// Wednesday is known to some as 'hump day', since it's the middle of the week. What does that mean for // Daniel?
// See previous chapter for details
// Authors Note: Okay, it's getting kind of hard to top successive days, but I'm doing my best, so bare
// with me. I swear, each new story/update shows me deeper depths of my own insanity…it's oh so FUN
// to be insane!!!
Wednesday
4:58 What IS that incessant beeping noise? Think I've heard it before. Often in a certain place in the SGC that I spend more time in than any human being in history. Yes, Daniel Jacksons second home is a hospital bed. Better open eyes, confirm theory.
4:59 Yep, infirmary. Beeping thing is my heart monitor. The smell of rubbing alcohol should have given it away immediately. I think that's the reason I have such a low tolerance for alcohol: I spend so much time here that the stuff has invaded by bloodstream and set up a permanent residence in my bone marrow. If I were ever autopsied, they'd find a %2 concentration of pure alcohol in my blood.
5:00 Footsteps, but belonging to who? Or is it whom? God, Jack would never let me live it down if he knew I didn't know which one it was. Getting closer...please don't let it be a libidinous nurse. I swear, one of them MUST have stolen my boxers last week; they don't just disappear for no reason when I'm in the shower. Ok, footsteps almost here...maybe I should pretend to be asleep. Yeah, sure, I'm a good actor, why wouldn't they believe-crap, too late! It's Janet! And she's...oh my God, I didn't. I did not just say, 'You look normal.' Beginning preparation for the afterlife now.
5:01 Wow, she laughed. Did I mention I love her laugh? Note to self: make Janet laugh more often, because she's pretty when-NO, don't GO there! She's your doctor AND a major in the military, which means, instead of just ten, she knows one hundred ways to deliver you to a painful death. Plus, she knows your track record with women: if not inhabited by Goa'uld host, do not apply. So there, that possibility is eclipsed. Huh, she just said something, what was that again?
5:02 ...I see, foreign little nasties in blood did nothing until given massive dose of sugar, then made lots of little baby nasties (that sounds wrong, somehow-nevermind, pay attention!). Little baby nasties and adult nasties release weird chemical that messed up neuro-transmitters in brain, hence seeing and hearing very weird things. All nasties gone, since so little sugar left in blood that they all starved to death. Okay, makes sense, but why is her hand moving...over...there?
5:03 Oh, she's releasing my restraints. Whew, for a second there I thought-no, not thinking, thinking is bad, is evil, think NOTHING about her. Also, note to self: when actively not thinking about person, do not scrunch up eyes in concentration in their presence. Makes them ask if you're all right, like she just did. Nod your head, tell her you're fine. Good, now follow up with convincing line of babbling and stuff; it works on Jack.
5:04 Forgot that Janet is MUCH smarter than Jack. Darnit, keeping me till 9 for observation. Well, if I'm going to be here another few hours for observation, at least I won't be tied down. Hmm, I wonder, did she tie me down or-what about NOT GOING THERE did you not understand, hmmm?! Ohh, is that a new magazine? I hope word never gets out that I read all three most recent issues of Glamour and Vogue. Hey, I was in the infirmary and I was bored. Subtly reach for nearby magazine.
5:05 Am reaching for magazine when am surrounded by weird white light. Next thing I know, have fallen to floor. It hurt. What the heck...wait, I recognize this sort of interior: I'm on an Asgard ship.
5:06 While collecting self from floor, which I seem to be doing a lot of these days, Jack appears doing that weird...holo-projection thing. He's at the helm with Sam, Teal'c, and Thor. Well, I DID want to get out of the infirmary. Walk to the bridge.
5:06 After leaving room, realize that I don't know where the bridge is. Walk back to room, face grinning Jack holo-thing. No, I didn't know where the bridge was, so stop smiling like a moron and tell me already!
5:09 After receiving instructions for how to get to bridge, have walked halfway there. At least, I THINK I'm halfway there.
5:14 Have I seen that sign before? Nah, probably just an Asgard restroom sign, they'd be all over the place.
5:18 Get the distinct feeling that Jack did not give me proper instructions, since I'm fairly certain what I'm looking at now is the engine core. It's big, gives off light, and makes this weird humming noise. That's what the engine core always looks like in Star Trek, at least.
