Defending Bjork
Chapter 22: Puzzle Pieces
Disclaimer: I-ay own-ay othing-nay, okay-ay? On't-day ue-say e-may. Anks-thay!
A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long. I was both writer's blocked and busy, a lethal combination. I'm also starting a new job in about a week, so I'll be busy for a while. I'll do my best to get the next chapter out in a relatively prompt manner, but I can't make any promises as to how prompt that'll be. This chapter is dedicated to Elise because she's cool, kind, and she wrote a kick-ass Lit fluff fic called "Ever After." (hug) Thanks to Lee (beta extraordinaire), Ali, and Julia for reading this chapter as it progressed, and thanks to my sister Sarah (even though circumstances prevented you from beta-ing this chapter, the flowers are enough to earn you a whole slew of author's note thanks. Congrats on the new apartment!). And, lastly, welcome back, Marissa! Enjoy, review, and be merry. -Becka
Rory stared blankly at the television screen. The Nielsen Ratings Man himself could have called her up at that moment and asked her what she was watching, and she wouldn't have been able to tell him. Unless he wanted to know about the images playing and replaying behind her eyes. Those she could relate with frightening accuracy.
After a few minutes, she heard muffled voices outside the front door and, needing a distraction, wandered towards the window to look. Outside, her mother and a good-looking guy she presumed was Gus were smiling and laughing. She watched as their words stopped, and an awkward silence fell. Then, suddenly serious, Gus stepped forward, his eyes trained on Lorelai's lips. Rory smiled slightly and headed back to the couch, giving them their privacy.
Another minute passed, and the front door opened. Rory glanced in its direction and met her mother's gaze. Lorelai hurried over to her.
"You're home," she said, sitting down and giving her daughter a quick once-over. "And unscathed. You would not believe how many horrible scenarios I can come up with in the span of a few short hours. If there is an award for creative worrying, I'm this year's recipient. And next year's too, actually; I think I deserve it."
Rory offered a small smile, tears stinging at her eyes at just the sound of her mother's voice.
Seeing the moist glassiness start to take over, Lorelai frowned. "You didn't call me. I told you to call me if something happened," she said softly.
Rory turned her eyes back to the television, angry that he was making her cry again, angry that her mother was seeing it and would blame him. "Nothing happened," she stated, fighting to keep her voice even.
Lorelai's arm wrapped around her and drew her close. "Something happened." When Rory remained silent, Lorelai continued. "You can't go all the way to New York to see him and have nothing happen."
Rory shrugged, attempting nonchalance. "He was Jess."
"Which means?" Lorelai prodded gently.
"He didn't care."
ooo
He'd been walking for hours now, past restaurants and tattoo parlors, nimbly dodging people as he headed nowhere. He was always heading nowhere.
By Union Square, he passed The Strand, one of the more famous bookstores in New York. As he moved around the tables spread along the sidewalk, he glanced at the titles. Rory would've loved the place. He remembered wanting to bring her here the night he'd arrived home after their day together at the Stars Hollow booksale. He also remembered doubting that it would ever happen. He could never quite picture her in New York; it was nearly impossible to fit her into that puzzle. But somehow, she'd done it, all by herself. She'd taken the pieces and spread them out, placed herself among them, and rearranged until it all suddenly seemed right. So right that Jess was sure it must've been wrong before.
A day ago, she and New York had been separate and distinct, as impossible to combine as oil and water. But now everywhere he looked, he saw places she'd love to go, things she'd love to see. He saw her, fitting into his life – fitting into both of his lives – and it scared the hell out of him.
ooo
"He just asked you to leave?" Lorelai asked incredulously after hearing the whole story. "After all of that?"
Now that the tears were dry, Rory felt the anger begin. "He was right," she said bitterly.
"He was?"
"We're impossible," Rory stated. "He knows it, Dean knows it, the whole town knows it, and you've always known it."
"Not necessarily impossible," Lorelai clarified. "More like improbable."
"He did me a favor," she said firmly, only half-hearing her mother. "It would've been a waste of time. We'd never work." She stood up and walked into the kitchen. Lorelai followed after her and watched as Rory immediately busied herself with starting a new pot of coffee.
