26.1
[Fate/Grand Order]
Clock Tower Interrogation
Ritsuka was excessively quiet as he sat in a position he never enjoyed being in. The room itself wasn't quiet though, given who he was dealing with.
"Do you have any idea how much trouble you are in, young man?" the magus standing over Ritsuka started, the second sitting at the table looking to his partner as Ritsuka closed his eyes.
'Would you like just this Loop sir or the entire list of transgressions. Depends on if you want to see your family again," Ritsuka mentally snarked.
'Sarcasm is unbecoming of you," Edmond said in his head. It took a bit of willpower to keep from snorting. He could practically see Edmond sitting in that fancy chair he'd dreamed up for him, watching this interrogation through the eyes of his accomplice.
"I am aware of what I have done," Ritsuka gave, quite monotone. He hated dealing with the Clock Tower… if there was any reason for him not to take up Magecraft, despite it being a native craft of his universe, Clock Tower was at the top of the list.
"As you should be," the more quiet of the two magi spoke up, and he adjusted his glasses. "The reports don't paint a clear picture as to what occurred during this so-called 'incineration of humanity'. However, the missing year and a half are still evident."
"Do you have any idea how hard it's going to be to keep the population from realizing something's up with this!" The hardass magi slammed his hand against the table to try and startle Ritsuka. It failed, something which had the magi growling as he continued his tirade. "The nations of the world are turning to the Clock Tower. Something we try specifically to avoid having occurred! Chaldea has nearly undone thousands of years of careful research and-"
"Enough," the calmer magi suddenly spoke up. "Need I remind you that the boy before us is no Magi. At best he is first generation, a rarity, but a useless one. That he is even still alive is a minor miracle. His only abnormality is his perfect compatibility with Ghost Liners, otherwise, he is a completely normal person." The man adjusted his glasses. "He's also Eastern, so I have little doubt that he knows anything about our organization."
"It's not like I rummaged through the burned out ruins of Clock Tower in the 19th century, going onto the 20th in twelve years. And that's baseline," Ritsuka once again mentally snarked. That had been kept out of the reports for sure, else he'd be in more hot water.
Even doctoring the reports to quite literally be as official and detailed as they could make them without being asinine, they still broke so many imposed rules and regulations it wasn't even funny. If they knew he'd been inside Atlas Academy, Clock Tower's private library, the Wandering Sea, and various other locations other magi would literally murder to even glimpse… well he suspected he'd be next on many people's hit lists.
"Despite being magi they clearly can't see a non-human when it's staring them in the face." Edmond decided to snark, Ritsuka fought to keep from rolling his eyes.
"What was that about sarcasm Count?" Ritsuka mentalled remarked, ignoring the magi for a moment as they continued to berate and browbeat him.
"It is unbecoming of you, not I," the Avenger retorted with a dark chuckle.
"Pay attention!" Ritsuka was drawn out of his thoughts as the hothead smashed his reinforced fist against the wooden table. Thankfully it didn't crack, probably because it too was magically reinforced. "Good, it seems you can at least do that," the man scoffed as the glasses wearing magi leaned forward, tenting his fingers together.
"We understand that you are the Master of Chaldea. It's final Master Candidate. And that you broke regulations by going above and beyond the allowance of Ghost Liners for the organization. Chaldea was permitted seven Servants, with more requiring approval from the Policies committee." The man adjusted his glasses, completely hiding his eyes, which Ritsuka had already figured out were Mystical.
The more sedate of the two men had Mystic Eyes, immobilization of a low rank. Probably explained his calm nature. "I thought his hearing was regarding my knowledge of the Human Incineration Ritual."
Edmond remained silent, as did the two Magi, before the hothead spoke up again. "This hearing is regarding that," the man put his hand in his pocket, far more calm than he had been throughout the entire meeting.
"Gentlemen, I can only warn you once," Ritsuka offered, the Magi with the glasses slowly raising hands, removing his glasses.
"On the contrary…" He flashed both eyes at Ritsuka, "We'll be taking those familiars of yours for our own purposes."
Ritsuka sighed, before crossing his arms, shock crossing over both Magi's face as he raised a finger. "Fun fact, you'd need at least God level Mystic Eyes to affect me," Ritsuka said before snapping his fingers. "But you two are out of line."
"Why you-" The angry magi drew a wand from his pocket, one tipped with a finely cut ruby. It didn't matter though as all around the room, a dozen figures emerged from Spirit Form. The wand was cut in half by the clean swing of a blade. Sanson frowning as both Magi were suddenly surrounded by the twelve Servants who'd been listening to this whole conversation.
Well, thirteen, as Edmond walked out of the shadows, clapping slowly with a dark grin. "Gentlemen, I don't think you planned this out too well."
"You're telling me," Billy offered, his gun pointed at the back of the head of the man with the Mystic Eyes.
"What… are you?" The two Magi asked as Ritsuka chuckled softly.
"Just the Master of Chaldea, anything else you don't need to know," Ritsuka offered, twirling his finger around. He was tempted to make a few sparks of Twilight magic, but that would just cause these two men to try and seek out his secrets further.
He'd rather not have to deal with that. Last Loop the interrogators ended up running head first into Kiyohime and the Hassans. The latter group had to pry the pissy dragonness off the burning corpses after she was done. That hadn't been good for Chaldea's image.
"Call off your Ghost Liners, or the association-" The hothead tried to throw around some weight, before one of the Servants spoke up. Paracelsus von Hohenheim.
"The Association will probably be far more understanding of the evidence being recorded in this room than you both, nevermind my own word. Indeed, if you look around, I am not the only former Magi in this room. We may have become Familiars gentlemen, but that does not mean we don't have sway over the world." the Alchemist offered, and Avicebron followed up.
