Until your kindness showed me who you were. I realized how my sister managed to keep her strength, despite her marriage.

'Tsuruko's love for that man has allowed her to enhance her ability. But I can't. You distract me from my training, and you have my heart in your palm. But you only notice her, the one woman who won't return your feelings within all of Hinata-Sou! Are you so blind, Keitaro? Your pain has led all of us here to suffer. But none of us blame you. If Naru had not forsaken you... Then perhaps I would have been able to feel joy at your happiness...

'But now, we're all pained.' My thoughts were taking control of my body. I felt my shaking, and I felt the stinging tears that met with the cool drops of water.

There was a soft sound, and I realized Keitaro had taken a seat beside me. I could feel the heat radiating from him, coming from the closeness between us. I held my breath, resisting the full flood of tears that threatened to overwhelm me. I wanted to just fall, and lay against him, but I know I couldn't.

Then I heard his soft singing beneath all the rain. He looked out from the roof, and despite the shower coming down upon us, seemed to see something. But, of course, my object of attention was Keitaro.

"Yoake no... Hikari sosogu ka no chi wa doko?"

"Honojiroi sono hohoemi, douka sawarasete..." I replied, timing my own voice with his. And thiis made the corners of his mouth pull, as if wanting to smile, but he didn't.

"Koko wa hi no ataranai basho..."

"Hitorikiri de naku toki no himitsu no basho, sakebu youni namae yobunda..."

"Kimi ga inakerya, kimi sae ireba."

"Kimi ga inakerya, kimi sae ireba."

There was silence, something that felt awkward after our little duet. Still, I was surprised that I hadn't burst out crying during the singing. 'Surely, I'll go to that place where the sunshine touches. It can't end like this; we still have promises. That far off path, that straight path, If you weren't here; if you were here.'

"Motoko-chan?"

"Mhhmmm?" For some reason, I wanted the silence to continue.

"Why?"

"Urashima, nani?" I blinked some water droplets from my eyes, wondering what he meant.

"Why all this pain, and all this confusion? I know you care for me-" I felt something contract in my chest. "-as a friend, but you seem to suffer... So much more. Please, stop hurting yourself. I told everyone I was willing to... leave, but they all voted against it. Gomen nasai... I bring so much pain to everyone here."

"You do not have to apoligize, Urashima. I admit that if I was to vote, I would also be against you leaving. Some of the best memories we all share are when you were here, even if some of them are... Interesting." This facade disgusted me. 'If I hadn't let my mask interfere, I would've screamed at his smallest remarks on leaving. I hate this formality, it hurts me more than it could anyone else who tries to reach me.'

"Kitto iku yo, hi no ataru basho. Kono mama ja owarenai, yakusoku ga aru. Tooi michi, hitosuji no hikari... Kimi ga iru kara, kimi sae ireba."

I let his gentle singing wash over me, the worries in my head slowly drifting away. No longer could I hold in my pain and frustration, the song's words similar to an arrow that can pierce through the strongest mental barrier.

There seemed to be a freeze in time, everything slowing to almost a halt. I felt myself suddenly falling sideways, then proectively covered by strong arms. Something from within me had broken once again, this time forcing me into the arms of someone who would never realize a friend's true pain.

Time then returned to normally speed as I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. At first I wanted to make an excuse, claiming Keitaro to be a pervert, but I found myself enjoying the position, unable to move and yet protectively embraced.

His chin was resting on my head, breath gently stroking the strands of dark hair. His arms were holding my by the stomach, somehow missing the breasts bound by cloth above. But I had to admit to myself, even if the more perverted scenario had occured, there would be no objection on my part. Then again, his mind was made up for Naru. His soft voice spoke into my ear, causing a shiver in me.

"Motoko-chan... I made a promise, to the others, that if I harmed them somehow... I would leave. If I failed to protect or help them in their troubles, then I would not be a good enough manager. And I swear, to you, that I will also help and protect you whenever you need it." He was steady in speaking, voice varying so that his emotions were showing.

"All of you are my dearest friends, and never will I forgive myself if I could not protect those I love."

'Keitaro, but who will protect you? If you are the one aiding us, who will you go to in your time of need? Will you cry by yourself, unashamed of that pain within your heart? My heart, body, and mind is screaming to be lifted into your embrace, but its wings have yet to grow. My wish is for you to ask me if I can help you sleep, to return all this comfort you've brought to me.

