Chapter 7.
*~*~*
"...and that was how Lisa and I proved that Krusty the Clown was innocent."
Hoggle nodded his head at the end of the story.
"Hmm, yeah, I see."
Hoggle and Bart were both seated on the same spot, telling each other stories of their past. Homer was still musing over which way to go, muttering to himself.
Up in the castle, all the goblins had abandoned whatever they were doing and were staring at the bumbling idiot through Jareth's crystal.
Jareth's hand was covering his eyes and he was shaking his head.
:Back to Homer:
"Hmm, if I were to go through the beautiful garden, where is the catch? But then again, the forest is to dark and dreary. And nothing good ever happens to me when I go into dark and dreary places." At this point Homer whimpered, thinking over his experiences with dark and dreary places. "All right, I've made my decision." He slammed a fist in his left hand and turned around. "Come on boy, we're going through here."
Both Hoggle and Bart stood up, with Bart rolling his eyes.
"Wow Dad. Only half hour. You new record."
"Hmm." Homer growled down at him.
All three of them made their way down the lush green path.
Everyone up at the castle had huge smiles on their disfigured faces. Unbeknownst to the rescuing party, the big beautiful garden was just a distraction. It they were to go down that way, it would take them twice as longer then if they were to go through the forest.
They were about to enter the greener and denser part of the garden when suddenly Homer stopped. He picked up his head and sniffed loudly. He turned his head this way and that and sniffed some more.
"Dad?" Bart called out to him carefully as Homer's eyes lit up.
"Oh My God! I smell beer!" Homer yelled out in a high voice. He sniffed the air some more. "And it's coming from that direction." He pointed at the dark forest.
"But Homer, don't you think it's safe if we were to go this way." Hoggle spoke up. "There are many dark and wild creatures that dwell in that forest."
Homer's upper lip pulled back in a snarl.
"Nobody and I mean nobody is going to stand between Homer Simpson and his beer. Come on boy."
He growled in a low tone and grabbed Bart by the scruff of his neck.
"Ack!"
Hoggle was left standing there with a wide-eyed expression. Suddenly he too was grabbed by his collar and was being pulled away alongside Bart.
"You too dwarf-man. If nothing else, we can throw you to one of these creature and make our escape."
Bart rolled his eyes.
"Homer, let us go. We can walk."
Bart pulled on his shirt.
"Oh no. I'm not letting you go until we're waaaaay inside that jungle. When you wouldn't be able to make an escape." He dragged them on behind him.
"Eh, well." Bart shrugged and allowed Homer to pull him along into the dark forest and quite possibly bringing them to a horrible, brutal death.
*~*~*
"Oh. Why couldn't that idiot keep on going over there?"
A nasty looking goblin asked him companion.
"I 'ope they get eaten alive. Tha'll be fun to watch."
"Yeah. Yeah." Was the intelligent reply from other goblins.
Jareth looked down at the peacefully sleeping Maggie in his arms.
"Won't be long now, little one. Won't be long at all."
He softly whispered to her, and Maggie gave a small smile in her sleep.
*~*~*
The whole dark forest seemed to be alive around them. Like at the beginning of their journey, they found a fine layer of liquid glitter spread over the trees and rocks and even the very ground they walked on. They could hear indistinct noises of snarling animals, cooing of different birds, and from time to time there were rustles in the dried up bushes right next to where they were walking.
Bart and Hoggle were quietly following Homer, who had his hands folded in front of his chest and was whimpering softly.
"Oh dear Jeebus, if you can hear me. Please let me get out of this mess alive. I promise I'll try harder to stay awake in church fro now on. No matter how boring what's his name is." He gave a loud yelp as he heard wild rustling in the bunch of bushes right next to him.
"O.K O.K I promise. No more beer from now on, either."
"Umm, Homer." Bart piped up from behind. "Isn't beer the sole reason we're heading down this God forsaken place?"
Homer scowled at him.
"Shut up boy. I think he might be buying it."
Bart placed a hand over his eyes and groaned loudly.
"We are so dead."
He said to his short companion, who in turn, nodded his head in agreement. By now, they had entered much darker part of the forest, and hardly any light was coming through the thick overgrown trees. A little bit ahead of them they heard a sound that sounded like painful moans. Plenty of evil cackles were blending along with that noise. The three of them walked up quickly to see what it was, and how they could avoid it. A very strange sight greeted them.