"Indeed. The young man before you has done far more in one year than either of you shall accomplish in a lifetime. Surely you understand that you've made quite a poor decision." the golem maker offered. The sharp tip of Jack's knife pointed out at the back of the hot-head magi made a very clear point.
"Threaten Mommy again and you won't go back to your stupid tower," the little girl threatened. Both men remained silent as Ritsuka returned to a comfortable position. Despite being the one supposed to be interrogated, the Anchor smiled with a set of fangs more befitting a demon than a young man.
"Now then… shall we negotiate?"
He was looking forward to getting the MA off their backs this Loop. Even if he had to sit through this stupid interrogation to do it.
26.2
[Fate/Grand Order]
Casual Coffee
Goredolf was quiet as he sat in Chaldea's control room. The moment he'd Awakened he'd contacted Ritsuka via the network Da Vinci had set up for them, and his subordinate was quick to provide him a Twilight Portal to Chaldea. Thus putting him back into his real position.
Of course with Ritsuka currently in Shinjuku, he was left to run the ship as it were. Holding up his cup of coffee, he took a sip. An explosion suddenly rang out, alarms starting to blare.
Goredolf sighed, lowering his coffee cup as a few of the Rayshift technicians looking up. "Status report," he ordered.
"Obviously, something exploded. Bringing up visual now," Sylvia offered, the young woman pulling up a screen showcasing the outside of Chaldea on a camera. On a nearby mountain, in the middle of a blizzard, was Nobunaga and Napoleon. "New Director, it's them again."
"Of course," Goredolf muttered. Those two had been going at it this loop, trying to compare their firepower in increasingly explosive displays. "Anyone else?" he asked, raising his coffee and taking another side.
"Sir, Gilgamesh and Tesla have joined them," another technician he didn't know the name of spoke up. Most of them kept changing damnit, there were only eight consistent names and three consistent faces. Ironic that Meuniere, who he'd had such trouble remembering the name of before, was the easiest to recall.
Downing his current sip of coffee. "Will their antics cause any structural damage to Chaldea or expose us?"
"Uncertain sir, given they're doing this during the heaviest blizzard we've seen all year," Slyvia offered, just as another explosion rocked Chaldea. "Though we're probably going to need to clear the runway after they're done…"
Goredolf nodded. "Leave them, get Fujimaru back on screen," he ordered, once more raising his cup.
"Do we have to update the board sir?" Sylvia questioned, and Goredolf blinked.
"The board?" the portly man questioned with a raised eyebrow.
"Something that Miss Da Vinci implemented. Any time someone causes damage to Chaldea, we have to calculate the price cost. I don't know why though…" Sylvia muttered.
"Have they caused any damage yet?" Goredolf asked, running some questions through his head. Why would Da Vinci want costs? It wasn't like they were spending anything more of the time on repairs. Mostly because he'd learned a lot about 'Grand Order Protocol.'
I.E, steal resources, gather resources, buy them from other time periods, and synthesize solutions. And that was before factoring in Magecraft.
"New Director!" Goredolf turned his head as Mash ran into the room. "Do you have any idea where Da Vinci went!?"
"Wat?" Goredolf questioned as Mash blinked, and then turned to leave. "Hold on, what's this about the technical officer?" Goredolf asked.
Mash looked at him. "She's not in her Workshop, and I know she's not in the Singularity. But I can't find her."
"Sylvia!" Goredolf ordered, looking to the technician.
"On it sir!" she turned to begin her search. "Having CHALDEAS scan for magical signatures matching Servant Caster, Leonardo Da Vinci," Sylvia reported.
Goredolf set down his coffee, Mash joining him in watching the scan. Fujimaru could handle themselves, especially since they were clearly leading some sort of gang warfare. The missing Caster was of greater concern than Fujimaru's latest bout of chaos.
"Located!" Syliva reported, the globe of CHALDEAS ceasing its spin, a single red dot appearing upon its surface in the northern hemisphere, more specifically… "Wall Street… New York!? What's she doing in North America?"
"Mash," Goredolf started, quickly putting his hand on his desk. "What is the status of the pirates?"
"I don't know, I… haven't…" Mash started mumbling.
"Expanding search," Sylvia commented, and a few seconds later the globe lit up again. "Confirming twenty Servant signatures in New York City. All registered to Chaldea sir. Wait no, we have two rogues."
"Mash… Please tell me you have a way to teleport?" Goredolf asked, paling considerably at the thoughts of what the Mages' Association, or the Americans… or anyone was going to do to him if they didn't clean this up fast.
"I do, but not to New York," Mash muttered.
"Confirming identities… We have the pirates, Saint Georgios, Okita, Carmilla, the Knights of the Round, Da Vinci, David and… oh no." Sylvia muttered. "Sir, Iskandar is in America."
"There are twenty Servants in one city, I think we have a bigger problem than one man." Goredolf started, only for Mash to tap his shoulder.
"Um, New Director," Mash said, holding up a tablet she'd pulled out of somewhere… showing off Iskandar, in full armor, giving a massive speech in the middle of Times Square, with Lord El-Melloi II by his side. "He's one of the two rogues."
"...Can we recall or contact Fujimaru?" Goredolf asked weakly. He had no idea how to handle this mess…
"No sir, the barrier around Shinjuku is still up," Meuniere reported.
"Mash please tell me you can beat him?" Goredolf grasped for any straw at this point.
"He's far older than me… I mean I could try, but he'd probably kick my ass… or recruit me." Mash shrugged. She didn't think her chances against a Looper as old as Iskandar were good.
"Do we have anyone else we can deploy on short notice!?" Goredolf asked in a panic, only for one of the two technicians to turn to him.
"Sir, is that a good idea?" Sylvia asked.
