Been too long, I know. Thanks for all the reviews!

'Part 5'

The blissful suspended reality where Haldir was resident remained in existence until roughly 6 am the following morning. At that point the sun rose and he woke up.

Then he registered three things. 1) There was someone lying next to him. 2) That person was snoring, loudly. 3) He was sore in a place that, to the best of his recall, he had never been sore in before.

And then he remembered. In graphic detail.

Every muscle in his body tensed. For a few seconds he lay there, rigid. Then, ever so slowly, as one approaches a delicate creature such as a butterfly, he turned his head to see if it really was who he thought it was.

His last ray of hope extinguished, Haldir turned back and tried to assess the situation in something resembling a calm and rational manner.

Sneaking out clearly wouldn't work, since these were his rooms and even in his current state of panic Haldir recognised that any attempt to seek sanctuary elsewhere would only backfire. Immortal life got rather dull at times and a story like this would be all round Eryn Lasgalen before an hour had lapsed. Equally, he couldn't very well blame it on the consumption of alcohol, since they hadn't had any. In fact, the plain and simply truth of the matter was that he had done it because he wanted to.

He was forced to concede that Rumil, Orophin, Legolas and all the rest who had repeatedly told him that he didn't know what he was missing, might have had a point after all. Or perhaps the Peredhil was just unusually talented.

Which brought him round to the question of what exactly he was going to do when the said Peredhil woke up. And on that, he was drawing a blank.

He knew how this worked with ellith, of course. Either you wanted to repeat the experience, in which case you invited them to stay for breakfast, or you didn't, in which case you mentioned an early training session and (generally) they took the hint. Presumably it worked much the same with ellyn. All that needed to be decided was whether or not he wanted to do this again.

He took another peek and started when he realised that his companion's eyes were no longer blank and vacant but bright and alert. Elladan was awake.

"Good morning," he said.

For a moment, Haldir panicked, the suitable response to such a challenge lost in a flood of contradictory emotions. Elladan gave him a curious look.

"Morning," Haldir finally managed, getting a grip on himself through sheer force of will.

"Last night was great," Elladan said.

Haldir tried and failed to answer that and settled for nodding his agreement.

Breakfast or training session? Breakfast or training session?

"Listen, I promised to meet Elrohir early this morning and I have to bathe first," Elladan said, climbing out of bed and retrieving his leggings from the floor. "So I'll catch up with you later."

Haldir, momentarily distracted both by the sight of Elladan's firm backside and a hasty analysis of just how he had failed to notice this before, did not fully register that straight away. Elladan was by the door in what seemed like seconds.

"See you around," he said, and went.

Haldir lay, staring at the door, for several seconds. Then he realised where he had heard those words before. He'd said them to the countless ellith he'd assigned to his 'once was enough' pile. He, Haldir of Lorien, had just been given the brush-off.

So this was what it felt like.

And then another thought occurred. Did this mean there had been something . . . lacking . . . in his performance?

Hurt and confusion were quickly replaced by anger, however. Nobody rejected him. His record was unblemished and it would remain so. No arrogant Elrondion was going to alter that.

There was nothing else for it. He was going to get Elladan back into his bed – begging - if it was the last thing he did.

***

Legolas had had a rather late night, what with one thing and another, and had just returned to his own chambers and crawled back into bed in the hope of getting a few more hours' sleep when Haldir burst in, ranting about many things, none of which made sense.

When he finally heard enough to get the gist of it, his eyes widened.

"Elladan took you to bed?" he asked, marvelling at the extent of his friend's talents. "Already? How was it?"

Haldir gave him an exasperated look. "I just told you," he said. "He gave me the brush-off."

Legolas stared. "He did what? What did he say?"

Haldir sat down heavily on the end of the bed as Legolas pulled his exhausted body into a sitting position.

"He said that he had an early meeting with Elrohir so he had to go, and then . . ." Haldir paused for effect, ". . . he said he would see me around."

