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Chapter 11: Much ado about arses.
Last Time on SPD
"Mr Malfoy if you would come with me and explain your absence in lessons." He said.
Perhaps he hadn't quite forgotten.
Hermione gave him a smug look and went out the door. There was another muffled 'tee hee' from the cupboard.
"Oh shut up." Draco snapped.
Hermione hugged her books to herself and walked in the other direction that Snape and Draco had taken to Snape's office. Two detentions in one day! This could seriously ruin her chances of becoming Head Girl.
McGonagall had actually told Hermione that to ruin her chances for becoming Head Girl she would have to lift Dumbledore's robes up in the middle of a speech, shave Mrs Norris and set fire to the school.
It didn't mean that she couldn't worry about the detentions though.
Her attention turned to the rather odd conversation that she and Draco had been having. It couldn't exactly be classified as civil. No. She wasn't sure what it could be classified as. She wondered what Harry and Ron would say if she suddenly struck up a conversation about Snape's feet or 'bogs'.
No, discussing girls was more interesting to them now than having silly conversations.
But why had Harry asked her to go to the dance with him? She was sure that he was infatuated with Ginny.
Maybe she had become so preoccupied with Draco that she had fallen behind on the times. Now there was a thought that she had never expected to think.
She made a mental note to ask Lavender and Parvati about it. They knew anything about anyone. If Gossiping was a lesson, Hermione wouldn't be top for once – they would.
She was so busy musing over that week's events that she didn't notice Neville standing in front of her about to say something.
She practically bumped into him before she saw him.
"Hi Hermione." Neville said. "Are you going back to the common room?"
Hermione jumped slightly, coming back to earth with a bump. Last time she had spoken to Neville he had suddenly exploded – verbally not literally – and she was still slightly wary of him. She nodded.
"That's good. I was as well. Can I walk with you?" Neville asked, giving a small smile. Hermione smiled back and nodded again. Maybe Neville had assumed that seeing Draco in her room was only a hallucination, that there had been something in the suspicious looking lasagne.
Hermione was about to remark about something neutral like how good it was that their detention had been cut short or that Hannah Abbot needed to trim her monobrow again when Neville said,
"What were you and Malfoy talking about?" He shoved his hands into his pockets and attempted to look only mildly curious.
"When?" Hermione's mind had suddenly started racing, what if he had seen them talking in the library when Draco had kissed her?
"Just now, in detention."
"We weren't talking we were er... arguing, arguing about," She fished around for something that wouldn't sound as weird or as though they had been having a half way civil conversation.
Even if it was about kissing and Snape's unstylish robes.
"Harry's hair!" She finished triumphantly.
"Why on earth does Malfoy care about Harry's hair?"
"Because he, um, likes to think he has the best hair and I told him Harry's was much nicer!" Hermione cursed the fact that she was a terrible liar and attempted to cool her red cheeks down by wishing she wasn't blushing.
It wasn't working.
"Oh." Neville said, sounding as though he didn't believe her one bit. "It just looked quite cosy that's all."
"Oh no. Not cosy at all! You must have mistaken the tension for cosiness. It was tension not cosiness. Not sexual tension you understand! No of course not." Hermione realised she was blithering and gave a nervous laugh before grimacing at the mess she was making of it.
"I'm sorry I suddenly need the little girls' room. Bye Neville!" She said over cheerfully before disappearing into the girl's bathroom and leaning against the door, exhaling loudly and wondering why on earth she had said 'little girls' room'.
"So," A voice said. Hermione looked up grudgingly to see Lavender and Parvati, halfway through putting more lip-gloss on, looking at her expectantly. "What's this we hear about you and Draco Malfoy?"
"Is he a good kisser?"
"Does he have a nice arse?"
"Are you going out officially?"
Hermione resisted the urge to scream and looked around wildly for an escape route.
By the next morning Hermione had decided to not have anything more to do with Draco Malfoy.
According to Parvati and Lavender most of Gryffindor had heard about their supposed 'love' but no one had thought of telling Harry and Ron, who were still completely oblivious to it.
It had taken Hermione at least half an hour to convince Lavender and Parvati that there was nothing going on between her and Draco.
Then she had asked about Harry. They had said that Harry had admitted his feelings to Ginny but she didn't feel the same way any more and he wanted to go to the ball with Hermione as a friend.
