It hurt.
It hurt to feel.
But it hurt not to feel more.
Empty.
So empty.
Void.
I feel nothing.
Why?
I was created that way I guess.
Everything I see,
Everything I do,
Means nothing,
Because I can't feel it.
Happiness.
Sorrow.
Love.
Hate.
Sadness.
Fear.
I don't know how that feels.
Sometimes I wonder.
Can't say that I miss it,
I don't know what it is so how can I?
I only feel void.
Empty.
Everyday a little more so.
Naraku just send Kagura, me and an army of demons out to attack Inuyasha again. I do his bidding without question. He owns me. He made me. Kagura as well. Sometimes when I see the things Kagura is willing to do to obtain her freedom I sort ofâ feelâI don't know how to describe itâ. jealous? I can't really say if that is it though.
We are sailing through the clouds on Kagura's feather. The wind is twirling around us. Doing Kagura's bidding. Taking us to where she wants us to go. The landscape is gliding by beneath us. The sun is just peeking over the horizon. It's beautiful. Breathtaking.
But I don't feel a thing.
I turn around on the feather, facing Kagura. I can see the horde of demons trailing behind us. She questionably looks down on me. I look into her red eyes. Look into her soul. A lot is swirling there. I don't know what it all is. But deep down inside I see emptiness. Threatening to devour the rest. She will become like me I realize. "What?!" she snaps irritably, probably unnerved by my gaze. All the demons are. Even Naraku. I look a bit longer and turn around saying nothing.
We are fighting. Since an hour or so. Well, the horde of demons is. And Kagura is sending some windblades towards Inuyasha and his companions from high above on her feather but she isn't fighting seriously. I am observing Inuyasha's companions. A monk, a fire neko, a demon slayer and a miko with a kitsune kit unconscious in her arms.
The mikoâ. You can see everything she is feelingâ It's all thereâ. You can read it on her faceâ. And the demon slayerâ. She reminds me so much of Kaguraâ.
I see the demon slayer get hurt, a demon made a deep gash across her stomach. The miko runs towards her while putting the kitsune in her bag and drags the slayer behind some trees at the end of the clearing. The demon slayer is dragged along, cussing and screaming that she can still fight.
After they disappeared into the forest Kagura swoops down on her feather and lands beside me. I turn to look at her. "Naraku want us to kill them." She says. I look into her soul again. The emptiness is more evident now than is was before. She is dieing I suddenly realiseâ. And so am Iâ.
We walk into the forest far from where they are so we do not alert Inuyasha and the monk that the women are in danger. We can smell the slayers blood. It's all around. Silently we walk towards the source of the scent. After a while we come to the edge of a clearing with a hot spring. There, next to the spring, are the demon slayer, the miko, and the kitsune. The miko is cleaning the wounds of the demon slayer while the kitsune is lying still unconscious on the side. They are both unarmed.
Kagura and I stop and silently watch the miko work. Suddenly a demon comes crashing through the trees. Probably attracted by the smell of the slayers blood. That smell also made it also impossible for us to cense it. The lesser demon upon seeing two humans and smelling a lot of blood immediately goes in for the kill. From the corner of my eyes I see the two women franticly looking around for a weapon while the demon is getting closer. Before I know what I'm doing I'm in front of the demon and sucked out his soul, the carcass falling at my feet. I hear two gasps behind me. Slowly I turn towards my sister. She is looking at the demon apparently deep in thought. Slowly she razes her eyes from the demon carcass to me. Her gaze is natural. After a moment her eyes flick to the side of me where the two women are and back and she razes an eyebrow. Her soul is flashing with something I can't identify. But then again, I don't know emotions. I look at her for a moment longer for turning around to face our targets but the ones I just rescued. The miko is looking at me with big innocent questionable eyes while the slayer is flicking her gaze between me and Kagura. In the distance the sounds of fighting can still be heard.
I look in the big grey blue eyes, the soul of the miko. So bright, so big, so pure, so full of emotions, not like any soul I've seen. And I can't help but wonder what it would be like to be her. Oh yes, I have seen how she acts around the members of the group, caring, loving and so forgiving. Definitely unlike anyone I've seen. But it seems that the soul is not complete. A piece is missing.
My gaze goes to the slayer. As soon as I look at her, she abruptly stops her examination of my sister and looks at me as if she's sensing my gaze. Shadowed brown eyes show a tortured soul that is slowly recovering from the trials she faced. There is also emptiness there. It is lessening but it will never be completely gone. This soul, the same as my sisters and mine, is also longing for something.
Decision made I turn to my sister.
Again I say nothing but just look at her. When I'm sure I have her full attention I flick my eyes towards the slayer for a moment, then look back at her. She looks questionably for a moment before her eyes widen and she looks shocked. "You could do that?" I nod. "Free of Naraku?" I nod again. She adverts her gaze to the slayer for a moment before looking at me again with a determent look and nods.
I turn around and look into the soul of the slayer again. I realize that she probably would not reject it. They are confused I know. But at the moment I don't really care. I turn towards my sister again and raze my mirror. I look at her one last time and channel my power through the mirror. The mirror begins to glow and silvery mist followed by a silvery orb begins to come out of my sister's mouth. Her eyes are becoming dull, lifeless and the colour is turning from blood red to dried blood. When her soul is completely out of her body her body falls over and her soul goes in my mirror. My mirror glows and I use my power to keep my sisters soul away of the soul eaters in the mirror. This causes the mirror to glow eerily.
I turn and walk over to the slayer and the miko. They are both looking at me with terror in there eyes. I turn my attention to the slayer. When I'm sure I have her full attention I begin to speak.
