Defending Bjork

Chapter 5: Bouffant or Bust

A/N: I got a little carried away with this chapter. As opposed to the usual 5 or 7-page length, it's … um … 15. I considered breaking it up into smaller chapters, but the truth of the matter is that there wasn't a logical place to break. Plus, it usually takes me awhile to update, so I figure this is my gift to all of you. Hopefully, you all actually want it. I have to admit that the sad number of reviews for Chapters 3 and 4 disappointed me. I really want you all to enjoy this story, and I have no clue, at this point, if you are or not. So please review! Thanks to Melissa AKA TrueBlueHealer for always accidentally triggering ideas in my brain. You're a bigger help than you probably realize. Enjoy… review! ~Becka


"Mom! Come on!" Rory yelled up the stairs impatiently. "We're gonna be late."

"Just one more minute," Lorelai shouted back.

"What are you doing up there? You looked fine."

"Since when is 'fine' satisfactory? Haven't I always told you that anything less than 'ravishing' is a crime?"

Rory groaned. "I'm going to leave without you if you aren't down here in exactly five seconds." She lifted her wrist to count down the time on her watch. "Five, four, three, two, on—"

"All right, all right," Lorelai said as she hurried down the stairs. "You know, someday Joan and Melissa are going to be waiting outside our door with their microphones and keen fashion faux pas detectors at the ready, and you're going to regret that you didn't take my advice."

Rory grabbed her mother's coat and handed it to her. "Given Joan's track record with names, I don't think I need to worry. For her own good though, Peri Gilpin should be making sure I'm always looking my best."

"Missy would know your name, missy. You'd be exposed as a fashion fiasco; I'd be forced to disown you before your reputation tainted my good standing in the fashion community."

"I'll take my chances."

"Mark my words, you'll live to regret entrusting such important matters to fate."

Rory smiled and shook her head, then looked up and finally took in her mother's appearance. "What did you do?"

Lorelai adopted an innocent expression, her eyes gleaming. "Whatever do you mean?"

"Your hair!" Rory exclaimed, reaching out to touch it. "I didn't know teasing could make it that pouffy. And it's crunchy. How much hairspray did you use?"

"How much did we have left in the bottle?"

"You look like…" Rory began.

"Tracy Turnblad?" Lorelai offered.

"No… bigger."

"Dolly Parton circa the 70s?"

"Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner, ladies and gentleman," Rory crooned.

"Gotta love that Dolly."

"This is not good," Rory frowned. "Why did you do this?"

"The tiara just wouldn't look right without it."

"The tiara? What tiara?"

"The tiara they're gonna give us when we win the Snowman Building Contest," Lorelai answered, acting as though it were a widely known fact.

"They aren't going to give us a tiara."

"How could they not?" Lorelai asked, aghast and openmouthed at the mere suggestion. "A contest isn't a contest without the climactic bestowing of the prized tiara."

"I'm not even going to try to argue you on this. Go! Shoo! Get rid of the scary hair," Rory ordered, waving her hand.

"No time," Lorelai replied with a wide grin. "You said yourself we're gonna be late."

"You're going out like that?" Rory asked.

"Yep," Lorelai affirmed, smirking devilishly.

"Out in public?" Rory reiterated.

"That's generally what one does when 'going out,' sweetie."

"You're walking ten paces behind me."

"Nope," Lorelai disagreed, smiling impishly as she linked her arm with her daughter's and pulled her out the door.


"I still can't believe you're walking around in public with that hair," Rory said, glancing up again at the high mound of frizz and teasing atop her mother's head.

Lorelai smiled down at her. "I still can't believe you're walking around in public with someone with this hair."

"Hey," Rory protested, trying to pull away. Unfortunately, Lorelai's tightened hold on her arm prevented her from moving even an inch. Rory sighed halfheartedly and walked alongside her mother towards the crowd that had gathered beside the snow-person contestants.

As they approached, Rory glanced at the group and tried to pick out faces. Miss Patty was off on the perimeter of the gathering, presumably trying to catch the eye of some lucky male. Kirk was front-and-center, tapping his foot and looking around impatiently as if he would explode if the winners weren't announced that very second. Taylor stood on a podium in front of the crowd, wearing a proud, self-important expression. Rory smiled at the sight of all her favorite townspeople, but she still searched, looking for one face in particular.

