Part Nine

Hours Later…

May 16, 2002

Phoebe sat with her legs dangling over the edge of the plateau. How could she have misread her sister? Or had she? Piper was obviously upset and angry over the whole mess of Cole becoming the Source. Maybe her comment stemmed from those emotions and the fact that it was easier to blame Cole than her own baby sister. Phoebe wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands even though the tears had long since dried. She thought if anyone would hold deep-rooted resentment against Cole, it would be Paige. From the moment Paige realized what it meant that Cole was a demon, she'd been leery of Cole and more suspicious. But Piper…Phoebe believed Piper had truly accepted him into their lives. Cole. Everything was all mixed up now. 'How do I feel about Cole? And what do I want from him now?'

Everything she'd lived for two years hadn't happened. But how could she ignore all her emotions regarding what happened with him, because of him? There'd been no power advancement, no Wyatt, no Chris, no Jason, no Barbas, no Tribunal… How could she simply pick up where she'd left off two years before when Cole first came back? And what about Cole? She'd told him everything. How would he deal with the knowledge of what he was capable of? Had she changed his fate or sealed it? Could she risk it happening again? Maybe it would be safer for them both if they remained in the Wasteland.

Cole stood back and silently watched Phoebe as she sat on the edge with her back to him. She seemed focused on the horizon but he was pretty sure she wasn't seeing it. He didn't know how long he'd been gone but the need to get them out of the Wasteland hadn't seemed quite as urgent as it did now. He thought their time alone together would've helped. That they'd be able to talk about what happened with the Source and work it out. But, after only a brief time of comforting her and calming her when they'd arrived, she'd been keeping her distance. 'Not true,' his inner voice argued, 'she comforted me too. More than I had any right to expect.' She'd tried to assuage him of the guilt but, deep down, he felt she was only half-heartedly speaking the words. And after what she'd told him, could he blame her?

He could say the words, tell her it was only a premonition, but it didn't change the fact that, to Phoebe, it had all been as real as if it had actually happened. She wasn't faking the tears or pretending to tremble with fear. Watching his wife now, he knew he'd have to be careful and not push her even further away. According to her, he'd become obsessed with holding onto her after he'd escaped the Wasteland and she'd told him it was over. He'd supposedly lost all sense of reason but she couldn't fill in some of the blanks so he was still facing unknown trials ahead. And, if his new plan worked, would it still come true? Would he really sink into madness and nearly destroy her in the process? 'I can't let that happen,' he promised himself. 'Our love must come before all else. Whatever it takes to protect it, even if it means giving her space…' But his heart ached as he watched her, wanting nothing more than to take her in his arms and never let go.

Cole took a step forward but, so as not to scare her, quietly called her name.

Phoebe stiffened at the sound of his voice. Even so, she wished she wasn't the cause for some of the pain she heard in his tone. She'd been trying to bear in mind that he wasn't the Cole who had done all those horrible things after escaping the Wasteland. It was part of the reason why she'd been avoiding him after she'd told him everything. She didn't want to make things worse and it was far easier not to talk. Yet she couldn't avoid him forever. She had to talk to him. There was still so much they had to deal with. She got to her feet and turned to him. "You're hurt," she chastised.

He glanced at his left arm and looked at the long cut as if he'd never seen it before. He took another step closer and apologized. "I shouldn't have run off like that. You were right about the worm. It didn't like my interference."

Phoebe walked towards him and offered, "I'm sorry for my outburst before with Piper. I haven't changed my mind about using the Grimoire but I shouldn't've phrased it the way I did." She gingerly moved his sleeve to examine his wound. "I don't think it's very deep. Does it hurt much?"

He wanted to tell her that the only thing hurting him was her fear and anger but he simply shook his head. "Piper left?" he asked, mentally kicking himself for the idiotic rhetorical question.

She stepped back and replied, "She said she'd figure out a way with Paige and Leo."

"They won't find one," he declared. But, before she could angrily support her sisters, he quickly added, "It's not a matter of me trusting them. Or of me not having faith in their powers. I know they'll do anything to get you out."

"Get us out," she quickly corrected.

He acknowledged her with a slight smile that quickly faded. "Phoebe, you have to understand, the Grimoire is the only way out."

"I won't use evil," she firmly, but calmly, told him. "We'll find another way. We found a way to vanquish the Source, didn't we, when we created that spell?"

"You created the spell," he reminded her.

She dismissed his comment with a wave of her hand, "We'll find a way to escape."