"He really did give you the brush-off," Legolas agreed, somewhat awed.

"I feel used," Haldir muttered. "Used and rejected. Is that normal?"

"I wouldn't know," Legolas said, smirking despite himself. "It's never happened to me."

Haldir gave him a foul look. "And it never happened to me until this morning. You have to tell me what I did wrong. Clearly this is something you know far more about."

Legolas' jaw dropped. "You want me to teach you how to seduce an ellon?" he asked faintly.

Haldir gave a barely perceptible nod. Legolas' fragile self-control snapped and he began to laugh hysterically.

"This is not funny," Haldir said sulkily, feeling less angry and more ridiculous by the second.

"Yes it is," Legolas managed to get out, wiping tears from his eyes with the bed sheet. "You are asking me for romantic advice – and about an ellon at that. This is the funniest thing I've heard in centuries. Just wait until I tell . . . "

"No!" Haldir interrupted. "Absolutely not. You will tell no one, least of all Elrohir."

"You do seem to be taking this very seriously," Legolas remarked, when his laughing fit had ceased. "Almost like . . . you care for him."

"I do not," Haldir stated flatly. "This is about my reputation, which he has called into question with his unfathomable behaviour. He may have begun this, but *I* shall end it. Is that clear?"

"Perfectly," Legolas agreed, all the while thinking that he had to talk to Elladan the second he got out of there.

***

"It's really quite simple," Elladan said, when Legolas finally managed to escape and find him. "This is my plan to get Haldir."

"By rejecting him?"

"Exactly," Elladan said cheerfully. "It may have escaped your notice, but I've had a thing for him for quite some time and now that I've got him within my grasp I have no intention of letting him get away. And the only way to get an elf like Haldir is to let him do all the chasing. Or, at least, make him think he is."

"But you just as good as told him that you didn't want him."

"Which made him run right to you and demand to know what he could do to get me back."

Legolas started to smile. "This is beginning to sound promising," he said thoughtfully. "What should I do?"

"Anything you want, just don't tell him the truth."

"Right," Legolas said, perking up considerably. "That I can do."

***

Thranduil stood at the window of his study wisely reflecting on his next task before he began it. It was not procrastination when kings did it.

At the moment, however, his attention was very much focused on whatever it was that was going on beneath his window.

One of the twins – it was probably Elladan since Legolas and Elrohir now seemed to be surgically attached to each other – was half-lying on a bench in the rose garden, pretending to read a book. Concealed in the bushes a short distance away was the uptight Galadhel his son was so inexplicably fond of. His eyes never left the Peredhil.

Behind the hedge on the opposite side of the garden was Glorfindel, apparently just as intrigued by the proceedings as Thranduil himself was. Almost as if he could sense his presence, Glorfindel looked up at the window and caught his eye and the two lovers shared an amused look.

Movement in the corner of Thranduil's vision caught his attention and he turned to see his only son, hand in hand with Elrond's second one, sneaking up to join Glorfindel. The three conducted a rapid conversation entirely with gestures, rather resembling an over-enthusiastic game of charades. Thranduil watched as his lover's finely-arched golden brows made their way skyward and briefly considered hurrying down there to find out exactly what was going on. He abandoned this idea, however, when Haldir suddenly abandoned his hiding place and made himself known.

Elladan looked up from his book (not having turned even one page in twenty minutes, so far as Thranduil had seen) and nodded his head in greeting. "Good afternoon," he said, and looked back down again.

"Oh, Elladan, I didn't realise you were here," Haldir said, in quite the worst attempt at sounding casual that Thranduil had ever heard. Glorfindel and Elrohir pinched their lips tightly together to keep from laughing, while Legolas put his head in his hands.

"Well I am," Elladan said.

"Oh," Haldir said. He shifted his weight onto his left foot, then his right. Neither seemed to help. "Well, since I've found you, I mean met you, I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me tonight. Just a casual dinner, you know, between friends."