She was about to give up when her eyes wisely wandered away from the crowd. He was leaning against a tree, his arms crossed indifferently over his chest. The bored expression on his face suggested he'd rather be watching paint dry than witnessing a Stars Hollow tradition. She watched him closely, thankful that the distance between them allowed her to stare unnoticed. Apparently growing tired of watching Taylor tap on the microphone, Jess gazed down at the zipper of his jacket and absentmindedly started bumping his back against the trunk of the tree. Rory grinned, noting that he looked like a little, rambunctious boy who'd just been scolded and told not to venture a step away from the tree but who desperately wanted to do just that simply to defy authority.

"Lorelai, sugar! Why, I haven't seen hair like that since my pageant days. Ain't that a blast from the past."

"You were in pageants, Babette?" Lorelai asked. Rory drew her eyes away from Jess and looked curiously at Babette.

"Aw, yeah," Babette said, waving her hand as if it were no big deal.

"Wow!" Lorelai exclaimed.

"Did you ever win?" Rory asked.

"Nah, the talent is always what got me. People those days just didn't appreciate a good dramatic reading of 'Oedipus'."

"Oedipus?" Lorelai repeated incredulously.

"Of course, sugar. Kneeling on a stage, stabbing your eyes out always brings a tear or two to the judges' eyes."

"You think they were laughing?" Lorelai whispered in Rory's ear.

"Safe bet," Rory mumbled back.

"What was that, sweetie?"

"Oh, nothing," Rory said guiltily.

Babette adopted a faraway look and shook her head sadly. "I never understood why I didn't win. They seemed so moved."

"They just didn't know what to do with such talent," Lorelai assured her.

"That hair does bring back memories though. I wonder if I have some hairspray."

"They sell it at Doose's," Lorelai offered helpfully.

"I bet I have time to grab some before the winners are announced," Babette said before hurrying off towards the store.

"Did I or did I not tell you that I would start a craze?"

"I admit it," Rory answered in mock defeat. "Tomorrow, it'll be bouffant or bust."

"Of course, by then I'll have moved on to the pageboy. After all, a girl's gotta stay one step ahead of the trends."

"Naturally."

"Is this thing on?" Taylor bellowed into the microphone. "People! Settle down. Please bring all talking to a minimum."

"Here goes, sweets," Lorelai cheered excitedly, grabbing Rory's hand.


"Welcome to the Awards Ceremony of the 10th Annual Stars Hollow Snowman Competition," Taylor announced. A spattering of applause began to break out.

"Snow-Person," Kirk said loudly, cutting off the clapping.

"What was that?" Taylor asked.

"Snowman is sexist. You should say Snow-Person."

"Kirk, I never knew you were for women's rights," Lorelai exclaimed.

"I'm for the rights of all living organisms, Lorelai."

"Even silverfish because I can't really find a single, redeeming quality."

"Yes, even silverfish," Kirk reprimanded. "Just because we petty humans can't see their worth does not mean they're unworthy of basic civil liberties."

"Okay, but how about…"

"Oh, for goodness sake," Taylor interrupted in exasperation. "Fine." He cleared his throat. "Welcome to the Awards Ceremony of the 10th Annual Stars Hollow Snow-Person Competition." Again, applause broke out.

"Should you really call it a competition, Taylor?" Lorelai interrupted, winking at her daughter. "Isn't there enough fighting in the world?"

"Give peace a chance," Rory chimed in.

"And what would you suggest I call it?"

"Well, contest is an option," Lorelai suggested.

"Or tournament," Rory offered.

"Yeah, umm… or how about sporting event?" Lorelai said.

"Challenge?"

"Ooh, good one, Rory," Lorelai agreed. "Suggests the task required skill and ingenuity."

"All right, all right," Taylor muttered. He took a deep breath. "Welcome to the Awards Ceremony of the 10th Annual Stars Hollow Snow-Person Challenge," he emphasized. There was a long pause, and then, cautiously, everyone began to applaud.

Satisfied, Taylor continued, adopting a gravely serious tone. "While, under normal circumstances, this would be a time of celebration and good cheer, I'm afraid we cannot begin with the distribution of awards quite yet."

Exclamations of disapproval echoed out from the crowd.

"You may boo all you want," Taylor said. "However, it is one of our very own who has altered the competition this year."

