I AM NOT DEAD! I just haven't the time to deal with my fan fiction at the moment…even now, I don't have the time, but now I am back because I am going to make an effort an finish this fic…I just want this fic to be over with…I am sick of writing it, but now I got a new ending planned so I guess I am going to keep going.
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No Life Flower!
Chapter Fifteen:
When the Last Petal Falls.
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No matter how hard he tried, Inuyasha couldn't catch his breath it was too far away to grasp. Shadows danced over an endless terrain of trees, bushes, grass-fields, rocks, swamps, and crystal-clear ponds. Daylight seemed to slip away through the folds in the fabric of time. Time held no bounds, and he couldn't be anymore lost within the gaps.
Oaks, and Redwood trees formed a medium cleave down the center, separating the two species from ever encountering each other. The path they created, was a plain dirt road. As his run slowed to a calm walk, he watched the ground closely, not wanting to step in a mud puddle. The dampness of the surrounding atmosphere suggested that it had recently rained, but it couldn't be so, for he knew it had been nothing but sunny. The only time he had experienced a change was when he left to Kagome's time, and was met with the angelic coolness of winter snow.
Just thinking about Kagome made Inuyasha's heart ache. It had only been three days since he had learned of her illness, but it felt like an eternity: one of unlimited suffering, and physical pain.
A heavy moist breeze glided through the trees, rustling their leaves as it made it's way towards him. Its revitalizing brisk touch made Inuyasha shiver, and sneeze. Wiping his nose with the sleeve of his hoari, and then the spittle from his chin, Inuyasha let the wild currents take him. He wanted to drift away from all consciousness, and comprehension. It was hard to want to be when all that existed was pain. Nothing was fair, Kagome dying, Sesshoumaru abandoning him again, and everyone giving up on Kagome was just unfair, and wrong. It wasn't supposed to be this way.
Inuyasha couldn't figure out were things went wrong; all he could see was an empty void of uncertainty. Pausing in midstep in the center of the forest, Inuyasha spied a fork in the road. Two paths were revealed, right or left, were his options. It was either give up and let Kagome die, or keep fighting for survival until there was no more pain to go around. It would be just like him to make such an observation, from something having nothing to do with the other. This choice of which way to move bore no effects on his choices to keep fighting for Kagome, and yet they had everything to do with it. Inuyasha wasn't seeing the dirt road ending nor did he see the right or left paths, all he saw was the creases in time. A bright line separating him from what he desired, which was saving Kagome's life, leaving behind the waves of anguish onto a new path towards happiness.
Move right of the line or left, one way would lead him towards doom, but the other would show him salvation. A sharp rapping pain pulsed high in Inuyasha's cheek, but he didn't notice it. The queasy feeling in his stomach was hard not to acknowledge but somehow it hadn't crossed over into his thoughts either. He was completely incoherent towards anything not dealing with the sight before him. He had a choice to make, and it was beginning to scare him.
The flat of his posterior made contact, with the gravel its rough structures numbing it with only a second to pass. He crossed his legs, folded his arms, and glared at the problem needing solving that sat before him. A misty smoke consumed the right path, he could barely see what lie beyond it, but surely, he saw a cliff, and an abnormally large boulder. The other path didn't do much for him either, it wasn't smoky like its sister, but it seemed to have an ominous feel to it. Bright green maples, and oaks clashed together creating a small path; the passageway was paved in yellow grass. It seem to have a certain smell that Inuyasha couldn't ignore, nor could he put a claw on where he had smelt it before, or how to describe it.
He had inspected his choices closely, and easily came to a decision. The sweet yet seemingly bitter aroma was hard to contend with, he couldn't take his mind from it. Standing up, he slowly made his way through the path set to the left. The uncertainty faded, as did his sudden queasiness, but the pain in his cheek wouldn't leave so easily.
There was smells everywhere, many of which blocked out the one he was addicted to. Lilacs, mildew, fresh crisp air, and slowly blooming Cherry Blossoms, converged creating a completely mystifying aroma. The unmistakable smell of Cherry Blossoms when he snuffed the air made him remember words spoken by his so-called friends. "As you know Inuyasha, Kagome doesn't have a lot of time left of this planet, and well, me and Sango don't want to let her leave without something special." Inuyasha stopped in the center of the path a league away from the exit, and bowed his head tossing silky strands of sliver asunder over his shoulders. "We think that before Kagome dies you should take her to the Cherry Blossom festival and give her some fun in her last days. It will probably do you some good too Inuyasha, because you really need to tell Kagome how you feel before she dies, and let everything into the open so later on you don't have any regrets. I think she would be very happy to know-"
Clods of grass were sent flying forward as he kicked the ground in a fit of anger. From hearing Miroku speak of going to a festival; he recalled the day Kagome had told him she was dying, the day his whole life crumpled into dust. Even now, he could feel Kagome's somewhat warm body against his, she was lying on him, and he still couldn't get over the shock he felt in that moment. He had said to her, "Kagome tell me what's wrong now? And more to the point you shouldn't be walking around, you still need to rest." he was worried, but so bemused by her attitude, he knew something wasn't right, and if he had acknowledged it from the beginning maybe things would've been better.
His lips curved into a halfhearted smile, recalling what happened next. It was so sudden he barely had the time to perceive what had occurred. He was pulled to the ground, her head fell against his chest, and she replied. "Inuyasha, are you happy now? I'm resting on you." she was so beautiful then, with her arrogant attitude, and innocent smile.
After the memory sat in, he tossed his head back, and laughed. Louder and louder, he chuckled. He was beginning to think he had lost it, as he heard the wretched sound echoing through the forest. There was no joy in his voice; it was void of all emotion. Why he had even laughed was a mystery to him? He just couldn't seem control himself. Everything that was ever good had become one giant bloody mess before his feet. Tragedies are supposed to bring people closer, not pit them against each other, or inflict betrayal in their hearts. What wasn't worth laughing at? He certainly couldn't see anything.
Friends: he had always thought the word, and it's meaning to be trivial, unimportant. Who needed friendsall they would do is backstab you in the end. It was a constant watching of his back, he always kept his guard up, waiting for someone to try and strike him down. But just when he was about to change his mind about having friends, just when he was beginning to think he could trust people, he witnessed betrayal by the ones he had begun to see in a new light. Sango and Miroku, had turned away from Kagome, they had given up on her, and were prepared to let her die.
Inuyasha picked up the pace, he wanted to be off the yellow grass road, and onto somewhere new, somewhere he didn't feel closed in, completely confined. He gripped his fists at his sides musing about what had only occurred hours ago. Somehow he had imagined things differently. He had thought when he returned, he would find them pushing through heaven and earth to find away to save Kagometheir friend. Instead he found them speaking of festivals, and when he thought they would be angry with him for failing to get Tensiega, he finds they had already given up hope, and were plotting how her death would be.