"It's either that or the world's going to be taken over! Which do you prefer?" the Director pointed out
"If we're talking current politics I think he might be better…" Meuniere muttered, everyone looking to him in confusion. "What, did none of you see the state of America before the Grand Order? Or even now?"
"You aren't even American! Why do you care about America?" Mash questioned the technician, who shrugged.
"Did… none of you bother looking up the global status?"
"No, just you Meuniere," Goredolf muttered, before leaning over to Mash. "Find someone and send them."
"Actually no need," Mash offered, holding up the tablet again, showing that Iskandar had encountered… resistance.
Namely the Knights of the Round, and Morgan, who'd managed to somehow convince the Knights and her Fairy Knights to join her in pushing back Iskandar. Why they were now fighting he had no idea, but Times Square had become a hell of a spectacle.
What was more surprising was that Morgan wasn't getting stomped instantly. Similarly Lord El-Melloi II was only stalemating the full force of the 'Nuts of the Round Table'. She was actually slowly gaining ground against the King of Conquerors, who seemed very surprised… and excited by this development on screen.
Of course as amazing as the spectacle was just another one of Goredolf's headaches, as he raised a hand to his head. "We're fucked."
"I mean they're technically doing their job?" Mash offered, only to get a half-hearted glare from the far younger Looper. "Don't worry sir, it'll all get fixed eventually."
"That doesn't mean we don't have to deal with the consequences now!" Goredolf shouted in concern. "Do you have any idea what Clock Tower is going to do!? Those idiots just blew the entire Moonlit World out in the open!"
"Sir, we've found the pirates, the saint and Da Vinci… they're… filming?" Sylvia asked.
"What are they shooting a fucking movie!?" Goredolf swore, what sort of madness was this?
"Yes," Sylvia stated bluntly. Leaving Goredolf to blink in confusion.
"That's it! I'm getting more coffee! Someone come get me when the world starts making sense again!" Goredolf grabbed his cup and began to walk off, leaving Mash and the technicians alone in wonder.
"Honestly this isn't even that bad," Mash offered.
"We're still going to get an earful from practically everyone for this," Sylvia complained, being the only actual Magus left in the room.
"If they're stupid enough to try something after watching this, that seems like a very fancy way of committing suicide."
"I wonder what the Movie's going to be titled?" Mash wondered aloud.
It had been a while since Da Vinci had shot a movie… or maybe she was just taking advantage of the chaos to give them an out and get herself footage. Either way this was far from the worst incident.
It was just the first Goredolf had been Awake for.
26.3
[Fate/Grand Order]
Chaldean's Guide to Grand Order 7
Chapter 1.20: Morgan - Winter Queen of Fairy Britain
As Loopers, I have no doubt in my mind that all of you have met the Sorceress known as Morgan le Fey. In various worlds at that, perhaps the most common one that Loopers might encounter being Morgaine le Fey from the DC Loop or Morgan le Fey from the Marvel Loop. These two, fittingly, are some of the most dangerous versions of Morgan Le Fey, and compared to our own Morgan le Fey, it is highly likely that either of them would come out on top ahead of her.
But Morgan le Fey of Proper Human History is not what this section is about. No, this section is about Morgan, the one from the Lostworld known as Fairy Britain. Let us begin with perhaps the most important aspect of this woman, just what she is. Morgan is the queen of Fairy Britain and by extension is queen of the Lostworld. Yes, Lostworld, not Lostbelt, there is a distinct difference that will be explained later. She is old, far older than either Morgaine or Morgan from the aforementioned worlds. Her physical age is over 5000 years old.
You now might be wondering why 'physical age' has to be mentioned… because Morgan is far older than that. In fact, there is one chilling comparison to be made regarding her, because even now as of the publishing of this book, not even our Anchor, my Senpai, Ritsuka Fujimaru has surpassed Morgan in age.
Because she is a Looper, but not in the conventional sense. In Baseline, as we have learned, the Morgan of Fairy Britain was a hero. She was the chosen hero of Fairy Britain, the one who would lead them to salvation, who would save their world and save them. This goal given to her by the planet itself, and she was a young, rambunctious and sweet young girl. I would know… I met her back when she was like that. She was full of dreams, and utterly determined to just do her best to save Britain and its people.
Fairy Britain broke her. It took a long time to do it, but it did eventually break her. Why will not be discussed until later, because if I got started I doubt I could stop until every last bit of vitriol for a majority of the inhabitants of that island was put to paper. Before she broke however, Morgan kept trying, again, and again, and again to save Britain and the fairies. In return for this, they killed her, at best. They've done worse. But she kept trying, before the moment of her death sending her mind back in time thousands of years to try again.
I've asked her how long she'd been doing this. The answer varies, but the most common one I receive tends to be "I stopped counting after the first few thousand." Going with the conservative estimate of maybe five thousand loops, and knowing that her standard Loop lasted around 3000 years (The 2000 years extra are from her final loop, when she snapped), we can do a bit of math.
In Baseline, the low estimate for Morgan's mental age is 15,000,000 years old. Again, low estimate. Morgan thankfully does not have all of the benefits a Looper does. She does not possess a Pocket, she had no variant loops, she did not retain power between loops. Think of it as the most basic form of Looping, nothing but her and the memories of the passing years and all that comes with it. Effectively, she was the Fairy Britain equivalent of an Anchor with no Loopers whatsoever to help her in this endeavor.
Simply put, she broke. Hard. Why she did I will keep private, because in some ways she is still a friend of mine and I respect her privacy. One might ask what Morgan did with all of this time. She kept getting smarter, more creative… you get the idea, she effectively went full Looper within the limits of her situation and the results more than speak for themselves in pure power.
