Chapter 27
Discussions about Snape and Sirius
Cassie immediately looked around for one of her friends but none of them seemed to be in the common room. She felt a little disconcerted. She had not been alone much since she arrived and tonight she had been on her own for quite a long time. Various students smiled at her and some even talked briefly to her as she crossed the common room to head up to her dorm. Ginny was probably upstairs, Cassie thought. But she wasn't. Cassie looked around the empty dorm room, unsure of what to do now. She really wanted to lay down and sleep but she knew that wasn't a good idea because in a little more than three hours she had Astronomy. Some people could maybe lay down and take a nap and then wake up feeling refreshed, but she knew herself well enough to know that wouldn't work. She'd be groggy and grumpy through the entire class if she went to sleep and then tried to wake up enough to go. She was actually really looking forward to the Astronomy class although she didn't really know what to expect. She remembered how much she had enjoyed looking at the stars with Harry all those months ago and was looking forward to doing that again. She hadn't had as much opportunity as she had hoped since then to actually use the telescope Harry had given her and had actually not even had it out of it's case since September. And she felt bad about that because she had promised Harry that she would use the telescope to look at the star Sirius in the winter. Well, she would make sure to find it tonight if she could.
She decided that she would work for a while on homework to keep herself busy and then reward herself later with a chance to write that letter to George. She debated about staying up here in the quiet but decided that if she really wanted to stay awake then she probably better be downstairs where the tension of keeping up appearances as well as the noise and movement would keep her from dozing off. So, she gathered up her books, some parchment, and a few quills as well as her trusty bottle of ink and descended the stairs into the common room again. When she got there, she saw Harry standing by the portrait hole and she assumed he had just come in. He looked at her in surprise, his green eyes blinking behind his glasses. "Uh, hello. Where did you just come from?" Cassie sat down at an empty table and he slid into the chair next to her.
"Upstairs. Where is everyone else?"
"Well, I think Ron and Hermione are having a little private time together but Ginny just went to get you from detention."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I came in a few minutes ago and went right upstairs, thinking she might be up there. I got done early."
"Obviously. Why were you back so soon?"
"Professor Snape threw me out around 7:45 or so." She didn't know how much he would really want to hear about what had happened in the Potions classroom and she wasn't sure she was too comfortable with it, either. It had been strange and she wanted to think about it before she told anyone else about it.
"He threw you out? What exactly does that mean?"
"Just that, Harry. He told me to leave."
"But you weren't done with your detention yet?"
"Well . . . I guess I was because he let me go." She felt her face get a little red. It was one thing to lie to people she didn't know or had to trick for the sake of keeping up the charade they were all maintaining, but lying to Harry was a lot trickier. Especially since he was looking at her with that look he had that made you just want to spill all your innermost secrets to him. Those eyes really should be registered as lethal weapons.
"I believe that one time you told me there were all sorts of lies. I never thought you were very good at any of them, although I have to admit that I've changed my mind. Spit it out, Pia." She flushed a little deeper.
"He tried that legit . . . lelil . . the mind reading thing on me."
Harry scowled. "And . . ."
"He saw a few things, I guess. When he does it to you is it like you see these memories but you don't even know why you're remembering that and then they just come one after the other?"
"That's what it's like, all right. So, what did he see?"
"Fortunately, I don't understand why really, he saw things that I don't think blew my cover too badly. He did see one scene with me and" Cassie was just about to say 'George right before he kissed me' but suddenly remembered that Harry had no idea that anything was going on with George and she didn't want to enlighten him "um, you." Harry's face flamed bright red. "It wasn't anything too strange. You were holding me in the kitchen of your place, that day that Ron and Hermione were there. He could tell I liked you, I think."
"That's going to be a little awkward."
"I'm sorry, Harry. I stopped the memory right away."
"You did what?" His face had lost all the high color and was now extremely pale. Cassie wasn't sure if it was just the contrast to what had been there before or not.
"I stopped the memory and I guess he stopped looking because for a few minutes there weren't any more of them. Then he made a comment later about how he thought we had just met. I didn't . . ." She stopped because Harry was staring at her like she had just sprouted horns.
"You stopped the memory? You stopped him looking at a memory you didn't want him to see?"
"Uh . . . well, I guess so. I just stopped thinking about it and concentrated on the nasty salamanders that I was supposed to be cutting up."
