Part Eleven
Later that Evening…
July 24, 2002
Phoebe stood outside the penthouse door and was about to knock when she nearly bolted back into the elevator. But those doors shut in her face so she turned back to the penthouse door and stared at it. She hadn't seen Cole in almost two months, not since that day they went together to see each of their bosses. Two days after escaping the Wasteland, not yet adjusted to their new powers, they had to deal with the public reality of her "miscarriage." Between magic on the part of Leo and the Elders and surprising compassion on the part of their bosses, they were both given the opportunity to return to work, no questions asked. And for that, Phoebe was grateful.
'Otherwise I'd have no relief from coping with these demonic powers and Piper's pregnancy.' She looked at the manila envelope clenched in her hand and sighed. 'Or this…' With her other, trembling, hand, she finally knocked on the door. When there was no answer, she knocked again, slightly louder. When he still didn't answer, she, almost too quickly, turned back to the elevator and pounded the button.
"Phoebe?"
She spun and her heart traitorously skipped a few beats when she saw him standing in the doorway. Although covered decently in his black terry robe, his hair was still dripping and, before she began picturing him without the robe, she quickly apologized and turned to go, "I should've called first."
"No, wait," he reached out to stop her and practically felt an electric shock when he touched her bare collarbone.
A shiver went down her spine and she stuttered like a school-girl, "I want…wanted to…um, talk to you. Um, about these."
Cole's gaze shifted from her nervous wide eyes to the envelope in her hand and he stepped back as if he'd been splashed with ice water. "Oh. You got them." He went back inside and motioned for her to follow. "I trust you approved. I gave you everything you asked for."
She handed him the envelope and, as he pulled out the papers, thanked him, "You were more than generous but I don't want any money. That's not what this's about."
He dismissed her comment and turned away as he looked them over, "Then keep it for your sisters. Piper's already pregnant with her first son and --"
"You don't know that she'll have Chris," Phoebe reminded him. "Not with all the slight changes that keep happening."
"Still, with Paige out of work," he told her distractedly, "you'll be the major bread-winner of the family and this money will help. Take it, Phoebe. I certainly don't --" He spun back to her, "You didn't sign it." He fanned the pages, "Not anywhere." She nodded silently and, with his heart in his throat, he croaked, "Why?"
Phoebe opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. She brought her hands to cover her mouth and shrugged as she gave a slight shake of her head. And then the tears came and she couldn't stop herself as a choked sob escaped her throat.
It took him a moment but Cole stepped closer and hesitantly pulled her into his arms. Afraid to even breathe, he simply held her, all the while mentally acknowledging the fact that she had tightly wrapped her arms around his waist and was returning his embrace as she cried.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
After she had calmed, Cole had changed into a sweater and jeans and, knowing they both weren't yet ready to talk, busied himself with making her some tea, and now brought her a cup of it with a saucer.
Sitting on the sofa, almost at attention, she accepted it from him and sipped it before she set it down on the coffee table. "Thanks," she quietly said, not quite able to look him in the eyes when he sat in the seat opposite her.
Cole watched her as she distracted herself with another sip but it was time. "I need to know," he patiently demanded.
"I'm not sure what to tell you," she weakly offered, trying to figure out for herself what she wanted to say.
"The truth," he insisted. "We've been to hell and back, Phoebe. Nothing less will do for us."
Phoebe nodded but stood and nervously paced to the patio's French doors. "I got them at work and I read them over. You were more than generous," she acknowledged again while she stared at his reflection in the glass panes, "and I was all set to sign on the dotted lines. But I…I couldn't. I kept staring at the lines but they kept blurring and all I could think of was that we'd vowed to stay together for better or worse and what was I doing?" She turned around, wishing he'd interrupt but, when he didn't, she tearfully shrugged, "What if this was the biggest mistake I'd made the last time? What if all my choices that led to your death was the turning point in my life? Maybe I was a mess now because of that one act?"
"I highly doubt you were a mess," he scoffed. "Headstrong and stubborn maybe but not a mess."
She shook her head and disagreed, "I obsessed more than once. From trying to rid our lives of the remnants of evil to finding the man who was to be the father of my child. Forget about all the little things in the middle. Cole, I lost my powers because of my selfishness. What if trying to work things out with you two years ago, I mean now, would change everything for the better? How many things might turn out differently if you're there to help, to share? What if the premonition was trying to show me that we were all set on one ultimate path because I'd rejected you and divorced you?"
Cole couldn't move for fear that she'd disappear as in all the other dreams he'd had during the past two months. "What are you saying? You don't want the divorce?" She didn't answer and he suddenly lurched up from his seat, "I won't be your yo-yo, Phoebe. You can't pull me back and forth as you please. I won't let you. You want a divorce? Fine, we'll end it. You want to start again? Fine, we'll do it. But I won't let you hurt me while you string me along because you can't make up your mind."
"I never wanted to hurt you," she whispered.
"And I never wanted to hurt you," he curtly replied. "So where does that leave us?"
