Mars

Chapter 9: Pieces

For two years he yearned for Amorina and for two years he mourned, seeing her ghost in his dreams as they kissed each other's bare flesh. Her body was burned, but Commodus did not attend, saying 'I cannot bear to witness flames other than my own ravishing her.' He spent many of his days confined to the palace, drinking wine and day dreaming about his Utopia. It would have been he and Amorina in the Emperor's balcony in the Colosseum, but now it would be he and Lucilla, as the nightmare of life was forcing him to accept his isolation and loneliness. He knew he did not love her, but that could not stop the feeling that one day he could have loved her and if he had been given the chance he may have married her, having only a years difference between them in age.

They never found the killer, but Commodus was content with the fact she was spared the cruelness he had found within the world.

He would receive visits from his sister and his nephew, which gave him more cheer than he could have thought possible, making him feel warm inside.

Besides missing his lover he also missed his father dearly, writing letters telling him of all that had happened, but refusing to send them, saying they were his thoughts to the father he wished he had. Gracchus had not tormented him any further and the senate were surprisingly understanding of his grief and would recurrently discuss plans for the Empire once he was in charge. He had not however, revealed his plans for his games nor the most perfect features of the future giving him self-satisfaction that he was the only one who knew the full story.

On one occasion he returned to the streets and handed out loafs of bread to hungry citizens who could tell him the Greek name for Hercules, needless to say he did not give out a great deal as most of the people did not care for the Greek language. But he was happy to give the losers half a loaf to feed their children. It gave him a sense of worth, like he mattered.

Every day brought a new argument that was resolved as quickly as it started, but Commodus loved arguments, so it meant no hassle to him. All in all his life was just an endless string of repetitive sympathy from people who would kill him as soon as worship him, but it would all change once he was emperor - for he would make the people love him!

"Commodus, father has sent us a letter." Said Lucilla walking into his chamber. He was lying face down pretending to be asleep, but Lucilla knew he was awake, she always knew. "Commodus, get up." She hit the bare soles of his feet whilst sitting at the foot of the bed to prove a point, so he moaned as he sat up beside her.

"A letter, how splendid. We have not heard from him in two years and he has sent us a letter." He said sarcastically, resting his head on his sister's shoulder.

"Do not be sarcastic. It says he wishes to see us and the Senate immediately and that we must leave at dawn tomorrow." She recited it exactly the way he imagined his father saying it - he really was that boring.

"Must we?" He was not one for travelling and did not like the thought of spending two weeks on the road constantly heading to Germania, a dank and dark country he had heard of.

"Yes, we must. I have been invited too." She felt proud that her father sent for her as normally he only addressed the males as she was not that important.

"Well, that should make the trip a bit more bearable." He smiled, kissing her hand. Lucilla and Lucius were the only ones who were truly there for him during his pain, and he was grateful that they cared. "Will dear Lucius be accompanying us?"

"I am afraid not, he made a point of noting it. I'll have to leave him in remaining Senator's care." She did not like the thought of leaving her son behind, but knew it was what she had to do.

"He'll be alright. Father will make sure of that." He assured her. "At dawn tomorrow?"

"Yes." She answered him, she was not looking forward to it either.

"Then I suppose I shall have to prepare myself with sleep." He joked, longing for a nap of some sorts as his sleep patterns had changed drastically since she died.

Lucilla kissed his forehead and left the room, so he lay his head upon his pillow and closed his eyes. It was pointless though as he could never sleep midweek and now it was Autumn it was even harder. But nevertheless he amazingly got to sleep, for an hour or so.

In his dream he was in a field. Vast expanses of tall grass stretched out in every direction as far as the eye could see and they were so high they towered above his head. He heard distant calling from gulls and the sea, begging him to find them.

He smiled and began to run towards the calling, but he tripped and fell into a hole. And fall he did, he did not hit the bottom for a good long while and when he did he was in yet another field of exactly the same sort. This time he was not alone, he saw a man walking away from him.

"Excuse me!" He shouted. The man did not reply. He began to follow him, but as his pace quickened so did the man's. Eventually he caught up with him and panted trying to get his breath back. He laid a hand upon the stranger's shoulder and when he turned he realised the man was not a stranger at all, it was a face he knew all too well. "Maximus." He whispered. It was Maximus and upon his head he wore the reef of the emperor. Commodus stepped back in shock and put a hand to his neck and when he removed it and looked down he saw a horrific sight - his hand was covered in blood, black blood and his neck was sliced open. Maximus smiled and held up a dagger in front of his eyes slick with the blood from his throat. "Maximus" He heard a crowd of people chanting the name "Maximus...Maximus...Maximus."