See part one for details

To say she never thought she'd marry Van would be a lie on every level. She spent most of her youth convinced of it, took it for granted until she was ten, when she realized they were not the same, that he had wings and she had stripes, and these things were not done. Still, even until Hitomi came, she thought she might marry Van. She thought she loved him enough that it didn't matter about any of that. Something about true love overcoming all bounds, some romantic notion.

She was wrong, but not because love doesn't overcome everything. She was wrong because he doesn't love her.

It hurts even now to think the words, and she's never been able to say them at all.

She thinks she is still young, and she thinks, sometimes, that maybe, he will love her, not Hitomi, but she knows it is a silly notion she has.

She is not young enough to deceive herself anymore. She wishes she were.

Van does not eat as much as he should, and when he stretches, she can see his ribs, prominently. She asks him why he let Hitomi leave and he never answers her. She is the only one allowed to ask such questions of the king, though, and it gives her a small comfort.

When they tell him he must marry, he shrugs. When they insist, he says he will marry her, if he must marry someone.

A part of her heart dies and another part breaks free. She kicks him in the shin and tells him she won't marry him. He finds her crying in the tower and apologizes, running his hand through his black hair.

Everything would be so much easier if she could stop loving him or start hating Hitomi, or both, or neither, or everything.

She doesn't think there's really a way to make it easier, but she is still young, and still allowed to lie to herself.

Hitomi will come back. Hitomi must come back.

When they are together, everything is better, because she can see in front of her why she is giving him up. When he looks so sad, there is nothing she can do.

All she can do is wait.