Rory suddenly felt a pit of worry form in her stomach. She wanted to glance at Jess but didn't dare risk exposing him as her co-conspirator if she'd been found out. Instead, she stared straight ahead at Taylor as he continued his speech.

"As many of you may know by now, a crime was committed last night." Amid the resulting murmurs, he melodramatically continued on. "Not just an ordinary crime but a crime that tears at the fabric of the community we have so lovingly created. A despicable, cowardly crime committed by what can only be classified as a seasoned criminal. In destroying one of the entries to this contest, this nefarious individual destroyed the certainties of existence that we hold so dear. While destruction of property was part of the felonious act, a greater crime was committed yesterday. It was a crime that may not be tangible or apparent to the naked eye but which strikes at the very core of what we value – a crime against respect, a crime against good will, a crime against morality, a crime against humanity."

Rory stared at the ground and felt her cheeks redden as the weight of her conscience began to overcome her.

"I wasn't sure how to go on after this betrayal," Taylor continued. "I considered canceling the competition… er… challenge this year but that would have given the evildoer exactly what he desired."

Upon hearing the use of "he," Rory jerked her head up. She glanced back at Jess, but he was watching Taylor with a look of complete and utter amusement. She turned her head back to the man at the podium.

"Do not be mistaken. We are not dismissing the gravity of this crime, and a formal investigation was launched. However, it dismays me to report that the deviant left no evidence behind and therefore cannot be named."

Rory breathed a sigh of relief and looked at Jess. He was already looking her direction, a smirk playing on his lips. She couldn't help but smile as she returned her attention to Taylor.

"We have no indication of motive. We have no inkling of when or how the crime took place. But, mark my words, the person who displayed such contemptible behavior will eventually slip up and be apprehended." Cheers and applause greeted Taylor's assurance, and he waited until it died down before continuing.

"In an effort to restore the sanctity of the challenge, I sought out the creator of the toppled entry to offer him a chance to recreate what had been destroyed. However, when I tracked him down, I found the unthinkable."

Lorelai looked at Rory with concern. Rory shook her head, equally baffled by this new development.

"I discovered," Taylor began, pausing dramatically. "That he, in fact, was not a resident of Stars Hollow but of Hartford." Gasps of surprise and whispers of disapproval traveled throughout the mass of people. "People! People! I know this is shocking news, but please try to remain quiet." The crowd fell silent, and Taylor spoke again.

"With this unexpected revelation, I had no choice but to disqualify the man from the competition."

"Challenge," Kirk corrected.

"Whatever," Taylor dismissed, then without missing a beat, "Therefore, despite the horrors of yesterday, we will carry on as usual. So now… onto the awards…" Wild applause and cheers bellowed into the sky.

Taylor's serious attitude promptly disappeared, and he began with the awards ceremony. For the next half-hour, he presented various awards, including "Scariest Snow-Person," "Best Use of Color," and "Most Improved." Then, at last, it was time for the announcement of the "Best Snow-Person of 2001." Grinning from ear-to-ear, Lorelai snatched up Rory's hand and squeezed it. Rory squeezed back, equally excited.

"This year," Taylor began. "The entries were all wonderful… well, with a few exceptions. Nonetheless, it was very difficult for the judge to choose the rightful winner. However, after much deliberation, I have chosen the recipient of the Best Snow-Person of 2001 award to be…"

Lorelai and Rory held their breath.

"…Lorelai and Rory Gilmore."

Both women screamed gleefully and hugged, jumping up and down excitedly, while the Stars Hollow residents clapped and whooped in approval.

"Ladies, come up and receive your award," Taylor said, holding the quarter collection protectively in his hands. They ran up onto the podium. Lorelai grabbed the collection from Taylor and handed it to Rory then proceeded to the microphone to make her speech.


"Congratulations, you two!" Sookie said, greeting both Lorelai and Rory with hugs after the ceremony was over.

"No tiara," Lorelai pouted.

"Excuse me?"

"Mom's a little bitter because the winner didn't get a tiara. She was kind of counting on it," Rory explained.

"Oh," Sookie replied. "Is that the explanation for the hair?"

"It is."

"I didn't want to say anything just in case she actually thought she had a look going."

"Hey," Lorelai protested. "I'm standing right here."