5:19 Jack-holo-thingie appears behind me, scaring me out of my pants. He must have done that on purpose. No, really Jack? MAY have given me wrong directions? Yes, please just 'beam me' up there. Wait, have Sam do it; you'd deposit me in the center of the sun, knowing your sense of direction. And we've got the weird white light again-
5:20 Ahh, bridge, this is more like it. Hold back on urge to hit Jack. Am very successful as have had years of practice at this. And there's Thor, pint-sized protector of the Asgard race. Wonder what it is THIS time?
5:21 New breed of replicators, very dangerous, threatening Asgard race, the usual. Oh, this time they're planet-side and have a weird shielding thing protecting their 'hive', so aerial assault no good. No big metal sources, so they're very small in number (for a replicator swarm). Must send in ground troops. Have a sneaking suspicion that means SG-1, which invokes another sneaking suspicion that I'll be visiting the infirmary again soon. Good ol' Thor gives us the gate address, asks that we do anything we can, then we take the weird white light tunnel back to Earth.
5:22 Specifically, General Hammonds office. Wow, subtle doesn't even begin to cover Thors modus operandi. Almost worth it to see the look on the Generals face. Notice I said almost. The reason for this? The General dropping his full coffee mug on my foot out of surprise. Another reason it's an almost: the scalding hot coffee soaking into my boots and pants. Major ouch, here.
5:23 Ok, have stopped jumping up and down and swearing, which happened in foreign languages, fortunately; don't think the general would take very kindly to me after what I just called his mother. As some of that was in Arabic, I think Jack might have partially understood me. Will blackmail Jack to keep his mouth shut later. For now, I'll let me teammates go and present the replicator attack plan to the General while I go see if Janet can regrow a burned off foot.
5:29 Yes, hello fellow denizens of the infirmary, I'm back, again. Not even 6 o'clock in the morning and already I've been here twice. Not a good start to the day. Let's go find the keeper of pain meds and restore my foot to it's pre-burned state. Ahh, there she is. What? No, I didn't leave, I was beamed up to meet Thor. No, seriously. Fine, I'll get back into bed (don't go there Jackson, you know what I'm talking about).
5:45 While foot is being bandaged and such, Jack came down and said Hammond had authorized a mission to...wherever the replicators were. 'If we don't help our allies, they won't us', that sort of stuff. For once, I'm kinda reluctant to help out our allies. The past 48 hours have been awe-inspiring in regards to my ability to get myself into trouble. Leaving at 1200 hours? Joy. Well, I'm gonna be stuck here under observation till 0900, anyways. That'll give me a little under three hours to go back to my quarters and get my will drafted.
8:59 Given pain meds by Janet, warned that I'm to take two every twelve hours, max, otherwise I'll knock myself unconscious. C'mon, I only did that once...if you don't count the two times after that. And I was only out for a few hours...or twelve...or whatever. Yes, I get the point. Can I leave now? Good.
9:05 Find way to quarters without injuring self, yes! Now, open door-
9:06 -run into Teal'c. More accurately, run into door as it is being pushed open by Teal'c. Add broken nose to collection of injuries recently sustained. No no, Teal'c, no need to apologize; I should have know better than to approach a simple thing like a door like it wasn't an instrument of death. And about-face! To the infirmary.
9:11 I'm guessing that Janet not being surprised by my being in here AGAIN means she's had some sort of prophetic dream that I will break some Guiness record concerning me being the clumsiest man in the world today. Yep, it's my nose Doc, you see Teal'c-OWWW! YES, IT'S OBVIOUSLY BROKEN! Ooops, receiving patented 'CMO glare of death'; that's what I get for thinking such thoughts out loud. I'll go hide myself behind that curtain now, thanks.
9:12 Okay, maybe she's forgotten about my little outburst by now. Maybe she won't perform some totally unnecessary test using a huge needle on my spine in retribution. Maybe I should stop thinking such thoughts before I scare myself pantless; that would be a very bad idea, especially seeing the attitude most of the nurses here seem to have towards me.
9:13 Thoughts of horror endured at hands of randy nurses interrupted by swooshing aside of curtain by one Doc Fraiser, who doesn't look ready to experiment on me, thank god. Answer question about little accident with Teal'c and evil door. And it's my own door, is the sad part. Apparently it's been lurking in wait all these years to spring it's attack on me. Devious little bastard piece of metal.
