The RASHOUJIN Chronicles

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. All characters from Samurai Showdown, Fatal Fury, Art of Fighting, and King of Fighters are owned by SNK. All company names, brands, characters, etc. belong to their respective owners, etcetera...

ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: PLEASE BE KIND ENOUGH TO POST REVIEWS FOR EACH CHAPTER, THOSE OF YOU WHO SO MUCH AS SNEAK A PEEK AT THESE! ... Please?

Chapter II.

Bizuki Has Some Fun... No, not that kind of fun you dirty fool

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AND NOW, A SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!

Because of many good friends, several typoes and other details have been brought to my attention.

For instance...

"God, did Geese hated Playmore."

I apologize for this mistake. It shall therefore be changed to...

"God, did Geese hate Playmore."

My life is more significant now! (just kidding, Zeph- though it really is significant, at least I hope so)

And another mistake. 8:30 PM. Now, I bet all of you are wondering-

Holy DAMN, Bizuki overslept!

My bad. That's supposed to be 8:30 AM. Mind you, I was writing the first chapter at 2:00 AM myself, so cut me some slack!!!

And it seems that someone else said that it lacked most of the basics except a gratuitous shower scene.

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You're absolutely right! We DO need a gratuitous shower scene! ALL good fanfictions have such a part in them. We have to satisfy the 'red-blooded male anime-lover' audience, after all. Considering how much of them consist of the anime population overall...

So here it is!

????: [water splashes down body] Hmm hmdoo... [begins singing] You spin me right round baby, right round, like a record baby, right round round round...

Waitaminute...... What the!???

Gen-An: Oh, what's this?? [bathroom door slides out of the way] Visitors! [giggles like a schoolgirl] I never get visitors-

DEAR GOD!!!!!!!! MY..... HEART... [thud] GO... TO COMMERCIAL......!

****************DATING ADVICE WITH HEERO YUY

Kid: Dad, I'm lost.

Heero: I've been lost ever since the day I was born.

Kid: Sunuva... I don't have time for this!

Heero: Sorry.

Kid: So anyway, what's a mistake you should never do involving women? So far, I'm hopeless at figuring all of this out.

Heero: Then I'll just give you one piece of advice... Dying hurts like hell.

Kid: DAD!!!!!!

Heero: Okay, I get the point... Here's one good piece of advice I'm sure you'll heed. Remember that when calling your date, you make sure that you're actually calling your DATE, and not someone else...

FLASHBACK! Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo...

Amuro: Another fun night with Sayla. This time, let's go for Italian... And after that... Hahaha... Lessee, phone numbers. Aznable, Aznable, Aznable... Ah, there.

Char: [bring! bring!] ... [grumble] This late at night!? [picks up the phone]

Amuro: Hey, baby. Let's not go for French tonight, I've heard of this 'Medici's', really great place for pasta. Afterwards, how about we go to Motel 6 and do the horizontal dance?

Char: ...

Amuro: ... ... Sayla? Artesia babe??

Char: !!!!!!!!!!!!

Amuro: Sayla, girl, what did I do now? Why you gotta give me the silent treatment like this, babe?

Char: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [CLICK!]

Amuro: What did I do wrong? Why won't she speak to me!?

Sazabi breaks in through the wall with a mighty punch! It's pilot immediately roars,

Char: AMUROOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Amuro: O_O!!!!! [takes another look at phone number] [sees "Aznable, Char" and not "Aznable, Artesia"] OHHHH CRAP!!

End FLASHBACK! Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo...

Heero: Now remember, you clueless nincompoops. If you accidentally call the brother, there are no survivors.

Kid: _

****************THIS HAS BEEN DATING ADVICE WITH HEERO YUY

We now return you to your scheduled programming.

The Rashoujin Chronicles management apologize for the scene before this little interlude. We asked those in question simply to get a camera crew to the Shiranui residence, pronto. Unfortunately, they went to Gen-An Shiranui, not Mai Shiranui. Again, we apologize. The ones who had made this mistake are being punished as we speak.

Employee: Forced to watch Tomb Raider forever!???? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Anyways, back to the story!