"Okay, honey, but on the surface, no relationship should work," Lorelai offered, sitting down at the table. "Men are… well, they aren't always the most tactful and considerate of beasts. They think in black and white. They refuse to feel emotions unless forced to under the threat of bodily injury and even then you have to actually inflict a few blows and give them cause to cry before they'll cave. And women… we get upset with them when they don't understand us. We expect them to think like we think, and that just isn't possible because, most of the time, we think crazy, irrational thoughts that have no basis in reality. It's amazing any of us even still try, but we do because when it does work, it really works."
Rory silently reached for a new filter.
"And, actually," Lorelai said hesitantly. "You and Jess aren't that improbable."
Rory paused her actions.
"You have things in common. Something to talk about is a definite plus. And he seems to try with you. Lord knows, he doesn't with anyone else. He listens to you and respects you. For someone who makes Michel look like Miss Manners, that shouldn't be taken lightly. And he's crazy about you; there's no doubt about that."
Rory turned to face her.
"I'm just saying you never know. Two totally probable people who to the entire world look like a potentially perfect couple could end up with absolutely no chemistry and no future. While two improbable people who the whole world thinks are crazy for even trying end up spending the rest of their lives together."
"Why are you saying this? You hate Jess."
"You like Jess," Lorelai explained. "And Luke likes Jess. Maybe I'm the one who's wrong."
Rory smiled a little. "Can you say that again into a tape recorder?"
"Not a chance," Lorelai grinned. "Now, as much as it pains me to say this, please stop making that coffee and come sit down," she said, patting the chair next to her.
Rory complied.
"Do you really think he doesn't care?"
"I don't know what I think," Rory replied, folding her arms over her chest.
"Well, I think he wouldn't have turned around if he didn't care. He wouldn't have kissed you back if he didn't care, and believe me, he wouldn't have gotten so mad if he didn't care."
"He doesn't care enough," Rory clarified. "He just let me leave."
"And you just left," Lorelai pointed out.
"Are you saying I should've stayed?" Rory asked, defensive.
"I'm saying that he's scared, Rory, and you know that. I think, maybe, you're mad at him because you thought it would be easy."
Rory started to interrupt, but Lorelai stopped her. "You thought that you'd break up with Dean and go to New York, and Jess would just drop everything and come back."
Rory shook her head and looked away.
"Things are never going to be easy with Jess. I understood that a long time ago, and that's why I didn't want you to get involved. He's a mess. He has baggage and problems that you, thank God, will always have a hard time understanding. He's never going to be like Dean."
"I don't want him to be like Dean," Rory argued.
"I know that," Lorelai said gently. "But I'm not sure you're gonna want him to be Jess either, and I think that's something you should think about."
"It doesn't matter anyway," Rory said angrily, standing up. "If you don't even believe that I want to try, why would he? He's in New York, and he isn't coming back."
"Rory…"
"It doesn't matter," she repeated before walking towards her room and shutting the door.
ooo
It was nearly one in the morning by the time Jess finally turned the corner towards the apartment building. The one lone streetlight had gone out before he'd left for Stars Hollow and had apparently never been replaced. Tucked away from the lights of the city, the street was dark and still. He breathed it in, enjoying the silence.
Climbing the front steps, he reached the outside door, which was no longer propped open. He pulled his keys out and unlocked it then slipped inside. As soon as he opened the second door and started up the stairs, he heard the moans of a couple making out loudly in the stairwell. It wasn't exactly an unusual occurrence, and as he shuffled past them, he was just grateful that the woman wasn't his mother. That, too, had been known to happen now and then.
When he reached the apartment door, he undid the locks and slowly edged it open. Peering around it as he'd done a million times before, he checked to make sure the coast was clear. All of the lights were off, and his mother's bedroom door was closed. He flipped the locks again, and then, on quiet feet, he hurried through the apartment and soundlessly shut his bedroom door behind him. In the past, he often made a ruckus on his way in, itching for a fight to work off some pent-up steam, but tonight he was just tired. The last thing he wanted was to waste his energy yelling at Liz.