"Pia! I've been working for three years to be able to do that. It's really difficult and you just did it, just like that?!!!"
"I don't know, Harry!" Cassie was feeling very frustrated. She didn't know whether Harry was accusing her of lying or whether he was making more a big deal of this than it deserved. She hadn't done anything that anyone else wouldn't have done. Maybe he hadn't been doing the mind reading thing after all. She couldn't believe that she had done anything difficult. "Maybe I didn't do anything. I don't really know. I just . . . I just thought that . . ."
"I'm just trying to understand, Pia. So, he saw that memory and you stopped him. Then what happened?"
"I started remembering about a couple of the times I was in Diagon Alley. He saw me . . . talking to people, George Weasley in particular."
"Yeah? Good old George. I like him a lot."
"Uh huh. Anyway, and then I stopped that again before, uh . . ."
"You stopped that memory, too?"
"I guess so. Maybe I was wrong, Harry. Maybe I was just bored and started thinking about these things. 'Cause I didn't really do anything tricky."
"Keep telling me. Maybe you're right but maybe not." So, Cassie continued to relate what had happened, as carefully as she could.
"And then I saw the Quidditch game from Saturday and then . . ." She really didn't know how to explain what had happened next. She still wasn't sure what had happened. "And then, I guess he must have decided he had seen all he was going to get because he told me to leave."
Harry looked at her for a long minute and Cassie avoided the sudden urge to squirm. "You initially said he threw you out, which to me implies that he was very angry with you. I think you're leaving out the end. What really happened?"
"It doesn't matter, okay?"
"I want to know, Pia. I think we should all . . ."
"It has nothing to do with my being a witch or anything, Harry. It's just . . .It was nothing really." Harry fixed her with that gaze and this time, she squirmed. She couldn't help it.
"Out with it. Come on."
"I, well, suddenly I was watching a Quidditch game but it wasn't the right Quidditch game. Things were different. I was looking at it from a different angle and it wasn't cold. And there was a boy on a broom. He looked like you but he wasn't you. And then there was a girl and at first I thought it was Ginny but she wasn't Ginny and she looked at me and I felt . . . I wanted to be near her . . .I mean, he wanted to . . .Oh, Harry! Her eyes. She had your eyes. It was your mum, Harry. I'm positive of it and I was watching her through his eyes. I somehow . . . I don't know. I think I may have been inside his memory this time, Harry. He knew your parents, didn't he? I -"
Cassie dared a glance at Harry here, wondering what he was thinking. Maybe she was insane or something. But he had now gone almost completely white and for a moment Cassie thought he was going to faint. "You saw my mum and dad when they were still at school? Through his memory of them?" This was spoken in a very low voice, almost like he was afraid to speak the words.
"I think so. I'm not sure. But when it stopped I told him that I saw her and how much he had liked her. Loved her. And then he lost it. He started yelling at me to get out and so I grabbed my wand and ran out."
"What do you mean, 'loved her?'"
"Oh, Harry. Didn't you know?"
"Know what?" His eyebrows were drawn close together, and he was concentrating very hard, like he was trying to understand something. But there was a certain stiffness in his shoulders, like he didn't want to accept the truth of what she was saying.
"How much Professor Snape loved your mother when they were here at school together?"
"You're wrong, Pia. He hated my mother. Hated everything she stood for. He called her nasty names and . . . she was Muggle-born, you know."
"Maybe you're right. Maybe I was wrong about that. It all happened so quickly." She decided there was no use arguing about whether Professor Snape had loved Harry's mum or not. It didn't matter now and if it upset Harry then there was no point. She glanced down at her hands. She wasn't sure what to say next.
"But back to the main point, then, Pia. You saw his memory this time?"
"I can't be sure, of course. But I . . . well, it was definitely not my memory. I never even knew what your mum looked like and obviously I never met her at a Quidditch match. Well, unless you believe in reincarnation and maybe I was a student here in a former life or something. Do you think that's possible?" Cassie honestly didn't know what else to say. She had been so positive it had been Snape's memory she was in, but maybe she was wrong. It all had been so quick.