Hermione had wondered how she had managed to miss all of this. She wasn't that wrapped up in her studies, was she?
But then they had told her that he was going to say all this when he had asked her to go to the ball but Malfoy's entrance had interrupted him.
It was all far too confusing.
Thinking last night over again just made Hermione's head hurt so instead she concentrated on eating her cereal and not looking anywhere near the Slytherin table.
Everyone was far too interested in other people's practically nonexistent love lives.
She didn't want to give them any more fuel for their fire by accidentally on purpose looking at a certain Slytherin.
She didn't want people to think she was having any kind of relationship with Malfoy.
Really.
Draco was annoyed. In general, this happened a lot.
But this time was different.
He was annoyed with himself for being annoyed.
He was annoyed that Hermione Granger was ignoring him, and he was annoyed that he was annoyed about it.
He was also annoyed because trying to think of the word annoyed that many times was making his head hurt.
He had attempted to make eye contact with her at breakfast but she had been completely engrossed in her bowl of cereal the whole time.
Then he had bumped into her in the corridor causing her to drop her books. She had been about to say something but then she had looked up and a number of expressions had flickered over her face. She had picked up her books and walked off without so much of a glance back.
He was becoming irritatingly childish in trying to get her attention. He had even grabbed Crabbe's wand and turned Weasley into a bowl of tomato soup to make her notice him.
Due to it being someone else's wand the spell had not been particularly successful, the bowl of Weasley soup still had ears, rather a lot of red hair sprouting from the soup and it still had Weasley's eyes glaring at him from the side of the bowl.
All she had done was turned Weasley back and walked off. Weasley, however, did not appreciate being turned into a bowl of soup even if it was particularly badly transfigured bowl of soup.
Draco had spent half of Herbology in the hospital wing whilst Madame Pomfrey tried to get his nose back to its original size.
He would find out what was going on with her and he would find out soon.
Hermione flicked to the page in her book on Merrows for her DADA homework. She was surprisingly behind on her homework. In Hermione speak this meant she had not done some of her homework on the night it was set.
She took a fresh quill and a clean piece of parchment out of her bag. The library was surprisingly quiet – the way Hermione liked it.
The Merrow is a"Well, well, Granger. Fancy seeing you here."
Hermione didn't even have to look up. "Malfoy. Don't you have something better to do? Like turn my friends into bowls of soup?"
"Granger, Granger, Granger. Have you learnt nothing? You need originality. You can't do the same thing more than once."
Hermione looked up, he had his feet up on the desk (Hermione wasn't sure how he had managed to do that without her noticing.) and was smirking at her.
She frowned at him. She did have a few questions for him and she did still have his wand. Maybe they could get everything sorted out then they could pretend nothing ever happened.
And maybe she could go back to 'the bookworm' instead of 'the Slytherin's queen'.
"Ok Malfoy, I'll give you your wand back if you answer my questions." Hermione said, reaching into her bag and taking out his wand.
The irritatingly amused look didn't shift from Draco's face. "Sounds like an offer I can't refuse."
"Good." Hermione put her homework back into her bag ignoring the fact that Draco's gaze didn't waver from her.
"So, why were you unconscious in the first place? I promise I won't laugh if it's because a first year beat you up." Hermione said, the grin on her face betraying her.
A look of irritation crossed Draco's face. "No, nothing like that."
"What then?"
"My father."
"Your father somehow managed to get into the castle and beat you up?"
"Nobody beat me up! My father curses me."
The grin disappeared from Hermione's face.
"Your father curses you?"
Draco seemed completely unruffled by the topic of conversation.
"Yeah, it's so he can punish me long distance, so he doesn't actually have to move that fat arse of his." He replied.
"Your father doesn't have a fat arse. It's very shapely." Hermione said thoughtfully.
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that." Draco replied looking slightly as though he was being choked.
"I'm sorry. But Draco that's terrible."
"What is? The fact that you seem to know what condition my father's arse is in or the fact he curses me?" The amused look was back again.
"Possibly both." Said Hermione, trying not to smile.
"That's good to know."
"Why on earth would he want to curse you though?"
"Granger, have you not met my father? You know, tall, oppressive, looks like me only less good looking, radiates bastard vibes?" Draco supplied, leaning forward in his chair.
"Being a bastard isn't a good enough reason."
"It may have had something to do with the fact that just before I left for Hogwarts he asked me what I thought of his new robes." Draco pondered out loud.
