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Disclaimer:
I don't own Love Hina. Love Hina is property of Ken Akamatsu.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------- Author's Note: Gah, folks. Sorry for the no update yesterday. I long spiked my hair and dyed it silver. Well, if anyone here's asian, they'd understand how my parents freaked. It was so funny. My mom refused to take to me to Walmart to buy something for school because she said I was a disgrace. Unfortunately, I didn't want to provoke them more by getting on the computer.
On a different note, I'm happy to say I'm about to ruin my reputation on . Or something like that... Anyways, I've already planned out this story, so I hope to be able to continue writing once a day. So... I'm going to be writing as much as I can, maybe even making the chapters twice as long. Now, back to the show.'
-EDIT-
I had planned to write sooner now, but since I was a bit tired, I fell asleep instead of writing. So now, I'm hoping my reviews didn't leave. Please, tell me you're there. XD ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------
Kokoro no Tsubasa
Wings of the Heart
Chapter 6
Finally, the last bell rang... And along with it came the thunder of people rushing to leave school. Although they all had to return tomorrow on Saturday for classes, they had no worries for the rest of the afternoon. Saturday classes didn't even teach much anyways. But then again, what had I to worry? 'Under the stars of the night sky or the neon lights of the town, perhaps I can finally tell him. But what will he say? Even if he says his mind is no longer on Naru, what if he is never willing to feel or someone in such a way ever again? Damn you, Narusegawa, you fool. Something so precious... And you toss it away, as if you never wanted it.'
I had not realized I had walked beyond the large double doors at the front of the school, sandals never sinking into the wet dirt as my feet guided me in the direction of Hinata-Sou by themselves. Mind focused upon what the day will bring, I took a step forth, never raising my head to see the sight of a rushing red sports car barreling down the street.
"Motoko!"
Stopping, I raised my head to look backwards. But suddenly there was a strong gust of wind, causing the strap of the bag I used to hold my books to tear, dropping everything I had onto the floor. There was a fading yell as the drivers of the car disappeared from sight behind several houses.
Keitaro rushed next to me and kneeled as I reached to pick up the items I had dropped.
"That was close, ne? You've got to be more careful, Motoko. Almost could've been killed there, and who knows what all of us at Hinata-Sou would do?" He smiled at me, handing me two workbooks.
I blushed. 'If only he knew what I was thinking of... If only he didn't get in the way of my training, even my thoughts, then perhaps I wouldn't be so distracted? How can I even return to the Shimei school in such a condition? Even... Even if Keitaro allowed me to stay, can I give up my love for the sword?'
I stood, finally daring to look at Keitaro.
"Urashima, I do not believe we take the same route home." Why can't I bring myself to talk to him as a true friend would?
"Awww, c'mon Motoko, you don't have to act like you don't know me. After all those times I've been beaten during practice." He laughed, and then began walking the direction I had been heading. But he actually looked before crossing, something I had failed to do. "Oh, and I came to tell you that the others aren't coming tonight, so i guess it'll just be me and you."
I stopped, not caring if it was the middle of the street. I doubted I would've even cared if I had stopped in the middle of a river. 'Only... Us... Two? Wh-What in the name of the Gods could have befallen all of the others?'
"The strangest thing happened. Mitsune contacted me during lunch and told me everyone had to go to to a special event at the junior high. And Mitsune had to go for moral support. And I was going to ask Mutsumi to come, but unfortunately she didn't answer even after four calls in during the day."
Finding myself wanting to keep up with Keitaro, I moved myself out of the street, realizing the hardly plausible excuse. 'It may be good enough for Keitaro, but I wonder what Mitsune is truly going to do? They should have told us about this event long before today... And I know Mitsune is a friend of Naru. Perhaps she knows her friend is returning, so she is afraid I might come out and reveal my feelings for Keitaro...
'She is also old enough to understand these things, unlike the others. Then I must keep an eye open for trickery, and I must... Somehow... Admit what I harbor for him soon, otherwise everything will get out of hand...'
"Urashima, when and where are we going?"