"No. You saw his memory, all right. If not, he wouldn't have gotten so mad and thrown you out. But I just don't understand how that's possible. I . . . I wouldn't think you would be able to do that. I mean, I thought . . ." and his voice dropped so low that Cassie had to lean nearer to him to hear it. " . . . I thought that Occlumency and Legilemency were magic things. I thought you could only do them if you were a witch or a wizard. I can't understand how you are doing them."
Cassie stared at him for a long minute before she said anything. "What?" That was all that came out even though she had about a million questions trying to get out at once.
"That's what you did. When you blocked him from seeing your memories, that was Occlumency and when you saw his, that was Legilemency."
"I'm obviously wrong then. I just made a mistake, that's all." She suddenly wanted to scream, to run away from Harry and all the insanity that her life was quickly becoming. She started to stand up but he grabbed her arm and pulled her back down into her chair.
"Pia. I must be wrong. I'm not trying to say you are a witch. There's been no other evidence of it. But . . . I'm just confused about how you can do that. I think we definitely need to ask Hermione. She can find something out about it." Cassie was about to say something else when the portrait hole opened and a very distressed-looking redhead slid into the room. She glanced around quickly and saw Harry and Cassie sitting at the table and Cassie saw her expression clear instantly. Ginny walked quickly over to them and sat down in the seat across from Harry.
"How did I miss you, Pia? There was no one in the Potions classroom and I was worried."
Cassie just gave a brief description of how she had gotten lost after saying that Snape had given her a really short detention. Harry scowled but didn't correct her. Cassie then gave a very stylized and dramatic account of her encounter with the lecherous old man in the painting. They were both laughing loudly. Cassie was also about to tell them what she had remembered and what Dumbledore had said when she realized that this probably wasn't the safest place to be discussing it. Not that she knew of anywhere more private but there were just too many people around. "I remembered something else I want to talk to you all about, but later. When we can have a little more privacy. Maybe when Ron and Hermione get back from doing whatever it is they're doing." Both Harry and Ginny laughed.
"That'll be a while. They have these extremely long discussions, you know." Ginny snickered into her hand. Harry smiled, too.
"I guess you two used to be able to have similar discussions before I got here, huh?" Cassie stared at the table surface, very self-conscious and embarrassed. She wanted to tell them that they could go have whatever "discussions" they wanted to without worrying about her. But honestly, she wasn't sure she could actually spit out the words. Despite everything, she still didn't really like to think about Harry and Ginny snogging madly in an empty classroom or a closet somewhere. Which was ridiculous, because she and George . . . well, maybe once she and George had been able to do that on Saturday, maybe the last little bit of ache would be out of her heart and she could think about Harry kissing someone else without it bothering her. She hoped so. Harry cleared his throat at the same moment Ginny did and all three of them laughed, the awkwardness around the table decreasing a little.
"I hope we were never as bad as those two. We don't mind, though. There'll be plenty of time for long discussions afterward." Cassie braved a glance at Ginny and was rewarded with a warm smile. "I've got some homework to do, as I imagine you do, too, Pia?"
"Yeah. A lot of it. I don't think I have any that's due tomorrow, though."
Cassie and Ginny filled Harry in on the fun they had had in Divination and he shook his head in amazement as Cassie told him about Trelawney's comments about the Weasleys. He also laughed about Ginny's bump on the head from the bludger and looked with interest and the complicated chart in their textbook. "I'm glad I don't have that class anymore. But, I've told Ginny this, Pia. Ron and I kept our master list of accidents and tragedies so that we could hand it on to others. If you need it, it's full of great ideas of terrible things that can happen to you so you can interlace your homework with them." He looked so serious and sincere that both Cassie and Ginny practically laughed themselves into hysterics at the thought of the two boys busily compiling this list of possible ways to die and be maimed. He looked affronted at their obvious amusement and excused himself to go upstairs. "I've got actually real homework to do, you two. Have fun with your skulls." That made them laugh even harder and it took a long time for them to calm down.
It was 11:00 before Cassie had finished enough of her homework that she felt she could realistically finish the rest tomorrow night and she decided that she deserved to indulge herself now and write to George. Ron and Hermione had come back only 15 minutes earlier, both of them looking extremely windswept although when Ginny asked, they insisted they had not been outside. They had gone up to their separate dorms and both younger girls had barely been able to control their laughter until they were far enough up the steps that they wouldn't hear. "Must have been some discussion!" Cassie had gasped out much to Ginny's amusement.