We return to Bizuki, who is in a lounge and ordering those really cheap gourmet cookies Yuck, how can you like those?

Bizuki: Hey, people's preferences don't revolve around your own.

Point taken.

Anyways, the lounge is pretty much empty, as most people are working. The only people here are slackers hanging around the water cooler. Notably, a few hired guards that aren't doing their job.

Shen Woo: Hey hey, check that chick out. I've never seen her before.

Genjuro: [sniff sniff] Dude... You uhh... uhhh... Don't-uh.... Wanna hang around her yeah..

Shen Woo: Dude! You gotta stop the drug addiction man! That's gonna screw you up!

Genjuro: Don't care... Must kill... Haohmaru... Haohmaruuuu!!!! [collapses]

Yeah, it says in his bio that Genjuro is at peace when he's using "prohibited medicines", AKA drugs.

Bizuki: Kibagami! Is he alright...???

Genjuro: HAOHMARU!!!!! [thrashes in his sleep] Zzzz.... Damn it, old man Nicotine...... I love my Pookie bear...!!!!

Bizuki: O_o

Shen Woo: Hey baby, what's up?

Bizuki: Not another one of you punks!

Shen Woo: Hey, give me a chance! I'm not like those other guys! I could be just the man you're... you're... o_o ....

If there was anything that turned Shen Woo on, it was a woman in a secretary's outfit- that is, blouse, skirt, everything... Which is what Bizuki wore at the moment. Thus, the things going through Shen's mind mostly consisted of things like "[wolf whistle]", "That's a fiiiiine arse", and "I'm hungry. Someone make me a sammich!" Needless to say, this did not impress Bizuki.

Bizuki: Quit leering at me.

Shen Woo: o_o .....

Bizuki: I hate having to do this.

And in the next moment...

Gaira: WHOAAAA!!!! [room shakes] What's going on up there!??????

Wan-Fu: Worry not! It's close to Geese's office, so it's probably the clash of two mortal gods.

Gaira: In that case... [starts praying for life while holding beads close]

Good guess, Wan-Fu.

Wan-Fu: Why thank you.

You're not supposed to respond stupid!!!!!

Wan-Fu: Fo shizzle? My bad.

Hearing that from a monk... Sweet baby Jesus, that was wrong...

Anyway, Bizuki simply unleashed her infamous "pinball" attack, where she throws some sort of black energy sphere at her opponent. If it connects with the opponent, they're going to bounce around the screen about eight times (and cause nifty explosions while they're at it)... However, this is a variation of that attack. Instead, Bizuki has transformed the whole room into an enormous pseudo-pinball table! Shen Woo as the pinball, Bizuki in control of two giant flippers, and every breakable object in the lounge, a potential for points and score! The arm-wrestling theme from Fatal Fury 1 starts playing...

Shen Woo: AARRGHHHH! [hits a sofa, 10,000 points] GWAHHHH! HWAAAA!!!! [slams into a plant, 20,000 points] AHHHHHHHH! NOOOOOOO! GAHHHHHHHHH! [bounces off a cabinet, 50,000 points] NYARGHHH!!! OOF!!!!... Kill me now...

Bizuki: Oops... I hope I didn't cause too much of a ruckus.

A screen flashes, saying "NEW HIGH SCORE! A WINNER IS YOU!"

Bizuki: [thinks about it] Lessee. The whole building shook under the fury of my pinball wrath... I'm probably in trouble. [thinks again] Nahhh!, they'll say it was the clash of two mortal gods. [leaves]

Shen Woo: Ohwoohh... [lies in a messy heap]

Back to Gaira.

Gaira: My life is too short to determine my karma!!!!

Wan-Fu: [shakes head] I suppose working this close from the top for the first time will scare you.

Nicotine: Fo shizzle...

Dear God! Moving on!

Shoot to Geese Howard, trying to fight off all five of his assailants. Or rather, busy trying not get killed by them.

Terry: POWER... GEYSER!!!!

Geese: YEOWCH!

Rock: RAGING-UU... STORM!!!!!!!!!

