Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah, don't own anything…
Chapter 4: Putting the pieces back together
Walking home the next morning was quite a challenge for Lorelai. After some serious convincing by Luke and numerous cups of coffee she had finally pulled herself together and had decided to head home before she had to go to the Inn later. She had about an hour in between. Long enough to have a serious talk with her daughter and short enough to have a reason to leave early if said talk turned into terrible argument. Lorelai was afraid that it might turn out to be the latter if Rory's attitude was still the same. She didn't know how she would react if she found her daughter to be in the same self-destructive, world-hating mood. This was so not Rory. Lorelai still couldn't believe how much her daughter had changed after the Dean-incident.
Lorelai sighed as she thought about it. After calming down last night she had told Luke everything and he had exactly reacted the way she had anticipated. Furiously he had jumped up determined to go kill bag-boy at once, ranting about how he'd always disliked him and how he should have known and before Lorelai even knew Luke was out the apartment door. Visualizing what would happen to Dean if Luke found him Lorelai decided it was better to run after her boyfriend and get him to come back to the apartment. The last thing she could use right now was having her boyfriend arrested for assault.
Luckily the front door of the diner was locked and Luke still had to look for the key. This way she was able to catch up with him downstairs and after a few minutes of persuasion she pulled Luke back upstairs. She could swear she had heard him mutter something like "beware bag-boy, even if I can't get you know I'll find you later" but maybe she was just imagining things. After all she'd had a heavy evening.
Lorelai led out another sigh. She had arrived at the house. Even though she had walked extra slowly she had still reached the house within 10 minutes. 10 coffee-deprived minutes, so the conditions for the up-coming event could definitely be better, but hey, as they have it, you take what you get.
Move Lorelai, move Lorelai, she told herself.
Okay, maybe another round around the block.
There she went again. This was pathetic. Another round through Stars Hollow because Lorelai Gilmore chickened out when it came to facing her daughter who she'd had a fight with.
Okay, maybe it was like the worst fight ever, but hell, even Kelly and Jack Osbourne could make up. Why not her and Rory then?
Lorelai sighed again. She wished she was still back at the apartment with Luke pouring out her soul to him. She had never really been able to totally open up to a guy she had dated until last night. Last night she knew she could tell Luke everything. He would listen to her, he would care and he would offer help and advice if she wanted him to. He was there. Unlike any other guy in her life, he was there. He was there for good, for the long run- he was all in. What mattered to her mattered to him. Her concerns were his concerns, Her problem his problem. For the first time in her life Lorelai got an idea of how it must feel like having someone to share your life with. It felt great.
She didn't know what she had done if Luke hadn't been there last night. Without him she would have been so helpless and alone. His support was exactly what she needed. He truly was her guardian angel.
Maybe there was a little Dr. Phil in him after all, because Luke had truly been a great listener last night. The only advice he'd given her had been: Help her help herself.
Oh how true were these words.
Unbelievable that they came from a diner-man. But it was her diner-man after all, the one and only coffee-provider. Yes he was all hers. And she was all his. He loved her and she loved him. This was too good to be true.
Lorelai arrived- for the second time this morning- in front of the house. She hesitantly walked towards the door. Was she ready for this? No, not really, but thinking of it she probably never would be.
The task at hand which involved letting go of her daughter was one she had dreaded ever since Rory's birth.
Today would be the day. Lorelai Gilmore would tell her daughter to face her problems- on her own.
Rory was sitting on the couch a book already dressed and a book in hand when Lorelai entered. She looked up as she heard the door and put the book down immediately. She had waited for her mom to come home. She needed to talk to her. Desperately. Last night had gone so wrong. There were so many things that had been broken last night and were now in need of fixing. Rory felt so bad. She had never fought with her mother like that. Never.
Rory could sense the tension in Lorelai when she laid eyes on her mother. After closing the door Lorelai hesitantly walked into the living room unsure of what to do. She didn't sit down.
Being able to tell that her mother did not know how to begin, Rory decided to make the first step.
"Hi, I've been waiting for you."
Lorelai was surprised at that statement and let out a slightly uneasy "You have?"
"Yup" Rory merely nodded.
"Okay" Lorelai went on more slowly "well, we have a lot of stuff to talk about-"
"You're right" Rory interrupted her. "We do. I have a lot to say. I have a lot to say to you, like sorry." The words had been coming out fast and Lorelai was surprised at how easily they seemed to come out of Rory's mouth like she had been going over them in her mind beforehand. Lorelai could see that it wasn't last night's Rory sitting on the couch looking at her expectantly. Nevertheless, all Lorelai could do was sit down in the chair across from Rory and nod her head urging her daughter to go on. She couldn't just say that it was okay, because it simply wasn't.
