Satanira sat on the edge of her bed, swinging he legs idly while Dorothy and Sally Po rifled through her very limited wardrobe.

"Don't you have anything formal?" Dorothy demanded, tossing yet another faded, grease-stained jumpsuit over her shoulder with a slight grimace.

"Nope." Satanira said with a heavy sigh, folding the crumpled jumpsuit and putting it on top of a pile of similar garments. "Everything I own has to be dispensable. I spend as much as twenty hours a day around machines in various states of disrepair, and I'm usually fixing them. I don't want grease and oil stains on a fancy dress."

"I suppose so." Dorothy said, digging deeper into the mound of clothes in the closet. "It's just wrong for a girl to not have at least one dress is all."

"I might have one in there somewhere, but it probably won't fit." Satanira said, catching a ratty old tee shirt and folding it. "It's been so long I don't even remember what color it is."

"Oh, my god!" Sally Po exclaimed from the back of the closet. "Oh my god, it's beautiful!" The brunette tumbled out of the closet with a bundle of black cloth in her arms.

"I still have that thing?" Satanira asked, taking the dress. "I thought I tossed this ages ago."

"Why would you do that?" Sally Po asked, fingering the wide black satin ribbon near the hem. "It's so pretty."

"It was way too big when I got it, so I guess I just tossed it in there and forgot about it."

"Maybe it'll fit now." Dorothy said, standing up and unbuttoning Satanira's shirt against the older blond's protests. "Let's see."


"Presenting the all-new, improved, totally glamorous, knock-out Miss Satanira!" Dorothy exclaimed with an extravagant flourish, and a very flustered Satanira was pushed into the main lounge.

"This isn't fair." Satanira grumbled, tugging on the bands of her gloves. She looked like an heiress, dressed entirely in black with silver jewelry.

The dress itself was sleeveless and reached about halfway to her knees, with a semi-pleated skirt, her gloves reached well past her elbows, and the sheer black bow in her hair brushed her calves. Her hair had been pulled back into a half bun and decorated with delicate silver chains. She had on fancy dress heels and several thin anklets, along with a matching set of bracelets and a few rings. Her shoes were soft black half boots with half-inch heels. To top the outfit off, she wore a heavy cross and chain around her otherwise plain waist.

"Well?" She asked the impromptu judge's panel of Heero, Quatre, Wolfwood, Miroku, and Kurama. "Am I fit to appear before a queen?"

"If you remember to curtsy instead of bow." Heero said.

"You look lovely, Miss Satanira." Quatre said, kicking Heero in the shin.

Wolfwood's comment of 'Blondie cleans up nice' was ignored for the most part, as was Miroku's invitation to father Satanira's first child, which only earned him several whacks on the head from various heavy objects.

"It appears we are all in agreement." Kurama said, chuckling. "The consensus stands at a perfect ten, my lady."

"Thanks, guys." Satanira said, smiling, as she turned on her toes and marched to the control bank. "Now we just have to figure out where the hell this Serenity holds court, and we're set." She sat down in her usual chair and began pounding away on the keys, pausing every now and then to read something. "And would you believe it's on the moon? Something's seriously wrong with these people."

"Well, we do have an army base on the moon in our world." Quatre said.

"An army base is one thing. These people have a whole nation up there. And that nation controls the single nation known as Earth."

"That is weird." Duo said, walking over and peering at the screen. "Considering this change in circumstances, I think we should have a bodyguard accompany our lovely mistress on her diplomatic mission."

"Is all the fancy talk a way of nominating yourself?" Relena asked.

"Nope. I have no idea how to act in a court of any kind, save a food court." Duo said matter-of-factly. "And I don't look near intimidating enough."

"That lets most of you pipsqueaks out." Wolfwood said, snorting. "Only Spandex Boy and Chopsticks over there look more dangerous than houseplants."

"I find that strangely resentful." Wufei said. "Well, Yuy? Feel up to the job?"