The city lights were stronger on this side of the building, shining through the window and illuminating the room enough to see. He sat on the edge of the bed and kicked off his shoes. Then, fluidly, he drew his t-shirt over his head and threw it into the corner. As he watched it land, his eyes fell on his bookcase.
She'd been in his room.
He felt a tightening in his chest, but he wasn't sure if it was out of anger or something else entirely. He stood and walked to the books. His fingers glided across the spines, gently pushing them back into an even line. It was one of many tricks he used to determine when Liz went through his things. He looked around the room for any other disturbances and, finding none, lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. A minute later, there was a soft knock on the door.
He ignored it.
The second knock was louder and the third even louder than the second.
"Jesus! What?" he called irritably, shifting up to a sitting position.
As if it had been an invitation, Liz pushed the door open and walked inside. She looked around the room suspiciously. "Where's Rory?"
Jess narrowed his eyes. "Excuse me?"
"Rory," Liz said impatiently. "Pretty girl from Stars Hollow. Where is she?"
"Probably in Stars Hollow," Jess answered, clearly annoyed.
Liz walked towards the bed and pointed. "Is she under here?" she asked, not giving him time to answer before she ducked down and peered underneath.
Jess jumped to his feet. "She. Isn't. Here."
"Fire escape?" Liz asked, heading towards the window.
Jess stepped in front of her, suddenly infuriated. "Get out," he said firmly.
"Fire escape, it is," Liz confirmed.
When she tried to move around him, Jess moved in front of her again. "Have you been drinking?" he asked, even though he was already aware it was a question that didn't need an answer.
"I'm not going to let you take advantage of that innocent girl," Liz stated.
Jess's jaw clenched.
"She likes you, and there's no telling what she'd do if you asked."
"Get out," he repeated, trying to keep his voice calm.
"Don't act so offended. This has all happened before. I've learned to keep an eye on you," she said, waving a finger at him.
Jess shook his head in disbelief. Once. She'd caught him once.
"Whatever." He didn't fucking care anymore. He moved aside, and she went quickly to the window.
"She isn't there," she mumbled.
He met her eyes in challenge and waited.
She frowned and glanced around the room again. Then, running her hand over her eyes, she muttered something about finding her in the morning.
As soon as she walked through the door, he stepped forward and slammed it loudly. The window pane shook. He stared at the closed door for a moment, almost as if he was expecting it to explain what he'd done to deserve such a basket-case for a mother. When, as expected, it didn't reply, he knelt by his duffel bag and shoved his hand all the way to the bottom. Pulling out the pack of cigarettes and lighter, he threw open the window and climbed out onto the fire escape.
As the smoke drifted from his lips and out over the alley, he sighed, knowing full well he was the only person who'd remember any of this in the morning.
ooo
Rory looked at the bedside clock. 2:30. She had been laying there for over four hours, thinking about what Jess had said, what her mother had said, and what she believed. She was fuming, bordering on the point of explosion. 2:31. It wouldn't wait.
Throwing the blankets off, she stormed out of her room, down the hallway, and straight up the stairs to her mother's room. As she approached, she was surprised to see light shining through the crack under the door. She hesitated, and by the time she reached the door, instead of throwing it open like she'd planned, she knocked lightly.
Surprised, Lorelai looked up from her textbook. She waited, sure she must have imagined the knock, but a second or two later, she heard it again. "Rory?" she called.
Rory pushed the door open and peered inside.
"What's going on?" Lorelai asked.
Walking fully into the room, Rory took a deep breath. "I like Jess."
"I know."