He scratched his arm with a claw, trying to ward off the sickening feeling he received every time he thought about them giving up on Kagome. It made him angry, it made him scornful, and it made him want to lose it. Veins pumping with rage, he stopped, turned to the right, and punched his tightly balled fist into the thick trunk of a nearby tree. The tree shook, it hummed in pain. Leaves rustled until loose, and were lead astray, falling like snow onto the ground.
Inuyasha snuffed the air, trying to hold back emotions that were trying to rattle free of him. Emotions he dared not feel. He shook his hand of the pain, and then proceeded to rub it. He could feel the shredded skin of his knuckles, and warm drops of blood; it made him shudder. Somewhere during his anger fit he had shut his eyes, unconsciously searching within himself for control. Amber orbs snapped open like a wolf's mouth as it goes to eat its prey. He looked; wanting to see the tree he had taken his anger out on. Luridly, his eyes grew as wide as Kirara's. Goshinbouku! He cried in the deep recesses of his mind. Somehow he had found his way to the beginning, to place where his journey had begun, where his new life was contrived from the ashes, and wreckage of a painful time.
Memories flashed before his eyes like lightening in the sky. The images were quick. He had barely enough time to comprehend what they were, or what to think about them. Surely, Kagome was in them, she was always in his thoughts. This tree before Inuyasha was apart of him, a part he could never look away from. It was always there, watching him, studying all his mistakes, laughing, and pointing at him. It was the start of his new life, but everything it meant bore feelings of bitterness, and sadness in his heart. He held no love for the tree, only contempt for the memories stored away within its bark.
Back up against its rough face, Inuyasha let out a heavy sigh, looking up into the sky—what little he could see through the many leaves of the trees. The sky was beautiful, but it had an eerie sadness to it, one he couldn't quite explain, but could relate to.
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Sango crouched low on the ground, her back arching against a boulder near the border of the village exiting into the forest where Inuyasha had stalked off. Her arms rested upon her knees, while she gazed at the ground. The grass below her was a dry yellow—it was slowly decaying. "We shouldn't have said anything to him. He was clearly upset after speaking with his brother, and failing to take Tensiega from him for Kagome," explained Sango, dolefully. She lowered one hand to the ground, fiddling with the grass, feeling the golden stalks shrivel into dust between her fingers.
Standing in front of her, arms folded over his chest, Miroku replied, "What else were we suppose to do? Kagome is dying in the temple over there," he pointed in the direction of Outsu's with a frown. "And as much as I hate to admit it, she doesn't have a whole lot of time, and right now it is imminent that we find away to save her. I just wish Inuyasha could see that we only meant he should take her away as a precaution just in case. I don't think he would be able to live without telling her how he feels, and I don't think we would want to live with a depressed Inuyasha for years to come."
Sango nodded. "Yes I don't think that would be good either, but still," she paused and then cried. "He thinks we've given up on Kagome that we're prepared to let her die!"
Sighing, Miroku rubbed his foot into a patch of dirt, creating small sand clouds. "He's just upset right now Sango, I don't think he believes we've given up on her, he's only angry at himself for his own failures."
Miroku was right—Sango just failed to see that. Inuyasha had been through so much. At that moment Sango felt like a fool, so much that she wanted to cuff herself.
"I understand," she exhaled, and gaped at the ground once more. "He must've been feeling really guilty, and if I know Inuyasha as well as I think I do, it was probably because he let Sesshoumaru leave without acquiring Tensiega from him first.
"When he came back, we immediately approached him with our ideals on what he should do. We told him what we thought was right, and best, but not what he thought was best. We told him to give up for now and spend the rest of the day with Kagome just incase if it was her last. We didn't want him to miss saying goodbye; we didn't want him to have regrets. But all he heard us say was 'give up' and nothing more. He was already traumatized by his visit with Sesshoumaru that he wasn't thinking or acting clearly, his outlook was muddled. Inuyasha just misinterpreted us, and it's okay. I just hope he doesn't hate us forever, I just hope he comes back and let explain his mistake, and ours." Sango's voice was so crackly, and weak that she barely recognized that it was indeed she who was speaking— if not of her own mental knowledge that she was talking. She just couldn't bear to lose someone else she cared about. Inuyasha was like family to her: a second family.
It was too hard to think about. Sango had already lost so much: her mother, father, brother, and soon Kagome; anymore would be inconceivable. Gripping the rim of the fence, Sango forced herself from it, turning her back on Miroku. Her arm began to itch, and she inadvertently gave it a good scratching. Sango didn't want Miroku to see her in such a vulnerable state— he would only take advantage of it as he always did, and give her a good rubdown, and she was just not in the mood. It was not just that, Sango didn't like anyone seeing her in such a state, it didn't seem fitting for a high-ranking Youkai Exterminator, such as herself.
However, Miroku seemed aware of what she was doing—he knew her better than Sango thought. He put his arm on her shoulder and turned her around to meet him eye to eye. A bright smile assumed his soft lips, giving him that naïve, happy-go-lucky boyish look Sango loved so dearly. Sango was completely lost in his smile that she barely noticed his cursed hand start to twitch. When it became apparent that Miroku's dirty hand was on the move, Sango felt her heart began to thud wildly in her chest. Please don't tell me he's going to take advantage and grope me. Please. I don't want this right now; I can't take it. Not now, Sango thought sadly. But she was overwhelmed with surprise when his hand came to her face instead of her posterior, and wiped away a wet pearl from her cheek. Sango wasn't sure what shocked her more that she was crying, or for once Miroku didn't take advantage of her in a weak moment?
"It's all right Sango. You don't have to hide it from me. If you want to let your emotions loose, I am always here to accept them, and to help heal your brokenness. I can understand what you are feeling; you've lost so much, and anymore could break you for good, but don't worry. You don't have to worry. That blockhead Inuyasha will realize that he misunderstood us with time, but not now. We just got to give him time, he's got a lot to deal with, and quite frankly I think he is more likely to break than you at the moment. You just got to be strong Sango, like I know you can be, and wait for Inuyasha to come to his senses. He's going to comeback, and he's not going to hate you. You don't have to worry." Miroku said, in a calm soothing voice, as he brought Sango into his arms.
Sango accepted Miroku's gesture, and held him back, but still her heart thumped wildly. About now would be the time when he becomes his perverted old self again, Sango mused bitterly, but after a few more minutes of unmoving silence, she found her theory blowing away. What is up with him, surely he would've groped me by now? Sango wanted confront him about his absent groping habits in that last few days, but dared not to remind him about his forgetfulness. It was nice not being groped by him, for it allowed her precious time with him that was not spent beating him with Hiraikotsu. Sango giggled mentally at the thought, a warm smile spreading across her lips. She hadn't smiled like that in awhile.
"Thanks Miroku." she whispered.
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The world below looked insubstantial, from the high cliff Kouga tread upon. Worry, grief, despair, pain, and any emotion that felt like a knife in the gut, didn't seem to exist from up here. Everything was calm, serene, but he knew that it was a façade, a blanket covering the reality: pain, grief those terrible agonizing emotions were very much apart of the world. They were the majority.