9:18 Nose set in one of those little nose...bandage...thingies. Thanks Janet, now if I just get an armed escort back to my quarters to forestall any further injury, I'll be set. On second thought, cancel that; knowing my luck, one of the SFs would accidently fire their weapon into my good foot.
9:25 Having made way back to quarters very slowly and VERY carefully, manage to arrive in one piece. Pack up stuff necessary for trip with SG teams 1, 3, and 5. Why do I have to go, anyways? Not like the replicators are gonna ask us in for tea and biscuits over a round of diplomatic talks in the Ancient tongue, or anything.
9:26 Stomach reminds me that I haven't eaten in over thirteen hours. Wonder if sustinence in commissary if worth pain incurred by trip throughout the dangerous halls of the SGC. Stomach wins in the end.
9:27 Manage to get past evil door without hurting self. Yes, it knows I'm onto its evil ways now. Careful, careful Jackson. Carefully make way to commissary.
9:33 Okay, this is taking forever. I'm almost there; gonna chance normal walking speed. Look there's the door, I made it after all-and now I'm flying through the air like a little squirrel. Stupid jello on the floor.
9:34 Look at that, an airman broken my fall. My luck is looking up, for once. Apologize to airman...big, beefy airman who looks like he's definitely holding a grudge. Wish those self-defense moves Teal'c and Jack had taught me would enter my mind about now.
9:35 Airman is convinced to move on by sudden presence of Teal'c next to me. Never been so glad to see ya, buddy, even if you and my evil door did recently break my nose. Let's eat!
9:36 Turns out I was so busy dreading the danger to be found on the way to the commissary that I didn't think about the danger to be found INSIDE the commissary. The food, to be exact. If that a burrito, or plastic explosive? Think I'll settle for cereal instead, thanks. The muffins are tempting, but I think it would be best today to not to approach a piece of food that looks like a miniature mushroom cloud.
9:42 Managed to eat a meal without harming myself, wow. Hopefully I haven't used up my tiny puddle of good luck for today on this. Huh, join you in Kel'noreem before the mission? Thank you Teal'c, but I'd probably accidentally put myself in a coma, knowing my luck so far this week. See you at 12:00
9:48 Trip back to quarters completed without further injury. That's not good. Something must be waiting in there to hurt me...or my evil door is planning something, well, evil. Wonder if Teal'c is in there again waiting to attack me with the door. Come to think of it, why WAS Teal'c in there anyways? If he went through my candy stash, he's a dead man...er, Jaffa.
9:49 Get through door, into room, and to desk without hazard. Huh, that was suspiciously easy. Well, better get going and draft that will.
11:52 Two hours of translation later, it's almost time to go face my inevitable doom on yet another alien planet. Surprisingly relaxed about it, actually. I guess dying a dozen times over the course of a decade will do that to you. Change into BDUs and get ready for metallic bug-kicking action. Doh, forgot to make out my will.
11:58 Arrive in embarkation room without injury. That's two miracles in less than three hours, I should be nominated for Sainthood. SG-3 and –5 are here too, looking all mean and marine-like, as usual. Good thing Ferretti is on SG-3, I know Lawrence doesn't like me. His expression just screams, "I hate little geeky scientists who are ten times smarter than me using only half their brain."
11:59 Hammond wishes us all well and hopes that we kill a lot of bugs (well, he WOULD have said it if...look, it was implied, trust me). Stargate goes *swoosh* and we go through, SG-1 first.
12:00 How is it that I manage to hurt myself first thing I do on another planet? Run into Teal'cs back, hurting nose AGAIN. Ooh, blood, something new and different. Sitting down now.
12:02 Bleeding under control. Can now risk standing up and joining rest of SG-1 for 13 mile hike towards replicator nest. Yay, fun.
17:48 What with sudden sinkholes, immensely dense underbrush, a river in our way, and me fainting once from blood lost via nasal cavity, it's taken a little longer than we intended to get to our destination. If looks could kill, all of SG-3 and –5 would have murdered me ten times over for that last one. Somehow I get the feeling they blame me for the sinkholes, too. Makes sense; I'm beginning to think I'm cursed as well. Anyhow, there's the replicator mound, a weird grayish type...thing, sitting where an Asgard research station once was. Hmm, wonder what Thor and his buddies were researching that attracted their attention.