"Yeah, they even risked Filch and detention! Wonder what they talked about?" That both sent them into new peals of laughter and Cassie had really had to force herself to calm down so she could finish working on her Potions essay. Thinking about Professor Snape reminded her of what had happened that night and she stared for a minute at the parchment before deciding not to say anything to Ginny about it. She wasn't sure she wanted to tell the girl what had really happened during her detention tonight. Harry knew, now, and if it was important that everyone else know, he would certainly fill them in.
She pulled out a clean piece of parchment and wrote as neatly as she could. The letter was short and she hoped that he understood the emotions behind it, even if she couldn't get all romantic like he had done with the dangerous, wonderful, fantastically stupid letter she had gotten this morning.
George, Thank you so much for taking the time to write. I am sure that you have better things to worry about than writing your cousin but it is good to hear from you. I am doing quite well here at school. Since I last wrote to you on Sunday I've been to many more classes, of course, and have enjoyed most of them. We made it snow on our desks in charms and then built snowmen. We then made them come to life and Ginny's, mine, and Rhiannon's all had a snowball fight. That was interesting. Remember in the ice-cream shop, the Christmas scene there? I am sure that is the charm he used because it looked the same. Then we all met Hagrid's new cuddly friend. I think it is a chimera? Yeah, Ginny says that's right. He calls it "Shimmy" and wondered why none of us were willing to pet it. We changed rats to rabbits in Transfiguration and I didn't manage to do it. Ginny did, though, and so did Ron. You would have been proud of your siblings if you could have seen them. By the way, your dragon-head/smoke fake wand is extremely impressive. Even Professor McGonagall was amazed. I had Potions today, as you obviously are aware. Professor Snape hates me. Big surprise there, I'm sure. I had detention with him tonight and had to chop up salamanders. Now he hates me more because of something that happened there. I wish I could tell you about it, but I can't. I did tell Harry, though, and he says I didn't do anything wrong.
Cassie paused for a long moment and read what she had written. She felt tears prickle behind her eyes and she blinked them back. She didn't really know why they were there, either. She just wanted to go home where she didn't have to worry about cutting up salamanders or about whether she had seen an accurate memory or not, something that she shouldn't even be able to do, where she didn't have to worry about fake wands or biting plants, and where the most dangerous creature she could run into was the mean dog her neighbor two doors down liked to turn loose. But, somewhere, mixed in with all that homesickness, was a desperate desire to see George and be held by him. She was lonely for that in a way she had never experienced before. Maybe it was because she was so near to Harry again and that was stirring up all those emotions she had managed to suppress over the very long summer and fall. She glanced at her watch and realized she was going to have to hurry.
I've got astronomy in just a few minutes. Ginny says we can send this letter out tonight with, uh, Pig. I don't know what she means but I better get it finished before we have to leave. We are all looking forward to seeing you and Fred on Saturday in Hogsmeade. Ginny says there is a lot to do there and that we should have a good time. I'm a little nervous but I trust she is right and am counting the hours until then. Love, Pia.
She hurriedly folded the letter and wrote George's name on it, this time addressing it "The Burrow" which was much more fun to write than Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.
"Ginny, did you say we could send this with Pig?"
"Yeah. Ron sometimes lets me borrow him. I know he's here, too. Ron used Hedwig last night to send those wand orders because of the gold that had to be carried and Pig was mad because it had been so long since he got to take a letter. So Ron will be happy we can use him."
"But how are we going to get, uh, Pig? I don't think we have time to go all the way to the Owlery."
"Don't need to. Ron keeps him in their room. He's so tiny he would get eaten alive by those big nasty owls up there. I'll just run this up there."
"Are you allowed to go to their room?"
"Yeah. Bit sexist the builders of this place were. They can't come to our dorms but we can go to theirs. I think only Ron and Harry are up there in the room, so it's no problem." Ginny looked at Cassie for a minute. "Do you want to come up with me?"
"Um, sure. I guess so." The 7th year boys' dorm room looked remarkably like the 6th year girls'. There were also posters on the wall although they were of sports teams and one rock band Cassie actually recognized rather than of handsome wizards who were showing off their chests. No witch-centerfolds, though, were pinned up and Cassie wondered whether that sort of thing existed or if they were just more discreet than boys of this age would be back home. Harry and Ron's beds were rumpled and Ron was embarrassed because the girls caught him in his pajamas. He was, as Ginny had predicted, happy to let them use Pig.
