The RASHOUJIN Chronicles
Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. All characters from Samurai Showdown, Fatal Fury, Art of Fighting, and King of Fighters are owned by SNK. All company names, brands, characters, etc. belong to their respective owners, etcetera...
Chapter IV.
Bizuki and the first intermission
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I bet you all are wondering...
"WTF!?!?? AN INTERMISSION??? AFTER JUST THE THIRD CHAPTER!???? THE HELL!"
Well, I just want to take some time to step away from all these SNK in-jokes. I believe an intermission from the main storyline is the best way to go about that. What's that? "Then don't DO in-jokes in the main storyline?" You know what, screw you!
Wait! I was just kidding! Please keep reading. ;_;
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NOW PRESENTING...
SNK HQ'S STAND-UP COMEDY NIGHT!
FIRST UP...!
IORI YAGAMI!
Polite applause from the audience, as Iori comes onto the stage. He clears his throat, then glares viciously at everyone. Then he begins.
Iori: Okay, so this old man walks up to me and asks, "What's the time, young man?"
Iori: I figure he's sixty or so.
Iori: Not a long time to live.
Iori: So I say, "GAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" and tear the guy to shreds! First I clawed him to death, then ripped out his heart, then crushed his spine, then blew him up with purple flames! Ha!
Iori: Hahahahaha...
Iori: HAHAHAHA...
Iori: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Iori: What the... Laugh, damn it!
The whole room is silent, just gaping at Iori.
Kula: BOO!!!!
Sogetsu: YOU SUCK!
Setsuna: Get the fu** off the stage!
Tam Tam: Tam Tam not impressed...
Kyo: Jokes are as bad as ever, eh Yagami!
Orochi Iori: KYOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Kyo: Ah, sh**!
THE ROOM'S EXPLODED IN PURPLE FLAMES!!!!! IORI'S GONE MAD!!!!!!
BZZRT! BZZT! [The image displays a message that says, "Experiencing Technical Difficulties"...]
We're back! Sorry about that, folks...
The room has returned to it's previous state. We see a glimpse of Iori bound in a straight jacket and being hauled off by Raiden.
NEXT UP! BIZUKI!
Bizuki: [runs up onto the stage] Hi, everybody!
Crickets. Bizuki gets nervous.
Bizuki: Oookay... So...
Bizuki: There's this man from Argentina.
Still more crickets.
Bizuki: And... And he-
Haohmaru: Who the hell are you?
This, coming from the main character of Samurai Showdown!
Bizuki: That TEARS IT! PINBALL ATTACK!
BIZUKI'S GONE MAD!!!!!!! HIT THE DECK!!!!!!!!
BZZRT! BZZT! [The image displays a message that says, "Experiencing Technical Difficulties"...]
We're back! I hope. That won't happen again, folks.
Bizuki is [slowly and barely] being dragged away by the combined might of Raiden, Billy Kane, Fernandez, Grant, the Metal Slug team, and Naoe Shingen.
NEXT UP!
Gaira appears from the curtains!
Gaira: One! Two! One! Two!
Nicotine: Gaira! Bad Buddhist! This isn't the SVC (SNK, Value, Convenience goshdarnit) office!
Gaira: Oh, fo shizzle? [leaves]
I give up...
NEXT UP! JOE HIGASHI!
Joe Higashi leaps out of the curtains.
Joe: YOUSHA!
Terry: Hey! Come on, come on!
Joe: So a guy walks into a bar!
Joe: Then he says, "ouch!"
Laughter! My God, I think this is actually working!
Joe: Old Man Tung, man, that guy's a slave-driver. One time, I had to go looking for a part-time job...
Joe: He tells me, "I've got an opening for a guy selling pizza", so I immediately go for it.
Joe: Too bad for me, he neglected to mention the fact that the pizza stand was out in a desert!
Chuckles from the crowd! I'm not a complete failure! Yes!!
Joe: So it's no surprise that there are absolutely no customers coming by.
Joe: I bring this up with Old Man Tung, and he tells me, "You-a must-a be-a covert! They must not see you! And you-a have to yell out-a, at the top-a of your lungs! PIZZA!"
Joe: So here I am, borrowing one of Andy's ninja outfits... Not exactly covert, I mean what kind of ninja wears blazers like these?!?
Several guffaws break out.
Joe: A car passes by...
Joe: And I yell, PIZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
THE CROWD'S ON IT'S FEET!! YES~! YES~~!!!!!
Slash: Woo!
Kazuki: You da man!
Joe: Thank you! And here's one for one of my fans.
Joe performs his taunt, pulling down his shorts. WAIT, PULLING DOWN HIS SHORTS!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Slash: WHAT THE!
Kazuki: WHAT THE **CK!
Chizuru: JEEBUS!!!!
Billy: AIIEEEE!!! IT'S BURNING THROUGH ME EYES!!!! ME EYES!!!!!!!
All of SNK: GET HIM!!!!
Joe: Meep!
BZZRT! BZZT! [The image displays a message that says, "Experiencing Technical Difficulties"...] Except this time, Joe's screaming can be heard.
[sob! sniff!] I'm a failure! A FAILURE!!!!! WAHHHH!!!!!!!!! [runs away]
Bizuki: Crap, the author's useless now.
Chizuru: Whoa. How'd you get back so quickly?
Bizuki: Hush. I think it's time to divert the readers' attention AWAY from this mess!
****************DATING ADVICE WITH HEERO YUY
Heero: Man, I'm beginning to love this gig.
Kid: Right. Anyways, dad, it seems we have a guest. Bandai said it'd be a secret, he should be arriving right about... Now.
Zechs Marquise, AKA Milliardo Peacecraft, AKA The Lightning Count, AKA Preventer Wind: HEERO YUY!!!!!
Heero: Oh sh**!
Zechs: You asshole!
Heero: What the fu** are you doing here? Is this Bandai's twisted as hell joke!!
Zechs: Cussing in front of your son! And you're STILL threatening my sister!
Heero: Geeze, Zechs, you say that as if it were serious-
Zechs: DIE!!!!!!!
Relena: MILLIARDO!!!! What are you doing!!!!
Zechs: Yipe! Relena!
Relena: [fuming] WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT INTERFERING WITH US!
Zechs: But Relena, I'm just-
Relena: But nothing!
Zechs: Relena, you- YUY, DON'T RUN!
Too late- Heero jumps out the window! He lands with a crash onto the street outside.
Relena: HEERO!!!
Zechs: He's not dead! HE NEVER DIES!
Heero: [knows he's found out] Nuts. [runs for it]
Zechs: YOU WON'T GET AWAY!!!!
Relena: MILLIARDO, COME BACK HERE!!!
Kid: [thinking to himself] I'm not related, I'm not related, I'm not related...
****************THIS HAS BEEN DATING ADVICE WITH HEERO YUY
And we're at the end of this intermission. Thanks for reading!
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End of Chapter 4.
Author's Note: We're going to go ALL! THE! WAY! R/R, please!