Let's go down the list of what she's capable of in Baseline when we encounter her. She's turned Rhongomyniad, a weapon forged by the planet as a counter-deterrence against Aliens and as a lynchpin of the world's layers, into a form of Magecraft. Effectively with a simple incantation she can drop something more powerful than an atomic bomb on someone. You might remember Wodime from earlier in this chapter (See section 1.12 for more details). He was barely able to block one Rhongomyniad. Morgan has no less than twelve set up for deployment at any given moment, not counting her ability to just make more of them and fire at will anywhere on the planet. Including outside her own Lostbelt. Just one of these things can destroy all of Olympus.
This is one of her least impressive feats by the way. She's created the Water Mirror spell, which is capable of throwing victims back in time in a one way trip. I would know, I ended up being the victim of it, which is how I met Morgan before she snapped. I was sent back over 3500 years in time and had to wait the long way to get back to everyone, thankfully asleep for a majority of that time. Morgan was the one who helped me survive that long as well.
She is capable of creating fully autonomous clones of herself, all just as strong as her. Just one of these clones gave all of our combined forces in baseline a fight we were barely capable of winning, with a cheap shot at that. We then got utterly stomped by three more when Morgan decided we were worth some of her divided attention. She has a portal network set-up across all of Fairy Britain, which might not sound impressive but teleportation in our world is a really big deal. She imposed an 'existence tax' upon every fairy in Britain, stealing energy for them every year for over 2000 years, and fairies being what they are this is not an insignificant amount of power she takes from the population every year, as fairies are extensions of the planet, and therefore some of the strongest creatures in our world from a magical power perspective.
But all of this pales in comparison to her greatest feat, which currently surpasses any other Lostbelt King. Her world is not a Lostbelt, it is a Lostworld. She managed to turn Fairy Britain into an existence, a timeline, capable of rivaling Proper Human History rather than merely be a facet of it. The significance of this is that any Fairy born during the queen's calendar Era (The 2000 Years after Morgan snapped), can survive outside of Fairy Britain. She made her own equivalent of the Servant Summoning system, which is how she created the Fairy Knights… I could go on but I think the point is made. Morgan is an incredible mage that is capable of spells even magi from the Age of Gods could only dream of.
All that said, as incredible as she is, as powerful as she is… She serves as a testament to the levels a Looper can fall to. Morgan is, to put it in simple terms, an utterly depressed wreck of a woman with multiple phobias, little care about anything but Britain itself, the land not the people (not that anyone blames her), a mother with a child she'd let do practically anything who suffered in a very similar way to herself… and someone we respect and wish we could do better for. But don't let that fool you, she may not give much attention to some things, but when she focuses on something, she is nigh unstoppable at getting it.
For those looking to beat Morgan in a fight, her weaknesses are apparent. In a straight up power brawl, Baseline Morgan is a monster in combat who's weakness basically boils down to 'she isn't Clairvoyant'. So her reaction time is strong, but not physics ignoring. She's also bound by… well physical constraints. Her body can only take so much, even if she has multiple bodies to deal with. She's nearly immune to most forms of Magical assault, not just magecraft, capable of seeing through Lies with her 'Fairy Eyes', and has a vast myriad of curses, including Voodoo where any damage she would take is deflected onto her target. Not very flashy, but quite nasty.
If you want to beat her unconventional, her most crippling phobia is insects. Just the sight of most insects will have her screaming and will either send her running or she'll attempt to blow them up with all due prejudice, so flip that coin if you want. As mentioned, she's a depressed wreck and she even prefers negotiation if possible, so it's actually possible to avoid a fight with her… until a certain point. Once we start working towards Fairy Britain's destruction, she will begin war in earnest. Fun note, one of her favorite negotiation tactics isn't to threaten, but to bribe people. She outright tried to bribe Ritsuka with hundreds of millions of QP she just… created with the snap of a finger.
Another noticeable weak point is her lack of care. Because she's so depressed she's actually not watching everything at all times like she should be. She just doesn't care about what's happening unless it's getting in the way of her keeping the land of Fairy Britain under her control. Note that is the land. She legitimately could not give less of a shit about what happens to any fairies or humans in her country anymore, save a specific few. Baobhan Sith, Habetort… and myself, Mash Kyrielight, known to Fairy Britain as the First Fairy Knight, Fairy Knight Galahad.
How you want to tackle the Queen of Fairy Britain is up to you… but don't be surprised when you get a fight, not a steamroll. She also likes getting attention, praise and can be amazingly reasonable and… silly. Summoning her as a Servant means she actually remembers everything she's been through, and being in a more stable and happy environment means her antics can get… strange.
Experience them for yourself, we tend to try and summon the Fairy Knights and Morgan early when we can.
26.4
[Fate/Grand Order] [Avatar: The Last Airbender]
An Odd Tea Party
"You know, this is not the strangest tea party I've ever had… but it is indeed up there," Iroh mused, before chuckling softly as the little girl by his side raised her teacup.
"May I please have more tea mister Iroh?" the silver haired girl asked. The one who was hosting this party with him. Her name was Nursery Rhyme, and as Iroh understood it, she was the concept of children's stories made manifest… but people called her Alice.
"Oh but of course," Iroh said with a smile, raising the teapot and pouring a little more for her. Of course, little Alice wasn't the only oddity of the occupants of this Tea Party.
If anything, she was one of the most normal ones. "Mister… Iroh… More please," a little blonde boy asked. The young Voyager holding up his own tea cup and plate. The personification of the Voyager-1 space probe in the form of a little boy. A young one eager to learn all he could from those around him.
"We want some too." Of course the blonde wasn't alone as yet another one of the weirder members of this party asked away. Jack the Ripper, an amalgamation of 80,000 dead children… in the form of another silver haired little girl. Who was also cute.