With great agility, Kouga jumped from the cliff, towards a lower one, which would allow him a greater perception to everything going on in the forests below the mountains. He didn't know why he wanted a keener insight. He guessed he wanted to see anything that would relieve his mind of the antagonizing thoughts sorting through him like the thorny stem of a rose.
Kagome's words were fresh in his mind; he couldn't seem to let them settle. A promise was made, one that he wasn't sure he could keep. Protecting, and watching over Inuyasha wasn't something he'd thought he would ever be doing, but for Kagome he had vowed to keep the promise. He just prayed that when the time came Inuyasha wouldn't be stubborn, and would just listen to him.
Deep in the forest through the many green leaves Kouga spied a silvery form that glistened within the moonlight. Kouga could smell the grave sadness spilling from it. Inuyasha. That aroma of fresh leaves, and wet dog scent was unmistakable. What was he doing down there, why wasn't he with Kagome, he wondered?
There was something about the way Inuyasha was moving. It was so sloppy, and feeble. Inuyasha's back pressed up against the bark of a tree. It was a strange looking tree, as well. Huge in size, its green leaves had a magical look to them; it was almost mesmerizing. Kouga had never seen such a tree. When Inuyasha stood by it, Kouga could feel an unbreakable, unbidden bond between the two, and he wondered what it was?
Angry, excited, curious, and eager, Kouga raced down the side of the cliff, in a huge dust tornado. He was going to confront Inuyasha, find out what was up with him, why he was acting so despairing, and helpless? Kouga had a promise to keep; to watch over Inuyasha, and now seemed like a good time to uphold that promise.
Inuyasha pulled nimbly from the tree. He could sense Kouga coming. It was obvious, as why else would he be so abrupt? The sharp dusty blades of wind whipping around Kouga slowly diminished becoming nothing more than stilled air. Sliding to a stop against the grass, Kouga spat off to the right, and said, "Inuyasha, mind telling me what you are doing? Are you some kind of moron!" he shouted.
It was expected that Inuyasha would get mad, Kouga had counted on it, but things did not turn out the way he had planned. Inuyasha just narrowed his eyes in contempt, and shook his head. "I don't want to fight with you Kouga, so if you wouldn't mind, could you please just go away, you can torture me all you want another day, just not now." he pleaded, his tone deep and drone-like.
"So it's worse than I first thought, please don't tell me you've given up on Kagome because if you did… I will never forgive you, and I'll make you pay." he said, his mellifluous tones echoing through the forest.
This time, as expected, Inuyasha lost control and punched Kouga in the face. "How dare you! I would never give up on Kagome, not ever!"
Kouga could feel warm blood trickling from his nose. Smiling, he wiped the crimson contents onto his arm, and then said, "That's good, so then, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be out searching for a way to save her, or perhaps you should got to her, and spend what little time you have with her, making sure she is all right."
"You are just like Sango and Miroku, you've given up on her, you've betrayed the one you claim to love." Inuyasha scoffed.
Kouga threw his head back, and laughed. Gaining self-control, he stared at Inuyasha blankly, and all remnants of him laughing had evacuated his features. "Betrayed?" He snickered."Inuyasha, have you ever given thought to the fact that maybe Kagome might die, have you ever thought about what you would do? Obviously, whatever you had just tried to do to save her life failed, so now do you wonder if it is possible for her to survive?"
Inuyasha made a hard sound in his throat, fixing Kouga with a hard sorrowful glare. "I tried to ask my brother for help. I asked him for his healing sword. I offered him everything I had, everything that kept sane, but he still refused. Even when it was him who made the deal," he mumbled, saying it to himself, more than Kouga. He shook his head, and continued. "I still haven't given up, and I will never. How could you even think about that Kouga? How can you even hand that out as a possibility? You, Sango, and Miroku, you all confuse me. You claim to love her. You claim you will do anything for her, but when it seems hopeless you give up on her. How can you do that?" he paused, but picked up again not waiting for an answer. "I will never give up on Kagome. I won't, I can't… I can't and I won't live without her, do you understand!"
It was just as he had expected. He'd heard from Sango and Miroku when he left that Inuyasha had stormed off angry, which is one of the reasons Kouga had journeyed into the forest. "Where'd Inuyasha go off to, I can smell that he was here a moment ago… did he go to see Kagome?" Kouga asked Miroku, who frowned in return.
"Yes Inuyasha was here, and I am certain he didn't go to Kagome. He stalked off towards the forest in a bitter rage, and I am not sure when he'll be back." The monk had explained. Miroku never told Kouga why Inuyasha had left, only that he had gotten upset over something said, which he'd misunderstood. Kouga now had a good idea what it was that he had misunderstood.
Growling, Kouga took his hand across Inuyasha's face. "You idiot! You aren't even listening to me! I never said I gave up on her, I asked you what you would do if there was no way to save her. You are avoiding my question, by twisting it into something it's not. And you know what else? I bet you did the same thing with Sango and Miroku."
Even with Inuyasha's hand nursing the wound on right side of his face, Kouga could see the red imprint of the flat of his hand. Did he really hit him that hard? He didn't realize. There was something in his eyes: it was a dark revelation, and there was surprise too, but also hurt. Inuyasha had absorbed every word he'd said just like Kagome had told him. Kouga wouldn't of believed it if he hadn't seen that look in Inuyasha's eyes for himself.
Inuyasha tried to voice a reply, but it became futile. Kouga had rendered him speechless, and if he wasn't going to speak, Kouga would. It was strange that Inuyasha would let his guard down around him, but Kouga could feel it dropping immeasurably. Inuyasha was becoming vulnerable. He sighed. "Inuyasha listen. I am truly sorry your brother didn't help you, but you shouldn't let that get you down—only an idiot would—there has to be another way you can save her, and if anybody can find it, I am sure you will."
Every word that left his lips tore at Kouga's stomach, creating a hollow hole. It was very hard to get those words out, to even say something nice to the fool, but for Kagome he would. Besides that, Inuyasha being down in the dumps instead of being irritatingly cocky seemed unethical. It just couldn't be done.
The look Inuyasha contrived towards what was said, was disturbingly priceless. His right brow was arched, and there was a crease in his forehead. His expressions looked as though a pup had stolen his freshly made kill right from under him. For the second time in a row, he had rendered the hanyou wordless.
It made Kouga laugh, but he soon stopped himself not wanting to upset Inuyasha. A calm soundless breeze came over them, blowing their hair and clothes in all directions. Things had become oddly quiet. Kouga folded his arms behind his head, and looked up at the sky. It was midafternoon, the sky was cloudless, and the sun was bright, but gave off no warmth, it was turning out to be a nice day. Too bad other things couldn't have turned out good today. Briefly, he wondered what his mother would've predicted from a day such as this, but shoved the thought away.
