Through the vastness of space streaked the starship Secondprize, commanded by
Captain Arthur. A gigantic cube-shaped vessel pursued it doggedly, firing
green plasma blasts that tore into the Earth ship's deflector shields.
"Hail them," ordered Captain Arthur from his chair in the center of the bridge.
"Aye, sir," said Weapons Officer Binky. As he manipulated the controls on his console, a bay in the rear of the ship opened and released a stream of enormous hailstones, which collided with the hostile vessel and broke into pieces.
"No damage to the enemy ship, sir," Binky announced.
Another plasma burst struck the Secondprize's rear shield, causing the entire ship to rock and tremble for a few seconds. "Again!" squealed Communications Officer Kate.
Captain Arthur turned to his trusted science officer, who stood to the right of his chair. "Analysis, Mr. Brain," he barked.
"We appear to be caught in a Star Trek parody fantasy sequence," said Mr. Brain coldly. "Your options are the following. One, increase speed to evade the enemy. Two, self-destruct the ship to avoid capture. Three, stare into space and quote Shakespeare."
Weapons fire rattled the ship once again. "Damage report," said Captain Arthur to Lieutenant Muffy.
"My console exploded," whined Muffy, her face and clothes singed. "My dress is ruined. I can't take much more of this."
Captain Arthur punched a button on his chair's armrest. "Increase speed to warp factor 9.2," he commanded.
In the engine room, Chief Engineer Fern frantically leapt from one control panel to another, struggling to keep the systems operational. "Increasing speed," she replied upon hearing the captain's order.
The bridge crew stared at the view screen, which showed the enemy spacecraft looming ever closer. "They're still gaining," said Ensign George.
"Increase speed to warp 9.5," Captain Arthur spoke into the commlink.
"But, Captain," Fern protested, "the structural integrity field isn't designed to handle that velocity."
"I changed my mind," replied the captain. "Now I want warp 9.6."
"Aye, sir."
The ship lurched forward, and started to shake uncontrollably. The bridge crewmembers grabbed hold of any support they could find.
"Fern, what's going on?" shouted Captain Arthur.
"The structural integrity field has failed," Fern reported. "I did warn you, sir."
Alarms went off all over the ship. "Warning," blared a strikingly familiar computer voice. "Thirty seconds until structural breakdown. Twenty-nine. Twenty-six. Four. Twenty-nine."
"D.W., get out of the computer!" exclaimed Captain Arthur angrily.
The computer voice only laughed wickedly. "You will all die horribly in searing pain! Muwahahahaha!"
"Analysis, Mr. Brain," said Captain Arthur to his trusted science officer.
"Your options are the following," said Mr. Brain calmly. "One, cut to a commercial. Two, do the hokey pokey. Three, allow the annoying but indispensable boy genius Buster Baxter to save the ship."
Captain Arthur sighed and gave a reluctant order. "Buster Baxter, report to the engine room."
Chief Engineer Fern gasped when Buster unexpectedly materialized before her. "H-how did you do that?" she stammered.
"I can transcend time and space now, remember?" explained the rabbit boy.
"We've got fifteen seconds before the ship flies apart," Fern informed him.
"Full stop," Buster commanded.
Fern pressed a few buttons, and the ship slowed down and ceased from shaking. "Now we've got fifteen seconds until the alien ship destroys us," she remarked.
"Reroute the plasma conduits through the intake manifolds," said Buster rapidly. "Infuse the plasma with graviton particles while rotating the frequency through the entire spectrum. Then eject the warp core and fire a photon burst through the main deflector dish."
Fern carried out Buster's instructions. The Secondprize spun about wildly, and the bridge crew watched with relief as the attacking vessel exploded into a million smouldering chunks of metal.
"We're saved!" exclaimed Captain Arthur. "Buster, you'll get extra credit for this."
While Buster basked in the glory of having rescued the Secondprize from doom yet again, he heard a voice calling out to him. "So, how about it?"
"Aye, sir!" he saluted. The Portinari alien looked at him quizzically, or at least so it seemed to Buster, as the creature's red pinpoint eyes were hard to read.
"I'll need to run some tests," said the alien. "Just to make sure that your brain has the right configuration. They won't hurt a bit. It should take three days. I'll meet you back here tomorrow after school for the first test."
"Uh, okay," replied Buster. His heart beat quickly at the prospect of being possibly the first human to visit other inhabited worlds.
----
At roughly the same time, Arthur and D.W. were enjoying a leisurely walk to their house. When they were a block away, Arthur decided to test D.W. on what she had learned during her first day.
"Here's another crosswalk," he said, gesturing. "This one doesn't have a crossing guard. What do you do?"
D.W. rubbed her chin. "Uh, I wait until all the cars go by, then I cross the street."
"Very good," Arthur commended her. "Here comes a car now."
A blue station wagon, driven by a horse woman with two children strapped into the back seat, gradually came to a stop before the crosswalk. The woman stared expectantly at Arthur and D.W., who stood still.
"Well?" said Arthur impatiently. D.W. didn't move, but only scowled.