"No," Rory clarified. "I like Jess. I like all of him. I like that he's a mess. I like that he has baggage and problems that I don't understand. I like that things with him will never be easy," she continued, meeting her mother's eyes. "I like that he's read more than I have. I like that he can talk music with Lane, and I like that you and he don't get along because you two are more alike than either of you will ever admit. I like that he plays tricks on Taylor, and I like that he convinced me to destroy that snowman this past winter because, even though it hurt you and it hurt Dean, it made me begin to realize that there are so many things about him to like. And I know being with him doesn't make sense. And I know that it's impossible or improbable or whatever it is, but I can deal with all of that. What I can't deal with is you thinking that I can't handle being with him or that I don't understand what I'm getting myself into. Because I do understand. I know that his mother isn't perfect, and I know that his father left, and I know that it's going to be a lot of work to overcome that. But I also know that there's some part of him – a really big part – that wants to try. And, anyway, I'm not perfect either, so why should I expect him to be? And I shouldn't have said that it doesn't matter because it does matter. It does matter to me if he stays in New York or comes back to Stars Hollow, but it's his choice, and I can't make it for him. That's why I left. Not because I thought it would be easy and it wasn't, but because I know that things with him are hard, and I'm willing to wait. And I know it makes me sad and angry, and if he doesn't come back or even if he does, that I might get hurt, and I know you don't want to see me get hurt, but I think it's worth it, and I think someday you'll see that. And I love you," she said, her voice cracking. "Which is why I just want you to understand… and…" Faltering, she dropped her eyes. Her voice was just a whisper when she finished, "And I really don't want to fight anymore."
Lorelai watched her for a second then she grabbed the textbooks off the bed and set them on the bedside table. "Come here," she offered. Immediately, Rory walked across the room and climbed in beside her.
Kissing the top of her daughter's head, Lorelai smiled. "That was quite a mouthful."
"I took notes, but I forgot them in my room," Rory quietly admitted.
"You did fine without them," Lorelai promised. "It's too bad Jess wasn't here to see that."
Rory burrowed her head into her mother's shoulder and sighed. "He'll come back, right?"
"If he knows what's good for him," Lorelai assured her.
Rory nodded and, seconds later, drifted to sleep.
ooo
Luke looked up as the diner bell chimed for the first time that morning. He was shocked to see Lorelai Gilmore walking towards the counter. "Hey," he greeted.
"Coffee," she greeted back.
He nodded and turned to pour her a mug. "It's Sunday," he said over his shoulder.
"You're too late; the calendar already let me in on that secret."
"It's 8:00 on a Sunday."
"Wow, the clock was right too," she joked.
He set the mug in front of her, and she immediately snatched it up.
"Any particular reason you're up so early on a Sunday?"
"Finals start tomorrow."
"That's right," he smiled. "You graduate this week, right?"
"Assuming gallons of free coffee get me through the tests."
"Coffee won't be a problem," he promised.
Lorelai smiled. "I'm glad I keep you around."
"You want a donut?"
"Really, really glad."
"Chocolate-chocolate, okay?"
"You know those Glad garbage bags? Named after me," she answered.
He gave her another small smile and moved a donut onto a plate for her.
She eyed him as she took a bite.
"What?" he asked nervously.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Depends on the question."
"How messed up is Jess?" she asked bluntly.
His eyes shot to hers. She wasn't kidding. "Depends on who you ask," he answered, weighing his words carefully.
"I'm asking you."
"He's a good kid, all things considered."
"Would you trust him with Rory?"
"Yes."
Lorelai nodded, accepting his answer. They were both quiet. She stared down into her coffee for a moment then she met his eyes again. "She likes him."
"I thought she might," he admitted.
"He likes her."
"He does," Luke confirmed.
Lorelai took a deep breath, knowing she was about to tread into dangerous territory. Rory's confidences were meant to be kept, but today, she was making an exception.
Luke waited, sensing she wanted to say something.
"Rory went to New York," she said finally.
Luke's eyes widened in surprise. "When?"
"Yesterday."
"What'd he do?" Luke asked quickly, worry setting in. Jess may be a good kid, but he'd cornered the market on stupid behavior.
"He got mad and sent her home."
"Is she okay?"
"Yeah, she's okay."
"He's stubborn," Luke tried to explain.
Lorelai smiled. "I hear it's genetic."
"I'll talk to him."