"I am sorry mom" Rory said sincerely. "I am sorry for how I acted, for what I said, for what I've done" Rory said meaning especially one event in the recent past. "I know I can't do anything to reverse it now, but I want you to know that I wish I could change how things have gone. After you left last night I did a lot of thinking. I know I haven't been myself lately. I have been rude to people that love and care about me, I have been pitying myself, I have blamed everyone and everything for my own unhappiness. That's not me. I know. I have been an ass lately- mildly said. I have to say I quite hate myself at the moment." Rory made a pause but Lorelai still wasn't up to saying anything. "You know, you said last night that you were ashamed of being my mother and you have every reason to be. I mean, I slept with a married man, possibly destroying a marriage, and I didn't even love the guy. I did it because I loved the attention and I loved the feeling of being desired, but that doesn't make it any better. And the worst part is that I thought I wasn't doing anything wrong. I thought that I had just given in to a sentiment and you can't do anything against that. But I should have thought about it. I should have cared about what I was doing, but I didn't. I don't know, I haven't been caring about anything lately." Rory had teared up while ranting. When she had finished she had a tear-stained face and black mascara smeared underneath her eyes.
She was so helpless sitting there on the couch, not knowing what to do. It broke Lorelai's heart seeing her daughter like this knowing she wouldn't be able to help.
"Mom- I don't know what to do." Rory almost whispered. The emotional outburst had gotten to her and the weight of having realized she herself was the reason for her own misery was lying heavily on her shoulders.
"Well," Lorelai finally started "I can't help you with that. I accept your apology and I'm glad you realized what you have done, but not matter how much I want to, I can't help you- You have to help yourself" Rory looked up at her mother. Lorelai was for the first time in her life denying her help? Rory was confused. That had never happened before.
"I am sorry to say, but I can't. This is your problem Rory and no one can help you solve it but yourself. I don't think you know who you are or what you want at the moment and I think you need to figure it out. All I can say, that I am here for you to listen if you want to talk. I will be always here for you. No matter what happened last night or what I said, I love you. I love you because you are my daughter and this love is unconditionally. Nothing could make me stop loving my daughter, hear me? I may not be proud of you at the moment, but I am pretty sure I'll be proud of you again in the future. You just need to figure out how to be yourself again. I don't know when or how you lost yourself, but you need to start finding some answers." Lorelai sighed. Rory had listened attentively to her words and Lorelai knew Rory had understood. No matter how much she wanted to fix this for Rory, she couldn't. Luke had been right. There was nothing to do for Rory but be there for her and morally support her. She looked down starting to feel like she was going to cry as well but she wouldn't allow herself to cry.
Rory was still gazing off going over her mother's words. Lorelai was right. Rory didn't know who she was anymore. Rory wasn't happy and she had to find out who she was and what she wanted in order to be happy again.
A few minutes had passed in silence. Neither of them really knew what to say, now that all things had been said. Was Rory to leave or was Lorelai to get up and go to work? Rory finally broke the quiet.
"I love you, mom" she uttered.
"I know you do" Lorelai responded and took it as a sign for her to leave Rory alone and to let her think some more. "I need to get to the Inn. I think I'll have lunch at Luke's if you are to come over. Otherwise I'll be home around dinner time. I don't now what you're up to, but call me if you do anything. I won't hold you back from anything, I just want to now what you do an where you are going."
After Rory had agreed Lorelai got up, grabbed a few things from the side-table like her cell phone which she had left there last night and left the house. She got into her jeep and as she pulled out of her drive-way she saw Rory walk out the door as well waving at her mother but walking in direction of the town's center. Rory had stuff to do. Lorelai would have to wait. She sighed once again but a heavy load had been lifted from her heart. She still doubted how fast things would get better but deep inside she knew that they would get better eventually. As she drove towards her inn she resolved to call and check up on Luke as soon as she got there. And there it was. Lorelai was smiling again.
A.N: Okay, this took me a long time to write and I am not sure whether this chapter is any good. I had a hard time writing – writer's block I supposed – and I am not perfectly happy with it. However, I wanted to update real badly and please do me a favour and help me by reviewing. I could really use that considering the "writing is hard"-mood I am in at the moment. So again, comments of any kind are appreciated! Bye, Janine