"Sorry, sweetie," Sookie apologized. "You looked pretty up there."

"At least the photographer for the paper agreed to wait until tomorrow to take our picture," Rory said with clear relief.

Sookie's face lit up. "Ooh, that'd be something to show the grandkids."

"Okay, you two, enough. Wow! A girl tries to take a risk, and all she gets is grief."

"You know we love you," Sookie said.

"Yeah, yeah."

"But I gotta run," Sookie continued. "I just put a cake in the oven, and I don't want it to burn. I just had to come see you pick up your prize."

"Wow," Lorelai said, impressed by Sookie's sacrifice. "You really do love us."

Sookie grinned. "Congratulations again." The girls said their good-byes and soon found themselves alone again.

"I really wanted that tiara," Lorelai said, turning to her daughter.

"I know. But we got a coin collection!"

"Bah!"

"Has anyone ever told you you're hard to please?" Rory asked.

Lorelai thought for a moment. "Never."

"I don't believe that."

Lorelai sighed. "The quarters are pretty cool though, aren't they? Where should we put them?"

Rory was considering the options when she felt a presence behind her.

"Jess," Lorelai greeted.

"Lorelai."

Rory turned to face him, and, try as she might, she couldn't stop her lips from exploding into a smile. "Hey."

"Hey," Jess said, glancing at her before returning his attention to Lorelai and specifically Lorelai's hair. He seemed to want to say something, but instead he turned back to Rory. "It just isn't fun when she makes it so easy."

"It is just screaming, 'Ridicule me! Ridicule me!' isn't it?" Rory answered.

"That and about a hundred other things."

"Looking at your 'do, why do I suddenly want to nickname you 'Pot'?" Lorelai asked sweetly.

Jess smirked and opened his mouth to retort but stopped abruptly. Confused, Rory raised her eyebrow in question. He didn't have to answer though because she immediately felt arms wrap around her waist from behind. Hot breath tickled her ear, and a voice whispered, "Congratulations."

Rory smiled and turned her head, meeting Dean's gaze. "Thanks. Pretty impressive, huh?"

"Very impressive," Dean said at a normal volume. "How does it feel to be the winner?"

"Hmm," Rory pondered. "I don't think it's sunk in yet. How does it feel to be the boyfriend of the winner?"

"That depends. Do I get to see the quarters?"

"I think that could be arranged," Rory assured him. "If you can pry them from my mom's vice-like grip."

"I'll look from a distance," Dean decided.

Rory turned in his arms and smiled. "Good idea."

Dean leaned forward and softly kissed her. Rory pulled away quickly then smiled reassuringly at him before turning to their companions. She glanced at Jess, but his expression was unreadable. Nonetheless, she suddenly felt tense… and something else – something she couldn't quite put her finger on.

There was a brief silence as Lorelai looked at Rory and Dean, then Jess, then Rory and Dean again. At last, she decided to save her daughter with a none-so-subtle suggestion. "So, Jess, I bet Luke is swamped now that the ceremony is over."

"I wouldn't know," Jess said coldly.

"Did I interrupt something?" Dean asked, sending Jess a look.

Rory started to answer, but Jess interjected. "Nope. Nothing at all."

Rory's eyes met his, and she could tell he was irritated. But he knew as well as she did that she couldn't – or maybe just wouldn't – do anything about it. He nodded his head imperceptibly, but they both understood. Jess turned his eyes to Lorelai. "Congratulations, Lorelai."

"Thanks," she said, eyeing him suspiciously.

He turned back to Rory and smirked. "Congratulations, Professor Hinkle."

Rory blushed.

Jess glanced at Dean but said nothing. Then, he turned and walked towards the diner.

"What was that about?" Dean asked.

"Nothing," Rory assured him. "He just likes to drive me crazy with obscure references. It's like a game to him."

"Trying to prove he's smarter?"

Rory hated herself for doing it and silently apologized to Jess as she lied. "Yeah, he does that."

"So I've noticed."

"Anyway, are you busy?" Rory asked.

"Actually, yeah. I promised Clara I'd take her to the movies. You can come with though."

"That's okay. Clara should get some alone time with her big brother. We can do something later."

"You're sure?"

"Positive," Rory assured him.

"Okay, I'll call you later," he said as he leaned forward to give her another quick kiss. "Bye Lorelai! Congratulations."