"Why are you writing a letter to George, Pia?" he asked as he tied the letter carefully to the smallest owl Cassie had ever seen and threw him out the window.
"I just, uh, wanted to thank him for the wand." Ron looked confused.
"Ginny, you should've told her to make the letter to both of them, then. I think the dragon-head one was particularly Fred's idea although I know George worked on the smoke part." Cassie flushed bright red and then tried hard to relax when she felt Harry's eyes on her. Darn it. What if he remembered her comments from earlier about talking to George and put two and two together. She wasn't ashamed of liking George or anything, not at all. She just didn't want to be humiliated when he told her to go jump in the Hogwarts lake when she saw him on Saturday.
"Oh, well. Don't worry about that, Ron. I actually addressed the letter inside to both of them. I just thought the owl would have an easier time of it if it was only addressed to one of the twins. I mean, what if they weren't actually together when he got there?" Cassie was talking fast now. Ron scowled.
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. But I guess it doesn't matter." He stopped for a minute looking at the two of them. "Look. I know you guys have Astronomy in a few minutes. But we don't. And it's very late. Do you mind leaving? I want to get some rest tonight." Ginny just scowled and then walked over to Harry and kissed him. Cassie stared hard at the Chudley Cannons' poster above Ron's bed, pretending she didn't hear kissing noises behind her. Hermione was right. It was a really hideous color of orange.
Ten minutes later, Cassie drew her thick winter robe around her, shivering in the cold draft that was blowing through the stairway as they climbed up toward the Astronomy Tower. "Please tell me there's a roof and some windows in here, Ginny. Please."
"Well, yes. Otherwise, this wouldn't be the snogging hang out in mid-winter would it? But you have to go outside to use the student telescopes and obviously people are opening the doors and that's why it's so cold down here."
"I'm going to die." All four of the other girls laughed. It turned out that Saffron, Elspeth, and Rhiannon also had Astronomy tonight which Cassie thought was the first time that all five of them had had class together. There had been some rather pointed teasing of Elspeth, wondering if she and Colin had found their way up to the tower yet for a little non-classroom related stargazing. Elspeth had just turned bright pink and told them that their dating had not yet reached that level. Ginny hadn't joined in which made Rhiannon ask her if she and Harry had ever spent an evening in the tower.
"No. It's too crowded all the time. Besides, Harry likes to be a little subtle. It wouldn't be like him to actually come up here, I don't think." Rhiannon had to agree and they climbed for a few minutes in silence.
"Pia, have you found someone you want to spend time in the Astronomy tower with yet?" Cassie just shook her head. "It looks like Draco Malfoy wouldn't mind helping you with your star chart, though." Cassie shot a sharp glare at Saffron although she didn't look chagrined at all by her comments. "Well. I'm just stating the obvious."
"He's dreaming. I wouldn't touch him with a 10-foot, uh, wand." The other girls chuckled although Saffron's mouth tightened.
"I think he's cute."
"Well, maybe you should invite him to help you with your Astronomy homework. He's obviously not attached to anyone else." Saffron looked at her.
"Maybe I will." They had reached the famed Astronomy tower and Cassie could tell right away why this was such a popular place for couples who wanted to be alone for some private snogging sessions. It was a beautiful room, large and airy with huge glass windows around the back half. The front half looked more like a typical classroom with a blackboard and a teacher's desk. There were no desks for the students, though, which made Cassie wonder where everyone sat. There was also one very large telescope that pointed through yet another large window at the front of the classroom. There were two doors that led out of the classroom and although Cassie couldn't see what was on the other side, she figured that must be where Ginny meant when she said they had to go outside to use the student telescopes. They obviously weren't in here.
"Where do we sit?" Cassie asked as they moved to the middle of the classroom.
"Well, if we're having a long lecture, she'll pull out cushions because sometimes we have to lie down while she shows us things on the ceiling." Cassie glanced up but it was just a plain white ceiling as far as she could tell. "No, she shows us a magical view of the outside sky. It's not there all the time because she changes it a lot. Normally, though, we just stand while she tells us really fast what she wants us to do."