17:49 So now we wait for the next scheduled contact with the SGC. Meanwhile, we paint a bead on the replicator mound thingie so that the SGC can launch their missiles and blow it up. Energy shield thingie won't protect against projectiles and explosives, right? Cause I'd absolutely hate to have to go back to the SGC before dying today. Yep, that would be such a bummer.
17:55 Bored, buh-buh-buh-bored, buh-buh-buh-bored, buh-buh-buh-bored buh-buh-buh-bored buh-buh-buh-bored. Did I mention I'm bored? No artifacts, ruins, or natives societies to study anywhere within a billion miles. Just a bunch of relentlessly replicating little metallic bugs that we're tasked to destroy. Remind me again why I'm here?
18:00 Contact made with SGC, Hammond sending missiles through now. Wonder how long this will take...what's that bright light there, anyways? Uh-oh. Shockwave incoming! Duck, duck fool!
18:01 Phew, that was close. Okay, now what step is next in our plan to meet certain death? Yes, I do look at it that-oomf.
18:02 I will never, EVER be near another explosion again as long as I live, which may not be very long anyways. Will somebody help me up? Thanks Sam. I swear, who would expect to be hit by massive flying chunks of dirt after a missile strike? And who would expect the dirt to smell like rotten eggs?
18:08 At entrance to replicator thingie now, with no sign of our metallic hosts. Maybe I got lucky and that missile killed them all. Yeah right. Can we go now? No, we DON'T need to check and make sure they're all gone. See, Sam says the shield thing is gone, so the Asgard can come and clean out their own place. Oh fine, I'll go in too, but it'll be your fault when I die, Jack.
18:14 Okay, over five minutes inside looking at burnt replicator pieces and I'm still alive. Does that mean the roof will collapse over us any minute, or that a ruptured power core is about to critical beneath our feet? In case you hadn't noticed, I've lost my optimistic touch over recent events.
18:15 Thought I heard a chittering sound...wait, did I just see something move? Okay, back away slowly towards the rest of the team...who's mysteriously disappeared. Yeah, now would be a good time to PANIC! RUN JACKSON, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE BUT DON'T HIT YOUR HEAD ON THE-ouch...
23:55 Wake up Daniel, the afterlife awaits. You know you're dead because the last thing you remember is running like a little girl away from an imaginary thing you didn't even see, thus impacting your cranium against a rock formation at high velocity. leaving you helpless in a replicator nest. Huh, that's weird; normally I'm a little groggy after hitting my head and knocking myself unconscious. Hopefully I'm not getting used to this. C'mon, open your eyes, damnit!
23:56 Oh great, that's just stinking great, I'm blind. Either that or it's just really, really dark, and I'm not lucky enough for the second choice. Maybe if I rub my eyes a little-why can't I reach my eyes? Maybe my arms are bound. Wait, why would replicators bind my arms? Why would they keep me alive, period?
23:57 Let's try moving around a little. First stand up-or don't since you're already standing up. Did I mention this was weird? Okay, let's try walking. Hmm, okay that's good, except I feel like I'm having to put twice as much effort into this no, not just in terms of energy but in coordination as well. Oh, if only I could see, I WANT TO SEE! Wow, that's amazing, I can see! But why is everything tinted this weird color? Maybe my eyes have mutated...hmm, forget it, let's just get out of here.
23:58 Easier said than done, I see. I'm in a HUUUGE replicator room. Must have been far down enough to escape most of the blast. There's an uber-relicator, or super-replicator, or whatever we call them now, sitting in the corner, with several normal ones surrouding it. It's hooked up to some sort of weird band thing. I should leave now. There's a small opening in the wall behind me about six feet up. Maybe I can pull myself up-yikes, what the Hell? My arms, what happened to my arms?!
23:59 Okay, reflective surface, find one, now. Looking, looking, looking, there's one. And...AAAAH, I'M A REPLICATOR!!!
TBC
// Aren't I evil? Next I'll write….thursday! Gee, I hope no-one catches on to the ingenious plot progression here.