Kouga rubbed his bootstrapped foot into the grass ground, and turned his head slightly to look at Inuyasha. "What are you still doing here, hasn't anything I've said sank into your hard skull?" he sighed. "Listen, I am going to go slow. I know you can find away to save Kagome, but she doesn't have a lot of time, and although you could find away it might not be soon enough, which is what your friends were probably trying to tell you. Now, what you need to do is go spend some time with her, and if she survives the night, try to find another way to save her. I swear to you Inuyasha that if you waste time searching for a way, only to have her die while you are out doing it, you'll regret it. You'll regret not spending those last minutes of life with her—believe me I know, I've been there. So, if you don't get out of my sight right now, I will beat you into the ground, and go be with Kagome myself."
Bemused, Inuyasha shook his head, and said, "Why are you doing this Kouga, what would you gain?" he asked suspiciously.
Suspicion of Kouga being nice to Inuyasha was to be expected. Inuyasha always suspected everyone of wrongdoing, but Kouga couldn't blame him, he had heard stories about Inuyasha's life, from his wolf friends, the birds, and other animals, he had also learned much from Kagome. Kouga shrugged, laughing. "By pummeling you into the ground, I'd get Kagome to myself, and so you should hurry. I am giving you an ultimatum Inuyasha, either you spend the very last minutes of Kagome's life with her, or I will, either way I will not let Kagome be alone when, and if the time comes—I will not let someone I care about die alone, again. I don't think Kagome will die. I have not given up on her, and so you better not think it Inuyasha. Still, there is a chance, and I will not let her go through it alone."
"Something's off with you Kouga, and I don't think I like it."
"Nothing that will threaten you in anyway I assure you. So what do you chose, either go be with her and search for another way tomorrow, or I will go be with her, and you'll regret it?"
Inuyasha shut his eyes, contemplating with himself, and then opened them again revealing a void of emptiness. He passed Kouga, frowning, and then growled, "I don't have to listen to you, because quite frankly I don't care what ultimatum you hand to me nor what your reasons are. I will do want I want, I am not your obedient puppy."
Kouga smiled. "I never said you were." he sighed, and after a few moments whispered, "Kagome, you better appreciate what I am doing…but mother would've wanted it this way."
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It was like the world had come to pile itself on top of her, weighing her down. Kagome wanted to sit up, but every time she tried, a fainting feeling came over her, forcing her to fall back down. She had grown weak, weaker than she had ever thought she could be. It took all her strength to move one limb, or to look around the room. The time was drawing near, of that much she was sure.
The saddest part of the whole ordeal, was something she had just come to realize: while she had been worrying about Inuyasha and the others, she had yet again forgotten about her family, and how they must be feeling. She couldn't even fathom how worried they must be, not knowing is she is alive or dead. Souta, mother, grandfather, she wept, I am so sorry. They would never be able to say goodbye to her, and even if she wanted to see them one last time, she would never be able to make it to the well. It was all her fault. She should've just said goodbye to Inuyasha, Sango, Miroku, Shippo, and Kaede, and then of come home, instead staying— wanting to keep her promises. It was selfish. Kagome wasn't thinking about what her family would've of wanted.
"Dying like my father is something I never in a million years thought would happen to me." Kagome mumbled to herself, her throat strained to push the words into the open.
Kiva Higurashi. A tear slid down her cheek recalling the tragic events of when she was a child. Of her fathers untimely-death. Most children could never recall memories of when they were very young, but she could never forget such a tragic horrifying time. So many unbidden memories, but of them, what she could remember most was seeing her father lying helplessly in his hospital bed. His skin was so placid, and his eyes were empty, like a man only waiting for the end, never a new direction: a bend in the road, one leading away from the end. Thinking about that time made her heart ache, what little was left. Now she was waiting for the same fate.
Kagome feebly raised her hand up into the air and studied it closely. Five nails, one on each finger, all colored blue due to lack of circulation. It was just how her fathers use to be. Everyday she visited her father, she held his hands, and saw the blue nails, and knew each time they grew darker. And that was when she knew that he was going to leave; it was only a matter of time.
Dropping her hand to her side, she shook her head of the thoughts, leaving the doors open for more unwanted memories to terrorize her. Of how she ended up in this bed, waiting for the end, waiting for death to claim her life. The darkness was so overwhelming. She could still feel its sharp tentacles groping her skin: poking, and prodding at it until finally it invaded her body, and tried to claim her soul. The whole time she knew it was Naraku, the whole time she knew that Inuyasha was in danger. It was because of the voices. They spoke to her in soft enticing whispers. Telling her things, she didn't want to hear, and torturing her with things she feared, and desired.
Everything will be better, if you just give up. One whispered, but at the same time another voice said, No more pain. Kagome didn't want pain anymore, and the offer of no more pain began to take her. Just give in, and give yourself to me, and I will set you free. It was so warm and inviting, just-like her bed at home, but there was darkness in it, and she felt herself wanting to pull away. But she was unable to follow through. Inuyasha can't save you, no one can. The voice continued, and at the same time, another whispered maliciously, He doesn't even care anyway. All he cares about is Kikyou. Kikyou, it repeated. He doesn't want you, only Kikyou. Why live, when you've nothing that's worth living for? It questioned her.
Kagome remember the darkness, not being able to see to run away. It was like she was frozen. Inside she cried to the voices to stop and leave her alone, but they would not let up. Inuyasha should pay. He should pay for hurting you. One voice cried, and then the other, whispered, I will help you make him pay, and then I will set you free; pain, it won't matter any longer. Kagome disinclined their offers, and told them that Inuyasha hadn't hurt her. He would never. Their reply stung her to the very core. Inuyasha has hurt you, you just can't see it, and he will die. It hissed, and then the other repeated, He will die. She remembered screaming, and crying for them to stop, and leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.
Deeper, and deeper she fell into the bed of darkness they had created just for her. And when she reached the end, she was hit with a milestone of pain. Pain they had told her was gone. It was as if she was being, stabbed repeatedly to death all at once, but then like a gust of wind it was gone, and so was she. Asleep, maybe, she wasn't sure. And if Inuyasha hadn't awoken her Kagome was certain she would of never of woken up.
Kagome couldn't take the memories anymore. The darkness, she could still feel it. Kagome had thought that the feelings she experienced in that dreadful time had finally allayed, but it wasn't so. They were still very much alive. Placing her palms at her sides she tried to push herself up from the ground, she wanted to escape the pain, the memories, but failed. She was too weak. The time was nearing, for she didn't even have the strength to hold her own body. A single tear slid down her cheek, sizzling upon the open flame of the candle that sat at her right, as she shook the tear away from her face. For some reason, she just wanted it to end. When would the pain stop?
"Why are you crying miss?"
She gasped, straining to look towards the shoji screens. It was Outsu, and she couldn't say she wasn't disappointed—she had hoped it would be Inuyasha. She wanted to speak with him. Nevertheless, she was just glad to see someone. Being alone in the dark, slowly dying away, tortured by memories wasn't something she wished to endeavor.
Outsu slid the screen shut behind him, walking towards her futon.
"I was just thinking about my family, of how much I am going to miss seeing their faces, and recalling memories. Unwanted memories." For some reason, she found herself mumbling the last part.