"Not necessary," Lorelai stated, but as Luke refilled her mug, she knew her job was done.
ooo
Emerging from his bedroom with tired eyes, Jess stumbled towards the bathroom. When he reached the door, it was open, and the light was on. He squinted against the brightness, and when his eyes focused, he saw Liz inside, struggling with a bottle of aspirin by the sink.
"Dammit," she swore, not realizing he was there. "Who invented child-proof caps anyway?" She was on the brink of tears.
As she fumbled with it some more, he stepped inside and took it from her hand. With a turn of his wrist, it was open. Taking her hand, he dropped two tablets onto her palm, shut the bottle, and put it back in the medicine cabinet.
She lifted the glass of water and swallowed them down. "Thanks, baby," she said, turning to look at him. He was already back in his room.
Once inside, he quickly changed into fresh clothes and tugged on his shoes. Then, grabbing the book he'd found out of place the night before, he crawled out the window and headed down the fire escape.
ooo
Rory rubbed her eyes and walked downstairs. As she entered the living room, she found her mother jotting something in a notebook while glancing periodically at the textbook in her lap.
"Studying already?" she asked.
"I brought you coffee," Lorelai answered.
"Ooh," Rory cooed, grabbing it from the table. "Luke's already?"
"Early bird gets the worm," Lorelai chimed, smiling at her daughter.
"You hate worms."
"Which is why this is the only time I plan on imitating an early bird."
"I'm proud of you," Rory stated, sitting on the other end of the couch. "You've become such a good little studier."
"Thank you," Lorelai replied.
"Of course, your drive will likely wear off by this afternoon, but right now, it's very inspiring."
"Glad to hear it… I think. That was a compliment, right?"
"Of course."
"Okay, good. I think my brain is moving in spits and starts."
"So, afternoon was optimistic then?"
"I think, probably, yes," Lorelai nodded.
Rory smiled.
"How are you this morning?" Lorelai asked.
"Better."
"Must be the coffee."
"It does tend to have that effect," Rory agreed.
Lorelai smiled and turned back to her book.
"About last night," Rory began. "I'm sorry I flipped out like that."
Lorelai lifted her head again and looked at her daughter. "I'm not."
"You're not?"
"Nope. I needed to hear it, and I think you needed to say it."
"I did."
Lorelai squeezed her hand reassuringly and returned to studying.
"Can I help you study?" Rory asked. "Quiz you or something?"
"Ooh, I have flashcards," Lorelai exclaimed, pulling out a pile of brightly colored cards. She handed them to Rory.
"They have stickers."
"And glitter," Lorelai pointed out.
"Why?"
"Helps me remember?" she offered.
"Really? How?"
Lorelai paused, trying to think up a way the decorations were helpful. After a moment, she gave up. "Makes them pretty?" she clarified.
"Also important," Rory agreed.
Lorelai grinned and turned to face her. "Okay, hit me."
"List the three most important points to make when drafting a grant proposal," Rory read.
"Hello Kitty, Garfield, and Dukes of Hazzard."
"What?"
Lorelai grabbed the card from her hand and pointed at the stickers by each point. "See? Told you it helps me remember."
Rory shook her head. "Oh boy."
ooo
After a morning of reading in the park and a long lunch, Jess headed home, knowing that Liz would be at work for the rest of the day. As he walked up the street, he noticed a truck parked in front of his apartment building. It was unusual for vehicles to be on the street at all, as most New Yorkers took public transportation. He gave it a quick glance and kept walking, years of experience telling him to keep his head down and avoid eye contact.
When he neared it, he heard the driver's side door open, and before he could reach the turn towards the front stoop, a man walked around the truck. "Jess?"
He looked up, surprised to see his uncle standing in front of him. Immediately, he got defensive. "Liz is at work," he stated.
"I know; I'm not here to see Liz."
"Just in the neighborhood?" Jess asked sarcastically.
"I hate New York," Luke reminded him.
"Right," Jess nodded. "So Rory sent you."
"Rory doesn't know anything about this."
Jess scoffed and shook his head. "Go back to Stars Hollow," he stated as he turned and headed towards the door.