There was a large bear-like creature with long dark red hair, tied to a thick tree. Although the beast looked fierce in nature, his eyes told a totally different story. They were hooded and full of saddened tears. A group of tiny, nasty looking goblin-like creatures with tall sticks, which had small snapping heads on the end, were poking the poor creature. On the side, was a small fox-like creature, dressed as a medieval knight, perched atop a fluffy white dog. He had a tiny sword out and was trying to reach the big, red teddy bear. He was being held back by the goblins with the same snapping sticks as the rest of them.
"Unhand him you vile, filthy creatures." The fox-like creature was screaming out to them. "Thou do not fight fair. I could take you all in a fair sword fight, with nothing but my sword and my noble steed."
The goblins laughed nastily and poked the poor thing some more. Every time the beast howled with pain, they all cackled evilly.
"Lude. Dear brother. I beg of you. Hold on as long as you can. I shall dispose of these urchins for you shortly."
The fox-like creature waved his sword around some more.
"Shouldn't we be helping them." Hoggle whispered to Bart. They were observing the events from behind the security of thick over-grown bushes.
"Yeah." Bart replied eagerly. "That little guy looks totally cool. It'd be a shame not to help them. You in Homer?" He asked looking up at his father.
Homer was already supporting a rather large and pointy rock in his hands.
"Of course I'm in boy. You know how I'm all about humanity and helping out your fellow men." He said, hefting the rock in his hand. "Now. I'm pretty sure I can take out that hairy beast with this one rock."
"No!"
"Dad. Stop!"
Bart and Hoggle both yelled out before Homer could launch his attack.
"O.K let's try this again." Bart said solemnly. "You see Homer. That big guy tied to the rock and that thing on the dog are the good guys. We want to help them, not hurt them you understand?"
"Ohhh, I get it." Homer nodded his head. He then looked at the rock in his hand. "Oh well, violence is violence."
All three of them started an all out attack with rocks, stones and sticks. Whatever they could get their hands on, they hefted it in the goblins direction. The goblins, not being the smartest thing in the underground, got confused when they were attacked by an unseen enemy. They tried to fight off the larger of the stones, but it was to no avail. Soon, they dispersed and ran off in different directions.
When the coast was finally clear, Homer, Bart and Hoggle stepped out in the clearing. The small fox-like creature was untying the big guy from the tree. Hoggle immediately went over to greet his old friends.
"Hey there Didymus. Hey Ludo. How have you guys been?"
Didymus turned towards him with a flourish of his sword.
"Sir Hoggle." He greeted enthusiastically. "I know thou wouldst come to our rescue. My brother and I thank you very humbly for you are the most bravest among men."
Bart looked at the little guy amazedly, whereas Homer was rubbing his pinky in his ear.
"Blah blah blah. Damn that guy talks too much." Homer muttered.
Sir Didymus turned towards the two new faces he had never seen before.
"And who are your two new comrades, Sir Hoggle?"
"Uh Yeah. Didymus. These guys are Bart and Homer Simpson. They're here to get back the kid that they wished away." He then turned towards the two. "And guys, this is Sir Didymus."
Sir Didymus took off his hat and bowed.
"Hoggle. Fwiend."
Suddenly Hoggle was smothered in lots of red fur, as the fierce-looking yet lovable creature known as Ludo grabbed him in a hug.
"Ugh Ludo. Put me down." Hoggle groaned from somewhere in there. He soon emerged as Ludo placed him back on the ground.
"Ludo. These guys help me in saving you. This is Homer and this is Bart."
Ludo looked down at them.
"Homeh. Barrr." He said in his usual guttural tone.
"Oh ho ho cool." Bart exclaimed. "Pick me up man, pick me up."
He held his arms out to the fluff ball. Ludo looked around for a second and shrugged his enormous shoulders. He then bent over towards him and Bart climbed on. Holding onto him by the hair, Bart swung his legs over his neck and clung on.
"Well then, it's decided." Sir Didymus said turning towards Hoggle. "My brother and I shall accompany you on this noble quest of retrieving the babe from the clutches of the Goblin King. Come, my noble steed. Hyah."
With a roar like a war-cry, Sir Didymus headed of the group. With him in the lead, Hoggle and Homer followed his trail, with Bart riding on Ludo's shoulder bringing up the rear. They all made their way deeper into the forest.
*~*~*
They had been walking for a while now. When all of a sudden, they heard loud laughing and singing coming from up ahead. The sound of raucous laughter caused Hoggle to groan out loud and cover his eyes.
"Oh no. The fireys." He moaned painfully.
Sir Didymus stopped in his tracks and turned around.
"Fireys? Sir Hoggle, of what speaketh thou?"
