Author's Notes: This one's alright.kind of. Not funny, but, alrightâ€.

What would the Marauder's Map Say..?

Crabbe and Goyle Obey the Map

Harry has arrived at school, where, in a rather unruffled state, he devours a delightful feast along side his chums. Content in laughing his head off over the anecdotes of the day, he drops a certain parchment upon the table.

He leaves for Potions abruptly as a few persons are trailing behind him

Crabbe and Goyle are gobbling the last of the pudding cake, grinning toothlessly as they approach the piece of parchment.

Remembering their need for a spare bit of parchment, they grab the scrap. Comprehending that there is only one, they come up with the decision to rip it in half. Each holding a corner, they pull heavily. Suddenly, words are etched upon the parchment.

Mr. Moony would politely like to ask what the hell do these imbeciles think they are doing?? He also recommends you both take a shower, the stink is horrendous. Are they trying to kill the poor Map?

They halt slowly; it dawns upon their thick skulls what it means. In curiosity, they both take a sniff of each other, fainting unexpectedly. A couple hours later, they awaken, continuing to read the paper.

Mr. Padfoot agrees with Mr. Moony and speculates if you two are Squibs. He also feels that you need to shave; your perspiring, furry, armpits are alluring for tropical animals'

They nod in agreement and head for the bathroom, coming back with a handful of sodden hair. They hurl it onto the Map and curtsy down, worshiping its very existence.

Mr. Prongs thinks that Mr. Padfoot is a bit screwed in the head, and that you two get that crap away from us, it's deadly. He also suggests pulling up your pants; can see both sides; you two critically need to use some toilet paper

They beam merrily and start bopping in joy, skipping around the Map in unison.

"Tra-la-la! Tra-la-la-la! We alone sacrifice our most cherished item to you, oh Sanctified Map" they chant, offering a lengthy, plastic object to the Map.

Mr. Wormtail doesn't even want to know what that is, but suggests that you both go jump of a cliff'

They glance at each other in unity and nod. Running to the edge of the castle in harmony, they soar off, spreading their arms high, flapping them fruitlessly.

Oo

Three days later, a certain ferretboy reaches the Hospital Wing in boredom, ignoring Goyle's stupid laughing. He takes the Map from Crabbe's pocket, eagerly awaiting the mysteries lying ahead.