Iroh just laughed. "Yes yes, there's enough for everyone." He poured them both some more tea, looking around the table at the other tea party guests. Both Abigail and Lavinia were here as well, the two Loopers having been the one to invite him to said tea party, which was being hosted by Nursery Rhyme.
Besides them, there were the other Foreigners of the group. Oei, one of the two Japanese people at the table, politely drinking her tea and appreciating it with a calm silence on her face. Right beside her was Clytie Van Gogh, who was giggling a bit more… manically, and constantly taking sips in-between giggles.
He hoped she hadn't ended up like Luna had that one time, but they'd fixed it eventually.
"Mister Iroh!" He looked to his left, to the little girl tugging on his sleeve. The christmas miracle made manifest, and the childhood version of Jeanne D'Arc Alter… Jeanne Lily, or if one was to use her full title Jeanne D'Arc Alter Santa Lily. Most just went with Jeanne Lily. Of course she was holding up her adorable little reindeer mug. "More please!"
"Aw, here you go little one," Iroh said with a warm smile, pouring more tea for the little girl, and watching her honest enjoyment of his work. Next to her Paul Bunyan, who for some reason was also a little girl and apparently the concept of the tall tales that made her up, alongside creation myths of giants, was drinking out of the second largest cup at the table.
The largest however was in the massive hands of Asterios, the minotaur. Despite being utterly massive and covered in scars, the man was more akin to a young boy just enjoying time with his friends. Said friends were a pair of much smaller goddesses, Euryale and Stheno, who were drinking in tandem with each other. Complete synchronicity. "Best tea!" Asterios rumbled.
"Well I'm glad you think so Asterios," Iroh waved to the minotaur, before taking a drink from his own cup. After said sip, his gaze returned to the other oddities around the table. The normally very grumpy Hans Christen Andersen was actually smiling, writing something down with one hand and drinking with the other. It was a bit amusing that the famous author was also a young boy with blue hair, but who was he to judge?
Here he was, sitting at a table with eldritch children, conceptual children, the minotaur, multiple divinities, a christmas miracle, the author of legend and a tall tale made manifest. But perhaps the one that held his attention the most was the young looking girl with the sparrow hat.
Beni-enma, better known as the tongue cut sparrow. Proprietor of Enma-Tei, and according to most of the FGO Loopers, the best cook they knew besides Shirou Emiya himself. Bias of course, but the girl knew her stuff, which was amazingly impressive for someone who had no sense of taste. So while she could drink and eat, she would be unable to enjoy it herself.
Of course, Iroh had gotten around that one many times before. And was watching as the adoptive daughter of the judge of the dead was slowly savoring the drink. When she put down the cup, the young looking girl opened her eyes. "Sir Iroh," her voice came, not exactly from her mouth. Ventriloquism, he could easily tell. That was one way to get around not having a tongue.
"Yes miss Enma?" Iroh returned, awaiting her words.
"I am impressed, highly impressed. Not only have you created a drink I am capable of enjoying, despite my own disability, it's flawless. Utter perfection in what it seeks to achieve. You are dedicated to your craft in a way beyond even I when it comes to tea," she responded.
"High praise coming for you miss Enma, though I must ask," Iroh started, the girl looking at him. "How did you become such a great chef with no sense of taste?"
"It is a long story sir Iroh, but I didn't start as the best chef in the hells." She put down her tea cup and then stood up. "Shall we take a moment?"
"Oh but of course," Iroh stood up as well. "We'll be back shortly everyone,"
"Okay!" was the resounding response, mostly from those who acted the way they looked. Benienma and Iroh took a step outside the room, into the hallway before closing the door behind them.
"So, how did you become such a chef?" Iroh asked. He'd had some of her cooking earlier this Loop, when they'd gone to the Inn of Enma-tei. He had to say, incredible food, but there had been better… but only from others who held that 'Cooking God' title among Loopers. Which wasn't to say it was bad, it was just as good one could possibly get without Looping at all.
"Trial and error, as well as a lot of time, dechi," she responded with a smile. "Though I myself have nearly no taste, I learned to cook through others."
"So you had a teacher?" Iroh asked, but she shook her head.
"No. I taught myself everything. From preparation to presentation, every single part of the process," she looked up at him. "How I learned from others is… their reactions. When I first started, my impairment was a problem, dechi. But I took cues from people. I improved further and further, always watching how they reacted. A dish is only perfect when the person you are serving enjoys it fully, and when you yourself have put heart and soul into it. You understand, yes?"
"Oh I do indeed," Iroh admitted. "Tea is my passion, so I will say, I'm no amazing cook. But you've mastered cooking to a point where not many could surpass you. Indeed, only those who have all the time in the world could do so."
"Oh I'm well aware there are those that have," she winked. Iroh just laughed. Ah, he should have known that she would be a perceptive one. To think learning to cook would teach someone how to spot the oddities. "Shall we rejoin them, sir Iroh?"
"But of course. This has been quite the tea party, hasn't it?" He asked as they turned to rejoin the people inside the room.
"It's far from over. After all, we've yet to reach the main course," she pointed out. Iroh hummed, before nodding.
"Well then, from one proprietor to another, shall we give them a show?" He prepared himself. He'd made the first pot for everyone, but the first was not going to be enough for this strange group.
"Always, now let's give them a tea party to remember." The sparrow oni returned.
It was a very good tea party in his opinion, easily top ten, still quite high on the weirdness scale.
26.5
[Fate/Grand Order]
Crash in Hello
"Pepe," Wodime asked calmly, looking towards the flamboyant man.
"Yes Wodime?" he responded.
"...Have the others betrayed me?" Wodime questioned.
"What makes you say that sir?" Pepe asked as Wodime closed his eyes.
