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Chapter Five: Irritating, delusional and stubborn.

"You can't be serious." She breathed.

Malfoy smirked and took a step towards her.

"Deadly serious." He sneered.

Hermione clenched her teeth. It was a completely faulty plan. Was she supposed to just wander into the Slytherin dungeons, retrieve the broom and leave again? Did he really expect her to even agree?

Apparently he did.

Draco stood watching her expression curiously; it was obvious she was torn. She was intrigued but she was also counting the faults in his carefully thought out... quite well thought out... barely thought out plan.

It was also obvious that she wanted to hit him.

Hard.

Again.

Draco rubbed his cheek thoughtfully, that had been one hell of a smack, he could feel the force of it even now. He had always thought that if Hermione would hit anyone it would probably be with a book.

He had also suspected that it might be Weasley she hit first. Draco maintained that Weasley had a face that just screamed 'HIT ME'!

But then so did a lot of people in Draco's opinion.

He frowned at Hermione, she seemed to have zoned out again. Maybe she spent so much time concentrating in lessons and on homework that she didn't have enough concentration to remember she was having a conversation with someone.

He poked her in the arm rather roughly. Hermione blinked a few times and bit her lip.

"You seem to do that a lot you know. I always suspected you Gryffindors were weird."

"Shut up Malfoy. If anyone's weird it's you." Hermione glared at the blonde standing in front of her who was regarding her mock thoughtfully.

"Me? Weird? How could you say such a thing?" Draco raised a hand to his forehead dramatically and pretended to be deeply offended.

"Drama queen." Hermione muttered. She put her glass down on the desk with rather more force than was actually necessary. "I should push you out the window."

Draco snorted and looked her up and down. "I'd like to see you try."

Hermione moved the pile of books off of her desk chair and sat down.

"So how do you plan to carry out this," She did air quotes, "'master plan' of yours?"

Draco would never admit it but he was surprised, he definitely hadn't expected Hermione to agree to it. He also would never admit that he had been psyching himself up to dress as a girl.

"Well, uh, you go down to the Slytherin dungeons and get my broom."

"I grasped that part."

"Look, I don't see why I can't just leave in the middle of the night." Draco muttered, stalling for time.

"The common room is hardly ever empty. Besides Harry and Ron have noticed my weird behaviour..."

"Weirder than usual behaviour." Draco interjected. Hermione ignored him.

"...And have been following me and watching me, they're sitting out in the common room now, they'll probably stay there late into the night." Hermione said glancing at the door as if Harry and Ron would burst in at any moment.

"Also, you need lots of beauty sleep, even though it obviously does nothing for you." Draco remarked, regarding her glowering facial features critically. "Anyway, don't Potter and Weasley have better things to do than stalk you obsessively? Like, I don't know, go snog in a broom closet or something?"

"Gah! You're so irritating!"

"That's what makes me so endearing." Draco grinned. Making Hermione mad had always been one of his favourite pastimes; she always took everything so seriously.

"Delusional too." Hermione sat down at her desk and pulled out a new piece of parchment. "I can't just waltz into the dungeons."

"I don't know, I'd pay to see the Slytherins' reactions." He shrugged.

"If you expect me to go into the Slytherin dungeons with no disguise then you might as well jump out of the window without a broom." Hermione had never met anyone else, bar Snape, who could irritate her this much with a few sentences. "I suppose I could use Harry's invisibility cloak."

Draco shook his head.

"Granger have you learnt nothing? I'm not having Scarhead help me!"

Hermione merely smiled grimly. "Ah, stubborn as well."

"Stop analysing my personality Mudblood. I have a solution. I know some spells that will change your look temporarily."

Hermione looked at him as if he was stupid. "Then why don't you use them on yourself?" She asked slowly. Draco rolled his eyes exaggeratedly.

"Because Granger, I can't cast them on myself, you would have to do it and in four words; I. Don't. Trust. You."

"And you think I trust you?" She retorted. Draco merely shrugged casually. "Oh fine," Hermione sighed, "just cast the bloody spell." She looked at him expectantly; Draco shifted his weight from one foot to the other and scratched the back of his neck.

"Actually, uh, you can't go tonight."

"Why not?"

"Well, we're having a meeting."

"A meeting of what?"

"Well Snape doles out things for us to do to the other houses, by other houses I mean Gryffindor."

Hermione's face suddenly broke out into a smile of understanding. Draco immediately knew he should have made up a plausible lie instead of telling the truth. Telling the truth was always a crap idea.

"Hah! I knew it! Everything always seemed so organised! Tell me, does Snape write out insults on flashcards for you to remember? Are they spelt out phonetically or can you read properly?"

Draco had given Hermione even more ammo for insults than when the impostor Moody had turned him into a ferret and bounced him around the halls.