His footfalls receded, and then he came to a full stop. "Aye, family is such a wonderful thing. A true miracle to have one, wouldn't you say?"
"Yes, truly. But I don't think my family was very blessed to have me. I am so selfish… I didn't even think about them."
"You should never say something like that miss, because you just don't know." Outsu spoke with so much power, and exasperation that she found herself completely stunned.
"I am sorry, if I offended you in some way, but I do feel that I have let them down. They deserve better." Kagome apologized without giving up her belief.
Outsu shook his head, and sighed. "No miss. I am sorry for being bold, but you have to understand that you can't say something when it is not yours to express." he paused, kneeling before her. For some reason, he looked older now than he did before. "Tell me. Have you ever heard those words for your family? Have they ever said that they were ashamed?"
No, is what she, wanted to say him, but all she could do was frown, and glance away from him to ceiling. Truthfully, she wasn't sure of herself. Deep down she knew that she was, loved but for some reason, she couldn't give herself a straight answer that they weren't secretly ashamed. At last, she shook her head. "Your right. It isn't mine to express, but still I'm not certain of what they feel."
From the corner of her eye, Kagome could see Outsu force a half-hearted smile to his lips. "Miss, I will tell you now that no parent is truly ashamed of their child. Sometimes they don't always agree to their children's actions or choices, but they are never ashamed that they were born into their family. Of that much, I am sure." It was weird thing to say. He seemed to speak from experience.
Rolling her head in his direction, Kagome gaped at him, and then said. "Do you speak from experience? If its not too bold to ask."
Outsu's forced smile curved into one of the most genuine she had seen from him since he came to visit her. "No miss, it's not too bold." he nodded. "Yes, I do speak for experience, and so I am know that any true parent could never be ashamed of their children."
Kagome didn't give a reply. It wasn't the answer she was looking for. Kagome rather hoped he might've told him his experience, but it was topic he didn't seem likely to want to venture through.
Silence strolled into the room. It was beginning to bother her, but she didn't know what to say to break it. Luckily she didn't have to. Outsu stood from the ground, and walked to a far corner of the room.
"I wish to give you a little gift, miss." Outsu breathed lightly.
But why, she wanted to ask him, but instead she remained silent. They barely knew each other, why would he give a present? Perhaps he felt bad for her. Anger boiled in her stomach at that thought. Outsu shouldn't feel pity for her; she didn't need or want anyone's pity. Still she was curious as to what it was. The anger inside of Kagome gentled into mindless wonderment clutching at her stomach.
After a few more minutes, Outsu came scurrying to her side, holding something thin, and light. A kimono! Outsu held it out before Kagome for her to examine. It was a beautiful powder blue kimono. On the sleeves she could see a print of small flowers seemingly ensnared within a white threaded origami pattern. It was breathtaking. Kagome couldn't believe he would give something so magnificent to her.
After a while of listlessly staring at the Kimono, Kagome looked away from it to Outsu. "F—For… me?" Kagome was having a hard time getting the words out correctly, which rather irritated her.
Still smiling, Outsu nodded. His eyes were darker that usual as though they were trapped in an unwanted memory. "Yes, miss. I want you to have it. This Kimono belonged to my daughter Alyiah… it's what she… it's what she got married in." Outsu seemed to struggle nearing the end, as though he didn't want acknowledge what he said as the truth.
This made Kagome curious.
"What happened to your daughter? Where is she now." She asked absentmindedly.
Outsu didn't seem in the least stunned by her interrogation, it was as though he had expected it. Wiping his face, he snuffed the air. He didn't seem surprised, but he didn't seem to want to speak about it as if he did his heart would shatter.
"I am sorry. That's your business not mine. I shouldn't have asked. If you don't want to tell me, I won't push any further." Kagome assured.
Outsu waved her silent. "It's all right miss. I've given you her kimono, and so you should know. My daughter is dead; she died at her wedding. This kimono was very special to her. She made it herself. You remind me so much of her that I thought you should have it." If Kagome didn't know any better she would've thought he'd of broken down right in front of her, but he kept himself composed.
It was such a sad story, never to live past your wedding to enjoy the comforts and securities that come with marriage. Or to feel the bond the forms as you begin your journey into a lifelong commitment. Kagome couldn't imagine the pain her family, and husband must've gone through.
"What happened? How'd she die?"
Giving no answer, Outsu gaped at her dryly, and finally after a moment or too simply said, "Miss I am sorry but that information is too personal. And I just cannot say it out loud. I am sorry, but—"
This time it was Kagome's turn to silence him. "It's all right. Say no more." Deciding to change the subject, Kagome said, "Do you know where Inuyasha is?"
Outsu welcomed the change with a simple smile. "No miss. I am sorry. All I know is that he left towards the mountains, swearing to kill me if I let anything happen to you."
"Sounds like Inuyasha all right. He is so arrogant, but sweet." Kagome said with a vibrant smile.
"Yes. He is a nice fellow; I like him a lot. He seems cares for you deeply. I could see it in his eyes." Outsu informed, a deep awe in his voice.
Kagome's face colored, she could feel her skin burning, and didn't like where the conversation was heading. "Can I ask you a favor?"
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Anger coursed through his veins. His heart was rapping within his chest, trying to tear its way out through the endless flesh binding it in place. The familiar knot of tension in his stomach made him move through the forest all the more quickly. What gave Kouga the right to tell him how to run his life? What gave him the right to criticize everything he believed was true, and how he felt? He had no right!
There was something different with Kouga, what had changed? The way moved, the way he talked, how he acted; everything about him had changed. He was no longer unlawfully stubborn or self-righteous, but was more open, and caring. For the first time, Inuyasha could see within the wolf's eyes that he had a deep bidden love for Kagome. Kouga did care for her. Still, it didn't give Kouga the right to tear Inuyasha's beliefs apart, and tell him what he should and shouldn't be doing.
Inuyasha staggered through the long tresses of grass, making his way towards uncharted, unknown territory. He had no idea where was going, his mind was too clouded; too troubled to perceive the area he had stumbled upon. Unbidden thoughts pulled him in all directions; he could feel a sharp pulse above his nose, in the center of his forehead. It made him wince, but he easily brushed the pain aside.
Normally, he would've fought Kouga, taken all his anger out on him, but the action didn't feel worth it anymore, and he was just too weak. His body was sore, and his heart too broken to care. Everything was too much for him; he didn't feel strong enough to fix it all. Everything was beyond his strength, stacked up against all that had taken place recently, he was a small ant waiting be crushed.
Inuyasha sighed. There was some truth to what Kouga had said. Everyone had been telling him what he did not want to hear, and Kouga had helped him to realize that, and maybe it was time to accept what hand fate dealt him, and pay his debt in full…Even if it is for just a day. Just a day? He thought, or maybe forever.