Geese: URRGH!

Marie: Something something attack!

Geese: GWAAAHHHHHHUHH? What?

Marie: It's not that I don't know any martial arts- it's that there's not enough special effects budget for me.

Geese: Oh. In that ca-

Grant: MAJIN HATEN DAN!!!!

Geese: AAHHHHH!!!

Kain: HIMMLISCHE SEELE!!!!!!

This time, Geese is sent flying out the window.

Terry: Yes! I defeated Geese!

Rock: DAMN you, Terry! I was supposed to kill Geese!

Kain: Does anybody here actually believe he's dead? And does anyone here realize that I dealt the finishing blow?

Grant: You shouldn't have said that.

Marie: NOOOO!!!! [wails] GEESE!!!!!! KAIN, YOU BASTARD!!!

Marie starts kicking the crap out of Kain. Grant thinks better of trying to hold down this woman's scorn.

Back to Bizuki.

Bizuki: Whoa... What happened to R&D? Hey, what's that? Giant and red...! O_O!!!!

Bizuki peers at the scene around her. The floor, which consisted of a whole lab, had been destroyed. A group of people began running in her direction.

Developer: RUN AWAY!!!! KUSAREGEDO'S ON THE LOOSE AGAIN!!!!!!

Kusaregedo: IDADAGIMAZU...!

Bizuki held the elevator for the Devs (after all, SNK can't work without the Devs). Most of them made it before Kusaregedo could eat them. Of course, for those that didn't make it, let Gedo reiterate.

Kusaregedo: IDADAGIMAZU.

A moment later...

Developer: Thank you! Thank you soooo much...!

Bizuki: No prob. Just think of me during the SSVS development process, hm? Ha, I'm just kidding.

Developer: [blinks] Y'know, the boss gets pissed off if non-SNK-cast employees ask for a cameo...

Bizuki: Oy, vey. Do you even know who I am?

Developer: Not a clue. You look like you work in accounting- you know, we hate people that work in accounting.

Bizuki: Is this the thanks I get? I mean, being the boss of Samurai Showdown 2 has to count for something...

Hell, Bizuki is supposed to be the last boss chronologically in the Samurai Showdown STORY! She gets no love. ;_;

Developer: Huh? Who are you? Samurai Showdown? Uhh... We just stuck in Shiki and Genjuro because they looked cool. The first one's sexy, and the other's a stoner!

Bizuki: Okay, I'll admit, that last one probably appeals to the new generation with their drinking, driving, partying, and drugs... But that first one... Does Yuda know you think that?

Developer: Who's Yuda?

Somewhere else...

Yuda: Achoo!

Shiki: What is it?

Yuda: Someone's talking about me. Hey, that's a good thing! The SS64 series get no love. ;_;

Back to Bizuki.

Bizuki: Wait a minute. There's only one group of devs who could be this clueless.

Developer: We aren't clueless, damn you! Hell, I don't care if you're from Samurai Showdown, because I don't CARE about Samurai Showdown! I only took this job because it was better than flipping burgers! So we just stuck things together! So what if most of the Capcom cast was Street Fighter? Who cares if the only people who got new sprites were Earthquake and Shiki on the SNK side!!!?? IT WAS STILL NIFTY!!!!!!

Bizuki: I know you now! Ha! I knew it! The people who did SNK Vs. Capcom Chaos! Wait, did you just say you don't care about Samurai Showdown? You, one of our own developers? Samurai Showdown... Not care..?

Developer: Err... I didn't mean that...

Bizuki: SON-OF-A-BLASPHEMING-..!!!!!!

Returning to the R&D floor... The elevator door opens to reveal a group of beaten, battered, and incapable developers groaning and moaning-

Kusaregedo: IDADAGIMAZU!

Which quickly turns to screams as the elevator door barely closes, right before Gedo can eat any of them.

Bizuki: Repeat after me. I will never diss Samurai Showdown again.

Developer: [moans in pain]

Bizuki: Good! ^_^

We interrupt you with this special announcement.