"I don't know," she honestly answered. "All I know is that I'm scared. All the time, I'm so scared…"
Cole strode towards her but stopped short of hugging her again. "I know you are," he said as he tenderly brushed away a stray tear from her cheek, "but you're not the only one living with this burden of knowledge and worrying about second-guessing yourself all the time. I don't want the fate I had in your premonition but, if I'm meant to be vanquished forever, I certainly wouldn't want you, or even your sisters, to suffer from my actions. I'd sooner kill myself now than let that happen."
She froze from his announcement and rushed her apology. "I shouldn't've ever told you. I should use Grams's spell…"
"No!" He grabbed Phoebe by the shoulders but immediately loosened his grip. "Forgetting the future isn't the answer. You've, we've, got a responsibility."
"I don't want the responsibility!" she shouted as she pushed past him and raced to the door. But she couldn't bring herself to run this time. She rested her forehead against the door and softly cried, "I don't know what to do."
Cole came up behind her and placed his hands gently on her shoulders. "Let me help. Let your sisters help." He slowly turned her around to face him and advised, "Let us in before this burden tears you apart."
She nervously confessed, "I…I don't want to lose you but I…I don't know how to…"
"How to what?" he encouraged as he led her back to the sofa and sat next to her. He tilted her chin towards him and repeated, "How to what?"
"How to be with you anymore," Phoebe responded in voice barely registering above a whisper.
"Maybe," he suggested in a wavering voice, "that's something we have to learn how to do all over again. The question is, are you willing to try?"
"What about my sisters?" she asked as she wiped her eyes.
"This isn't about them," he sharply told her and stood. "This is about you and me and our future."
"Paige said that justice will find a way to serve itself," she softly argued. "What if there's nothing but pain in our future?"
Cole didn't even hesitate, "Then it will be because of our choices, not some premonition. We create our own future, Phoebe, with every choice we make. And sometimes pain is a necessary part of the process. Sometimes the only risk worth taking is the one that involves the most pain."
"And you're willing to risk it?" she wondered. "All the temptations of evil, the resentments of my sisters and the Elders, the adjustment to new demonic powers…You're willing to risk it all? For what? Another vanquish?"
"For love," he shrugged helplessly as he knelt before her and clasped her hands in his. "For you, Phoebe, because even now I can't imagine a future without you." A tear slid down her cheek and he placed his index finger on her lips to keep her from speaking, "But I need to hear it from you. I need to know you think we're worth the risk. I need to know you believe in our future."
"I…I want to," she croaked as she pulled her hands free and wiped away her tears. "But I'm --"
"I'm not asking you to move back in today," he interrupted, "or even tomorrow. It's taken two months but I understand now. We have to take it slow because we do need the time to prove ourselves again at our jobs, adjust to our new powers, and get to know each other again."
"Take it slow," she agreed as her voice cracked. He nodded and she practically sighed in relief before she reached for the divorce papers. "But maybe," she stopped and waffled, "maybe we need to make a clean break first. Maybe we have to end it bef--"
Cole gave her the envelope and turned from her. He walked to the French doors, stuck his hands in his pockets, and offered, "Sign them, don't sign them. It's entirely up to you. All I want is the chance to start over."
Phoebe didn't respond and put the papers back in the envelope. Cole's back was to her and she was torn between going over to him and leaving. She opted for the door and quietly said, "Goodbye, Cole."
Cole nodded but didn't turn around until he heard the door close. He stood there a moment before he strode over to the bar and poured himself a shot of whiskey. He tossed it back and barely acknowledged the burn as it slid down his throat. He poured himself a second but, just as he was about to drink it, flung it instead at the wall. He didn't blink when the glass shattered and he stared at the wall while the liquid stained it as it dripped down. The phone rang and he ignored it while he grabbed another shot glass.
But, by the fourth ring, he whipped the phone handset off its base and barked into it, "What!" There was no response and he muttered a curse before he heard the uncertainty in her voice when she called his name. "What is it, Phoebe?" he asked dully. But her voice crackled over the line and he couldn't hear her reply. "Where are you? You're breaking up."
"….elevator…meeting…meet…them?"
"Call me back," he shouted into the phone, "I can't hear you."
The buzz and crackling disappeared almost immediately when she breathlessly said, "I said, Elise set up a meeting for me to meet with some radio people and I thought…well, I wondered, if maybe you wouldn't mind…would you consider…maybe if you could join us? Y'know, just to listen and maybe let me know after if it's a good offer and stuff?"
Stunned that she actually seemed to be giving him that chance for a future, no matter how slim it was, Cole leapt at the opportunity and, in a surprisingly restrained voice, told her, "Tell me when and where and I'll be there."
After a moment of silence, Phoebe commented, "Okay, okay then…I guess I'll be in touch……Bye, Cole."
"Bye," he uttered as he disconnected the call. It took him all of two seconds before he pumped his fist in the air and exclaimed, "Yes!"
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