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Kouga rested amongst the grass, folding his arms behind his head to use as a pillow. The sky above was looking dim with pained emotions. Memories of him as a child forayed his mind, of when use to watch the sky with his mother before she died. "The sky is a gateway to secrets of the world. Can you feel it Kouga?" To this day, her joyous laugh was still etched in his mind. "Millions of generations have looked up at the same sky only seeing every side of it once, but they sky has seen our world and its sides over and over. It can reflect us perfectly, by looking into the sky you can see in each speck a different emotion that someone is feeling or has felt, and you can smell what is happening, and know what is to come."
He never really understood those words, or what she was talking about until recently when a great tragedy had unraveled itself before him. He just hoped Inuyasha would get the bigger picture before it faded becoming nothing more than a memory within the blue depths of the sky. And he hoped, as well that Inuyasha didn't take his words the wrong way, as it seemed lately he had been taking a lot the wrong way.
Kouga sighed. "Kagome…"
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It was colder out than she remembered it being. Kagome's nose felt cold and stiff like an ice cube. If not for Outsu's daughter's kimono, Kagome was sure she would've turned blue from hypothermia. God knows her immune system was rundown enough to catch any sickness, and hypothermia seemed to want to snatch her right up. She quickly rubbed her nose trying to warm it up, but failed. Outsu was a kind and generous man. When she asked him a favor, he quickly complied and helped her: dressing her in the powder blue kimono, and then helping her out the shoji screens towards the forest. It was easy to see that Outsu didn't agree with letting her go for fear of her life, but when she told him her reasons he could do nothing but agree.
Despite the chilling atmosphere, it looked like it had been an extraordinary day. The blue clouds in the sky vibrantly glowed from the rays of the sun caressing them from behind. Even the trees had a certain mystifying glow to them. But Kagome didn't pay to much attention to her surrounding environment, she was too busy pacing herself, watching her steps, and keeping her breathing steady. Sometimes she would use the trees around her to support some of her weight and help her advance a little further towards her destination. Kagome might not have enough strength to withstand going through the well, and then home, but there was still one place she could go. It was a place she couldn't imagine dying without seeing one last time.
When something soft and light grazed the top of Kagome's head, she immediately without thinking brought her hand up to meet with whatever it was. Capturing it, she brought it to her eyes for a quick examination. A cherry blossom!Awe overwhelmed her; she inhaled lightly, and then abruptly looked up from the pink flower to the trees. How could she have missed it? How could she have not noticed them blooming before her? They were magnificent. Pink with a blue tint consumed the trees, glowing in an ethereal light. It was almost heavenly. It was hard to find the perfect blossom, or so she was once told, but these seemed strikingly perfect to her.
Out of the corner of her eye, she spied something. Kagome's stomach filled with butterflies, which rose to her chest threatening to burst out. It was the Goshinbouku tree: her destination. As if she could die without revisiting the place where the essence of her true meaning in life had contrived. Meeting Inuyasha, that day had changed her whole life, giving her a new meaning in which to live by.
She smiled warmly, taking small-meditated steps towards the large broad tree. Extending her hand out, she just wanted to touch it one last time, but she felt her hand dropping, as her excitement died, being replaced with unfathomable pain. Kagome's chest burned, and her heart felt as though it had been placed in a blender. She stumbled backwards slightly and then forward. The pain was always there, but not to this extreme. A rivulet of sweat formed down her brow.
"Is this the end?" Kagome smiled, feeling a great release. "I don't want to die, but it feels so good…" Reaching the tree, Kagome collapsed forward. Her breathing had quickened and then in an instant, died down to a simple exhale. "…to finally let go. No more pain…I am sorry…Inu…" Before the Goshinbouku, Kagome lie out upon a bed of fallen blossoms, a gust of wind blew over her lifting the fallen flowers until they blanketed her body. It was just like in the dream.
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Inuyasha's eyes took only a moment too grow accustom to the dim lighting of the temple. It didn't take him long to see Kagome, lying down in the center of the room either. He couldn't see her, as she was, covered in wool blankets, but he could tell she was peaceful. A small candle sat off to her right forming an ethereal glow around her.
He took a few steps forward. Something small but hard rattled across the wood floorboards, and the small noise became a deep shrill echo through the medium chambers. Inuyasha stopped in midstep feeling his body tighten. The sound had startled him, but mostly he didn't want the noise to wake Kagome. Unmoving Inuyasha waited, watching her closely to see if the noise had any impact on her, and after a few moments, he found the-coast-was-clear.
Something wasn't right. He could still smell her, but the scent wasn't fresh, and there wasn't anything backing it up. His eyes narrowed. Letting the newly discovered facts settle for a brief moment, Inuyasha then lunged toward her resting-place, and pulled the blankets slowly from her face. Inuyasha's stomach quickly became a hallow pit. Kagome was gone! Overwhelmed with frustration and worry, Inuyasha yanked the blankets back further. There was no one. Kagome wasn't here anymore, of that much he was sure. If she was still alive was a whole other story. In a course of anger he threw the wool blankets backward into the wall.
"Kagome!" Inuyasha shouted hysterically. "Kagome where are you?"
No answer came, but he wasn't particularly expecting one. Standing from the ground, Inuyasha deeply inhaled trying to compose himself. He was being rundown by too many emotions to think clearly on what to do next.
"Inuyasha?"
The strained feeble voice was easily recognizable and in ire, Inuyasha turned to meet with the owner of the voice. It was Outsu. Immediately without thinking Inuyasha grabbed him by the throat, and slammed him up against the wall. Outsu seethed and whimpered slightly from force of impact, but Inuyasha paid no mind to it. All he cared about in that moment was Kagome.
"Where's Kagome?" Inuyasha growled. "Tell me, what did you do? What happened?" The hostility and ire encased within his voice scared Inuyasha even more than it did Outsu who was simply horrified out of his wits. Never before had Inuyasha heard himself sound so monstrous, but at the stake of losing Kagome Inuyasha had learned that he had many undiscovered sides to himself, ones he had never experienced before. This time was no different.
"I am sorry Inuyasha but she's gone." Outsu said, his voice hoarse from the tight squeeze of Inuyasha's hands. Noticing this, Inuyasha loosened his grip, but not to the extent that Outsu could get away from him.
Panic squeezed Inuyasha heart. Slowly he felt his body drowning in sweat. Inhaling, he gradually exhaled trying to calm himself before speaking, but in the end failed. "What the hell happened? Where did she go?" Inuyasha hissed.
When seconds passed and Outsu gave no answer Inuyasha again tightened his grip slamming him harder into the wall. "Answer me," he growled, "Answer me now!"
Looking off to the side in defeat, Outsu finally gave an answer. "All right, fine." he began, "Miss Kagome is no longer staying here. She has left the temple." It was too simple of an answer for Inuyasha's taste. Just when Inuyasha thought he could feel his stomach uncoiling, Outsu just had to tell him that Kagome was outside somewhere unsafe from harm.
"Why did you let her go? I made you promise to protect her while I was gone, and you failed. Do you remember what I threatened if you failed?" Inuyasha said slightly hysterical, exercising his claws against Outsu's neck.