Amakusa: The power of Ambrosia compels you to purchase... Amakusa plushies! [holds up a plushie whose tag says, "MADE BY Saramia Crafts (TM), "1% Polyester, 1% Evil, 98% Whipped"] Hey, wait a minute!

We now return you to your scheduled programming.

Bizuki steps into this floor. It has the odd aroma of a field of flowers about it, not to mention that the rooms look overly green.

Bizuki: Hey, this place looks relatively normal, for once.

Rimururu: AIIIEEE!!!! AMBROSIAAA!!!!!!!

Bizuki: Crap, the SNK Green Party/PETA Branch floor!

Sure, Bizuki was no longer a host of Ambrosia. However, defenders of nature are usually insane so, so they can't differentiate between people who are possessed by ...

Oh, that's not the question you were asking? Oh, the question is, "What the hell? What's PETA doing there???!"

Simple. Like Scruff Mcgruff (Chicago Illinois, 60652) and Smoky the Bear, they're everywhere, and they know when you're doing something bad... FEAR...

Bizuki: Now, look here...

Nakoruru: Demons are about!

Tam-Tam: Me Tam Tam. Am God's warrior. You go down like misplaced castle on unbalanced cliff, yes.

Bizuki: Was that a Merlin reference?

Tam-Tam: [hides tape] Tam Tam not know what you talking about.

Nakoruru's falcon flew right next to Bizuki. Mamahaha was on good terms with Haon, and as such...

Bizuki: Little help here?

Mamahaha: Wait, Nakoruru! It's Bizuki, she's just a-

Nakoruru: DEMON!!!

Galford: Demon? It's an enemy of justice! And anyone who's an enemy of justice, is my enemy! Right, Poppy!

Galford's trademark dog appears. He shakes his head. He too, knows Haon (though it's more like a love-hate thing). Classic rival thing. Hey, if they're man's best friend, they can most certainly imitate their habits. Thus, he's good friends with Bizuki as well.

Poppy: Galford, Galford... Don't you even recognize-

Galford: POPPY, NOOOO!!!! The power of Ambrosia has compelled you!!!!! Now you've joined Ambrosia's side!!!!! Can no-one resist the power of Amakusa's plushies!?

Bizuki: I'm not possessed by Ambrosia, damn it-

Galford: POPPY, THINK OF THE PUPPIES-

Poppy: GALFORD-

Galford: DON'T WORRY, POPPY! FOR JUSTICE, I'LL RESCUE YOU!

Poppy: Sunuva...

Nakoruru: ATTACK!!!!

Rera: This is more like it.

Mamahaha: You don't want to fight all of them at the same time, Bizuki.

Bizuki: Ha! I'm an SNK boss!

Rugal, Krauser, Igniz, Zero, Zankuro, Mukai, Goenitz, Krizalid, Orochi and the Heavenly Kings, and other SNK bosses suddenly appear onscreen.

SNK Villains: BOOYEAH!

Poppy: Take another look.

Nakoruru and her sister Rimururu, Tam Tam and Cham Cham, Rera riding her wolf, and the American wonder-ninja Galford charge Bizuki. All of them are backed by hordes upon hordes of angry PETA supporters wielding large wooden signs, concussion grenades, RPGs, and a mob classic- the AK-47.

SNK Villains: You're on your own. NINJA VANISH! [poof!]

The Shintoist secretary takes one look at this scene, and just sweatdrops.

Bizuki: Oh, why me.

Poppy: Think of something quick!

Mamahama: All this possible carnage makes me hungry.

Bizuki: That's it!

With one swipe of the Mi-Gou, Bizuki causes the ceiling to collapse.

Galford: Foul demon! You not only destroy nature, but damage private property! For that, you must pay the paxultimate-

Poppy: Penultimate-

Galford: Penultimate pri-

Kusaregedo lands with a crash on the floor, which causes the PETA forces to back away. He licks his lips, and some people shudder at this.

Kusaregedo: IDADAGIMAZU!

Galford: SWEET GOODLY-OODLY MOTHER OF JESUS!!!!