"See you later, Dean," she said as he strode off in the direction of his house.


Rory watched her boyfriend go – not so much because it was an exciting thing to do as because she could feel her mother's eyes on her, and she didn't want to face the barrage of questions that would surely come. Once Dean was completely out of sight, she knew she had no choice. Sighing, she turned to her mother. Sure enough, Lorelai was looking at Rory, but surprisingly, she said nothing.

"What?" Rory asked.

"Nothing."

"Just say it."

"I don't have anything to say."

"Right," Rory said, not believing her for a second.

Lorelai once again linked her arm with Rory's, and, wordlessly, they walked towards Luke's.

Rory was just beginning to think her mother really wasn't going to say anything when…

"Okay, I tried, but it's killing me. What was that?"

"What was what?"

"The awkward Dean-Jess thing."

"They don't really get along," Rory said simply.

"Okay, I may not be a rocket scientist, but I figured that much out."

Rory sighed. "They almost got into a fight at school."

"When?"

"I don't know exactly. A few days ago, I think."

"Why?"

"Jess was fighting someone…"

"Big surprise," Lorelai mumbled.

Rory ignored it. "And Dean tried to break it up. Jess was confused and took a swing at him."

"Jess was confused?"

"Yeah."

Lorelai made a small, guttural noise.

"What does that mean?"

"I didn't say anything." Lorelai paused. "Okay, so that explains the Dean-Jess exchange, but what was that reference all about? Professor Hinkle?"

"Nothing. It's an inside joke."

"So explain it," Lorelai pressed.

"Then it wouldn't be an inside joke, it'd be an outside joke," Rory weakly pointed out.

"So you and Jess have secret jokes now?"

"No. It's nothing. Really."

"I'm going to figure it out, you know. If you don't tell me, I'll bug you about it for the rest of your life."

"Consider me warned."

"Okay, you asked for it," Lorelai admonished as they continued towards the diner. "Hinkle… Hinkle… now where do I know that name from?"

Rory tried her best to pretend not to care whether or not her mother figured it out, but internally, she was a bundle of frayed nerves.

"A-ha!" Lorelai said triumphantly, raising a finger in the air like a scientist who'd just discovered a brilliant, new invention. "I knooow whooo it isssss," she sang.

Rory's voice choked out. "Who?"

"Professor Hinkle was the full name of the professor on 'Gilligan's Island'," Lorelai said proudly. She paused. "But why would Jess call you that? Did you make a radio out of a coconut?"

Rory smirked, but it went unnoticed by Lorelai. "No," she answered.

"Was Jess suffering from double vision, so you had to make him a keptibora-berry extract remedy?

"Nope."

"Did you catch him in a lie using your bamboo lie detector?"

"Definitely not."

"Ooh, did you make a pedal-powered washing machine? You didn't have to do that, you know; the one we have works just fine."

"Mom."

"Or did you make radiation-safe suits and sunglasses?"

"Mom," Rory said again but a little louder this time.

"Yeah?" Lorelai finally asked.

"I think the name of the professor on 'Gilligan's Island' was Roy Hinkley."

"It was?" Lorelai asked absently, thinking. "Shoot! It was! Okay, fine, but I'm still going to figure it out."


The bell above the diner door jingled as Rory and Lorelai walked through, but neither could hear it over the incessant sound of Lorelai's guessing game.

"Oh!" Lorelai said excitedly. "Did you fall asleep for twenty years?"

"How could that have happened? I'm with you practically every second."

"I don't know. Ask Jess. He's the one giving you the weird names. He must know something we don't."

"It might not make sense because that's Rip Van Winkle, not Professor Hinkle," Rory pointed out.

"Right. I guess I should've paid more attention in English class."

Rory shook her head and headed towards a table.

"Hey, I'm going to figure this out, child. Don't get too comfortable with your 'inside jokes'!" Lorelai finger-quoted before walking to the counter.

"Hey Luke!" Lorelai said cheerfully. "Two coffees on the double."

Luke looked up from his pad of paper. Without missing a beat or altering his expression, he gestured towards her hair with the pencil. "Wynonna Judd?"

"Close," Lorelai clarified. "Dolly Parton."

"Ah, of course," Luke accepted, nodding. "It suits you."