Luke followed him. "Thanks, Jess. I'd love to come in," he muttered, more to himself than to his nephew.
Jess made his way into the building and up the stairwell, ignoring his uncle completely. When they reached the apartment door, he turned to face Luke. "You have ten minutes. That's it."
"That'll be plenty," Luke assured him. They walked inside.
After closing the door, Jess went into the living room and folded his arms over his chest. He didn't bother to offer Luke a seat.
Luke glanced around the apartment. "How are things going?" he asked.
"Fine," Jess replied tersely.
"Fine?"
"Great," Jess rephrased.
"Great? Wow, from fine to great in less than a second."
"I guess it's the pleasure of your company," Jess retorted.
Luke nodded and turned to his nephew. "What are you doing, Jess?"
"Waiting for you to say whatever the hell you need to say."
"You missed this?" Luke asked, gesturing at their surroundings. "Living in a hole in the wall with your mother?"
"It beats Stars Hollow."
Luke faced him with his arms folded over his chest, unaware that he was mimicking Jess's pose. "She wants you to come back."
Jess shook his head and walked past Luke into the kitchen. "I don't care."
"I think you do."
"Well, you're wrong."
"She came all the way to New York."
"I know," Jess replied. "The girl has too much time on her hands."
"Cut the crap, Jess."
"Why are you here, Luke?" Jess asked, turning his glare on him. "To convince me to come back? Act like you've missed me? Like the town has missed me? In a couple of weeks, she won't even miss me. Go home and get over it. I have."
"Sure, you have."
"Hey, I have," Jess said, gesturing angrily. "She had her chance, and she didn't want to take it. Personally, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of that whole, stupid town. So if you think you could possibly say something to change my mind, you're wrong. You can save your breath."
Luke set his mouth into a line and fixed his eyes on his nephew.
Irritated by his lack of response, Jess waved dismissively and turned his attention to the insides of the refrigerator.
After a moment, Luke's voice broke the silence. "Running didn't solve their problems, Jess. You know that."
Jess slammed the fridge and turned around. "What are you talking about?"
"For as much as you hate your parents, you sure are determined to end up like them."
"Don't give me that shit," Jess stated, walking past him again.
"Liz couldn't deal with our dad being sick, so she ran to New York."
"This is an old story."
"Your dad couldn't deal with a kid, so he ran off."
"Really, Uncle Luke, thanks for the trip down memory lane; don't let the door hit you on the way out."
"Is that what you want to be? You can't deal, so you run off?"
"You're crazy. I didn't run off. I thought I had to be in Stars Hollow, and when I figured out that Liz didn't care if I stayed or came back, I came back. I never wanted to be there in the first place."
"You're better than this, Jess. You may not believe it, but I do."
"Seriously, spare me the inspirational speech. It's a bunch of bull."
"Rory cares about you," Luke stated. "You can't ask for much more than that."
"Please, Rory doesn't care about anyone but herself."
"You don't believe that," Luke said calmly. "She gave you a chance."
"How noble," Jess scoffed. "Be sure to thank her for me."
Luke looked away, frustrated. "She isn't going to wait forever, Jess."
"Hey, I didn't ask her to wait at all."
"So you're just going to stay here?" Luke asked. "No school, no job, no future, no chance to move forward?"
"You're seriously going to stand here and lecture me about moving forward?" Jess asked incredulously. "You've been stuck in that town since birth. You work at the same job. You live in the same apartment. You haven't had a date in as long as I've known you, and you just sit around, pining for someone you'll never have. Don't act like you're some role model."
Luke met his eyes. "I may not be much, but I'm all you've got."
"Great," Jess mocked. "I feel much better."
Irritated, Luke took a deep breath. His voice remained calm as he spoke. "I love my sister, but she isn't going to change, Jess. However she is now, she's always going to be like that. You need to face that. And your dad? He's probably never going to come back. So you can either stay here and be alone and miserable, or you can live in Stars Hollow and be miserable with people who care about you. It's your choice. My door's open. It always has been."
Jess broke eye contact and stared at the ground.
Without another word, Luke walked out the door.
