Title: This year's love

Author: Ingrid aka 'Cartercanhaveyou'

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Rating: R

Description: Angst, reminiscence for CarKem's- rejoice for Carby's (eventually)

Spoilers: Set straight after season 10, so all of season 10 WILL be discussed, but no spoilers from season 11 will be unspoiled, I promise. This is just my take on where things will go.

Summary: Kem's gone, Carters just trying to pick up the pieces of his life and start over from where he left off. Starts where season 10 left off.

Disclaimer: None of the characters or settings are my own, I just like to borrow them and play around with their lives now and then. Also the title and lyrics used are borrowed, see the author's notes for details.

Author's Note: Hello, I hope you enjoy this, it's an angst-filled assessment of Carter's feelings, post Kem, pre CARBY REUNION, (me hopes) any thoughts/feelings, review please. Feel free to email me a review, or whatever. I just hope it doesn't suck too much :-p

Also, by the way, the lyrics used and the title of this fic is from a beautiful song by David Grey, called 'This year's love' I just thought it was highly appropriate.

Authors post-prologue note: Wow thanks everyone for the response to the prologue, heres the next chapter. Of course I didn't enjoy doing a little CarKem for the prologue, however i felt it was necessary to provide a realistic closure for their relationship, we can't pretend she didn't exist no matter how tightly we close our eyes and wish her away ( ) hehe. I hope this chapter is a little easier to understand, what with all those lingering carby thoughts, sorry bout that. oh and by the way, throughout the story, the italics are just thoughts about the feelings of the characters, perhaps a discussion between Carbies, they are not related to the story, but i like to make myself think about things. overanalyse? possibly. Now i'll stop rambling, ad let you enjoy (i hope)

Chapter 1 – A smack in the face from the past.

He steps off the plane, down the stairs and across to the airport, looking around through the crowd of people, as if searching for a family member or loved one. As if there was someone waiting. But there was no one really. Nothing for him to come back to. A big empty house, no family close by, not even Gamma. Friends? He has few close ones, and those he once had, he had become estranged from over the past year. He doesn't even have a pet, a dog would have taken up too much time anyway.

Not when he does such exhausting shifts. And why is that? He definitely doesn't need the money, perhaps he just wants to fill the void. The empty space that has replaced what used to be his life. How alone he feels right now. He walks on, lost in thought.

'Ouch! Look where you're going why don't you?!!' the woman ducked and held up a hand as if to protect herself. She sounded irritated, he was apologetic,

'Oh God, I'm so sorry' he started, the woman turned around to see who it was and she looked shocked, he gave her an apologetic smile, and looked at her properly.

A soft face framed by nut-brown hair in a familiar style looked back at him. He saw who it was, in his head he should have actually known anyway. God, why hadn't I felt her presence before now? He normally did, well he used to be able to, a long time ago.

Maybe it was because he had been away, not just for the week in the Congo, to persuade Kem they could make things work only to end up with goodbye, at this moment it felt more like he had left a year ago, and was just coming home for the first time.

'Abby.' He looked at her face, it wasn't as familiar as it used to be.

'uh, John, what are you doing here?' her voice was shaky, it was almost as if she was uncomfortable with calling him by his first name. She had reddish eyes as if she had been crying.

'Oh, just got back from the Congo, um its nice to see you though'

'I'm so sorry Carter, I heard about the baby and everything'

He could hardly bring himself to say anything, but appreciated her kindness in asking.

'Thankyou'

Should I hug him? she thought Would that be appropriate? She wasn't sure anymore, everything seemed so unclear where once it had been obvious.

'Are you ok?' he asked.

She was taken aback by his question, why would he be asking that? Surely that was her line?

'You know, cos you look like you've been crying, I mean'

'Oh, that.' John Carter, she mused to herself, ever the gentleman.

'My Mom was in town, I was just seeing her off. It's funny, I love her so much, despite the pain she has caused me and Eric, there's really nothing that would make me stop loving her.'

She realised the poignancy of her words etched on his face.

'I know'

She didn't know what to say, but felt the need to say something.

'Well, Welcome home Dr Carter'

He leaned forward and gave her a hug

'It's good to be back, or well it will be I hope, Dr Lockhart' he added. She leaned into his embrace, it was a warm friendly hug.

'Oh yeah, that' it took her a while before she realised he had called her by her 'new' name. She took a step back, and smiled up at him wryly.

'I'm proud of you' he gave her that smile he nowadays only saved for special occasions.

She remembered when she had first joined the ER as a med student, she didn't know him so well then, but she could see how happy he was, young, light-hearted and full of life. Comparing him now to that made her guts wrench and her heart hurt, all that suffering he had been subjected to, in such a small time.

'Hey, are you busy?' he asked, perhaps a little too eagerly, he was tired and jetlagged, but he could not sleep, and would appreciate a little company he thought.

'Not really, I was going to go to a meeting, but it's not until 9.'

'Coffee?' he asked.

'Pie?' she accepted his invitation with a question, in their own secret language.

'Magoo's.' He confirmed.

He picked up his shoulder bag and hauled it over his shoulder.

She zipped up her jacket and straightened her hair.

They walked out of the airport.

Next chapter: The first step