'Will you wake from this nightmare, Keitaro Urashima? Or will you die as a flower in bloom does, cut off from its roots and left to wither? You hold me within your palm, able to do as you wish. And all I can do is watch from afar, silent in my cheering.'

I did not speak, my eyes closed, and my breathing slow and deep. Keitaro only held me tighter, as if daring to break past that comfort and into unrestrained emotion. My hands were limp at my sides, and my tears had finished flowing, dropping no more to mix with the heavy drops of water raining from above.

It would seem an eternity before we broke apart.

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It flashed within my head, somehow reaching my eyes. I could remember that moment perfectly, the memory embeded within me forever. That moment had been bliss. I wonder what he had felt.

"Sempai, please, drink and eat before you talk. None of us would enjoy seeing you unconscious again. Please." Shinobu's voice interrupted me before I could speak.

"Thank you, Shinobu." Keitaro took a metal bowl and plastic thermos handed to him by the small blue girl.

I couldn't help but note how his voice seemed to become strange and single- pitched as soon as he woke. Perhaps I needed a bit of water...

'I'm only succeeding in avoiding my thoughts. If I tell him Naru was here, he would be able to find her without even rising from his bed. But if I don't, how can I live with myself? After a year of kendo practice, and all those moment together, I can't help but think I'm the best one for him... But I understand something about my love for him. And if I want him to not be miserable anymore, I will have to sacrafice.'

"Urashima." I cleared my throat before continuing, his gaze upon me as he ate.

"I-I saw... Narusegawa earlier." The comment ended in a fading tone, weakened by the prospect of the future.

He paused, then continue to eat. I tried to keep a straight face as I watched him set down the bowl, drink some of the water, then sit there facing me. 'And here begins my true pain. Even if I do feel joy at the return of Keitaro's hapiness, there will always be a stining in my heart, longing to take the place of Narusegawa.'

"Motoko-chan... Why are you telling me this?"

"N-Nani?" His question caught me off guard.

"I dreamed while I was in the darkness. There was something that had always been nagging at me for quite sometime now, and I realized what it was when I awoke. I feel well enough to tell you now, what I saw, but I cannot, not until I find something that's buried away, deep down inside.

"Motoko-chan, you have yet to understand what I mean, but I believe what I learned will help me to discover what I have been searching for. And Naru... I have to let her go. She never returned any feelings back, and I realized that too within the darkness that had held me.

"If Shinobu was not here, readily helping me by allowing my stomach to anchor itself, I doubt I would be as vocal as I am now... But I have brought more than enough pain to all of you. And once I can stop my own pain, I can begin healing all of the girls at Hinata-Sou." He stopped for a much needed breath, and drank from the plastic thermos.

I was speechless, which meant I had no reply. 'What is he implying? That he wont go after Naru? It felt as if something had been taken from within me, something that weighed me down, and had been thrown away when I told Keitaro of Naru. But now if feels as if I could simply disappear into the air. I feel my heart pounding, as if asking the question I can hardly say to myself.

'Have his feelings changed for her? And if so, why go to such lengths to tell me he's free? He was indeed correct when he told me I would not understand. Find what? Is he searching for something besides Naru, besides the girl he had made a promise to? And if so, why do I feel as if everything is pointed towards me, a girl who had fallen for a man who was already taken, if not physically, by a girl to whom he had been promised to...'

My thoughts were already beginning to cause a headache. I felt a dull sting within my chest, yearning to have mywishes come true, and yet I also feel this pull from something within my entire body, telling me to search and find what will bring Keitaro happiness, and all those who care about him happiness as well.

Keitaro was sitting still, but his eyes were closed in silent contemplation. His ruffled black hair and hospital clothing giving him the look of a man who had suffered and lost, only to find himself able to gain.

'And so it continues, this pain, until I find myself, because I have yet to understand this. And I have yet to find the true object of Keitaro's search.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------- Well, there you have it. It's 1:30 in the morning right now, and all the errors in this chapter are because I need sleep. If this isn't long enough, then I'll be sure it make it stronger in emotions then. I have yet to figure out how to advance Motoko's inner thoughts around her memories. But it's working so far, I hope. Anyways, thanks. -Ky.