Bizuki: "Goodly-oodly"? How do you deal with this?

Poppy: I don't know him anymore.

Tam Tam: WHAT IS THAT!?!???

Rera: Just another thing for me to kill, of course.

Nakoruru: ANOTHER DEMON! ATTACK!!!!!

Meanwhile, Poppy, Mamahaha, and Bizuki slip back into the elevator quietly. And some floors beneath them, listening as the battle rages between the enormous demon and the PETA forces...

Gaira: You're telling me to ignore THIS!???

Wan-Fu: Stop bawling! It's nothing when I say it's nothing!

Gaira: You know what, I- hey, what's that?

Geese: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

Geese, for a split second, is seen flying down from the window.

Geese: -HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gaira: [blinks]

Wan-Fu: [blinks]

Both kneel immediately and begin praying.

Nicotine: Such dreadful subject matter.

Kuroko: Fo shizzle.

GOD, no!! Not the referee, too!

Back to Bizuki...

Bizuki: How're you guys doing?

Mamahaha: Nakoruru's as fanatical as usual. As you could probably see...

Poppy: Galford hasn't changed from being a knucklehead. Oh, and you and Haon?

Bizuki: Same old, same old. Haon doesn't have much to keep him busy, nowadays.

At Bizuki's neighborhood...

Haon: Take this! And that! And this and that!

Gun-toting Cockroach: Use your rayguns!!!! Let's neuter this bastage!

Haon: YOU USED THE N-WORD! I'LL CRUSH YOU ALL!!!! BIZUKI-SAMAAAAA!!!!

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End of Chap-

Bizuki: You forgot something.

I did?

Bizuki: The mandatory "evil bad-guy" scene where we catch a glimpse of them brooding and a foreboding of what's to come, of course.

Oh yeah. In that case... Teleport to the evil bad-guy!

Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo...

Lightning strikes around this rather tall building. Lightning strikes in several places around it, but not actually at it. I suppose one could wonder whether this was a lucky coincidence or something else... But something more sinister defended it... And that was...

SUBTLE CONTROL OVER ATMOSPHERE, THE WEATHER, AND NEED-TO-LOOK-COOLNESS!

Anyways, there's nothing (well, nothing exactly legible) on the building which bears the name of it's owner...

A man wearing blue and white approaches another man in a black cloak, whose features are almost completely hidden under it.

?????: I_BRING_TIDINGS_MASTER. YUKI_ENTERPRISE'S_PRODUCERS_APPROACH_SNK_HQ.

That Other ?????: Excellent. Prepare Phase 1. We will finally squash these has-been gnats! HUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - [cough cough hack] -HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - [hack! hack! cough!] -HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA [cough! cough! dying!] -

?????: MASTER_YOUR_HEALTH_HAS_A_67%_CHANCE_OF_FAILING. PLEASE_STOP_BEFORE_YOU_DIE.

That Other ?????: What do you, HAHA, know, HAHAHAHA? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HA! HAHA! Ha.... I'm done. [collapses]

The shadow of a woman appears in the shadows.

... I'll try that again- The OUTLINE of a woman appears in the shadows. She hoists up a guitar and plays a few notes.

The Third ?????: There he goes again...

Will Bizuki ever find a place that isn't out to get her!?? Will Haon successfully fight off the evil invading cockroaches??? Will Nakoruru, Galford, and the rest of PETA fight off Gedo, or will the demon have them for lunch!??? Will Amakusa stop being a wuss????

Amakusa: Hey!

WILL GEESE SURVIVE (pshaw)??? ARE GAIRA AND THE OTHERS ALL THAT SIGNIFICANT!? WILL WE HAVE ANOTHER EPISODE OF DR. YUY, EVEN THOUGH THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SAMURAI SHOWDOWN!??? FOR THAT MATTER, WILL WE HAVE ANOTHER EPISODE OF RASHOUJIN CHRONICLES!!???? TUNE IN NEXT TIME, FOR CHAPTER 3!!!

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End of Chapter 2.

Author's Note: [spins around on chair] Wheeeeee!!! Please review, people!

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