Finally the little girl could bear no more. "Hey, doofus!" she bellowed at the woman in the car. "I've got places to go, you know!"
"D.W., she's waiting for you to cross!" exclaimed Arthur with alarm.
"Oh, now you tell me," groused D.W. as she stepped into the street. "It's only my first day, and you already expect me to know everything."
When they arrived at home, the first to greet them was the over-friendly Pal, who pounced on D.W. and licked her chin. "D-O-G, dog," the girl proclaimed with pride.
Little Kate, clad in a shirt and diaper, waddled toward her older siblings and mumbled, "Deeduboo, Arfur, Deeduboo, Arfur..."
"B-A-B-Y," said D.W., giving her sister a peck on the cheek.
Mr. Read was in the kitchen, covered with flour and kneading lumps of bread dough. "There's my little first grader," he gushed.
"That's right," said D.W. "I'm going to school with the big girls now."
"Dad, Sue Ellen came back," Arthur informed his father. "But she lost her parents."
"Lost her parents?" asked Mr. Read with concern. "What do you mean?"
"They're gone," Arthur replied. "She doesn't know where they are."
Turning his head, Mr. Read called out, "Jane, get in here."
His wife set aside her computer work and hurried into the kitchen. "What is it, Dave?"
"Have you heard anything about the Armstrongs?" Mr. Read asked her. "Arthur says Sue Ellen is back, but her parents are unaccounted for."
"No, I haven't heard a thing," Mrs. Read answered. "I think if something happened to a U.S. diplomat in Karjakistan, it would be on the news."
"Sue Ellen's dad is a spy," D.W. corrected her.
"Where did you hear that?" snapped Arthur.
"I have my sources," said D.W. maturely.
"Where's Sue Ellen now?" Mrs. Read asked Arthur.
"She's with Mr. Ratburn and Carla. We all asked her about her parents, but she doesn't want to answer any questions."
"I hope they're all right, wherever they are," said Mr. Read.
Arthur glanced down at his Bionic Bunny watch. "Hey, it's time for Bunny League," he noted, and hastened into the living room to switch on the TV.
"Mom, can I watch Bunny League?" D.W. pleaded with her mother. "I'm almost six years old."
"It's rated TV-Y7," Mrs. Read answered. "You can watch it when you're seven."
"Oh, (bleep)," moaned D.W.
Her mother gasped. "Dora Winifred, where did you learn that word?"
"At Arthur's school," said D.W. innocently. "I learned lots of new words there. Like (bleep), and (bleep)..."
Mrs. Read took her daughter firmly by the hand and dragged her toward the bathroom. "Let me introduce you to my little friend," she said gruffly. "His name's Mr. Soap."
----
to be continued
"Hail them," ordered Captain Arthur from his chair in the center of the bridge.
"Aye, sir," said Weapons Officer Binky. As he manipulated the controls on his console, a bay in the rear of the ship opened and released a stream of enormous hailstones, which collided with the hostile vessel and broke into pieces.
"No damage to the enemy ship, sir," Binky announced.
Another plasma burst struck the Secondprize's rear shield, causing the entire ship to rock and tremble for a few seconds. "Again!" squealed Communications Officer Kate.
Captain Arthur turned to his trusted science officer, who stood to the right of his chair. "Analysis, Mr. Brain," he barked.
"We appear to be caught in a Star Trek parody fantasy sequence," said Mr. Brain coldly. "Your options are the following. One, increase speed to evade the enemy. Two, self-destruct the ship to avoid capture. Three, stare into space and quote Shakespeare."
Weapons fire rattled the ship once again. "Damage report," said Captain Arthur to Lieutenant Muffy.
"My console exploded," whined Muffy, her face and clothes singed. "My dress is ruined. I can't take much more of this."
Captain Arthur punched a button on his chair's armrest. "Increase speed to warp factor 9.2," he commanded.
In the engine room, Chief Engineer Fern frantically leapt from one control panel to another, struggling to keep the systems operational. "Increasing speed," she replied upon hearing the captain's order.
The bridge crew stared at the view screen, which showed the enemy spacecraft looming ever closer. "They're still gaining," said Ensign George.
"Increase speed to warp 9.5," Captain Arthur spoke into the commlink.
"But, Captain," Fern protested, "the structural integrity field isn't designed to handle that velocity."
"I changed my mind," replied the captain. "Now I want warp 9.6."
"Aye, sir."
The ship lurched forward, and started to shake uncontrollably. The bridge crewmembers grabbed hold of any support they could find.
"Fern, what's going on?" shouted Captain Arthur.
"The structural integrity field has failed," Fern reported. "I did warn you, sir."
Alarms went off all over the ship. "Warning," blared a strikingly familiar computer voice. "Thirty seconds until structural breakdown. Twenty-nine. Twenty-six. Four. Twenty-nine."
"D.W., get out of the computer!" exclaimed Captain Arthur angrily.
The computer voice only laughed wickedly. "You will all die horribly in searing pain! Muwahahahaha!"
"Analysis, Mr. Brain," said Captain Arthur to his trusted science officer.
