I *think* there will be a part 4. Needs a little finishing off maybe.

Thanks all for your kind reviews! :- )

'Part 3'

Haldir's flight was terminated prematurely when he ran full pelt into something hard. Which resulted in him and the something crashing to the ground.

"I never knew you felt this way about me, Haldir," came a dry voice from beneath him.

At which point his brain fully registered that he was sitting astride Elrond's eldest – in what could reasonably be termed a suggestive manner – and he hurriedly got up again. So hurriedly that he promptly lost his balance and fell over backwards, landing in an undignified heap on the floor.

"Is there any particular reason why you were charging down the corridor like you had half a dozen nazgul on your tail?" Elladan enquired, brushing dust off his robes as he picked himself up.

"Something has happened to Legolas," Haldir said, considering that a gross understatement but unable to find the words to convey the enormity of the situation. "He tried to . . . he tried to seduce me. And unless you want him to turn on you, I suggest you run too."

Elladan actually seemed to think this required consideration. Haldir elected to save the closest thing he had to an ally at that point from himself, grabbed Elladan's hand and yanked him off down the corridor.

"How are we supposed to escape from him?" Elladan protested. "This is his home! He knows every room, every secret passage, every . . . aghhh!"

The two elves registered the overly polished floor a split second too late and slid at great speed towards one very heavy oak door covered in potentially painful metal studs. Haldir desperately tried to grab hold of something, but all he could reach was Elladan. And since he was sliding too, this didn't help much.

They hit the door together, producing a loud thump and a duet of foul curses as they landed in a heap on the floor once again.

The door opened and an impressive golden figure appeared.

King Thranduil surveyed the elven-heap in front of him. "Would you perhaps be good enough to explain exactly what you are doing trying to break down the door of my chambers?" he demanded.

Then his gaze flicked to between the two bodies and he arched one fine dark brow at Haldir. Haldir belatedly realised he still had Elladan's hand clasped in his own and hurriedly let go of it.

"The floor was slippery," he said, as he and Elladan got up and tried to recover some dignity. "It was an accident."

"We were just trying to escape from Legolas," Elladan explained. "Apparently he's . . . not feeling like himself."

Thranduil turned vaguely amused eyes to him. "In what way?"

"I think he felt up Haldir," Elladan said, ignoring Haldir's angry expression. "Thus proving he's lost it."

"The true proof of insanity," Haldir said icily, "would be for him to pursue you. And that he has yet to do."

"There's still time."

Thranduil quickly surmised what had happened and carefully controlled a smile. Trust his son to make things difficult.

"There was no harm done," he said magnanimously, deigning to help the two elves up. "Perhaps a glass of wine will soothe the damage done."

Haldir was about to agree – drinking himself into unconsciousness was now sounding very appealing – when Elladan elbowed him sharply in the ribs.

"Are you not expecting company, sire?" Elladan said innocently, countering Haldir's glare with a meaningful look.

Thranduil smiled. He might have known Legolas would enlist the help of his friends.

"My company is . . . attending to other business," Thranduil said, his tone betraying a hint of irritation at that fact. "I have some time to spare."

He opened the door fully and let them in. Haldir shut the door firmly behind him. And briefly considered barricading it.

So involved was he in listening for sounds of an approaching amorous elf that he entirely forgot what Legolas had told him about the wine.

That was, until Thranduil pinched his backside.

Haldir jumped a clear foot in the air. His head whipped round and he stared at the king in a mixture of horror and disbelief.

"Er . . . King Thranduil?" Haldir said, his brain stubbornly refusing to process what had just happened.

"You are a very handsome elf," Thranduil said, reaching up and running a hand down Haldir's mane of hair.

"Thank you," Haldir heard himself reply, in a voice that sounded quite unlike his own.

"Such beauty shouldn't be covered up," Thranduil continued, looking Haldir up and down in a blatant assessment of his . . . attributes.

Haldir shot a desperate look at Elladan – who was staring at them with his mouth open, his wine glass forgotten – and wondered if kneeing the king of Eryn Lasgalen in a delicate spot was likely to have any serious repercussions.

"But of course," Thranduil added, his fingers now toying with the clasps of Haldir's tunic, "that can easily be taken care of."

That was it. Diplomacy couldn't ask this much of him.

"I'm sorry, I have a head-ache," Haldir gasped out. He didn't know quite what possessed him to say that, but it seemed appropriate even though it was blatantly untrue. He darted away from Thranduil, wrenched open the very heavy door – pulling a muscle or two in the process – and ran for his life – or at least his sanity – for the second time in ten minutes.

Once his blood had stopped pounding in his ears and his normal hearing returned, the same blood chilled once again when he realised someone was chasing after him. And they were gaining on him.