"Well, maybe there is a way," he cryptically agreed.

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"Are you sure?" Phoebe nervously asked as they watched the demon fall to the ground about twenty feet from where they stood.

"No," he admitted, "but it's better than sitting around waiting for your sisters." She still hesitated and he promised, "We'll be safe before the worm even knows what's happened."

"The worm is fast," she worried. "I can see it coming already," she added as she pointed to the line in the sand headed in their direction.

"Then I'd better be faster. Start climbing up," Cole instructed, "and I'll follow as soon as I'm done." He gave her a boost up the rock formation and waited for her to get a little higher before he ran to the demon's location. Awed by the possibility of absorbing a new power simply by stepping on it, he stood at that spot and stared at it. From the corner of his eye, he caught sight of the fast approaching worm but it was Phoebe's warning scream that caused him to deliberately step onto the power. He was stunned for a moment, as if lightning had struck him, but stood his ground as he tried to assimilate the new energy flowing through him. It was Phoebe's scream again that got him to dive out of the way. Without even trying to test the power, he raced back to the rock formation and began climbing.

Near the top, he lost his grip and would have fallen if not for Phoebe grabbing his wrist. He was still dazed from the power boost and wasn't focusing on her anxious words so he wasn't much help to her. What he was aware of was the worm nipping at his heels just as Phoebe pulled him over the top. He quickly scrambled to his feet and, with her half-pulling him, rushed toward the center of the plateau, far from the worm's reach.

"Too close," she whispered as she hugged him tightly while he panted from the exertion.

"I'm okay," he assured her as he hunched over, hands pressing on his thighs. He closed his eyes a moment and waited until his knees felt strong enough to support him if he stood up straight. He met Phoebe's worried gaze with a reassuring smile, "Now, let's see what I can do." He was hoping for a destructive power that would enable him blow up some of the rocks and harness their energy to create a portal. He focused on one of two nearby rocks, concentrated, and waved his hand slightly. To his great disappointment, all he managed to do was cause the rocks to switch places. "What the hell kind of power is that?" he complained.

If things hadn't been so serious, Phoebe might have giggled. Instead, she teased, "Y'never know, next time you're facing a firing squad you could just trade places with the one holding the gun."

"Yeah, right," he muttered, not amused. Then he scanned the sky, "We have to wait for another demon. You ready?"

She hugged herself and honestly answered, "I'm not sure. I've been trying to get used to not having powers and --"

"That hasn't happened," he reminded her.

She shrugged, "Same difference since I've lost mine here anyway. The point is, I'm not sure I should fill their places with demonic powers."

"Didn't you once tell me it's not the powers but how you use them?" he prompted. "Or was that merely a Halliwell double standard?" From the look on her face, he realized he'd overstepped his bounds so he apologetically volunteered, "I'll go again. Maybe I'll be luckier next time." He began to turn away but she grabbed his sleeve to stop him.

"I'll go next," she decided.

"Are you sure?" he questioned. "You weren't crazy about this idea. Aren't you the one who's worried that absorbing these powers is partly responsible for what happened to me in the future? We don't know what power's absorbed until after the fact but I'm willing to risk that fate if it means absorbing the right powers to get us out of here."

"But I'm not," she quietly told him. With a trembling hand, she lightly rubbed her fingers along his scruffy beard, "I can't let you be the only one to take the risk. We'll get out of here together and we'll suffer the consequences together."

Cole took her hand and kissed her palm while he continued to meet her gaze. Unfortunately, the tears he saw forming in hers made him realize that she'd come to a major decision. "What is it?" he inquired without releasing her hand.

Unable to look him in the eyes, she concentrated on their hands until even that was too much. She tugged it free and turned away. "I want a divorce," she announced in a low, but clear, voice. He didn't respond so she faced him again. "I'll escape together with you but, once we're free, I want a clean break."

"Tell me you don't love me," he demanded, "and I'll consider it."

Phoebe frowned, afraid she'd miscalculated, "Did you hear me when I told you what happened? You lost it, Cole, and this is where it all went wrong. Because you couldn't let go."

"So you think a divorce is the answer?" he challenged.

"It's the one that works," she sighed. "Look, Cole, it shouldn't be a big deal, it's not like our wedding was real. That dark ceremony was all the Source's doing. The Source and the Seer."

Unconsciously, he clenched his hands into fists, "But you still decide you're done with me, with us, and I have no say in the matter? If you agree the Source was responsible, how did I screw up that you're willing to give up on our love?"