Hermione suddenly seemed very interested in the topic.
"What did you say to him?"
"Something along the lines of feminine, girly and possibly an embarrassment to society." Draco said pretending as though he didn't quite remember.
"You told your father that he looked like a girl in his robes and that you didn't want to be seen in public with him?" Hermione's smile widened and Draco couldn't help but smile back.
"That's the general gist of it, yes."
"I'm not sure your father could look bad in anything." Hermione said.
Draco suddenly turned slightly green. "Please stop that."
"Oh, sorry."
There was a pause in which both teenagers mulled over what had been said. Hermione spoke again.
"So if you sent your father a letter saying, 'I'm leaving home forever because I hate you and you're a bastard. I'm going to renounce the dark lord and become a sheep farmer in Scotland with Ginny.' He would curse you and you would black out?"
Draco nodded. "Yes, except it's generally accompanied by extreme, burning pain and a pounding headache. It's just a way of controlling me, making sure I do what he wants."
Hermione rested her chin on her hand and regarded Draco thoughtfully.
"Like when you poke cows with those electric prodder things."
"Please refrain from using muggle terms around me, it just confuses me." Draco frowned.
Hermione smiled again. "I'm not sure 'electric prodder things' could be classed as a muggle term."
There was another pause. Hermione was watching Draco who seemed to be trying to remember something.
"Who's Ginny?" He said, the childish frown still in place.
"You know Ginny - small, red hair, lots of freckles?" Hermione said, wondering how Draco could not know who Ginny was.
Draco gave her a blank look and shook his head.
"Ginny? Ginny Weasley?"
"Oh the mini Weasel!"
"You really need to remember the names of the people you torment." She said disapprovingly. Draco shrugged in a 'so sue me' way.
"I can't. There are too many of them." He paused. "Besides I wouldn't run away the mini Weasel. She's too short."
Hermione grinned. "She's scared of sheep too."
Draco smiled back at her in a way that made Hermione wonder why she had wanted to have nothing to do with him. Draco didn't look away from her and Hermione could feel the heat rising in her cheeks for the hundredth time that week.
Unfortunately for Hermione fate had decided to torment her, this combined with Draco watching her in the way that Ron was aiming for with 'Daisy' and her rising embarrassment made her fall off her chair and land on the floor in a most unladylike way.
"It was only an example." She muttered to herself.
She could see Draco watching her, the mirth apparent in his eyes. He was doing nothing to help her up. That rumour that Malfoys were very gentlemanly was a load of bull in Hermione's opinion.
"I would never renounce the Dark Lord anyway." Draco remarked as she stood up and dusted herself off. Hermione suddenly became angry, he was practically admitting he was a Death Eater to her of all people!
"And why's that?" She asked, sitting down on her chair again.
"Because to be able to renounce him you have to be in league with him in the first place." Draco said, lazily twirling the quill Hermione had left out between his fingers.
"And you're not?"
"Nope, in my opinion evil villains should be well spoken, suave and have devilishly good looks. Voldemort is in possession of none of those things, most of the time he looks like the albino offspring of a lizard and Snape first thing in the morning." He put the quill down. "Acts like it too."
Hermione smiled again. "So you're on the side of good then?"
"I wouldn't say that. I think I'm more neutral."
"You can't be neutral!"
Draco arched an eyebrow. "Who says? Being neutral means I can taunt Potter, because he's a real pain in the arse, without having to have an incredibly unstylish symbol burnt into my arm. As long as my father doesn't find out, I may live until thirty."
"You're right."
"Hah! I have finally turned you to the neutral side! You think Potter's an arse as well!" He exclaimed, pointing at her. A few heads turned to look at them.
"It's not quite as effective when you replace the 'dark' with 'neutral'." Hermione remarked.
"But you do think Potter's an arse?"
"No, unfortunately for you I have not turned to the side of," Air quotes. "'neutral', Harry's still one of my best friends. I think you're right about the Dark Mark being incredibly unstylish."
Draco lowered his head and said mock sadly, "I wish you wouldn't keep getting my hopes up like that."
"Draco, why are you sitting here in the library with me discussing unstylish Dark Marks and your father's arse?"
"We weren't discussing my father's arse."
"Maybe you weren't." Hermione said. Draco groaned and placed his head on the table.
"I was joking!" Hermione said hurriedly. Draco lifted his head, some silvery strands of hair falling into his eyes.