"I can take care of myself, you know!" Satanira said loudly, crossing her arms over her chest. "Even in heels, I can kick just about any normal assassin's ass, not to mention I have weapons on me." She huffed, very put out that her shipmates seemed to think her helpless enough to need a bodyguard.

"But it's not proper for an unmarried lady of such high standing as yourself to go to a foreign court alone." Quatre protested. "For the sake of appearances, take someone with you."

"Oh, fine! But only because Q-chan wants me to."

"We need someone intimidating, knowledgeable of courtly graces, and powerful." Sally Po said thoughtfully. "And handsome. I can't think of anyone who fits all of those requirements."

"Let's start with knowledge of courtly graces." Dorothy said. "That narrows it down to Quatre, Kurama, Heero, Hiei, and Miroku."

"Take out any of those five that isn't intimidating, and we have Heero and Hiei." Catherine added. "So which one?"

"I'm not doing it." Heero said. "I said it first, and no one can make me get off this ship. Knock me out of the running."

"Which leaves me with Hiei." Satanira said, pouting. "C'mon, Hee-chan, you know I don't get along with Hiei! You can't knowingly stick me with him like that!"

"I can and I will." Heero said evenly. "I'll go inform Hiei of his mission." He added, standing and walking back to Hiei's cabin.

"I hate you all." Satanira snapped crossly, slouching in her chair. "Especially Hiei." She added, sliding off the thing entirely and landing on the floor with an ungraceful thump, managing to flash the entire room in the process.


Princess Minako of Venus ran as fast as her tight dress and dignity permitted to the side entrance of the throne room, her face flushed with excitement. She had big news, and she had to tell her friends before they found out on their own.

Slipping silently into the vaulted chamber, Minako made her way to the corner where the princesses of the inner planets always met. Rei of Mars and Makoto of Jupiter were there, but Ami of Mercury was missing.

"Rei, Makoto!" She whispered urgently, sidestepping an old noble with a courteous nod and running over to them. "You'll never guess what I saw!"

"A cute guy?" Rei asked, rolling her huge violet eyes as she adjusted the straps of Minako's gold dress.

"There were a lot of those, too." Minako said, returning the favor by tugging on the sleeves of Rei's old-fashioned red dress to make them even. "But right now, I'm more concerned with the incredibly hot blond dressed all in black and silver on her way to this very room as we speak!"

"Wow, Minako." Ami said, appearing out of nowhere, book in hand. "You do realize you just called a girl hot, right?"

"She is!" Minako exclaimed. "When she and her bodyguard get here, you'll see what I mean! The ship she got off of was huge! She must be a princess of the Center Kingdoms, I'm telling you! She's got so much silver jewelry on, too" the enthusiastic blond trailed off, dreaming of the mystery princess's jewels and probable wealth.

The herald announced the beginning of court by leading in some minor nobles with minor problems. The four girls waited impatiently while the queen dealt with the usual business.

"The Lady Satanira of the noble Masaki line requests audience with her imperial majesty, Queen Serenity of the Moon." The herald by the door announced.

"The queen consents to the request." Queen Serenity said in a quiet, carrying voice. "Show her lady in."

The giant doors swung ponderously inward, and there stood none other than the blond Minako had seen.

Her thin black heels clicking on the marble, she made her way to within exactly the appropriate distance of the throne, the sheer bow in her hair swaying against her legs. Exactly four steps behind her and one to the right was a short, dark-haired man who could be nothing but a bodyguard. She made a polite bow that was half-curtsy and fixed the Queen with a dazzling smile.

"We have heard many great things about your lovely country, your Majesty." She said. "Our humble home could never compare to such splendor."

"We are pleased that you find our kingdom so appealing, Lady." Serenity said. "But I fear your name is unfamiliar to us."

"Well it should be, your Majesty." She said, grinning broadly. "After all, I'm only the apprentice of a scientist from a different dimension."