Now it was the turn of Thranduil's eyebrows to rise. Frankly he'd thought this plan of Legolas' was a little ambitious, since no one was likely to overcome the uptight guardian's self-chosen limits. He should have learnt by now not to underestimate a relation of Elrond.

"Actually I have a prior engagement tonight," Elladan said, in a tone of insincere regret. "I am dining with Captain Belen. I always enjoy his company. Are you acquainted with him?"

Apparently Haldir was. The Captain of the Guard of Eryn Lasgalen had a reputation for being as fierce a lover as he was a warrior, with an appetite to match. Thranduil idly wondered if he should warn Lord Celeborn that he might soon be losing his head guardian, since the look on Haldir's face strongly suggested that that soon only one of the two guards would be alive.

"That sounds delightful," Haldir replied, through gritted teeth.

"Oh I'm sure he . . . it . . . will be," Elladan said, letting a knowing smile tug at the corners of his mouth. "But perhaps some other time."

"Some other time," Haldir echoed. He forced something barely resembling a smile onto his face. "Well, I must be off," he said, and stalked out of the garden.

To Thranduil's great amusement, as soon as Haldir was safely out of sight Elladan turned and gave the watchers behind the hedge a ribald wink.

And then he settled down and actually started to read his book.

***

Dinner that evening was thoroughly entertaining. Haldir spent the entire meal alternately picking at his food and looking mournfully at Elladan's empty place setting (and then trying to pretend he hadn't when he realised someone was looking at him) and the others spent it trying not to laugh at him.

At least that was until Legolas decided it would be a good idea to make a few, entirely neutral comments about Captain Belen.

"If I hadn't found Elrohir, I'd be fighting Elladan to get to him," Legolas said, helping himself to more plum sauce. "All of Eryn Lasgalen agrees he's the most handsome of all the guards."

Haldir stabbed his vegetables viciously. A small one of unknown variety was catapulted into his water glass. He fished it out, flushing.

"He is skilled as a warrior," Legolas went on, pretending not to notice. "And, by all accounts, in other areas as well."

Haldir glowered at his plate.

"Yes, Elladan is certainly a very, very lucky elf," Legolas finished cheerfully.

Haldir shoved his chair back with force. Unfortunately, one of the legs caught in a small groove in the floor and a moment later Haldir and the chair crashed to the ground.

"Are you all right, Haldir?" Thranduil enquired, as Glorfindel helped him up again.

"Perfectly," Haldir replied, which was more or less true. Only his pride was seriously injured. "If you will excuse me, I have a pressing matter to attend to."

Thranduil had little chance to disagree, partly because Haldir barely waited for a reply and partly because at any moment one of the over-sized elflings at the table (and that included the one-time Lord of the Golden Flower, whose composure was hanging by a thread) would explode with laughter. And Thranduil was now well versed enough in the plan to realise that this would be disastrous.

Dinner seemed rather dull after that.

***

Haldir, meanwhile, found that his brain and his spinal column had been disconnected. His brain pointed out, quite reasonably, a) that Elladan had already rejected him once and b) that Captain Belen was as skilled a warrior as he and there was every chance that challenging him would end in being beaten to a bloody pulp. In return, his body told his brain firmly that it was going to do this whether his brain liked it or not.

He didn't bother to knock when he reached Elladan's quarters, choosing instead to fling open the door in a dramatic manner he felt suitable in the circumstances. What this revealed was Elladan, wearing leggings and nothing else, apparently quite alone.

"Can I help you?" he asked dryly, casually dropping the towel he had been using to dry his hair on the end of the bed.

"Where is Captain Belen?" Haldir demanded, doing a quick sweep of the room and finally eyeing the oversized wardrobe with suspicion.

Elladan raised an eyebrow. "Not here, I suggest you try the barracks if you want him."

"I don't," Haldir said, as his vocal cords were hijacked. "I want *you*."

And that was the last either of them spoke for quite some time.