Outsu didn't reply, he only glared, and pushed himself away from Inuyasha's clutches. Walking past him to the far corners of the room, Outsu said, "I am sorry Inuyasha. And if you want to kill me, you can do so after I am done speaking… for I really don't have anything to live for." Outsu's voice seemed distraught in his last words, but easily became stern. "But I do not regret what I did for the young maiden. You see Inuyasha, Miss Kagome asked me a favor, and I could not deny her." he paused, taking a deep breath to clear his throat, and then continued. "Miss Kagome told me: not that she didn't enjoy being here with me, it was just that she didn't want to die in such a unsecured, somber, and lonely place. She wanted to die where she felt the safest. I could not deny her wishes, and so, I dressed her in a warm kimono, and helped her out the temple. I didn't particularly like the idea, but as I've said: I could not deny her wishes."
It was understandable. Outsu was not just a kind and understanding soul, he was an honorable one. Hearing Kagome's plea he could not help but understand her wishes. And although he wanted her to stay where she could be safe, Outsu just couldn't ignore how she was feeling, and being an honor bound soul could not deny her.
Not turning to face Outsu, Inuyasha said, "I understand. Where did she go?"
Outsu sighed. "I am not sure. All I know is she wanted to go into the forest." he said. It wasn't that helpful of an answer, but it did give Inuyasha some ideas as to where she would be.
Inuyasha nodded, still not turning to face Outsu. "Thanks." he whispered, gently pulling the shoji screen open, and exiting the room.
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It seemed darker now that Inuyasha had left the room; very little light made it through the shoji screen, and the candle had all but burned out. Outsu slowly advanced to a far corner of the room, and with a sigh took a seat on the smooth wooden floorboards, crossing his legs, and folding his hands in his lap. Was I right to let the young maiden leave? Did I send her to her doom, taking away all chances of her survival? Did I, Alyiah, please tell me? Outsu's wasn't expecting an answer, as it was once, said: the dead don't talk! But sometimes he swore in his heart he could hear his daughter's laughter, and hear her speaking to him about common things such as: the weather, the crop fields, her day, and her dreams. In truth, Outsu still hadn't come to terms with Alyiah's death, and didn't know if he ever would. It was such a traumatizing event that he still harbored some of the anger towards her killers, he tried desperately to get rid of the sinful feeling, but couldn't seem to let it slip away. Outsu still wanted them to rot in Hell for what they did to his family, to his daughter.
Outsu bit his lip, allowing the stinging pain to take precedence over his unbidden train of thought. Everything that happened, the pain, horror, and terror of that day had been locked in the past never to open up again. He would morn his daughter till the day he died but those sinful emotions he felt that day would never be released.
That poor girl, she was so sweet, just like you dear Alyiah, which is why I couldn't refuse her wishes. But I fear my feelings have done me wrong once more, and I've sentenced the young girl to her doom. Unrestrainedly, Outsu's head slumped over into the sweaty wrinkled palms of his hands, where he wept uncontrollably.
"It's all my fault, I shouldn't have let her go. I've killed her. I should have let her leave; I should taken better care of her. It's all my fault; I might as well have killed you, Alyiah. I shouldn't have let you leave. No. No, it's my fault, my fault. I don't deserve to live, when you are dead…" Outsu whined, choking on the phlegm building up in his throat from excessively crying. He didn't know why he was crying over the past now, but couldn't seem to contain himself.
The floorboards behind him creaked repeatedly as though someone was in the room with him, but the door was shut, and Inuyasha had long ago left. And since the door never opened, he obviously was the only one in the room. It was probably a rat, Outsu assured himself in the deep recesses of his mind. He still couldn't bring himself to quit weeping, not even to see or care if his guess was right.
"Kagome, Alyiah, I am so sorry. "
Creak! The floorboards sounded again, but this time with a deeper edge. Whatever was making the sound was advancing closer. More wary now, Outsu began to feel his heart pumping, and pulsating madly within his chest. That's no rat, but the door…I never heard it open. Spinning around onto his knees, Outsu focused his line of vision on what was in front of him. At first he could see nothing but a blur, but in few seconds his eyes had grown accustom, and he found himself utterly stunned. Outsu's eyes expanded. He could hardly breath; his throat began to dry, and close up.
He shook his head in disbelief. "No. This can't be real…but you're, you're dead."
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The sweet smell of lavender and strawberries with a hint of cinnamon was very weak among the strong scent of blooming cherry blossoms. The sharp aroma seemed to whisk away all knowledge that Kagome had even walked among the forest, but Inuyasha with his keen nose knew better. Though her scent was light, Inuyasha could still smell it, not only that, but he had Outsu's testament to back it up. But, something did bother him, which was the strong scent of oncoming death that was sewn throughout Kagome's sweet scent. It was so strong it seemed to outweigh every other smell, and Inuyasha could only hope that it did not belong to Kagome, but in his heart, Inuyasha knew better. Still, he chose to ignore it, and find her as quickly as possible.
I wonder where she went. Outsu had said that Kagome wanted to go where she felt safest. And there were only two places Kagome could've gone, which resided in the forest and only in one of them could Inuyasha imagine her feeling safe. Home. Inuyasha could understand her need to say goodbye to her family, but he wished she would've waited for him so he could take her, and make sure she made it there safely. He put that thought behind him; the damage had been done. All he could do was find Kagome, and make sure she was all right.
Leaves cracked harder against his skin as he quickened his pace, but he paid the stinging pain no mind. He barely watched where he was going as he tore through the trees and tall bushes. He only needed to go straight through the center of the forest to get to the well, and anything in the way was insubstantial.
Inuyasha was so worried about Kagome's safety that he had nearly forgotten his decision, which he had made with the eye-opening help from Kouga, but it wouldn't leave so easily. He never knew it would be so hard to let go, but he couldn't seem to pressure his heart into accepting his choice, and even more so, now that Kagome was gone from her bed. Somehow, Inuyasha thought; if his mother could see him now she would be very disappointed.
"What?" Inuyasha said lightly, stopping a few miles from the well. Very slowly he turned around, facing the Goshinbouku. A body, Inuyasha thought warily, covered in fallen blossoms, but whose? It was a female: she wore a beautiful kimono, and threw the blossoms Inuyasha could see her black raven hair running in long wavy locks down her back. Inuyasha's eyes widened taking in a familiar scent, and found his stomach hollowing. He was going to be sick.
Inuyasha tried to move towards the body, but his legs had stiffened, and wouldn't allow him to go near what he already knew was true. Don't save me the pain. With much effort, Inuyasha forced himself to lunge towards the strung out body.
He could still feel some life inside of her, and because of the powder blue kimono he would've never of guessed her to be whom he was seeking. Even though Kagome's scent was all over her, he still wouldn't have allowed himself to believe it was she. But why would she go to the Goshinbouku? He had thought home would've been her choice of a safe place.
As much as he wanted it to stop, he couldn't keep himself from shaking. With an unsteady hand he swept the flowers from her hair and turned her around. She was so placid and gone from the world. Inuyasha quickly looked away from her, squinting his eyes unable to absorb the expression on her face. Why, Inuyasha murmured in his mind, why are you smiling? It was something he wanted to ask her, but wasn't sure he wanted an answer.