"Yeah. What the hell are fireys? They sound dangerous." Homer exclaimed out loud.
"Something you don't want to encounter, trus' me. They're not dangerous but they do have a very strange sense of humor."
"Really." Bart's eyes lit up. "Strange sense of humor is my specialty. Let's go check them out." He was still seated a top Ludo, who was only too happy to carry him.
They walked up ahead and soon came upon a clearing in the forest, which was a bit less denser then the rest. Lots of creatures, which looked like bright orange and yellow stuffed animals, were dancing around a large bonfire that they had built. They were bouncing a large, furry football from one to another. Upon closer inspection, they found that it wasn't an inanimate object, but rather one of the creature's head. Not only the heads were flying around the place, other limbs were also shot up in the air from time to time.
"Ohhh cool. I wish I had a camera. Milhouse is never going to believe this."
They were all hidden behind a large tree, and the dense forest cast dark shadows all around them.
"Oh look!" Homer yelled out all of a sudden. "They're cooking something over there. Let's go and have a taste."
Homer started running towards the bonfire, where the fireys had in fact, tied a scraggly looking animal over a spit.
"Hey Dad." Bart, who had jumped off of Ludo's shoulders, ran alongside Homer. "Doesn't that animal look familiar to you?" He squinted up his eyes.
"Hmm? What the hell are you talking about?"
"Come on, Dad. Look closer. I think it's, no I'm sure, it's grampa." Bart screamed out.
"Cut the crap boy. That couldn't possibly be grampa. I mean smell that heavenly aroma coming from there. Hey, wait a minute." Homer sniffed the air. "Slowly cooking meat ..... sniff sniff ...... vicks vapor rub ....... sniff sniff ..... week old cabbage, oh my God, Dad!!"
Homer and Bart ran towards the bonfire. Because of their screams, they had attracted the attention of the fireys.
"Oh look boys, we've got company."
A floating head said, coming in the view right in front of Homer.
"You guys want to play with us. Come on, take your head off. It's big and round. It'll make a nice big bounce."
Another firey came up behind Homer and grabbed him by the ears, trying to twist his head off.
"You leave my big round head alone. Yaarrgghhhh!!"
Homer screamed out in rage. He shot out blindly with his fists and started kicking in the air blindly. Very soon all around him, there were flying bits of heads and arms and legs, as Homer continued to punch, jab and kick his way through.
Because Homer was keeping all the fireys busy, Bart, Hoggle and Sir Didymus got Grampa down with Ludo's help. By now, Homer was getting tired of kicking and hitting around. No matter how many limbs he made fly, more were there to take the place. It looked like Homer would collapse very soon, if they didn't put a stop to it.
"Hey fireys." Hoggle shout out all of a sudden. "I just saw the old man with the talking hat going that way." Hoggle pointed to the direction they had just came from.
All of a sudden, all the fireys put themselves back together and ran towards the appointed direction. They were cackling madly and screaming to each other.
"Yeah. Let's go see the old man. Maybe this time, he'll let us play with his hat." They said, between hysterical laughter.
"Yeah. And if not, then we'll take it off his head and make him chase us."
"Yeah, that'll be fun."
Very soon, every last sign of the crazed creature called a firey, was gone from the sight. Homer walked up to Grampa.
"Hey Dad, are you o.k.?"
"You idiot." Grampa yelled in his face. "Why the hell did you morons wake me up? I was having such a nice dream. I was lying down on the beach. The old nurse from the nursing home was putting lotion on my back."
At this point, Homer and Bart, whom had actually seen the aforementioned nurse, cringed horribly.
"But for some reason, it was incredibly hot. And then I was rudely awoken by a dwarf, these dogs and this thing." Grampa finished his tale.
"Grampa!" said Bart. "You were being roasted alive here. Dad and I rescued you with the help of our new friends."
Grampa looked at the strange party carefully. Hoggle weakly waved his hand, Sir Didymus took off his hat and gave a bow and Ludo just stood there.
"Gra'pa."
Grampa walked up to Ludo.
"You remind of my last girlfriend. Except you have less hair then her." (1)
"O.K people, can we get a move on." Homer said impatiently.
"We have still yet to finish our journey and find that beer."
"Maggie." Bart corrected from the side.
"Yes. I meant Maggie."
Joined now by another person, the odd group started making their way further into the forest in the direction of the castle. The high walls of the castle were slightly getting larger in size as they came closer.
The area they were getting through now was a bit less dense than the forest. They all knew that they were getting closer to their destination because the trees were getting smaller, and were slowly thinning out. Grampa was walking next to Sir Didymus.
