Part 7

"Things are not going well," Thranduil remarked, as Glorfindel and he settled on his balcony to share a sunset and a bottle from his private stores.

"In what regard?"

"Elrohir and my son."

"I thought a union between them was what you desired?"

Thranduil swirled the wine in his glass around thoughtfully. "A union between Legolas and one of Elrond's sons, aye," he agreed. "I must confess I have never attempted to distinguish between them. But now I come to find that they are . . . quite different . . . and I question Elrohir's ability to perform the task facing him."

"Which is?"

"To tame Legolas."

Glorfindel took another sip of wine while he contemplated how to explain to Thranduil that were one to cross-breed an orc and a balrog, the result would be easier to tame than Legolas.

"A difficult task, indeed," he offered at length.

"And I doubt very much if Elrohir is the elf to achieve it. It is more than a pity that Elladan has turned his attentions to that uptight galadhel." Thranduil sighed. "Mark my words, if anyone could convince Legolas to enter matrimony, it would be Elladan."

xxx

"I," Elladan said, taking his place next to Legolas and notching an arrow, "have a proposition for you."

Legolas' arrow split his previous one in two perfect halves (as had his last twenty) and he turned to Elladan looking interested. "I always like those," he said. "I haven't been properly propositioned since before Elrohir." He toyed with his bowstring, looking disconcerted. "It's been weeks now."

Elladan rolled his eyes. "What I was thinking is this," he said. "Thranduil's going to blow up like Mount Doom when he finds out about you trying to match make him and Glory, right?"

"It seems likely," Legolas agreed, feigning disinterest as he prepared for another shot.

"So what you need is some serious help."

Legolas raised an eyebrow. "And you're offering your assistance out of the goodness of your heart."

"Very funny," Elladan said, not laughing. "No, I'm offering my assistance on the understanding that I get yours for something I'm working on."

"Which is?"

"I want to bind to Haldir before the end of the season."

Legolas looked at him, stared at him and then snorted. "Haldir? Bind to you? Before the end of the season? How are you going to do that? Drug him? Hypnotise him? Beat him into submission?"

"I'm going to use my natural charm," Elladan said, finding it surprisingly easy to act affronted.

Legolas just laughed. "No chance," he said. "There is no way that you will persuade Haldir to bind to you before the end of the millennium, let alone the end of the season."

"What would you know," Elladan muttered.

Legolas' eyes narrowed. "I heard that. What does that mean?"

"Only that eternal commitment isn't exactly your area of expertise," Elladan told him. "For most of your life you haven't had the same bed-partner two nights running. Believe me, your chances of getting Elrohir to wed you make me and Haldir look like a sure thing."

"Nonsense," Legolas dismissed it. "If I wanted to wed Elrohir, we would be wed. And it wouldn't take a whole month either."

"Prove it."

Legolas looked startled. "What?"

"Prove it. You can't tell me you could do better and let's face it, it's been two months and for you that's eternity already."

"And what if I don't happen to want to wed him?"

"I suppose that's as good an excuse as any."

"It's not an excuse."

"Whatever you say."

"Are you questioning my powers of persuasion?" Legolas demanded.

"No, they seem quite good. Maybe you're just lacking in . . . other areas."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Nothing. Just that Elrohir's not lacking in offers, you know. If you can't keep him satisfied . . . "

Legolas' expression had moved past insulted to dangerous. "I," he said firmly, "do not have the slightest difficulty keeping my lover satisfied. I could have any elf I want, he's lucky to have me and he'd never think of going elsewhere."

"I'm sure you're right," Elladan said comfortingly, patting his arm.

Legolas' next arrow missed the target completely.

xxx

There was something seriously wrong with Legolas.

First, he'd taken the binding rings from Haldir without even a raised eyebrow. Second, they'd had a twenty minutes conversation without one single suggestive comment. Third, he had actually bent over in front of the prince to get out the rings and Legolas hadn't even looked him over, let alone felt him up. Fourth, Elladan was going round looking infuriatingly smug, which clearly meant that he was the cause of it.

He'd have been worried about it if he hadn't been so busy stalking Glorfindel.

Of course he wasn't really stalking him, just trying to get him alone long enough for a quick chat. This was proving rather difficult, since when he wasn't under Thranduil's . . .eye. . . he seemed to be holed up with Elrohir having long mysterious conversations. Haldir hoped for Glorfindel's sake that there was nothing illicit going on between them. Balrog Slayer or not, Mordor had no fury like Legolas scorned. And, from what he'd seen, he suspected that Thranduil wouldn't just bend over and take it either.

As it was, by the time Haldir managed five minutes alone with him, Glorfindel was preparing for bed – amazingly alone – and was clad in nothing but a pair of tight black leggings. This did not aid concentration. And having explained his predicament, he was somewhat nonplussed to discover that Glorfindel didn't seem worried about the situation one bit. In fact he just chuckled and murmured 'like father, like son' in an amused voice.

"Don't concern yourself about Thranduil and I," Glorfindel finally said, mysteriously. "We have a little . . . wager. The outcome of which should solve the problem."

"But what if you lose?" Haldir enquired.