It took him a couple of seconds to realize that what lay out in front of him was reality not a nightmare, and without a second thought Inuyasha scooped her up in his arms, and held her close. Her skin was so cold, and yet so smooth. "Kagome?" he said, half expecting an answer, half not knowing he had spoken at all.
"Inu…ya…sha, is it you?" A voice whispered hoarsely.
He gasped, startled that she had said a word. He'd thought she was already gone, unless it was his imagination playing horrible tricks on him. Just to be sure, he looked down at her. The warm smile he had come upon her wearing was still intact, but this time he could see the dwindling glint of life in her eyes, which somehow he had not noticed at first glance.
"Kagome," he breathed, "You're alive."
Kagome's head rolled back into the crook of his neck. "…I…I am sorry…I guess…it's my…time. I wish…I could've kept my promise," she gasped. "…I wanted to be…with you…always…forgive m…" Her words ended there, and Inuyasha could feel all remains of life escape her body, and with it Inuyasha could feel his own heart stopping.
He couldn't lose her. Not her! Clutching his eyes shut, coming out from his inebriated state, Inuyasha took a deep breath of air, and held it in his lungs, then pressed his lips against her mouth. He softly let the air flow into her, feeling the cold tender flesh of her lip. Gradually, it pushed through her mouth, and into her throat, then traveled down into her lunges. Inuyasha waited a few moments for her chest to start pumping, but nothing happened.
Tension, and panic rose high in his chest, and a twinge of guilt boiled in his heart—what was he thinking, when he came to the decision to give up on her? Why did he have to listen to them, and wait? Kouga told him to spend the rest of the day with her, just in case if it was her last day, and if she lived then he could go a search for another way. But why did he have to listen?
Inuyasha looked down at Kagome, and carefully, with stiff movements, embraced her against his chest. Taking another breath, he held her out, and pressed his lips against hers, letting the air flow. Minutes passed, and nothing happened. The tears he had been forcing to stay in since the beginning of this had finally let loose streaking through the gray dirt that stained his face from his rough journey from Kikyou to Sesshoumaru, and then back again. He forced himself again, not cry, but ended up choking on the tears instead.
He threw his head back, staring into nothingness and screamed, "No, no! Please, Kagome…no…comeback, comeback!"
As all the other times, when someone left him, he would just accept it, and get over it, but he could not accept her leaving. Not her! Sesshoumaru had renounced all knowledge of sharing a thread of blood with him, and as much as he hated admitting, Sesshoumaru's hate for him and his existence, hurt. Then there was Kikyou who betrayed him and then left him for dead. And as Sesshoumaru what Kikyou did, and the hate she still harbored burned like acid in his veins. He just couldn't take losing another person that he cared about.
He snuffed the air, trying to fight back the tears only to fail every time. He stood to his knees, still clutching her close, and still with his head back. Everything was so dark, the outdoors felt as though they were closing in on him, trying to make him suffocate. He could feel the tentacles of the darkness, of despair, and emptiness prod, and fondle his skin, trying to pull him backwards. He had nothing to live for. Kagome was gone.
Finally, he looked down at her, she felt so light in his arms it made his throat ache. Her once flowery aroma had already begun to be consumed by the malodorous scent of death. Flowers were still weaved throughout her hair, and with the powder blue kimono, Kagome seemed like a sleeping angel. Closing his eyes, unable to look at her pale distaining form, he squeezed her close, rocking back forth, whimpering like a lost, scared child. "No… no…" he mumbled, feeling himself beginning to snap. "This can't be happening, its not real, none of this is real. You can't say sorry, there's no sorry! You can't be gone! Kagome, you promised to stay by my side forever, and so you have to comeback." He shook his head, his breathing raspy.
"Kagome, please forgive me, please," his voice was growing dry and horse. Rocking backwards, he fell over; Kagome's lifeless body tumbled to his side, though she never left his arms. He clutched her closer, she was getting colder by the minute, and unconsciously he couldn't help but want to keep her warm. Sniveling, he fought to keep breathing.
Unwarily, Inuyasha expelled a short, and light yawn. He was becoming tired, though refused to allow himself to sleep without seeing Kagome open her eyes. But in his heart he knew those silvery chocolate eyes would never be seen again. And so, losing Kagome made him lose the will to stay awake. He had nothing left. Inuyasha unwillingly shut his eyes, bringing her closer, holding her a bit tighter. He didn't want to let go; he would never let go. A thought came into his mind just as he left the waking world: just because she wasn't here with him now, didn't mean she would never be again.
"Kagome…I don't know how, but I know that this is not the end…it's not over, until I say it is…I won't let you break your promise." Once those solemn words left his lips, he drifted to sleep with her next to him. Inuyasha didn't want to sleep, it felt wrong, but somewhere in the childish part of his heart, he thought in the morning he woke up, he'd find it to be just a nightmare. I want to go back…back before you learned you were ill. When everything was…normal.
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A sudden chill ran down Sesshoumaru's spine. He stopped in midstep, and looked off into the darkening sky. Jaken and Rin came to a full stop just behind him when they noticed they were inches away from colliding with him.
Worried, Jaken looked up at his master. "What is it Lord Sesshoumaru?" he questioned.
Sesshoumaru just ignored his squabbles, as he did most of the time, and concentrated hard. It was faint, but he could feel Kagome's life evaporate. She was gone. And with that he could almost feel his little brother's heartache within his own heart. It confused him deeply. What is this? What he was feeling, it had to have been due to Inuyasha's and his earlier conversation. It must've had a deeper effect on me than I had first thought. Sesshoumaru gritted his teeth. No, I won't let you get to me little brother. I… Sesshoumaru looked down at Rin. There she went again chasing butterflies, with a big free spirited smile. You Insolent whelp, Inuyasha.
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Author's Note: First of all, I have had some reviewers saying I've made Inuyasha a bit OOC in some instances like with his brother, and probably in this one with Kouga, and so I am here to tell you. I wrote Inuyasha OOC on purpose because when he is speaking to them he is not himself. Kagome is dying, and he has little time left, and so he is at his breaking point. She is basically his meaning in life --or so I believe-- Kagome is all he has…of course he has the others, but Kagome is most important to him…and if he loses her he has nothing in life. Therefore, he has no more reasons to be self-righteous or pigheaded. But anyways, I just wanted to clear that up.
Whelp now that her death has come finally, I have to begin preparing that happy ending I promised you all. Don't expect a quick update as I told you all in my bio --if anyone bothers to look there-- I have been working on a new angle for the ending of this story. I found my old one to be too boring, and so I am writing out a new plan, and as I write this I am setting it into motion. I know I said this story would end in two more chapters, but now I have decided and settled on five or six more…unless of course I change my mind about my ending, which I don't see happening, but who knows. Stories tend to write themselves no matter how you plan out them to be.
See you all, when I see you…
That didn't really make sense?