She sighed again, sat on one of the rocks, and patiently told him, "You didn't screw up, at least not on purpose. I know you didn't have any choice when the Source took over. I know you'd never have done any of it if you'd been in complete control. But you still were par--"

"What?" he snapped. "I find it hard to believe that you tell me you love me one minute but that you want a divorce the next. Or was that first part all a lie?"

"Of course not!" she retorted. "You have no idea what loving you has done to me! How long and how hard it's been to get over it. The problem isn't our love, Cole. It's the evil. It's the fact that you've spent over one hundred years being evil and only two being good. Your inner nature will always be to find the easy way out, to take the shortcut. And when I'm with you, my propensity for evil becomes that much more susceptible to your inner nature. I don't have the strength to stay on the right path, to keep you on the right path, when I'm with you."

"You make it sound like I'm some sort of dog," he growled, "that you keep on a leash and let out twice a day. I am who I am, Phoebe, and you knew that from the start. It was enough for you before. Why isn't it now? What's changed?"

"Being evil changed," she answered as she quickly stood up. "I made my choice to join you as Queen long before I began taking the tonic and I can't blame all my actions on you or the baby. I felt freedom and I felt power. And I loved it. With the evil that always comes after the Charmed Ones, the temptation would be too great if I stayed with you. And I can't risk putting us all through this nightmare again. If we were together, I doubt we'd even make it six months before all hell would break loose again."

But Cole had stopped listening as soon as she mentioned being evil. Deep down he'd always known that evil was the one obstacle they'd never be able to overcome. Demons and witches simply couldn't be together. Their inner natures would always come between them. "No!" he shouted. "I don't believe that! You're the one who convinced me that love would help us overcome anything that came our way."

"I was wrong," she tearfully shook her head. "Sometimes love isn't enough." She reached for his hands, squeezed them, and brought them close to her chest. "Please, Cole, please understand, we need time apart. We need time to deal with what happened. We need to figure out who we are now before we can even think of trying again."

He inhaled sharply with the hope he heard correctly. "So you're willing to try again?"

Phoebe released his hands and honestly admitted, "I don't know. I don't want to give you any false hope. I'm not sure I can go through this again. I'm not sure I even want to try." He was about to say something so she quickly continued, "But I also can't deny that my life wasn't the same without you in it. Seeing those holograms of you at the Tribunal reminded me of so much. I wasn't feeling the bitterness anymore but I felt something else. Loss, I guess, the loss of something that had been good at one point. And I'm not sure I'd be doing myself a favor in rejecting you before I've given us another chance to make it right."

Suddenly hopeful, he stated, "I'll give you the divorce and all the time you're asking but I'm not giving up on you, on us."

"I'm not sure I want you too," she whispered. "I've had a life without you and even found love again but I'm still alone. I've seen a vision of me pregnant but I'm so afraid that it'll never come to be and that I'll never have the family I want. What if this is fate's way of balancing the scale by giving us another chance."

"Then don't give up now," he urgently requested as he pulled her into his arms and held her tight. "Don't give up on us."

"I'm afraid of what it means to be with you," she hoarsely confessed. "Of the risks. Of the pain. We might only end up hurting each other more than we already have." Phoebe suddenly felt a whirlwind surround them and pull her from his arms. She screamed and reached for him but couldn't grab hold again as her feet flew off the ground and she was lifted and turned horizontally in the air.

Cole screamed her name and seized her wrists but the vortex was powerful and he was losing his grip. And then, just as suddenly, the wind stopped and Phoebe fell on top of him. Terrified he'd almost lost her, he lay on the ground and hugged her tightly. "I love you," he declared as she clung to him, "and I know you love me. And we will get out of here and we will find a way to be together."

Phoebe closed her eyes and tried to concentrate only on breathing. She couldn't speak. She didn't want to speak. All she wanted was to remain in the safety of his arms and forget about everything else. But she heard a scream from the sky and took a deep breath before she pushed herself off of Cole. She looked up at the sky and watched the demon's fall. "I'm not sure which'll be harder, being with you or without you, but I know we won't find out by hanging around here."

Cole helped her to her feet and then brushed off his pants. He knew they wouldn't have enough time to reach the demon's power before the worm but they needed to get to ground level and wait for the next demon. Strangely enough, he had enough faith to know it wouldn't be long before good triumphed again and another demon would appear in the sky. He held out his hand to her and invited, "Then let's get the hell out of here."

And Phoebe accepted his hand.

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