// It's a lonely little button. Won't you push it, let it know it's loved? Yes, push the-wait, not the back button! NOOO-*click*
// See previous chapter for details
// Authors Note: Okay, it's getting kind of hard to top successive days, but I'm doing my best, so bare
// with me. I swear, each new story/update shows me deeper depths of my own insanity…it's oh so FUN
// to be insane!!!
Wednesday
4:58 What IS that incessant beeping noise? Think I've heard it before. Often in a certain place in the SGC that I spend more time in than any human being in history. Yes, Daniel Jacksons second home is a hospital bed. Better open eyes, confirm theory.
4:59 Yep, infirmary. Beeping thing is my heart monitor. The smell of rubbing alcohol should have given it away immediately. I think that's the reason I have such a low tolerance for alcohol: I spend so much time here that the stuff has invaded by bloodstream and set up a permanent residence in my bone marrow. If I were ever autopsied, they'd find a %2 concentration of pure alcohol in my blood.
5:00 Footsteps, but belonging to who? Or is it whom? God, Jack would never let me live it down if he knew I didn't know which one it was. Getting closer...please don't let it be a libidinous nurse. I swear, one of them MUST have stolen my boxers last week; they don't just disappear for no reason when I'm in the shower. Ok, footsteps almost here...maybe I should pretend to be asleep. Yeah, sure, I'm a good actor, why wouldn't they believe-crap, too late! It's Janet! And she's...oh my God, I didn't. I did not just say, 'You look normal.' Beginning preparation for the afterlife now.
5:01 Wow, she laughed. Did I mention I love her laugh? Note to self: make Janet laugh more often, because she's pretty when-NO, don't GO there! She's your doctor AND a major in the military, which means, instead of just ten, she knows one hundred ways to deliver you to a painful death. Plus, she knows your track record with women: if not inhabited by Goa'uld host, do not apply. So there, that possibility is eclipsed. Huh, she just said something, what was that again?
5:02 ...I see, foreign little nasties in blood did nothing until given massive dose of sugar, then made lots of little baby nasties (that sounds wrong, somehow-nevermind, pay attention!). Little baby nasties and adult nasties release weird chemical that messed up neuro-transmitters in brain, hence seeing and hearing very weird things. All nasties gone, since so little sugar left in blood that they all starved to death. Okay, makes sense, but why is her hand moving...over...there?
5:03 Oh, she's releasing my restraints. Whew, for a second there I thought-no, not thinking, thinking is bad, is evil, think NOTHING about her. Also, note to self: when actively not thinking about person, do not scrunch up eyes in concentration in their presence. Makes them ask if you're all right, like she just did. Nod your head, tell her you're fine. Good, now follow up with convincing line of babbling and stuff; it works on Jack.
5:04 Forgot that Janet is MUCH smarter than Jack. Darnit, keeping me till 9 for observation. Well, if I'm going to be here another few hours for observation, at least I won't be tied down. Hmm, I wonder, did she tie me down or-what about NOT GOING THERE did you not understand, hmmm?! Ohh, is that a new magazine? I hope word never gets out that I read all three most recent issues of Glamour and Vogue. Hey, I was in the infirmary and I was bored. Subtly reach for nearby magazine.
5:05 Am reaching for magazine when am surrounded by weird white light. Next thing I know, have fallen to floor. It hurt. What the heck...wait, I recognize this sort of interior: I'm on an Asgard ship.
5:06 While collecting self from floor, which I seem to be doing a lot of these days, Jack appears doing that weird...holo-projection thing. He's at the helm with Sam, Teal'c, and Thor. Well, I DID want to get out of the infirmary. Walk to the bridge.
5:06 After leaving room, realize that I don't know where the bridge is. Walk back to room, face grinning Jack holo-thing. No, I didn't know where the bridge was, so stop smiling like a moron and tell me already!
5:09 After receiving instructions for how to get to bridge, have walked halfway there. At least, I THINK I'm halfway there.
5:14 Have I seen that sign before? Nah, probably just an Asgard restroom sign, they'd be all over the place.
5:18 Get the distinct feeling that Jack did not give me proper instructions, since I'm fairly certain what I'm looking at now is the engine core. It's big, gives off light, and makes this weird humming noise. That's what the engine core always looks like in Star Trek, at least.