"You know, this is not really new to me. I'm used to going on quests and rescuing people." He was telling a very attentive Sir Didymus. "Back in 1929, I had to walk twenty miles in the snow, bare feet, to get food and beer for my family, when we were stuck in a storm for days. We didn't even have snow mobiles back then. These young'uns are getting too much into new technology and forgetting about the true nature of wilderness and adventure. I say we destroy all the new machines. We can't let them rule our lives."
At this point, Grampa's watch beeped loudly, and a mechanical voice came forth.
"Time to take you medicine, Abe Simpson."
"Oh, it's that time already."
Grampa pressed a button on his digital watch. A neat stack of four bottles of pill materialized on top. The lids flipped open, and one by one, four pills shot themselves in his mouth. After that, a little nozzle came out from the side of the watch, and squirted water into Grampa's mouth. He swallowed his pills, and wiped his mouth. He then pressed another button, and the nozzle and the bottles disappeared back in the watch. (2)
"So, what was I saying? Oh yeah, technology is evil. Evil!!!"
"Thou art a noble man, Sir Grampa." Didymus said humbly.
"Yeah, I know. Let me tell you about the time ...."
The rest of his sentence was interrupted as Bart, Hoggle and Ludo cried out loudly and covered their noses.
"Eeewww! What the hell is that?" Bart cried out.
"Oh no. I was hoping we could avoid that." Hoggle said from behind his covered mouth. "It's the bog of eternal stench. If only one drop was to get on you, you would smell bad for the rest of your life. No matter how many times you were to bathe, the stench would never leave."
As Hoggle explained, the group walked up to the source of the smell. It looked like a large swamp, with thick fog covering the entire surface of the murky water. From time to time, large pops were heard as bubbles of water erupted on top.
"Smell. Bad." Ludo wailed loudly.
"Hmm, this bog smells more like my gym locker room." Bart said, when he took some experimental sniffs.
Homer stepped up and inhaled deeply.
"Ohh, that's why I thought I smelled beer. This place smells like Moe's Tavern. Ohhh, and I had my hopes up and everything." Homer was near tears at the loss of the beer.
"Smell. Bad." Ludo cried out again.
"Ludo is right, we shall get going. Fast." Said Hoggle.
They all walked to the side of the bog, and soon stepped out into a clearing. Nearly half the party took deep breaths of cleaner, fresher air, with the exception of Sir Didymus and Grampa.
"Did thou smell anything back at that bog, Sir Grampa?" Sir Didymus inquired of the old man.
"Hell no, I didn't. Don't know what those guys were complaining about." Said Grampa.
"Well FINALLY!!"
Homer cried out, all of a sudden. They all looked up at the sound and found themselves standing right in front of the high walls of the large stone castles. Upon taking the trail through the dark forest, they had arrived, in lesser time, at the back of the grand castle. There was a small wooden door to the side, so the whole group made their way over, and stepped through.
*~*~*
TBC.
*~*~*
At the back of the castle, which is now abandoned since everyone is gone inside, appears Comic Book Guy. He's wearing his usual blue shorts, and a T- Shirt that says "Worst Crossover Ever".
"O.K folks, this whole thing made no sense whatsoever." He says in his usual sarcastic tone. "Well, the writing is totally off. The author rushed through the whole thing, whereas she could have made it longer. And plus it totally sucks for the there are no guest appearances by Wonder Woman, Xena, or She-Hulk."
There is a loud whooshing sound, as if a very heavy object is free falling from the sky.
"..... and also she could have added some more action sequences. Not to mention.......*plop*"
The Comic Book Guy is squished under an overly-large, purple bunny with saber-tooth tiger teeth, frothing at the mouth. The bunny gets off the splattered fat guy, and proceeds to stomp on him for some good measure. It then says in an overly sugary voice.
"Don't forget to leave a review."
*~*~*
Listen to the bunny guys ^_^. Well, anyway, how did you like the chapter? As you can probably tell, the next chappie is going to be the last one. Time to bring this baby to a stop. I want to thank each and every one of you guys for sticking with me for this long. I've had a blast writing this up, thank you for leaving such great words of encouragement. (Maybe I should leave the speech for the last chapter ^_~). That will be put up much faster, maybe within the next two weeks. If I get it done -_- Until then, bye ^_^ Oh wait, explaining the numbers.
1. That's the line taken from "Little Nicky", when his Grandfather compliments the hairy, gorilla-like thing.
2. I made that one up on the spot, hope you likey ^_^
*~*~*
"...and that was how Lisa and I proved that Krusty the Clown was innocent."