"Kadoc continues to sneak off on his own. You yourself said Akuta turned into a Servant, and Ophelia… I don't know where she went," Wodime admitted.
"Oh that's easy, she keeps being dragged along by Fujimaru's insanity. Seriously, it's like a black hole of lunacy around him."
"In addition, Beryl doesn't listen to orders, among other things, Daybit doesn't return my calls anymore, as well his Lostbelt has literally vanished…'' he then turned to Peperoncino. "And you Arou have had little but praise for them since you returned."
"Well Fujimaru did save my life more times than I can count. He was even willing to let me act as a stand-in Master who those willing to work under my command," Pepe admitted, leaving Wodime to smile.
"I heard from Koyanskya that the battle for your Fantasy Tree was quite a sight," the magus continued.
"Oh I have it on video, you wanna see?" Pepe pulled up his phone with a grin.
Before Wodime could respond to that one, there was a crash, Wodime shooting out of his chair as Pepe sighed. "What was that?"
"Dammit Fujimaru! That's the third planet we've crashed into!" Wodime blinked, he recognized that voice… even if he'd never heard her shouting before.
Pepe clearly did too, given he was slowly facepalming. "I'm not the one driving! Look at Jane." That voice was less familiar, but he had a hunch exactly who it was.
"Sorry~ Ishtarin's powers have supercharged the engine a bit." Both Pepe and Wodime took off at a run, Pepe far faster than his golden haired friend as they ran towards the voices. Kadoc was already there, staring through no less than five holes made in the wall of Wodime's private palace.
"Don't blame this on me! Ludicrous speed is perfectly safe if you make sure to stay on course!" This 'Ishtarin' complained as the Crypter trio looked at the crashed spaceship. Three girls, and one Fujimaru, were climbing out of it. Ophelia fell to the ground, before shooting back up and pointing her finger at the girl with red and black hair.
"WE RIPPED THROUGH THREE DIMENSIONAL BOUNDARIES!" Ophelia shouted at this.
"That might have been my fault. My Riding EX appears to have caused us to go even faster than intended." another girl, one wearing a baseball cap, poked her head out. "Also Akuta's unconscious."
"Oh gods is she okay?" Ritsuka asked, the three Crypters all starring in… what could only be called befuddlement as they were completely ignored.
"Eh, minor concussion, she'll heal," the cap wearing girl commented before throwing herself out of the spaceship.
Wodime chose that moment to cough, drawing attention to him and his. "Ah… Fujimaru. I was not expecting such an entrance."
"Lord Kirschtaria!?" Ophelia eeped, jumping in surprise as a groan came from inside the ship.
"Did anyone get that world's digital coordinates…" Akuta muttered as she grabbed the door, slowly poking her head out, shaking it to get rid of her headache. "Where the hell are we?"
"Dunno, hey you're the Wodime guy we heard so much about, where are we?" the blonde in the cowgirl outfit asked with a wave.
"You would be on Olympus," he answered nonchalantly.
"Hey Wodime," Ritsuka waved to him with a smile. "Don't mind us, we'll just fix this and be on our way… eventually."
"Hold up, he's the bad guy! And he's right in front of us!" the baseball cap girl shouted, summoning a glowing sword from… somewhere and pointing it at him.
"Put that down!" Ophelia shouted, trying to force the other girl's arm down. "Lord Kirschtaria, I'm so sorry for my shameful loss."
"Oh, hey Kirschtaria," Akuta waved, still poking out of the ship. "Pepe, Kadoc."
"...Akuta?" Kadoc asked, more confused than anything else. "Uh…"
"I told you, insanity follows him around," Pepe whispered to Wodime, who nodded.
"Indeed."
"Hey, do you have a kitchen here?" Ritsuka asked. "I can make us all lunch before we go!"
Kirschtaria just decided to roll with it at this point, it was more fun that way. "That sounds delightful."
"Yo what did I-" everyone turned towards the new arrival, Beryl Gut walking in on the absurd scene… carrying a knife and covered in someone's blood. He actually dropped the knife in surprise. "What."
"Kill him!" Akuta shouted, pulling some sort of tube shaped gun out of the spaceship and pointing it at Beryl.
"There will be no killing here today Akuta," Wodime tried to calm her. "Beryl, what did you do?"
"Uh… nothing," he said. "I'm.. I'm just gonna go," he just started slinking off.
"...Who's blood was that?" Ishtarin questioned as Pepe frowned.
"I will figure that one out later, so lunch?" Pepe returned to a smile with his question.
"Screw it… yeah, lunch first." Kadoc muttered, shaking his head.
What followed was a very interesting lunch between the Crypters and apparently visitors from another universe entirely. It was good to see friends again in Wodime's opinion. Caenis ended up walking in at one point and joining them all. Twas a shame after lunch they'd all go back to being enemies.
Or if Fujimaru had his way, given that Wodime could clearly tell Kadoc and Pepe were hiding something about his greatest rival. Of course Zeus tried to interrupt to ask what the explosion had been. That had ended up somehow pissing off the 'Ishtarin' girl.
"This was not my intention I swear," Ritsuka muttered, slowly kicking the ground as all of the Crypters, Beryl included, and the others from the Servant Universe were watching the insanity before them.
"You could have mentioned that girl was the divinity of an entire universe Fujimaru," Wodime chided. "Perhaps then lord Zeus would have been more respectful."
"He would have tried to stick his you-know-what in her and you know that," Ophelia muttered. There was a bit of a silent agreement there.
"Perhaps, but I for one am enjoying the show," Pepe mused. "By the way, I don't think Olympus is long for this world Wodime."