5:19 Jack-holo-thingie appears behind me, scaring me out of my pants. He must have done that on purpose. No, really Jack? MAY have given me wrong directions? Yes, please just 'beam me' up there. Wait, have Sam do it; you'd deposit me in the center of the sun, knowing your sense of direction. And we've got the weird white light again-
5:20 Ahh, bridge, this is more like it. Hold back on urge to hit Jack. Am very successful as have had years of practice at this. And there's Thor, pint-sized protector of the Asgard race. Wonder what it is THIS time?
5:21 New breed of replicators, very dangerous, threatening Asgard race, the usual. Oh, this time they're planet-side and have a weird shielding thing protecting their 'hive', so aerial assault no good. No big metal sources, so they're very small in number (for a replicator swarm). Must send in ground troops. Have a sneaking suspicion that means SG-1, which invokes another sneaking suspicion that I'll be visiting the infirmary again soon. Good ol' Thor gives us the gate address, asks that we do anything we can, then we take the weird white light tunnel back to Earth.
5:22 Specifically, General Hammonds office. Wow, subtle doesn't even begin to cover Thors modus operandi. Almost worth it to see the look on the Generals face. Notice I said almost. The reason for this? The General dropping his full coffee mug on my foot out of surprise. Another reason it's an almost: the scalding hot coffee soaking into my boots and pants. Major ouch, here.
5:23 Ok, have stopped jumping up and down and swearing, which happened in foreign languages, fortunately; don't think the general would take very kindly to me after what I just called his mother. As some of that was in Arabic, I think Jack might have partially understood me. Will blackmail Jack to keep his mouth shut later. For now, I'll let me teammates go and present the replicator attack plan to the General while I go see if Janet can regrow a burned off foot.
5:29 Yes, hello fellow denizens of the infirmary, I'm back, again. Not even 6 o'clock in the morning and already I've been here twice. Not a good start to the day. Let's go find the keeper of pain meds and restore my foot to it's pre-burned state. Ahh, there she is. What? No, I didn't leave, I was beamed up to meet Thor. No, seriously. Fine, I'll get back into bed (don't go there Jackson, you know what I'm talking about).
5:45 While foot is being bandaged and such, Jack came down and said Hammond had authorized a mission to...wherever the replicators were. 'If we don't help our allies, they won't us', that sort of stuff. For once, I'm kinda reluctant to help out our allies. The past 48 hours have been awe-inspiring in regards to my ability to get myself into trouble. Leaving at 1200 hours? Joy. Well, I'm gonna be stuck here under observation till 0900, anyways. That'll give me a little under three hours to go back to my quarters and get my will drafted.
8:59 Given pain meds by Janet, warned that I'm to take two every twelve hours, max, otherwise I'll knock myself unconscious. C'mon, I only did that once...if you don't count the two times after that. And I was only out for a few hours...or twelve...or whatever. Yes, I get the point. Can I leave now? Good.
9:05 Find way to quarters without injuring self, yes! Now, open door-
9:06 -run into Teal'c. More accurately, run into door as it is being pushed open by Teal'c. Add broken nose to collection of injuries recently sustained. No no, Teal'c, no need to apologize; I should have know better than to approach a simple thing like a door like it wasn't an instrument of death. And about-face! To the infirmary.
9:11 I'm guessing that Janet not being surprised by my being in here AGAIN means she's had some sort of prophetic dream that I will break some Guiness record concerning me being the clumsiest man in the world today. Yep, it's my nose Doc, you see Teal'c-OWWW! YES, IT'S OBVIOUSLY BROKEN! Ooops, receiving patented 'CMO glare of death'; that's what I get for thinking such thoughts out loud. I'll go hide myself behind that curtain now, thanks.
9:12 Okay, maybe she's forgotten about my little outburst by now. Maybe she won't perform some totally unnecessary test using a huge needle on my spine in retribution. Maybe I should stop thinking such thoughts before I scare myself pantless; that would be a very bad idea, especially seeing the attitude most of the nurses here seem to have towards me.
9:13 Thoughts of horror endured at hands of randy nurses interrupted by swooshing aside of curtain by one Doc Fraiser, who doesn't look ready to experiment on me, thank god. Answer question about little accident with Teal'c and evil door. And it's my own door, is the sad part. Apparently it's been lurking in wait all these years to spring it's attack on me. Devious little bastard piece of metal.