Hoggle nodded his head at the end of the story.
"Hmm, yeah, I see."
Hoggle and Bart were both seated on the same spot, telling each other stories of their past. Homer was still musing over which way to go, muttering to himself.
Up in the castle, all the goblins had abandoned whatever they were doing and were staring at the bumbling idiot through Jareth's crystal.
Jareth's hand was covering his eyes and he was shaking his head.
:Back to Homer:
"Hmm, if I were to go through the beautiful garden, where is the catch? But then again, the forest is to dark and dreary. And nothing good ever happens to me when I go into dark and dreary places." At this point Homer whimpered, thinking over his experiences with dark and dreary places. "All right, I've made my decision." He slammed a fist in his left hand and turned around. "Come on boy, we're going through here."
Both Hoggle and Bart stood up, with Bart rolling his eyes.
"Wow Dad. Only half hour. You new record."
"Hmm." Homer growled down at him.
All three of them made their way down the lush green path.
Everyone up at the castle had huge smiles on their disfigured faces. Unbeknownst to the rescuing party, the big beautiful garden was just a distraction. It they were to go down that way, it would take them twice as longer then if they were to go through the forest.
They were about to enter the greener and denser part of the garden when suddenly Homer stopped. He picked up his head and sniffed loudly. He turned his head this way and that and sniffed some more.
"Dad?" Bart called out to him carefully as Homer's eyes lit up.
"Oh My God! I smell beer!" Homer yelled out in a high voice. He sniffed the air some more. "And it's coming from that direction." He pointed at the dark forest.
"But Homer, don't you think it's safe if we were to go this way." Hoggle spoke up. "There are many dark and wild creatures that dwell in that forest."
Homer's upper lip pulled back in a snarl.
"Nobody and I mean nobody is going to stand between Homer Simpson and his beer. Come on boy."
He growled in a low tone and grabbed Bart by the scruff of his neck.
"Ack!"
Hoggle was left standing there with a wide-eyed expression. Suddenly he too was grabbed by his collar and was being pulled away alongside Bart.
"You too dwarf-man. If nothing else, we can throw you to one of these creature and make our escape."
Bart rolled his eyes.
"Homer, let us go. We can walk."
Bart pulled on his shirt.
"Oh no. I'm not letting you go until we're waaaaay inside that jungle. When you wouldn't be able to make an escape." He dragged them on behind him.
"Eh, well." Bart shrugged and allowed Homer to pull him along into the dark forest and quite possibly bringing them to a horrible, brutal death.
*~*~*
"Oh. Why couldn't that idiot keep on going over there?"
A nasty looking goblin asked him companion.
"I 'ope they get eaten alive. Tha'll be fun to watch."
"Yeah. Yeah." Was the intelligent reply from other goblins.
Jareth looked down at the peacefully sleeping Maggie in his arms.
"Won't be long now, little one. Won't be long at all."
He softly whispered to her, and Maggie gave a small smile in her sleep.
*~*~*
The whole dark forest seemed to be alive around them. Like at the beginning of their journey, they found a fine layer of liquid glitter spread over the trees and rocks and even the very ground they walked on. They could hear indistinct noises of snarling animals, cooing of different birds, and from time to time there were rustles in the dried up bushes right next to where they were walking.
Bart and Hoggle were quietly following Homer, who had his hands folded in front of his chest and was whimpering softly.
"Oh dear Jeebus, if you can hear me. Please let me get out of this mess alive. I promise I'll try harder to stay awake in church fro now on. No matter how boring what's his name is." He gave a loud yelp as he heard wild rustling in the bunch of bushes right next to him.
"O.K O.K I promise. No more beer from now on, either."
"Umm, Homer." Bart piped up from behind. "Isn't beer the sole reason we're heading down this God forsaken place?"
Homer scowled at him.
"Shut up boy. I think he might be buying it."
Bart placed a hand over his eyes and groaned loudly.
"We are so dead."
He said to his short companion, who in turn, nodded his head in agreement. By now, they had entered much darker part of the forest, and hardly any light was coming through the thick overgrown trees. A little bit ahead of them they heard a sound that sounded like painful moans. Plenty of evil cackles were blending along with that noise. The three of them walked up quickly to see what it was, and how they could avoid it. A very strange sight greeted them.