Keitaro laughed. "I'm still surprised you are still willing to come. I came this way to warn you ahead of time that only us two are going. I didn't want you to feel pressured because you didn't know and wanted to back out."
'Why would I not want to, Keitaro? Do you think I hate you?' But instead, I asked him, "I neev to time away from the usual routine. After all, I do not believe I am... Sociable, exactly."
Keitaro smiled. "It dosen't really matter. If you can get along with me without using that sword of yours, I think we'll be fine."
The rest of the trip back to Hinata-Sou was silent, both of us entering to find the place empty. If Su had not attacked one of us by now, then something was wrong.
"How about we meet in an hour, Motoko?"
It was 5:30 now, then that would leave us with at least a few hours before we both needed to return.
"Agreed," I replied, walking up the stairs with that soundless step I possessed, somehow finding the hallway unbelievably longer than usual. As I entered my room, I found myself collapsing ontop of the futon I slept on.
"Keitaro will never find me interesting enough. I know, somehow, that I will say the wrong thing. I have always enjoyed being so silent, belonging to the world in the way that most people are not. Always wanting to be graceful yet powerful, I have never forgotten what I strive for during practice. But... I never imagined my heart would be caught by this man, his kind soul luring me in.
"And now I have no hope of ever catching his attention. Even my swordsmanship has decreased, evident in my past conflicts with Tsuruko. And yet I still wonder why I am here, and why I have not been forced to return to the hills of Kyoto to train further. How can I continue to live as such?"
'You're afraid to leave.'
Strangely, I had imagined that only characters in books have ever had conversations with themselves. And yet, I find words within my mind, formed from the feelings within my soul.
'You do not want to make the same mistake as Naru, losing something due to weakness. You want to understand what it is like to feel love and the joy it can bring. So you stay here, for this man.'
"No, you're wrong," I whispered to myself. "How can I even hope to capture his heart as he has mine? He has protected me, cared for me, and I have given him nothing in return. Nothing but sword swings and injuries."
'Are you sure?'
How could I not be?
'Do you believe that he could have found himself out of his depressed state? Without that episode in the hospital, could he have come to conclusions with himself? Would he have realized he never chased Naru away?'
"I-I... Refuse to believe... That I c-could have any-ything to do with his re-recovery." I was crying. There was so much confusion within me, and I realized I could never be set free until I let him know. And yet, to be rejected is the greatest pain of all, love turned down by the very one you wish to be with.
To tear at this, such a weakness. This is proof of what I have become, unfocused and cursed to never have love returned. 'Then tell him. Is there anything to be afraid of?'
"Yes, I would never want us to lose what we already have. I know that... If I was to require aid, he would be there for me, even if it was against his good. I have heard the hushed whispers of all the others at school, everyday finding gossip referring to couples.
"And many of them say so-and-so's heart was broken, and they have been affected badly. So would I let risk this darkness taking hold of me, for the even slightest chance that he would have such feelings for me?"
'Yes, for the rewards can be beyond what you can comprehend.'
But I never listened.
Standing, I found myself with only half an hour before my meeting with Keitaro. And since it was only us two that were going, I felt I needed to find something better than my usual attire. Openning the closet, I found myself deeply searching through a pile of Haruka's clothes, seeking something that would go with the occasion.
Finally, I decided on a simple dress of silver with the thin blue lines streaking from the side all the way up over the shoulders and then back down to for the straps. Then, I was forced to supress my thoughts as I changed. But I let my eyes wander to my half-naked body as I undressed, knowing that I had nothing appealing as a woman. 'My frame is far from the hour-glass shape a woman is supposed to possess, and my training has given me a long, sinewous muscle tone which makes me look even worse. And finally, I keep my breasts bound, trying to act as if I wished I was a man rather than a woman.'
"What will I do with myself? I have no hope of ever receiving his love, and if I did, I would never be worthy of his kind hearted soul..."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------- Sorry for the forced wait! Now that the last day of school is only less than a day away, I will be able to write far more. Than you, for all of you who understand what it means to me for you to be there to review. Special props go to jennyjenai and HinaGuy as usual. I know you all have better things to do that read this fic, but at least review! :P -Ky