9:18 Nose set in one of those little nose...bandage...thingies. Thanks Janet, now if I just get an armed escort back to my quarters to forestall any further injury, I'll be set. On second thought, cancel that; knowing my luck, one of the SFs would accidently fire their weapon into my good foot.
9:25 Having made way back to quarters very slowly and VERY carefully, manage to arrive in one piece. Pack up stuff necessary for trip with SG teams 1, 3, and 5. Why do I have to go, anyways? Not like the replicators are gonna ask us in for tea and biscuits over a round of diplomatic talks in the Ancient tongue, or anything.
9:26 Stomach reminds me that I haven't eaten in over thirteen hours. Wonder if sustinence in commissary if worth pain incurred by trip throughout the dangerous halls of the SGC. Stomach wins in the end.
9:27 Manage to get past evil door without hurting self. Yes, it knows I'm onto its evil ways now. Careful, careful Jackson. Carefully make way to commissary.
9:33 Okay, this is taking forever. I'm almost there; gonna chance normal walking speed. Look there's the door, I made it after all-and now I'm flying through the air like a little squirrel. Stupid jello on the floor.
9:34 Look at that, an airman broken my fall. My luck is looking up, for once. Apologize to airman...big, beefy airman who looks like he's definitely holding a grudge. Wish those self-defense moves Teal'c and Jack had taught me would enter my mind about now.
9:35 Airman is convinced to move on by sudden presence of Teal'c next to me. Never been so glad to see ya, buddy, even if you and my evil door did recently break my nose. Let's eat!
9:36 Turns out I was so busy dreading the danger to be found on the way to the commissary that I didn't think about the danger to be found INSIDE the commissary. The food, to be exact. If that a burrito, or plastic explosive? Think I'll settle for cereal instead, thanks. The muffins are tempting, but I think it would be best today to not to approach a piece of food that looks like a miniature mushroom cloud.
9:42 Managed to eat a meal without harming myself, wow. Hopefully I haven't used up my tiny puddle of good luck for today on this. Huh, join you in Kel'noreem before the mission? Thank you Teal'c, but I'd probably accidentally put myself in a coma, knowing my luck so far this week. See you at 12:00
9:48 Trip back to quarters completed without further injury. That's not good. Something must be waiting in there to hurt me...or my evil door is planning something, well, evil. Wonder if Teal'c is in there again waiting to attack me with the door. Come to think of it, why WAS Teal'c in there anyways? If he went through my candy stash, he's a dead man...er, Jaffa.
9:49 Get through door, into room, and to desk without hazard. Huh, that was suspiciously easy. Well, better get going and draft that will.
11:52 Two hours of translation later, it's almost time to go face my inevitable doom on yet another alien planet. Surprisingly relaxed about it, actually. I guess dying a dozen times over the course of a decade will do that to you. Change into BDUs and get ready for metallic bug-kicking action. Doh, forgot to make out my will.
11:58 Arrive in embarkation room without injury. That's two miracles in less than three hours, I should be nominated for Sainthood. SG-3 and –5 are here too, looking all mean and marine-like, as usual. Good thing Ferretti is on SG-3, I know Lawrence doesn't like me. His expression just screams, "I hate little geeky scientists who are ten times smarter than me using only half their brain."
11:59 Hammond wishes us all well and hopes that we kill a lot of bugs (well, he WOULD have said it if...look, it was implied, trust me). Stargate goes *swoosh* and we go through, SG-1 first.
12:00 How is it that I manage to hurt myself first thing I do on another planet? Run into Teal'cs back, hurting nose AGAIN. Ooh, blood, something new and different. Sitting down now.
12:02 Bleeding under control. Can now risk standing up and joining rest of SG-1 for 13 mile hike towards replicator nest. Yay, fun.
17:48 What with sudden sinkholes, immensely dense underbrush, a river in our way, and me fainting once from blood lost via nasal cavity, it's taken a little longer than we intended to get to our destination. If looks could kill, all of SG-3 and –5 would have murdered me ten times over for that last one. Somehow I get the feeling they blame me for the sinkholes, too. Makes sense; I'm beginning to think I'm cursed as well. Anyhow, there's the replicator mound, a weird grayish type...thing, sitting where an Asgard research station once was. Hmm, wonder what Thor and his buddies were researching that attracted their attention.