"Finally!" Lorelai said happily. "Someone who appreciates a woman's efforts to look good… wait, what do you mean? How does it suit me?"

He chuckled but didn't respond. "Two coffees?"

"In what way does this hairstyle suit me?"

"Do you want the answer or the coffee? I'm not offering both."

Lorelai was conflicted for a second, then said reluctantly, "The coffee."

"Thought so." Luke grabbed two mugs and started filling them to the brim with coffee.

"So how are the quarters doing?" he asked as he poured.

"You know we won?"

"I heard your screams."

"You heard us scream, and you just assumed we won? Maybe we were being attacked by wild jackals."

"You were screaming, 'We won! We won!'"

"Okay, that might've been a minor tip-off. They're fine. Very shiny."

"Good."

"It would've been nice to see you at the awards ceremony."

"Someone had to watch the diner."

"You couldn't close the diner for 45 minutes?"

"Wouldn't have been practical."

"Not even to see your two favorite people win the highest honor in Stars Hollow?"

"I'll read about it in the paper."

Lorelai frowned. "I thanked you, you know."

"Yeah?" Luke asked, surprised.

"Well, not you per se, but when I thanked the little people, you were a part of the list in my head."

"Well, thanks," Luke said sarcastically.

"It was the least I could do."

"The very least," Luke agreed.

Lorelai smiled and took a sip of her coffee. "Mmm… my own steamy, love potion."

"Excuse me?" Luke croaked.

Lorelai said dreamily, "Every time I drink it, I fall in love with caffeine all over again."

"You need a twelve-step program and a sponsor."

"You need an attitude adjustment."

"I'll get help if you get help," Luke offered.

"But I like my addiction."

"I like my attitude."

"Guess we're stuck in a rut."

"Seems so. Did you want to order anything else?"

"Hmm… no, not right now. But I do need your help with something."

"Do I want to know?"

"What do you know about Hinkles?"


From her seat at the diner table, Rory watched her mother talk to Luke. She could only imagine what they were saying, but, judging by their body language, they seemed to be enjoying each other's company. She smiled and glanced around the rest of the diner. She hadn't seen Jess when they'd walked in, but, as she looked around, she saw him stroll down the stairs by the counter. Luke called him over, and, when he turned, Rory noticed that there was a book stuck in his back pocket. She was curious to know what he was reading today, but she couldn't make out the title. She saw Luke hand Jess one of the coffee mugs and point in her direction. She darted her eyes away immediately, hoping Jess hadn't noticed that she was watching him. She was staring at the worn edge of the table, cursing her slow reflexes, when the mug appeared in front of her eyes. As Jess pulled his hand away, she followed its movement and soon found herself looking directly at him.

"Hey," she said meekly, forcing a smile.

"Hey. Luke asked me to bring this over to you. Apparently, he's too busy flirting with your mom to do it himself."

"Oh. Sorry. You didn't have to," she mumbled. Her eyes returned to the brown liquid before her.

He shrugged. "I didn't have much else to do."

She nodded. There was an awkward silence, and, for the first time ever, Rory wished Jess would disappear just so she wouldn't be so uncomfortable. Of course, she knew that if the genie had granted her that wish, she'd have spent the next two figuring out how to get him back. Resolutely, she looked at him again. "What are you reading?"

"Huh?" he asked.

"Your back pocket. What are you reading?"

"Nothing."

"Oh," she said softly. He'd never done that before.

"So," he began. "Where's Dean?"

"At the movies."

"Without you? That's awfully suspicious."

"He's with his little sister."

"Sure he is."

"Why are you doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"Asking questions when you know you don't want the answers."

"How do you know I don't want the answers?"

"Because you get all persnickety just like you are right now."

"Persnickety?" Jess repeated, amused.

"Yes, persnickety. Do you have a problem with that?"

"Nope, not at all."

Rory sighed. "I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable."

"What?"

"Me and Dean."

"Why do you think that made me uncomfortable?"

"Because…" Rory started. She shrugged. "I don't know, just because."

"I wasn't uncomfortable."

"Oh."

"Disgusted, yes."

"He's my boyfriend."

"Should I buy you a condolence card?"

"Thanks for the coffee, Jess," Rory dismissed, lifting it to her lips and taking a sip.