"Oh ha ha. I hope you realize that this means I'll have to stay here for another night."

Hermione froze and the smile dropped off her face.

"You can't stay here!" She squeaked, dropping the quill she had been holding.

Draco fought off a grin and said as innocently as a Malfoy could,

"Why ever not? I have been for the past few days." He arched a blonde eyebrow and looked at her expectantly. Hermione looked aghast.

"But you're a boy!"

"Observant aren't you? Your point is?"

"If it got out that a boy was in a prefect's room over night..." She trailed off.

"That hasn't stopped any of the other female prefects," Draco rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "Or Finch-Fletchley for that matter."

Hermione looked confused until the implication of what he said hit her. However, she chose to ignore it. She also chose to ignore the fact that she had gone out with Justin for a little while in her fifth year.

"Infuriating git." Hermione pointed her wand at her bed and changed the sheets to clean ones. "Fine. You're sleeping on the sofa."

"Oh no, just sitting on that..." Draco paused to find the right word that would express his feelings about the sofa in question. "...Thing for more than five minutes is hell."

"Exactly." Hermione smiled happily and fluffed her pillows.

Draco's stomach rumbled unexpectedly. Draco scowled, rumbling stomachs were most undignified, especially for a Malfoy. But then, it did give him something to annoy Hermione with.

"Graaaanger." Draco put on his best whiny voice; in fact it was the voice he used on his father when he wanted something. Hermione straightened up from where she had been fluffing pillows, put her hands on her hips and turned to face him, her mouth in a straight line.

"What now Ferret Boy?"

"I'm hungry."

"Good for you." She turned back to her bed.

"Graaaanger!"

"What!?"

"Get me something to eat."

"Get it yourself."

"Well in any other situation I would, but in this situation: hell no!" He ran a hand through his hair and made a mental note to take a shower.

"Fine I'll get you your bloody food, but don't blame me if I feel the urge to poison it on the way back." She growled.

Draco simply smirked and disappeared into the bathroom.

Hermione yanked open the door and locked it behind her. The common room was quite full and several people looked up at the racket she had been making. Harry and Ron were doing homework on a table near the fire.

Homework!

Hermione practically slapped her forehead in frustration; Draco had distracted her with his sarcastic comments and demands for food that she had completely forgotten about doing homework. Something strange was happening to her, Hermione Granger did not forget homework.

Stupid Malfoy.

Harry and Ron were frowning confusedly at her. Hermione grinned sheepishly and gave a little wave. She made towards the portrait hole, Harry seeing where she was headed stood up.

"Where're you going 'Mione?"

"I was er, going to uh, the kitchens." She replied, hoping that everything would seem normal and that he would leave her alone.

"What about Spew?" Harry pushed his glasses up his nose; Ron walked over and joined the conversation.

Trust Harry to remember something like that.

"I uh, decided to call it off for a while." She didn't even bother to correct his pronunciation instead she hoped her dreadful attempt at lying wasn't all that obvious.

"We'll come with you then." Ron said, smiling encouragingly.

This was one of the few moments that Hermione wished that Harry and Ron didn't care about her quite so much.

They climbed out of the portrait hole and set off down the corridor in awkward silence. Harry turned to her.

"What is the matter? Don't think we haven't noticed that something's up."

"Nothing, just stressed I suppose."

"Hermione, it's the first week of term."

"Yeah, you should be more like Susan Bones, more free and relaxed." Ron said with a slight grin. Hermione decided to ignore the quirk of the eyebrows that were sent Harry's way.

Hermione fought back a smirk as she realised a way to get them off her case.

"Well you see, it's like this." Harry and Ron looked at her hopefully. "I always get like this in the first few days, I think it's because..." The hopeful looks vanished and Harry and Ron suddenly looked less than enthralled.

Ron coughed and Harry smiled weakly.

"It's good to know you're okay Hermione."

"Yeah, we'll go back to the common room and see you later. C'mon Harry."

They both turned away and Hermione let out a sigh of relief. That should get them off her case for a while.

"Wait."

Hermione cringed and turned back to the boys.

"You ate loads at dinner. Why are you hungry now?"

She smiled feebly.

"A girl thing."

They nodded in affirmation and wandered back to the common room.

Hermione sighed again. Draco owed her big time for this; maybe she could make him confess his love for Snape in a busy corridor. She wondered how many more times she would have to lie until it was all over.

Stupid Malfoy.

A/N: This chapter was a posted a little later than planned, (ahem, try a week) but school caught up with me and unfortunately school is the bigger priority. In the words of Hermione, "Gah!"

But I made this chapter slightly longer to try and make up for it.

Next time: Hermione ventures into the Slytherin dungeons!

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