17:49 So now we wait for the next scheduled contact with the SGC. Meanwhile, we paint a bead on the replicator mound thingie so that the SGC can launch their missiles and blow it up. Energy shield thingie won't protect against projectiles and explosives, right? Cause I'd absolutely hate to have to go back to the SGC before dying today. Yep, that would be such a bummer.
17:55 Bored, buh-buh-buh-bored, buh-buh-buh-bored, buh-buh-buh-bored buh-buh-buh-bored buh-buh-buh-bored. Did I mention I'm bored? No artifacts, ruins, or natives societies to study anywhere within a billion miles. Just a bunch of relentlessly replicating little metallic bugs that we're tasked to destroy. Remind me again why I'm here?
18:00 Contact made with SGC, Hammond sending missiles through now. Wonder how long this will take...what's that bright light there, anyways? Uh-oh. Shockwave incoming! Duck, duck fool!
18:01 Phew, that was close. Okay, now what step is next in our plan to meet certain death? Yes, I do look at it that-oomf.
18:02 I will never, EVER be near another explosion again as long as I live, which may not be very long anyways. Will somebody help me up? Thanks Sam. I swear, who would expect to be hit by massive flying chunks of dirt after a missile strike? And who would expect the dirt to smell like rotten eggs?
18:08 At entrance to replicator thingie now, with no sign of our metallic hosts. Maybe I got lucky and that missile killed them all. Yeah right. Can we go now? No, we DON'T need to check and make sure they're all gone. See, Sam says the shield thing is gone, so the Asgard can come and clean out their own place. Oh fine, I'll go in too, but it'll be your fault when I die, Jack.
18:14 Okay, over five minutes inside looking at burnt replicator pieces and I'm still alive. Does that mean the roof will collapse over us any minute, or that a ruptured power core is about to critical beneath our feet? In case you hadn't noticed, I've lost my optimistic touch over recent events.
18:15 Thought I heard a chittering sound...wait, did I just see something move? Okay, back away slowly towards the rest of the team...who's mysteriously disappeared. Yeah, now would be a good time to PANIC! RUN JACKSON, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE BUT DON'T HIT YOUR HEAD ON THE-ouch...
23:55 Wake up Daniel, the afterlife awaits. You know you're dead because the last thing you remember is running like a little girl away from an imaginary thing you didn't even see, thus impacting your cranium against a rock formation at high velocity. leaving you helpless in a replicator nest. Huh, that's weird; normally I'm a little groggy after hitting my head and knocking myself unconscious. Hopefully I'm not getting used to this. C'mon, open your eyes, damnit!
23:56 Oh great, that's just stinking great, I'm blind. Either that or it's just really, really dark, and I'm not lucky enough for the second choice. Maybe if I rub my eyes a little-why can't I reach my eyes? Maybe my arms are bound. Wait, why would replicators bind my arms? Why would they keep me alive, period?
23:57 Let's try moving around a little. First stand up-or don't since you're already standing up. Did I mention this was weird? Okay, let's try walking. Hmm, okay that's good, except I feel like I'm having to put twice as much effort into this no, not just in terms of energy but in coordination as well. Oh, if only I could see, I WANT TO SEE! Wow, that's amazing, I can see! But why is everything tinted this weird color? Maybe my eyes have mutated...hmm, forget it, let's just get out of here.
23:58 Easier said than done, I see. I'm in a HUUUGE replicator room. Must have been far down enough to escape most of the blast. There's an uber-relicator, or super-replicator, or whatever we call them now, sitting in the corner, with several normal ones surrouding it. It's hooked up to some sort of weird band thing. I should leave now. There's a small opening in the wall behind me about six feet up. Maybe I can pull myself up-yikes, what the Hell? My arms, what happened to my arms?!
23:59 Okay, reflective surface, find one, now. Looking, looking, looking, there's one. And...AAAAH, I'M A REPLICATOR!!!
TBC
// Aren't I evil? Next I'll write….thursday! Gee, I hope no-one catches on to the ingenious plot progression here.
// It's a lonely little button. Won't you push it, let it know it's loved? Yes, push the-wait, not the back button! NOOO-*click*