Jess nodded and turned to go. She wanted to look at him, but she fought the urge and focused on her coffee instead. Even though she couldn't see him, she knew he got only a few feet before he paused and walked back towards her. She still refused to look up. She sensed the movement of his arm reaching out and felt him set something on the table. Then, he walked away. Once he was gone, she glanced over and saw the book from his back pocket resting near the edge of the table. She picked it up and smiled.


Rory was just able to shove the book in her coat pocket before her mom approached and flopped into a seat at the table.

"I worry about that man," Lorelai said, shaking her head.

"Luke?"

"Yes! Do you know what he thought?"

"That babies come from storks," Rory offered.

"Worse! That the character on 'Hogan's Heroes' was named 'Professor Hinkle'!"

"Oh," Rory grimly replied.

"Professor Hinkle? There aren't even professors in the Armed Forces!"

"He doesn't get out much."

"I'll say. Poor Colonel Klink – to be disrespected like that."

"I told you Luke wouldn't be much help."

"I had faith. Blind, misplaced faith."

"I'm sure it won't happen again," comforted Rory.

"Oh, but despite Luke's pathetic attempts, I think I figured out the name."

"Okay," Rory said hesitantly.

"It worries me a little."

"Why? What are you thinking?"

"Why would Jess be comparing you to a small, scary but harmless dog that poses for calendars and is rumored to be a visitor from another planet?"

Rory burst out laughing.

"What?" Lorelai asked. "Have I missed something all these years? Should you be phoning home? We can grab some Reese's Pieces for the trip."

"Mom," Rory said, trying to adopt a straight face. "That dog is Mr. Winkle not Professor Hinkle."

"Thank God! That's the first time I've been happy to be wrong."

Rory smiled. "I think I'm happy you were wrong too."

"Hey, don't you have to meet Lane about now?"

Rory glanced at her watch. "Oh yeah, I owe her a cinnamon roll." Rory stood up and grabbed her coat. "Dean might call. Could you tell him I'll call him back?"

"Sure thing. Have fun."

Rory walked towards the door, but just as she was about to walk through, Lorelai called after her. "Ooh, Rory! Have you become a purse-carrying, purple Teletubby?"

"That'd be Tinky-Winky."

"Dangit!" Lorelai cursed.


Later that night, Lorelai lay on the couch, flipping through the television channels. She knew Rory would be back any minute from her date with Dean, and she was desperately trying to stay awake until she got home. "Baywatch," she mumbled, continuing to flick the remote button.

"Informercial. Blind Date. Mmm… not tonight. Informercial. Informercial. Why is there never anything on in the middle of the night?" She kept flipping, quickly going through the channels about ten times before she landed on a movie that had been in commercials during her previous cycles: "Frosty the Snowman." Even though she positively hated the movie the few times she'd seen it, she reluctantly decided to give it another chance. 'Tis the season to be jolly after all, and it wasn't like she had a lot of other choices. She began to watch, dozing off a little, when a name cut through the fogginess of her brain. "Professor Hinkle." She sat upright and stared at the television, hoping to hear it again. Sure enough, Professor Hinkle was the name of a character in the cartoon. In fact, he was the villain who set out to destroy Frosty. Why on earth would Jess call her that? Suddenly, mind clearing, it dawned on her. Her mouth fell open. It was just then that she heard Rory at the front door.

She immediately turned off the television and tried to adopt a casual pose. Rory walked into the living room. "Hey. I'm glad you're still up."

"You are?" Lorelai said nonchalantly, fighting to bite her tongue. "How was the date?"

"It was good," Rory replied.

"Good."

"I got you something," Rory said, sitting beside her mother on the couch and holding something behind her back.

Lorelai nearly forgot her recent discovery in her excitement. "Hand it over!"

Smiling, Rory reached up and placed the plastic tiara on Lorelai's head.

"You didn't!" Lorelai said, nearly tearing up. "You got me a tiara?"

"I know it's not quite as climactic, and your shower ruined the necessary hair…" Rory rambled.

"It's perfect." Lorelai wrapped her arm around her daughter and pulled her close, placing a kiss on the top of her head.

They sat there for a while in silence. Finally, Rory glanced up at her mom. "Hey, did you ever figure out the name?" she asked innocently.

Lorelai looked down at her and considered the question for a moment. Then, smiling, she said softly, "Nope, I gave up."