"Okay." So there were cushions, big windows with stunning views of the grounds and the night skies, deep window seats where you could curl up together. Yeah. This would definitely be a nice place to come cuddle with a sweetheart. No wonder everyone tried to come up here. Maybe it would be worth asking Draco . .. No! She wouldn't even let her mind contemplate that disgusting concept!
The professor was nice, explaining quickly what she wanted them to look at tonight and how to locate the particular constellations and stars they were supposed to be charting. "And when is the next full moon, class?" Everyone dutifully answered that it was Sunday night and the professor smiled. "That's right. So we aren't going to see many of the dim stars tonight. The moon is just too bright." And a few minutes later they walked through the two doors and Cassie caught her breath in complete amazement.
Stunning. That was really the only word for it. She had been to observatories before and even seen star shows, but this was breathtaking. It was like they were actually up among the stars. There was no light pollution this far from civilization as it were and the stars seemed to be so close that you could actually reach out and touch one. She and Ginny found two telescopes and Cassie looked down at the blank star chart on the small table attached to the wall by hers. "What am I supposed to do with this?"
"Don't worry about it, okay? Just look around and pretend to write some stuff on it every once in a while. If you're still here next week, I'll let you copy mine." Cassie smiled brightly at Ginny and pulled her robe tighter around her, then bent down to look through the telescope. If possible, it was even better with the telescope. The moon was quite bright and she thought that it must be incredible out here when the moon was new and every star would be much more visible.
She found Cassiopeia pretty quickly once she got herself oriented. She remembered how it had looked when Harry had showed her at home but here she was a lot further north and it was winter, so it made a huge difference. She took a while to find and Big Dipper and the Little Dipper and was embarrassed when she saw what Ginny was doing on her paper, which looked like an extremely complicated drawing. Cassiopeia still didn't look like a queen to her, but at least it was upright today instead of laying down on its side. She scanned the heavens rather randomly, trying to remember the other constellations she had learned, both with Harry and on her own. She saw Draco quickly as it was fairly near Cassiopeia. Ugh. She looked around for the star Sirius which she had never seen but she wasn't sure what she was looking for.
"Ginny? Where's Sirius?" Ginny looked up, confused at the question. "The star, Sirius. I want to see it."
Ginny smiled a sort of half-sad smile. "It's the brightest star in the sky, Pia. Look around for it and if you can't find it in a few minutes, I'll point it out to you." She bit her lip and then bent her head back down to the telescope. Cassie looked around for a long while, seeing several bright stars but then deciding that she saw one even brighter. She had about despaired of finding it, resigned to asking Ginny for help when she suddenly saw it, quite near the horizon, shining like a spotlight. And she knew without even asking that it was the one she was looking for. Sirius. She felt tears prickle again at the back of her eyes and a lump came to her throat. She remembered with aching clarity the night Harry had told her about his godfather and about how he had died. He still missed him, obviously, and Cassie wished she could have known him. She imagined that he must have been a very interesting person.
It was only a few minutes later that class ended and everyone gathered up their star charts and headed back into the warmth of the classroom. "Did you find it?" Ginny asked quietly as they started down the long staircase again a little bit later.
"Yeah."
"So he told you about him?"
"Yeah."
"He . . .meant a lot to Harry. And to all of us."
"Yeah." Cassie felt like an idiot and wished she could have added more to the conversation. But she had never known him and didn't really know what else to add. "It's a beautiful star. No wonder Harry likes to look at it in the winter." Ginny just nodded and Cassie noticed that she had tears in her eyes, so she didn't say anything else.
By the time she undressed and slipped into bed it was almost 2. It was insane to have this class in the middle of the week and then early classes the next morning. Considering that they would have to get up early for the usual hair-drying ritual as well as the pre-breakfast planning meeting, she would be lucky if she got five hours of sleep. So she knew that she needed to get to sleep quickly. But despite that, she couldn't get the memories out of her mind of Harry holding her as he told her about Sirius and how he had cried during the entire story. Somehow, realizing that Ginny had known him, too, and missed him like Harry did made the story that much more real and even more sad than it had been before. She rolled over in bed, hugging her pillow desperately. Why did all this have to happen? And she hadn't come to any conclusions by the time that she finally fell into a fitful sleep quite a while later.