"Really now? I was under the assumption everything would be fine," Wodime snarked, his mask finally cracking under the absurdity of the situation. Up above, the 'Bel Manna' was currently grappling Zeus' robotic spaceship body, and threatening to tear it in two. Turned out that despite being the chief divinity of an extremely old pantheon, as well as being the most powerful deity on the planet didn't mean much against the most powerful and oldest deity of a previous Universe.
Especially since, as Fujimaru explained, she was actually immune to attacks 'smaller than a galaxy' in size. The 'class advantage' of her being an Avenger and Zeus being a Ruler was not helping his Lostbelt King either.
"KICK HIM IN THE FACE!" MHX shouted as Ophelia held Wodime's hand, trying to drag him away from this mess.
"You know, I don't think the Alien God expected this sort of interference," Ritsuka pointed out, before he busted out laughing. "Ah… oh well,"
There was a loud crack. Wodime winced as Zeus' body was finally snapped in half by the Bel Manna. And of course, not content with her rampage, she'd proceed to rip up his Fantasy Tree almost as an afterthought, leaving Wodime to sigh. Well bollocks.
"Okay, this one's not my fault, you can't blame me," Ritsuka pointed out. He wanted to protest, but… the Master of Chaldea had literally done nothing but stand there with him watching the show.
"I am aware… I believe we may need a ride now," Wodime muttered.
"Op, my ride's here!" Beryl suddenly panicked as Koyanskya teleported in, and before she could say anything, got tackled by the gangster. "You, me, Britain, now, White dragon."
"What?" Pepe muttered in confusion, much like everyone else except Fujimaru for some reason as Koyanskya surveyed the situation, and then decided that discretion was the better part of valor. Which was to say she teleported away with Beryl.
"I do believe our tenure as servants of the Alien God may be over." Wodime noted finally. "So about that ride."
"Uh… welcome aboard?"
"Goredolf is not going to believe this shit…" Akuta muttered, facepalming. "I don't believe this shit."
"Everyone! To the spaceship!" MHX declared as Olypmus started to rumble… and crumble.
Escape now seemed like a much better idea.
It took them three more crashes, a visit to the Servant Universe, and finally Ritsuka getting fed up with the entire mess of the situation and pulling out a Holy Grail from somewhere and shoving it into Ishtarin's hands, asking her to "Please just send us to the Wandering Sea?"
"Senpai, next time you're bringing me along." Mash said, frowning. "You keep leaving me behind for these Saber Wars visits every Loop."
"I still have no clue how this ended up occurring, but okay," Ritsuka agreed, sitting alongside Mash as the now former Crypters were being… talked to by the Awake Goredolf. Who also still didn't believe how the hell this had happened.
"How did this all start though?" Mash questioned, leaving Ritsuka to sigh.
"Well… it all started with Ishtarin getting high on cosmic power, Space Merlin giving her an idea, MHX wanting to upgrade the ship's engine and Ophelia wanting to 'go home now please'." Hearing how it started… even Ritsuka wasn't sure how it had all spiralled into perhaps the fastest takedown of the Olympus Lostbelt ever. In addition to preventing the Foreign God's incarnation… by accident.
The Loops allowed for very strange things to happen. Very, very strange and wacky things.
26.6
[Fate/Stay Night]
Memories from the Other Side
Rin stared in confusion at the man who had fallen through her roof. She tried, hard, to withhold groaning as the man lounged in her now destroyed attic, chilling on the furniture.
The man huffed slowly as he began to open his eyes. "Well, well… it seems I've come from quite an irregular summoning. Or perhaps this is a regular one?" A single red eye greeted Rin, and a smirk on his face. "Of course, it just had to be you, didn't it?"
"Gilgamesh…" she tried to withhold her glare. She could tell from his outfit, this wasn't Archer. No, this was a very different Gilgamesh. A mature hero, a man who some would claim was actually worthy of his title, King of Heroes.
"Oh, so you do know my name," Gilgamesh chuckled, before opening his other eye. Two red orbs filled with amusement. "However, I'm far from surprised… Rin Tohsaka."
"Well you are the Servant my father summoned, many years ago," she commented.
"Please, I am a very different man than the Archer you know," Gilgamesh proclaimed proudly. "After all, he is but an imputent child, someone who's yet to grow up to the truth of the world." he stood up, proud and tall. "Also, don't even bother to hide it. It's easy enough to learn from Fujimaru. I suspect this will merely be a pitstop before I return to his side. After all, I had just sent him to the underworld before arriving here."
"Of… course he would…" Rin muttered. "Of course Caster, I'm your Master here," she ordered, pointing her finger at him.
He merely grinned. "So you believe it so? Do you really believe that I answer to you?" the now identified Caster stated, looking down at Rin while doing so, despite sitting down.
"I'm older than you… and far stronger," Rin commented.
"That may be a true statement…" he mused, before chuckling. "But do not think that it gives you the right to make me hear you."
"And yet you listen to Fujimaru," Rin commented. It kinda annoyed her that Gilgamesh just… listened to Fujimaru. Heck at how easily Fujimaru could get even the worst Servants to work with them. Even people like Oberon or Kama.
"If Fujimaru is correct in these 'Loops' existing, which I have little reason to doubt with the evidence presented, the answer should be in front of you. After all, you have without a doubt experienced it," Gilgamesh noted, still not moving from his seat.
"...Mesopotamia," she noted, and Gilgamesh nodded.
"It is a matter of respect. They are worthy of my respect. You are merely worthy of my attention." The king's answer spoke of finality.
"Well then let me ask the stupid question, who are the other Servants in this Grail War?" Rin asked, crossing her arms.
"Oh very well, I suppose it will be a distraction from my boredom," Gilgamesh mused… and a few seconds later started laughing.
"Oh no…" Rin put her hand to her face.