Amid the disbelieving gasps of the court, the princesses heard the bodyguard hiss something, reaching under his black cloak. Whatever he'd planned on doing was cut off by an imperious gesture from the girl, who still faced the throne.

"You needn't fear I'm mad, your Majesty." She said. "I have a ship moored in your spaceport, crewed by people from three different dimensions, none of them my own. I can offer you proof of my claims, if you wish, but I can't stay here more than a day. We must speak privately."

"You do realize that is impossible, don't you?" Serenity said, raising one delicate eyebrow.

"I said privately, your Majesty." Satanira countered, grinning impishly. "Not alone. In fact, I'd rather your senshi join us in this little chat. They need to hear what I know as well." She paused for a moment, then added, "And my bodyguard will accompany me, of course."


"Next time you try to kill me, come right out and shoot me, will you?" Hiei all but shouted as soon as the two were alone in a private audience chamber. "Don't try and give me a heart attack! You weren't supposed to come out and say that in front of the entire court!"

"Jeez, calm down, Hiei." Satanira said, opening the large cross on her belt and shaking out a small capsule. "Help me get changed, will you?" She asked, somehow turning the capsule into a small knapsack and pulling out her usual skintight sleeveless black skinsuit.

"W-what?!" He demanded, wondering if he'd heard her right.

"Don't get all flustered, Shorty." She scoffed. "I can't get out of all this metal shit on my own, and I can't reach the damned zipper on this stupid thing. Now help me out here before the queen comes in and finds me half-undressed, okay?"

"Fine." He said, marching over and helping her unload the heavy jewelry, trying his damnedest not to blush.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Hiei!" She exclaimed when she slipped out of the dress itself. "You're red as a fucking tomato! Why don't you just throw me down and have your way with me right now?! Get it the hell over with!"

"J-just get your damned skinsuit on." Hiei ordered, averting his eyes. "I'm a man after all, and you know damn well how attractive you are."

"Aw, Shorty, I didn't know you cared." Satanira said sarcastically, shoving her legs into her skinsuit and yanking it up over her shoulders.

"Shut up." He said sourly, growling under his breath as Satanira zipped up the front of her skinsuit and the door to the little room opened, revealing Queen Serenity and a small group of young women.

"Hello again, your Majesty." Satanira said politely, half-bowing to Serenity. "Your Highnesses." She added to the girls.

The responses of the girls were a little jumbled, but Hiei could have sworn the one with long blonde hair whispered to the brunette next to her, 'I told you she was hot!'

"You made some interesting claims back in that throne room, little girl." A slender beauty with hard blue eyes and wavy aqua hair said, crossing her arms and glaring suspiciously at Satanira. "How about that proof you mentioned?"

"Oh, knock it off, Michiru." The sandy blond next to the aqua-haired woman said happily, draping an arm over her companion's shoulder. "She's unarmed, and if she had any power to speak of, our Royal Priestess would be all over her like a rabid dog on an old bone."

"I do not act like a rabid dog in any sense of the comparison, Haruka-san." A dignified girl dressed in red with long raven hair retorted haughtily, crossing her arms and turning her nose up at the older girl. "So please keep such vulgar phrases to yourself."

"Oh, calm down, Rei-chan!" The first blond exclaimed cheerfully, throwing her arms around the other girl's shoulders. "Haruka-san's just teasing!"

"Yeah, Shorty." Haruka said, still smiling. "I was teasing your royal Uptightness. So do us all a favor and get over yourself, okay?"

"Anyway" Satanira shouted over the girls, glaring crossly at them. "You want proof? Go ask Sailor Pluto. She'll tell you that I'm from another dimension, and that my crew is, too. Not to mention all the technological advances I have that you've never even dreamed of."


DISCONTINUED

Okay, so it hasn't really been discontinued. I'm just going to rewrite it, seeing if I can keep a steady plot this time. This is all nice and funny, but it's not what I intended. Please bear with me; my muse abandoned me recently, and I have yet to find a new one, so my who creative psyche has been thrown off balance.

- Satanira Rondinez Patton