Many, many apologies to everyone for taking so very long to update. Even more apologies to all those waiting for more of 'Traps'. I'm afraid a fox got in with the plot bunnies and, well, it wasn't pretty.

You'll be thrilled to know that I have written to the end of this fic. I need to polish the other parts a bit, but hopefully there shouldn't be any more long waits.

'Part 6'

On first meeting Legolas Thranduillion, the prince had informed Haldir that he could make absolutely anyone do absolutely anything he wanted.

Haldir, understandably, had looked indulgently at him and laughed. After all, at that point the heir to Mirkwood had been barely into his majority, rather skinny and very pretty, with doe-like blue eyes that made one rather inclined to pat his head. In fact, Haldir had done just that.

Shortly afterwards, rapidly bruising and bleeding from several orifices, he'd learnt an important lesson. Appearances can be terribly misleading.

And not long afterwards, he'd learnt another. When Legolas said that he could make absolutely anyone do absolutely anything, he was not boasting, nor was he even exaggerating. He was stating the plain, honest truth.

And judging by what Haldir was currently witnessing, Thranduil possessed the same gift.

It was a good thing Glorfindel didn't appear to have any reservations about the use of . . . accessories.

"What can you see?" Legolas called impatiently, those doe-like eyes glaring up at the rather shell-shocked Haldir from the ground.

"More than I ever wanted to," Haldir mumbled, finally managing to tear his eyes away and starting to climb back down the creepers again.

"When will you start taking this seriously?" Legolas demanded. "I need to know what's going on between them. I can't go off to Ithilien until I know that Adar has someone here to entertain him."

"I sincerely hope," Haldir said, jumping lightly back onto the ground besides Legolas, "that you have never entertained your father like that."

Legolas gave him a disdainful look. "I do have some limits, you know." He stared up at Thranduil's window again thoughtfully. "So, what are they up to?"

"You don't want to know," Haldir replied. "Suffice to say, be glad you didn't have to witness it."

Legolas rolled his eyes. "Honestly! Do you really think I'm that easily shocked? Naneth's been in Valinor a long time you know, I am used to this. Besides, whatever they're doing up there you can bet I'll have tried at some point. But I digress. The important point is, are they being romantic?"

Well, that certainly wasn't the first adjective that sprang to mind.

"What precisely do you mean, 'romantic'?" Haldir asked carefully.

Legolas threw up his hands. "I don't know, I thought you were supposed to know about this stuff? Did you see flowers? Hear romantic music? Candles lighting the room?"

"There were candles in use," Haldir said. "But under the circumstances, lighting them probably would have been a mistake."

"Clearly they need help."

"Your entire family needs help."

"Are you helping me or not?"

"No."

"Good. We need to find Elladan."

Haldir tried to occupy his mind by wondering how Legolas had learnt to twist the meaning of 'no' so thoroughly and not think about his friend turned bed-partner turned something-he-didn't-have-a-word-for. He was still trying to decide whether he could find any rational explanation for taking an extended break in Imladris after his sojourn here without telling anyone the actual truth.

"I think Adar should get married again," Legolas was saying, as he led Haldir off to search for their friend. "Or, at least, install someone permanent at the palace. He's been on his own far too long. Besides, he's had a thing for Glorfindel forever."

Forever in Legolas speak meant anything over a fortnight. At least in regard to relationships.

"Speaking of which," Haldir said snidely, "It must be several weeks now. Surely it's about time you threw Elrohir over and moved on to your next victim?"

Legolas held up his chin and avoided Haldir's gaze. "I've decided to give him an extension, in recognition of his considerable talents."

Haldir suspected that was probably the closest Legolas would ever come to a declaration of love.

"Besides," Legolas said casually. "Now you're with Elladan there's a nice symmetry. It would be a shame to break up the four. You'll have to dump him first."

Ah, so easy to say . . .

"Why should I have to break up the four? You started it."

"Ohhhhhh . . . getting attached to him are we?"

Silence.


"No, never, not under any circumstances," Haldir said, now firmly convinced that Legolas had lost his fragile grip on his sanity.

"I personally think it's a great idea," Elladan said, idly letting another arrow fly. It hit dead centre.

"Don't you want Adar to be happy?" Legolas asked innocently.

"Not more than I want to stay alive," Haldir said, wondering – not for the first time – what had possessed him to make friends with the heir to Eryn Lasgalen. All the other ellyn had sensibly either tried to seduce him or shoot him, but no . . . he'd had to be different.

"I'm just suggesting that we give them a tiny little push in the right direction," Legolas wheedled. "Romance really isn't Adar's strong point."

Elladan snorted. "And you are going to be his teacher? The blind leading the blind."

"I resent that," Legolas said hotly. "I am very romantic. Just ask Elrohir."

Elladan rolled his eyes at Haldir and mouthed 'I did'.

"Be that as it may, you have interfered quite enough," Haldir said sternly. "Even if King Thranduil has plans to wed again – which seems unlikely considering what came out of his last binding – he will not thank you for trying to 'help'."

"What do you mean?" Legolas said, narrowing his eyes at Haldir. "He got me!"

"Yes, because you're every father's dream come true," Elladan said dryly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Legolas demanded.