"For Elbereth's sake, just leave me alone!" he yelled back at them, not slowing down as he sped along corridor after corridor. "I don't care if you're royalty. I don't bed males, I don't like blondes and Valar *I* do the seducing!"

"Well I do bed males and I do like blondes but I'm not Thranduil or Legolas and I'm not trying to seduce you so for Eru's sake. Just. Slow. Down," Elladan said, finally ending things by grabbing a fistful of Haldir's hair and yanking.

Haldir yelled in pain and swung his fist to connect painfully with Elladan's jaw.

"I suppose I deserved that," Elladan said grudgingly, looking sorely tempted to return the favour as he rubbed his aching jaw. "But not as much as Thranduil. What in Elbereth's name just happened to him?"

"It's the wine," Haldir said hopelessly. "Legolas put Mirkwood Magic in it."

Elladan looked blankly at him.

"It's an aphrodisiac," Haldir explained. "Essentially it makes you jump on the first person you meet who you find even vaguely attractive. And depending on the dose, even that isn't always necessary."

Elladan looked outraged. "How is it possible we didn't know about this? We've known Legolas for centuries and he never once mentioned such a fabulous invention. Do you even realise the possibilities this creates? The havoc we could wreak?"

Haldir looked at him in disbelief. "Aye, I do, because THE KING OF MIRKWOOD JUST PINCHED MY BACKSIDE."

"And Legolas didn't?"

Haldir shuddered. "No, he . . . elected to attack from the front."

A knowing smile spread over Elladan's face. "Ah, I see," he said. "Got to love an ellon who gets straight to the point."

"This is not amusing."

"Oh, I'm afraid it is," Elladan said. "I've never seen you so unglued. Shame there isn't a mirror around or you could see yourself."

Haldir gave him a nasty look and tried to tidy himself up without looking like he was doing it.

"When you've finished preening, maybe we can talk about what we're going to do with . . . Glorfindel."

Haldir was about to reply that no matter what Elladan's preferences were, *he* was not going to do anything with Glorfindel even if he slew a dozen balrogs every day before breakfast. Then he realised Elladan was looking over his shoulder.

"Hey, Glory," Elladan said cheerfully. "Where've you been?"

His so-called 'guardian' looked rather less than pleased at the use of this particular nickname.

"I have been assisting your brother in making some preparations," he said. "And I cannot stay, for I am already overdue for an appointment with King Thranduil."

In a hurry or not, he couldn't fail to miss the exchange of glances between the other two elves.

"What have you done?" Glorfindel asked sharply, knowing Elrond's eldest too well to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"Thranduil's had a little dose of something called 'Mirkwood Magic'," Elladan replied, smirking.

This seemed to mean more to Glorfindel than it had to Elladan. "I see," he said, his lips starting to twitch. "So I imagine he's . . . a handful."

"Never got to find out," Elladan said cheekily. "He got a little too close to Haldir and we made a hasty retreat. We'll leave him for you to deal with, although I'd suggest finding him before he runs into Legolas, since apparently he's had a hefty dose too. I don't know how strong that stuff is, but by Eru I do *not* want to find out."

Considering that Elladan said this at great speed and all in one breath, Glorfindel grasped the situation amazingly quickly. He even looked faintly amused.

"You need not worry yourselves on that score," he assured them. "Your brother is taking care of Legolas as we speak. This seems to have fit in quite well with his plans for the evening."

"I'll never get that image out of my head," Elladan muttered, looking slightly nauseated by the idea. It was nothing to how Haldir felt.

Glorfindel leant down to whisper into Elladan's ear. "As it happens," he said, "it also agrees with my ideas for Thranduil. Those satin sheets you put on his bed have many uses, you know."

With that he strolled up the corridor, a worrying bounce in his step, leaving a pair of rather green-looking elves in his wake.

"Haldir," Elladan said. "Let's go and get drunk."

Haldir froze and instinctively backed away from him.

Elladan held up his hands. "No Mirkwood Magic, I swear," he said. "I have a couple of bottles of ice wine that I . . . borrowed . . . from the crates Adar sent with us. No headaches, no hard ons, just the chance to drink ourselves into a world where this whole day never happened. What do you say?"

"It has a certain appeal," Haldir admitted.

"You won't regret it," Elladan said, as they started to walk together. "Terrific stuff this is, excellent harvest."

"And you will absolutely not try to seduce me because of the wine."

"Definitely not."

"Good."

"I might, however, try to seduce you anyway."

". . . "

"But I know you'll say no, and that rather takes the fun out of it."

"Good."

"Although I do have considerable powers of persuasion."

"No."

"Ah, Haldir, you're no fun."

"I know."