There was a large bear-like creature with long dark red hair, tied to a thick tree. Although the beast looked fierce in nature, his eyes told a totally different story. They were hooded and full of saddened tears. A group of tiny, nasty looking goblin-like creatures with tall sticks, which had small snapping heads on the end, were poking the poor creature. On the side, was a small fox-like creature, dressed as a medieval knight, perched atop a fluffy white dog. He had a tiny sword out and was trying to reach the big, red teddy bear. He was being held back by the goblins with the same snapping sticks as the rest of them.
"Unhand him you vile, filthy creatures." The fox-like creature was screaming out to them. "Thou do not fight fair. I could take you all in a fair sword fight, with nothing but my sword and my noble steed."
The goblins laughed nastily and poked the poor thing some more. Every time the beast howled with pain, they all cackled evilly.
"Lude. Dear brother. I beg of you. Hold on as long as you can. I shall dispose of these urchins for you shortly."
The fox-like creature waved his sword around some more.
"Shouldn't we be helping them." Hoggle whispered to Bart. They were observing the events from behind the security of thick over-grown bushes.
"Yeah." Bart replied eagerly. "That little guy looks totally cool. It'd be a shame not to help them. You in Homer?" He asked looking up at his father.
Homer was already supporting a rather large and pointy rock in his hands.
"Of course I'm in boy. You know how I'm all about humanity and helping out your fellow men." He said, hefting the rock in his hand. "Now. I'm pretty sure I can take out that hairy beast with this one rock."
"No!"
"Dad. Stop!"
Bart and Hoggle both yelled out before Homer could launch his attack.
"O.K let's try this again." Bart said solemnly. "You see Homer. That big guy tied to the rock and that thing on the dog are the good guys. We want to help them, not hurt them you understand?"
"Ohhh, I get it." Homer nodded his head. He then looked at the rock in his hand. "Oh well, violence is violence."
All three of them started an all out attack with rocks, stones and sticks. Whatever they could get their hands on, they hefted it in the goblins direction. The goblins, not being the smartest thing in the underground, got confused when they were attacked by an unseen enemy. They tried to fight off the larger of the stones, but it was to no avail. Soon, they dispersed and ran off in different directions.
When the coast was finally clear, Homer, Bart and Hoggle stepped out in the clearing. The small fox-like creature was untying the big guy from the tree. Hoggle immediately went over to greet his old friends.
"Hey there Didymus. Hey Ludo. How have you guys been?"
Didymus turned towards him with a flourish of his sword.
"Sir Hoggle." He greeted enthusiastically. "I know thou wouldst come to our rescue. My brother and I thank you very humbly for you are the most bravest among men."
Bart looked at the little guy amazedly, whereas Homer was rubbing his pinky in his ear.
"Blah blah blah. Damn that guy talks too much." Homer muttered.
Sir Didymus turned towards the two new faces he had never seen before.
"And who are your two new comrades, Sir Hoggle?"
"Uh Yeah. Didymus. These guys are Bart and Homer Simpson. They're here to get back the kid that they wished away." He then turned towards the two. "And guys, this is Sir Didymus."
Sir Didymus took off his hat and bowed.
"Hoggle. Fwiend."
Suddenly Hoggle was smothered in lots of red fur, as the fierce-looking yet lovable creature known as Ludo grabbed him in a hug.
"Ugh Ludo. Put me down." Hoggle groaned from somewhere in there. He soon emerged as Ludo placed him back on the ground.
"Ludo. These guys help me in saving you. This is Homer and this is Bart."
Ludo looked down at them.
"Homeh. Barrr." He said in his usual guttural tone.
"Oh ho ho cool." Bart exclaimed. "Pick me up man, pick me up."
He held his arms out to the fluff ball. Ludo looked around for a second and shrugged his enormous shoulders. He then bent over towards him and Bart climbed on. Holding onto him by the hair, Bart swung his legs over his neck and clung on.
"Well then, it's decided." Sir Didymus said turning towards Hoggle. "My brother and I shall accompany you on this noble quest of retrieving the babe from the clutches of the Goblin King. Come, my noble steed. Hyah."
With a roar like a war-cry, Sir Didymus headed of the group. With him in the lead, Hoggle and Homer followed his trail, with Bart riding on Ludo's shoulder bringing up the rear. They all made their way deeper into the forest.
*~*~*
They had been walking for a while now. When all of a sudden, they heard loud laughing and singing coming from up ahead. The sound of raucous laughter caused Hoggle to groan out loud and cover his eyes.
"Oh no. The fireys." He moaned painfully.
Sir Didymus stopped in his tracks and turned around.
"Fireys? Sir Hoggle, of what speaketh thou?"