"A season after you'd passed your majority you'd bedded all but three of your father's guards, all but one of his chief advisers, all his personal servants, half the kitchen staff and your archery instructor," Elladan said.

Legolas blinked at him, looking vaguely confused. "And that's bad?" he said. "I was just stretching my muscles a little. I'll admit I wasn't terribly discriminating . . ."

"Terribly discriminating?" Haldir interrupted. "When you first came to Lorien, by the time we had led you to Caras Galadhon I was the only one of my patrol you hadn't had."

Legolas smiled to himself, apparently lost in fond memories. "Ah, the famed hospitality of the Galadhrim," he mused. "I really should visit again."

"You can't, you've been banned," Haldir reminded him. "If you remember, when the fellowship left the Golden Wood Lady Galadriel gave you a bow of the Galadhrim as a reminder that you would be shot by one if you ever tried to return."

"What did you do?" Elladan asked, impressed. Even he hadn't managed to provoke such a reaction.

"Oh, nothing much," Legolas said, still smiling.

Haldir gave a loud cough that sounded suspiciously like 'Celeborn!'. Elladan grimaced.

"I'm beginning to suspect that you're consciously trying to work your way through the family," he said. He frowned. "I'm insulted that I wasn't first."

"If we could get back to the issue at hand," Haldir said loudly, giving Elladan a foul look. "I for one want no part in this plan."

"Oh, Haldir, you never want to have any fun," Legolas complained. "Elladan, convince him."

Elladan turned to look at Haldir as Legolas strolled off in search of Elrohir.

"I will not be convinced," Haldir declared. "I have made my decision and nothing you say or do will make me change my mind."


If this was the example Thranduil set his subjects, then it was a miracle that Eryn Lasgalen was still standing.

Haldir stomped down the corridor, muttering about Thranduil's questionable parentage. He couldn't doubt Legolas', since he now had irrefutable proof that the prince was nothing more than a chip off the proverbial block.

"I've been thinking," Thranduil had told him, flashing the trademark charming smile that put Haldir immediately on his guard. "My son is of an age now when he should be thinking of settling down."

Oh, no.

"And I would like your assistance with convincing him."

He hated Eryn Lasgalen. Hated it.

"What do you think?"

All he had to do was refuse.

"I don't know if I am suited to this task, sire."

"Wonderful. Here are the rings."

What was it with this family?!

So he was stomping, cursing himself, Thranduil, Legolas and anyone else he could think of. He tried to pass a curtained alcove, but ended up with his hands full of velvet and his mouth full of Peredhil.

"So," Elladan enquired (after all, they hadn't seen each other in three hours), "how's your day going?"

Haldir, recovering his wits with difficulty, brandished a pair of rings in front of Elladan's eyes.

"I don't know what to say," Elladan said, pressing a hand to his chest and looking at Haldir through his lashes in a maidenly fashion. "This is just so sudden."

"They're for Legolas."

"Heartbreaker," Elladan said, pretending to pout. "Why are they for Legolas?"

"Thranduil wants him married off."

Elladan examined the rings, made of finest mithril with in-laid emeralds. "We could just keep them and let Thranduil do his own dirty work. I mean, Legolas married? By the time that happens he'll have forgotten he gave them to you anyway."

"By the end of the summer."

Elladan stared at him for a few seconds, then suffered a short hysterical fit.

"A triple wedding, then!" he exclaimed finally. "Thrandy and Glory, Lego and Ro, you and me. Adar will be thrilled, it's not everyday he gets all three of us out of his hair for good. If anyone can do it, Thranduil can."

"Actually I think I'm doing it," Haldir said hopelessly.

"Ah," Elladan said, doubt flickering in his eyes. "Well, good luck."

"Which of course means that you're helping," Haldir told him.

Elladan looked as though he would protest, then nodded in resignation.

Hmmm, so there were advantages in being part of a couple.

Not that they were, obviously. They were just friends. Friends who . . . wrestled a lot.

Or something like that.


"I hate to say it, but it would be a lot easier if Elrohir were a maiden," Elladan said. "If we could get him pregnant, then Lego would marry him."

"Would he?" Haldir asked doubtfully.

"Any ellon with a scrap of honour in him would," Glorfindel commented idly, only half paying attention since Thranduil was practising (shirt-less) in the grounds below and tearing his eyes away was rather difficult.

Haldir stared at him impassively. "I repeat, would he?"

"Point taken," Elladan said. "But it doesn't really matter since I'm fairly sure we're going to need another tactic to fix this. You realise the season will be over in less than a month?"

"Yes," Haldir said shortly.

"How much mirivor would it take to get Legolas that drunk?"

"More than is available on Arda."

"Mirkwood magic?"

"They wouldn't stop rutting long enough to go through the ceremony. They barely do at the moment"

"Could we hypnotise him?"

"Been tried."

"Bribe him?"

"That too."

"Tie him up and beat him into submission?"

"He likes it too much."

"And this is from personal experience?" Elladan asked, eyes narrowed. "I thought you weren't interested in males until you met me?"

"My brothers," Haldir clarified. "And something I really wish I hadn't walked in on."

Elladan grinned. "I'm surprised he didn't ask you to join in."

"He did."

"That's our Lego," Elladan agreed, shaking his head. "Never believes there's anything he can't get if he wants it. Hang on a minute, that gives me an idea . . . "