"AH! Nevermind! This will be entertaining! Come Tohsaka," the king stood up, summoning his axe from the Gate of Babylon and beginning to walk out of the destroyed room. "It seems there will be quite the interesting reunion with war."
"What are you talking about this time?" Rin asked, intrigued as Gilgamesh looked over his shoulder at her.
"Tell me Tohsaka. Do you ever keep track of what your boyfriend's sister does in her spare time?" Gilgamesh asked, causing Rin's eye to twitch a bit.
"DAMMIT ILLYA!"
This had not been what Rin had been expecting.
"Ah! The world works in mysterious ways, does it not?" Gilgamesh asked to all the other Servants now gathered around the table of Shirou's house, holding up a glass of rice wine.
Gathered around the table was Bedivere, Enkidu, Billy the Kid, Francis Drake, Carmilla, and Beowulf… all of whom, for some reason, remembered their time at Chaldea. Notably that they'd all just been unsummoned and now resummoned to fight in a completely different Grail War.
"So it does, but perhaps it would be more interesting to question why we have been summoned here?" Enkidu asked their friend. Gilgamesh, currently indulging himself in alcohol, was trying to down it as fast as he could to answer Enkidu.
"Not every summoning is for the fate of the world, pal," Billy was quicker on the draw, causing Gilgamesh to spit out his wine, and coughing.
"Sorry Gil, he was just faster."
"DAMMIT!" Gilgamesh coughed out, Enkidu patting his back as Beowulf and Drake took the moment to laugh at him.
"Thank you for being such a kind host to us, sir Shirou," Bedivere offered towards Shirou.
The Anchor sighed. "Yeah, you're welcome," Shirou said, before waving them off. "Hey, while you're here, you all mind fixing a problem for us?"
"Really Shirou?" Rin commented.
"I'd rather take a vacation this Loop, and you probably want to as well," he said, looking towards Illya, who seemed rather smug for some reason…
"Oh?" Carmilla mused, tapping a very sharp finger to the table. "Something that needs our attention?"
"Yeah, another version of him-" Shirou pointed at the still coughing Gilgamesh, stealthily slipping a camera out of his sleeve to record him being nursed by Enkidu. "Is trying to flood the world with evil using the Greater Grail."
There seemed to be a few moments of silence, save Gilgamesh's choking, but once he finally was free of that, he looked up. "HE'S DOING WHAT!?"
Rin burst out laughing. "What did you not know?"
Gilgamesh shot her a glare. "We ride! All of you, with me," Gilgamesh stood up, abandoning dinner.
"Oh boy, he's pissed," Beowulf mused, before chuckling. "Ain't gonna want to miss this."
"This'll be fun," Billy stood up, adjusting his jacket. "Damn, I actually got weakened by this summoning."
"Same, but whatever," Drake admitted. "Let's kick goldie's ass alongside goldie."
"Okay, this I have to see," Shirou muttered, preparing to get a better camera out of his Pocket.
This was gonna be fun to show everyone later.
Watching Gilgamesh shout at himself was just as hilarious as Shirou had envisioned. It got even better when the incarnated Archer realized that Enkidu was there, saw what he was doing, and didn't approve of it at all.
"You know, I don't think we've ever shamed Gilgamesh to death before," Rin pointed out as the Archer seemed to be having a heart attack, slowly fading away from Enkidu's scathing browbeat. Caster was tapping his foot and waiting for his counterpart to return to the throne as well.
"All of you are not to speak of this to Fujimaru, understood," Gilgamesh ordered with a growl.
"Bribe me," Drake ordered, and got a pile of jewels chuckled at her head, lining her hat with them.
"Alcohol," Beowulf demanded, and got a keg thrown at him from the Gate of Babylon.
"I'm good, lips sealed," Billy said with a smirk.
"The same sir Gilgamesh," Bedivere replied with a smile.
"I want a car," Carmilla ordered, and then grinned as Gilgamesh provided a red sports car from the Gate of Babylon.
"Now, Enkidu, we are going to destroy the Grail. I will see the rest of you back at Chaldea," Gilgamesh ordered, beginning to walk off. Enkidu waved to everyone and joined him. Shirou kept the camera recording them both as they walked off… hand holding.
Illya was giggling for some reason about that.
"Hey… can I get some of that footage?" Billy whispered to Shirou.
"Where do you all keep this stuff when you go back to the Throne anyway?" Rin questioned as Carmilla was preparing to drive away, the other Servants all climbing into her new car.
"We're gonna lose it, but whatever, we'll force it back out of him later," Beowulf admitted, throwing the keg into the backseat and climbing into the car.
"No, I'm keeping this footage," Shirou said to Billy, the outlaw huffing, but going over to the car and getting in the passenger's seat. The trio of Loopers waved as they drove off.
"Well I think we're getting that vacation then," Rin commented. "Malibu?"
"Sure, why not." Shirou said with a shrug, before looking at Illya. "Is there a reason you keep rigging the summons?"
"Because it's funny, of course this is far funnier than I expected it to be," Illya admitted as an explosion happened off in the distance. "Let's get Sakura and go to Malibu!"
Shirou was completely content to ignore anything and everything the Servants did until they vanished from a lack of Prana… of course watching the news that Loop still ended up being very amusing.
26.1: You'd think they'd learn that trying to strong-arm the effective general of an army of hyper powerful warriors wouldn't end well.
26.2: Cleanup on Broadway!
26.3: Morgan, still OP.
26.4: Uncle Iroh has had many a weird tea party. This is just one of the more adorably weird ones.
26.5: From beyond the Servant Universe! Surprise Zeus!
26.6: Gilgamesh is a fun guy when he doesn't have his head stuck up his ass.
AN: Another day, another chapter. College sucks, so finding the time to actually get these posted takes a bit. But still, enjoy!