"Yeah. What the hell are fireys? They sound dangerous." Homer exclaimed out loud.
"Something you don't want to encounter, trus' me. They're not dangerous but they do have a very strange sense of humor."
"Really." Bart's eyes lit up. "Strange sense of humor is my specialty. Let's go check them out." He was still seated a top Ludo, who was only too happy to carry him.
They walked up ahead and soon came upon a clearing in the forest, which was a bit less denser then the rest. Lots of creatures, which looked like bright orange and yellow stuffed animals, were dancing around a large bonfire that they had built. They were bouncing a large, furry football from one to another. Upon closer inspection, they found that it wasn't an inanimate object, but rather one of the creature's head. Not only the heads were flying around the place, other limbs were also shot up in the air from time to time.
"Ohhh cool. I wish I had a camera. Milhouse is never going to believe this."
They were all hidden behind a large tree, and the dense forest cast dark shadows all around them.
"Oh look!" Homer yelled out all of a sudden. "They're cooking something over there. Let's go and have a taste."
Homer started running towards the bonfire, where the fireys had in fact, tied a scraggly looking animal over a spit.
"Hey Dad." Bart, who had jumped off of Ludo's shoulders, ran alongside Homer. "Doesn't that animal look familiar to you?" He squinted up his eyes.
"Hmm? What the hell are you talking about?"
"Come on, Dad. Look closer. I think it's, no I'm sure, it's grampa." Bart screamed out.
"Cut the crap boy. That couldn't possibly be grampa. I mean smell that heavenly aroma coming from there. Hey, wait a minute." Homer sniffed the air. "Slowly cooking meat ..... sniff sniff ...... vicks vapor rub ....... sniff sniff ..... week old cabbage, oh my God, Dad!!"
Homer and Bart ran towards the bonfire. Because of their screams, they had attracted the attention of the fireys.
"Oh look boys, we've got company."
A floating head said, coming in the view right in front of Homer.
"You guys want to play with us. Come on, take your head off. It's big and round. It'll make a nice big bounce."
Another firey came up behind Homer and grabbed him by the ears, trying to twist his head off.
"You leave my big round head alone. Yaarrgghhhh!!"
Homer screamed out in rage. He shot out blindly with his fists and started kicking in the air blindly. Very soon all around him, there were flying bits of heads and arms and legs, as Homer continued to punch, jab and kick his way through.
Because Homer was keeping all the fireys busy, Bart, Hoggle and Sir Didymus got Grampa down with Ludo's help. By now, Homer was getting tired of kicking and hitting around. No matter how many limbs he made fly, more were there to take the place. It looked like Homer would collapse very soon, if they didn't put a stop to it.
"Hey fireys." Hoggle shout out all of a sudden. "I just saw the old man with the talking hat going that way." Hoggle pointed to the direction they had just came from.
All of a sudden, all the fireys put themselves back together and ran towards the appointed direction. They were cackling madly and screaming to each other.
"Yeah. Let's go see the old man. Maybe this time, he'll let us play with his hat." They said, between hysterical laughter.
"Yeah. And if not, then we'll take it off his head and make him chase us."
"Yeah, that'll be fun."
Very soon, every last sign of the crazed creature called a firey, was gone from the sight. Homer walked up to Grampa.
"Hey Dad, are you o.k.?"
"You idiot." Grampa yelled in his face. "Why the hell did you morons wake me up? I was having such a nice dream. I was lying down on the beach. The old nurse from the nursing home was putting lotion on my back."
At this point, Homer and Bart, whom had actually seen the aforementioned nurse, cringed horribly.
"But for some reason, it was incredibly hot. And then I was rudely awoken by a dwarf, these dogs and this thing." Grampa finished his tale.
"Grampa!" said Bart. "You were being roasted alive here. Dad and I rescued you with the help of our new friends."
Grampa looked at the strange party carefully. Hoggle weakly waved his hand, Sir Didymus took off his hat and gave a bow and Ludo just stood there.
"Gra'pa."
Grampa walked up to Ludo.
"You remind of my last girlfriend. Except you have less hair then her." (1)
"O.K people, can we get a move on." Homer said impatiently.
"We have still yet to finish our journey and find that beer."
"Maggie." Bart corrected from the side.
"Yes. I meant Maggie."
Joined now by another person, the odd group started making their way further into the forest in the direction of the castle. The high walls of the castle were slightly getting larger in size as they came closer.
The area they were getting through now was a bit less dense than the forest. They all knew that they were getting closer to their destination because the trees were getting smaller, and were slowly thinning out. Grampa was walking next to Sir Didymus.