"Your options are the following," said Mr. Brain calmly. "One, cut to a commercial. Two, do the hokey pokey. Three, allow the annoying but indispensable boy genius Buster Baxter to save the ship."
Captain Arthur sighed and gave a reluctant order. "Buster Baxter, report to the engine room."
Chief Engineer Fern gasped when Buster unexpectedly materialized before her. "H-how did you do that?" she stammered.
"I can transcend time and space now, remember?" explained the rabbit boy.
"We've got fifteen seconds before the ship flies apart," Fern informed him.
"Full stop," Buster commanded.
Fern pressed a few buttons, and the ship slowed down and ceased from shaking. "Now we've got fifteen seconds until the alien ship destroys us," she remarked.
"Reroute the plasma conduits through the intake manifolds," said Buster rapidly. "Infuse the plasma with graviton particles while rotating the frequency through the entire spectrum. Then eject the warp core and fire a photon burst through the main deflector dish."
Fern carried out Buster's instructions. The Secondprize spun about wildly, and the bridge crew watched with relief as the attacking vessel exploded into a million smouldering chunks of metal.
"We're saved!" exclaimed Captain Arthur. "Buster, you'll get extra credit for this."
While Buster basked in the glory of having rescued the Secondprize from doom yet again, he heard a voice calling out to him. "So, how about it?"
"Aye, sir!" he saluted. The Portinari alien looked at him quizzically, or at least so it seemed to Buster, as the creature's red pinpoint eyes were hard to read.
"I'll need to run some tests," said the alien. "Just to make sure that your brain has the right configuration. They won't hurt a bit. It should take three days. I'll meet you back here tomorrow after school for the first test."
"Uh, okay," replied Buster. His heart beat quickly at the prospect of being possibly the first human to visit other inhabited worlds.
----
At roughly the same time, Arthur and D.W. were enjoying a leisurely walk to their house. When they were a block away, Arthur decided to test D.W. on what she had learned during her first day.
"Here's another crosswalk," he said, gesturing. "This one doesn't have a crossing guard. What do you do?"
D.W. rubbed her chin. "Uh, I wait until all the cars go by, then I cross the street."
"Very good," Arthur commended her. "Here comes a car now."
A blue station wagon, driven by a horse woman with two children strapped into the back seat, gradually came to a stop before the crosswalk. The woman stared expectantly at Arthur and D.W., who stood still.
"Well?" said Arthur impatiently. D.W. didn't move, but only scowled.
Finally the little girl could bear no more. "Hey, doofus!" she bellowed at the woman in the car. "I've got places to go, you know!"
"D.W., she's waiting for you to cross!" exclaimed Arthur with alarm.
"Oh, now you tell me," groused D.W. as she stepped into the street. "It's only my first day, and you already expect me to know everything."
When they arrived at home, the first to greet them was the over-friendly Pal, who pounced on D.W. and licked her chin. "D-O-G, dog," the girl proclaimed with pride.
Little Kate, clad in a shirt and diaper, waddled toward her older siblings and mumbled, "Deeduboo, Arfur, Deeduboo, Arfur..."
"B-A-B-Y," said D.W., giving her sister a peck on the cheek.
Mr. Read was in the kitchen, covered with flour and kneading lumps of bread dough. "There's my little first grader," he gushed.
"That's right," said D.W. "I'm going to school with the big girls now."
"Dad, Sue Ellen came back," Arthur informed his father. "But she lost her parents."
"Lost her parents?" asked Mr. Read with concern. "What do you mean?"
"They're gone," Arthur replied. "She doesn't know where they are."
Turning his head, Mr. Read called out, "Jane, get in here."
His wife set aside her computer work and hurried into the kitchen. "What is it, Dave?"
"Have you heard anything about the Armstrongs?" Mr. Read asked her. "Arthur says Sue Ellen is back, but her parents are unaccounted for."
"No, I haven't heard a thing," Mrs. Read answered. "I think if something happened to a U.S. diplomat in Karjakistan, it would be on the news."
"Sue Ellen's dad is a spy," D.W. corrected her.
"Where did you hear that?" snapped Arthur.
"I have my sources," said D.W. maturely.
"Where's Sue Ellen now?" Mrs. Read asked Arthur.
"She's with Mr. Ratburn and Carla. We all asked her about her parents, but she doesn't want to answer any questions."
"I hope they're all right, wherever they are," said Mr. Read.
Arthur glanced down at his Bionic Bunny watch. "Hey, it's time for Bunny League," he noted, and hastened into the living room to switch on the TV.
"Mom, can I watch Bunny League?" D.W. pleaded with her mother. "I'm almost six years old."
"It's rated TV-Y7," Mrs. Read answered. "You can watch it when you're seven."
"Oh, (bleep)," moaned D.W.
Her mother gasped. "Dora Winifred, where did you learn that word?"
"At Arthur's school," said D.W. innocently. "I learned lots of new words there. Like (bleep), and (bleep)..."
Mrs. Read took her daughter firmly by the hand and dragged her toward the bathroom. "Let me introduce you to my little friend," she said gruffly. "His name's Mr. Soap."
----
to be continued