"Our souls are both trapped, alone and dieing. Yours, slayer, is alone and dieing as well. Your soul is dieing on it's own but also through the wounds you received tonight. My sister is willing to bind her soul with yours to save both of you. I will start the process now, relax if you can."
The slayer is looking very shocked at me. But when I step closer to her, she franticly tries to scramble away from me.
Out the corner of my eye I see a tree branch coming at me. I catch it, rip it out of the miko's hands and throw it away. With a flick of my arm the miko is lying on the ground, a couple of meters away from me and the slayer. I flick my gaze towards the miko for a second. She is crying out in pain. It seems that I broke her arm when I hit her to the ground.
"Miko, I suggest you don't interfere with the process or the slayers soul could be shattered."
The miko's eyes flick towards her friend for a second and I can see the terror for her friend in them. My gaze returns towards the terrified demon slayer in front of me. She is franticly looking around for something to defend herself with and tries to grab a branch that is lying a couple of feet away but before she can reach it I'm in front of her and start the process.
The mirror begins to glow brighter and I force the slayer to look at it. Once the slayers eyes are glued to the smooth surface of the mirror, the soul of the slayer starts to come out of her mouth but I force it to stay with the body but become visible. As a result the body of the slayer is covered in silver mist. My mirror begins to glow even brighter and I force the silvery orb that is the soul of my sister to come out and mingle with the soul of the slayer. The soul of the slayer flares as soon as the other soul touches it but that soon dies down and it allows the soul to mingle with itself. I know that the two souls are now 'talking' and sharing everything that defines their soul. This is really important for my sister because if the slayers soul doesn't accept her soul and allow it to become a part of it, my sister will still be bound to serve Naraku. And she would certainly die because of that.
After a few more moment of soul mingling, that seem like an eternity to me because it drains so much power, the soul of the slayer begins to glow and become bigger. The slayers soul reaches out to my sister's soul and begins to absorb it into hers. My sister's soul in turn does the same. After a moment the becoming one process is complete and in a flash of blinding white light the soul retreats into the slayers body. The change is instantly. Hair becomes longer till it's over her butt and it turns a deeper shade of black, ears point a little, the body fills out more, all the scars on the body disappear, the skin becomes flawless, bones become stronger and a bit longer, muscles become more defined, nails turn into claws and all the wounds that were on the body disappear.
I look at the one that part my sister. I can see that the soul is resting. Exhausted from the change but whole. The emptiness already almost gone. I feel drained. That took a lot out of me. I turn to face the miko. She is staring wide-eyed towards the changed body. There is a stick in her hand and she is but a couple of feet away from me. When she sees that I am looking at her she meets my eyes and asks in a voice filled with shock, awe and tears:
"What did you do?"
"I united their souls."
"Oh."
She looks more shocked.
Silly humans.
"They both accepted each other."
She shot me a confused look.
"I made it possible for them to merge their souls but it wouldn't have happened if they didn't accept it."
"What will happen to them now?"
"They will stay bonded for al eternity."
She looked taken aback by that.
"Oh."
I don't have a lot of power left. I could hear that the battle was almost over. I could hear the hanyou Inuyasha still screaming his attacks. I have to hurry but I felt so drained. In power and in soul. I was just so tired. The emptiness had spread. It was time.
I walked over towards the miko. She was still lying on the ground with one arm in a awkward position and a stick in her other hand. She wanted to protect herself from me with that? Ridiculous. She watched warily as I walked closer and offered my help to get her in a sitting position. She accepted. As soon as she was sitting I stood up and activated my mirror again. Her eyes widened and she tried to turn away but the process was already begun. I used my power in the same fashion as I did with the slayer but it took a lot more power. Her soul is so powerful. When her body was covered in the white silvery mist that was her soul, that was brighter that the slayers and really beautiful, I gave my mirror a burst of power to keep her soul hovering around her body and started to use my powers on my own soul. Let's just say that there is no way to describe ripping your own soul from your body and leave it with that. I ignored the pain the best I could and when my soul was free from my body I send it towards the miko's.
When in soul-form I noticed, everything is different. I could see every living things soul around me. The plants, the trees, the water, when I looked up for a second to the sky, for a moment I thought I saw the souls of the stars and many worlds beyond. It was beautiful. There was no way to describe it. I was connected to everything. I could see it live and I could see it dieing. But when I looked to the miko's soul I was in awe. It was like a sun, radiating light and warmth and purity. Beautiful. She or it was looking at me, examining me. I could feel her looking deep into my soul and I could feel her emotions but I didn't know what they meant. Slowly I made my way towards her and stretch a portion of my soul to touch hers. She did the same and we touched. A world opened for me, so many memories, thoughts, emotions, so overwhelming. I could feel her touching my memories, thoughts and searching for my emotions. I was a bit scared I admit. I never was but she made me feel that for some reason. There is also no way of describing touching someone's soul and have their soul touch you back. It is like a violation of the highest order. Like you're being raped in body, soul and mind. Nothing is private. Nothing stays hidden. All your deepest secrets, passions, hopes and desires are there for everyone to see. But at the same time it was wonderful to share your life with someone. To let someone see what you've been through, to have someone completely understand who you are and why you do certain things. And the sensation of touching someone else, understanding their way of life, knowing their secrets, their passions, their hopes, their desires, it makes you feel connected to that person in a way that nobody could ever even begin to understand.
A warmth spread throughout my soul and somewhere in the middle of all of that I could sense something happening. That the lines between me and the miko that is Kagome were blurring. I didn't understand. But I was not afraid. For the first time in my life I was content. I was content to be there, touching this wonderful person's soul. But then I knew, we were becoming one, she had accepted me and we were becoming one. My soul lighted up in the second feeling I ever knew, pure happiness, pure happiness from being forgiven and accepted, then a flash of white light and I was no more.
I was Us.