"You know, this is not really new to me. I'm used to going on quests and rescuing people." He was telling a very attentive Sir Didymus. "Back in 1929, I had to walk twenty miles in the snow, bare feet, to get food and beer for my family, when we were stuck in a storm for days. We didn't even have snow mobiles back then. These young'uns are getting too much into new technology and forgetting about the true nature of wilderness and adventure. I say we destroy all the new machines. We can't let them rule our lives."
At this point, Grampa's watch beeped loudly, and a mechanical voice came forth.
"Time to take you medicine, Abe Simpson."
"Oh, it's that time already."
Grampa pressed a button on his digital watch. A neat stack of four bottles of pill materialized on top. The lids flipped open, and one by one, four pills shot themselves in his mouth. After that, a little nozzle came out from the side of the watch, and squirted water into Grampa's mouth. He swallowed his pills, and wiped his mouth. He then pressed another button, and the nozzle and the bottles disappeared back in the watch. (2)
"So, what was I saying? Oh yeah, technology is evil. Evil!!!"
"Thou art a noble man, Sir Grampa." Didymus said humbly.
"Yeah, I know. Let me tell you about the time ...."
The rest of his sentence was interrupted as Bart, Hoggle and Ludo cried out loudly and covered their noses.
"Eeewww! What the hell is that?" Bart cried out.
"Oh no. I was hoping we could avoid that." Hoggle said from behind his covered mouth. "It's the bog of eternal stench. If only one drop was to get on you, you would smell bad for the rest of your life. No matter how many times you were to bathe, the stench would never leave."
As Hoggle explained, the group walked up to the source of the smell. It looked like a large swamp, with thick fog covering the entire surface of the murky water. From time to time, large pops were heard as bubbles of water erupted on top.
"Smell. Bad." Ludo wailed loudly.
"Hmm, this bog smells more like my gym locker room." Bart said, when he took some experimental sniffs.
Homer stepped up and inhaled deeply.
"Ohh, that's why I thought I smelled beer. This place smells like Moe's Tavern. Ohhh, and I had my hopes up and everything." Homer was near tears at the loss of the beer.
"Smell. Bad." Ludo cried out again.
"Ludo is right, we shall get going. Fast." Said Hoggle.
They all walked to the side of the bog, and soon stepped out into a clearing. Nearly half the party took deep breaths of cleaner, fresher air, with the exception of Sir Didymus and Grampa.
"Did thou smell anything back at that bog, Sir Grampa?" Sir Didymus inquired of the old man.
"Hell no, I didn't. Don't know what those guys were complaining about." Said Grampa.
"Well FINALLY!!"
Homer cried out, all of a sudden. They all looked up at the sound and found themselves standing right in front of the high walls of the large stone castles. Upon taking the trail through the dark forest, they had arrived, in lesser time, at the back of the grand castle. There was a small wooden door to the side, so the whole group made their way over, and stepped through.
*~*~*
TBC.
*~*~*
At the back of the castle, which is now abandoned since everyone is gone inside, appears Comic Book Guy. He's wearing his usual blue shorts, and a T- Shirt that says "Worst Crossover Ever".
"O.K folks, this whole thing made no sense whatsoever." He says in his usual sarcastic tone. "Well, the writing is totally off. The author rushed through the whole thing, whereas she could have made it longer. And plus it totally sucks for the there are no guest appearances by Wonder Woman, Xena, or She-Hulk."
There is a loud whooshing sound, as if a very heavy object is free falling from the sky.
"..... and also she could have added some more action sequences. Not to mention.......*plop*"
The Comic Book Guy is squished under an overly-large, purple bunny with saber-tooth tiger teeth, frothing at the mouth. The bunny gets off the splattered fat guy, and proceeds to stomp on him for some good measure. It then says in an overly sugary voice.
"Don't forget to leave a review."
*~*~*
Listen to the bunny guys ^_^. Well, anyway, how did you like the chapter? As you can probably tell, the next chappie is going to be the last one. Time to bring this baby to a stop. I want to thank each and every one of you guys for sticking with me for this long. I've had a blast writing this up, thank you for leaving such great words of encouragement. (Maybe I should leave the speech for the last chapter ^_~). That will be put up much faster, maybe within the next two weeks. If I get it done -_- Until then, bye ^_^ Oh wait, explaining the numbers.
1. That's the line taken from "Little Nicky", when his Grandfather compliments the hairy, gorilla-like thing.
2. I made that one up on the spot, hope you likey ^_^