Glorfindel grinned. "I won't lose," he said. "Thranduil always forgets that you should never underestimate a peredhil."

xxx

Three days later, Elrohir and Legolas were conspicuous by their absence at dinner. The next morning, Eryn Lasgalen was convulsed by their appearance at breakfast wearing emerald betrothal rings and rather dazed expressions. Haldir, who had worked up quite an appetite between entering Elladan's rooms an hour before and the present time, was very much focused on his food and did not immediately notice. But unbelievable news travels fast and in moments the whispers had travelled down to him.

Haldir nearly fell off his chair. He turned to Elladan, expecting a similar expression of shock, and met with a smug grin that left no doubt as to his involvement. Haldir had to take a moment to marvel at the extent of Elladan's talents (over and above the ones he'd already revealed) before he, like the rest of Eryn Lasgalen, collapsed into a stunned stupor.

Later that evening, when Haldir had thanked Elladan properly for his help with Legolas and Elrohir and they were both rather tired, Haldir lazily asked what Elladan was going to do about getting Glorfindel and Thranduil together. So Elladan told him.

Once Haldir had stopped hyperventilating, he asked Elladan to repeat his plan.

"Glory has bet Thranduil that you and I will be wed before the end of the summer," Elladan repeated. "And Thrandy has conveniently declared that if that ever happens it will be a sign from the Valar that he's meant to wed a second time and so he and Glory will tie the knot, which takes care of everything. So, how about it?"

"You are proposing to me solely in order to help someone else win a bet?" Haldir said, now on a new, higher plan of disbelief.

"No, not solely," Elladan comforted him. "You're also pretty hot stuff in bed."

Haldir almost didn't know how to respond to that. Almost.

"No," he said flatly.

"I thought you might say that," Elladan said, looking neither surprised nor put off.

"I wonder why!"

"Just hear me out . . ."

"I will not hear you out. My answer is no. Now and for all time."

"Yes, but . . ."

"No! No buts. I am not interested in buts."

"I can't say I've noticed that myself."

Haldir growled and headed for the door of Elladan's suite, only to find his way blocked. Elladan folded his arms and looked at him. Haldir narrowed his eyes and debated whether or not he could take him. When he wasn't willing, that was.

"Five minutes, Haldir, that's all I'm asking for. And then I'll devote my undivided attention to making this up to you."

Oh, if only there hadn't been quite so many possibilities contained in that promise.

"Five minutes," Haldir said grudgingly, not moving any further from the door.

"Excellent," Elladan said, not moving either. "As I was going to say, we don't actually need to get bonded. All we have to do is role play a little."

The idea got Haldir a little distracted, sparking off as it did images of Elladan wearing his circlet, a smile and not much else.

"We should lie to Thranduil and Glorfindel?" he asked distractedly.

"Essentially."

"Won't they be angry?"

"Extremely."

"Isn't that a problem?"

"Not necessarily. It wouldn't be diplomatic to kill me."

"What about me?"

"Nor you, husband."

"Do not call me that," Haldir said, his mind clearing briefly. "Under no circumstances am I agreeing to this ridiculous plan."

"Really? Not even if I . . . ?"

xxx

"Congratulations!"

Haldir might have enjoyed the bemused expression on Thranduil's face if he hadn't been quite so worried about getting caught out.

"This seems a bit . . . sudden," Thranduil remarked.

"Well, when you find the one you're supposed to share your life with, after only a few days it feels like you've known each other for eternity," Elladan said earnestly, turning doe-like eyes to Haldir. Haldir tried not to roll his eyes.

"And when were you considering having the ceremony?"

"Adar is visiting with Lord Celeborn in Lorien at the moment," Elladan said. "So we're going there. I couldn't wed without him being there and Celeborn is like a father to Haldir."

Haldir suppressed a snort with grave difficulty and hoped fervently that most fathers did not discharge their duties to their sons as Celeborn did.

"Much as we hate to depart from your realm before duty forces us to," Elladan finished.

"It is fortunate then that you will not have to," Thranduil said, in a suspiciously neutral tone.

Haldir tensed as his finely –tuned instincts recognised danger. Elladan's affectionate grip on his hand tightened to more than what was comfortable.

"I just received a message from your father," Thranduil said, his eyes searching their faces. "He intends to join us briefly in Eryn Lasgalen before accompanying you back to Imladris. It seems that Elrohir has already informed him of his betrothal." He smiled. "And I'm sure that once Lord Celeborn hears of your own plans he will wish to attend too. No doubt your brothers will desire to be present also."

Haldir quickly looked down at his feet to hide the fact that his eyes had widened in terror. The mere thought of his brothers discovering that, after years of denying the possibility, he had now lain with a male (and a son of Elrond at that) send him into paroxysms of dread. The prospect of them arriving to witness his binding to one – if they managed the journey after such a shock – caused all powers of speech to temporarily desert him. He let out a small squeak of terror.

"What perfect timing," Elladan said.

Haldir's glare promised retribution later.

xxx

"I will admit that this is something of a set back," Elladan said.

"This is not a set back," Haldir stated flatly. "This is a disaster. 'It'll be easy', you said. 'We'll just disappear for a month or two and then send a note saying we're wed. They'll get married and we tell them it was a practical joke.' We cannot do that when they're going to witness the ceremony!"

"Don't worry," Elladan told him soothingly. "Legolas is taking care of it. He'll make sure that everything turns out fine."

Now why didn't he find that reassuring . . . ?