"I should hope you were." He said. "Well, I was going to reply that I enjoy your company much more over Crabbe and Goyle's, but now I'm thinking that Crabbe, Goyle and their indecipherable grunting might be preferable over you and my father's arse."
There was a pause where all that could be heard was the scratching of quills and pages flicking.
"Draco, why did you kiss me?"
Draco had been dreading her asking again. He cringed. Maybe he could get away with a stupid answer.
"To show my gratitude?"
"Hah." Hermione snorted.
"To shut you up?"
"That's pathetic."
"Well, so is your love life but I don't comment on it." Draco said, pushing his hair out of his eyes.
"And for that I am eternally grateful." Hermione said highly sarcastically. It was ironic really seeing as the whole of Gryffindor seemed to be interested in her 'exciting' love life.
"Okay, my turn to ask the questions." The Smirk™ had reappeared on his face. "Why have you been avoiding me?"
Hermione ran a hand through her hair. "To show my gratitude?"
Draco raised an eyebrow again. "That's not even funny."
"To shut you up?"
"Ooh, would you look at that."
"What?" Hermione said, looking at the floor.
"My sides have split and my insides have burst all over the floor from laughing so much."
"There's no need to be sarcastic."
"Me? Sarcastic? Never!" Draco cried, mock hurt.
"Now there's an understatement if I ever heard one. Well I have to go." Hermione said standing up and picking up her bag.
"Granger, I notice you gracefully sidestepped my question." Draco stood up in front of her. "Maybe if I kissed you again it might jog your memory." He grinned wickedly.
"No, it's okay honestly. There's no need for that. Its just Neville saw you in my room and he's seen us talking together a few times." Hermione said hurriedly.
"I bet he's becoming increasingly paranoid about the whole thing. Anyway, I'm sure you were enjoying that kiss." He frowned again. "At least up until the time you hit me over the head with a book."
"Sorry about that, no serious injuries I hope?" Hermione said.
"No, no. Just a mild concussion. No lasting damage."
"Well it's not like there's anything to damage in that thick skull of yours." She said. "Speaking of sidestepping questions, you didn't give me a good reason to why you kissed me."
"I'm Draco Malfoy. Do I need a reason?" He said bluntly, picking up her quill and twirling it again.
Hermione opened her mouth, her mind all ready with a smug insult, this was one of the worst things she could have done as Draco took a step towards her, grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her towards him.
Hermione went into a state of shock as their lips met. The brain numbing sensation returned and for a moment she lost the capability to end the kiss. All that was going through her brain was how soft his lips were and how she might possibly like to stay like that for a while.
She was also rather aware that there were a few people staring at them and this wasn't really helping her 'there's nothing going on between us' story.
Draco suddenly pulled away. "I'm impressed; you didn't feel the need to hit me."
Hermione did fish impressions for a few seconds before finding her brain again. "There were no books to hand. I would have done but..."
Draco gave her a grin that told her he didn't believe her in the slightest. "Sure you would have." And without further adieu he swaggered out of the library.
"Bastard!" Hermione yelled after him without much conviction. She ignored Madame Pince's accusing glare and looked down at the desk.
The irritating git had taken her quill!
Huffily Hermione gathered up her books and bags and stomped out of the library. Unfortunately for her she didn't notice a figure watching her leave.
A/N: Dun dun dun! Well, I like Draco/Hermione interaction so I may have gone a little bit overboard with the verbal spars and so forth... ho hum ... Anyway it's too hot to think, give me good old winter and I'll be happy.
Thanks to everyone who reviewed: tennisplaya278, RelientKroxmysox721, NeLLy22, wackoramaco87, Aeriel Ravenna, Erilyn Rose, siriuslyafanficaddict, dragonsprincess, Dracos-DAMNsexy27, GilraenLissesul5, citcat299, LittleWhiskeyGirl, pirate-elfgal, DemonSorceress, Stephanie, kel-warrior-goddezz, bungeecord.
Just to clear something up: Have you ever been so bored in class that when the teacher leaves the room the whole class tries to hide in some completely stupid place? Well, that's what the detentionees were doing. Just to clear up any confusion.
Read and Review!
Yeah, I changed the mistakes in this chapter. But if there are any more that my tired cold-befuddled (tell me, who gets a cold in summer?) brain has missed please tell me. It would be greatly appreciated.
