Lies within My Heart

By: Meilin Li

Disclaimer:  The credit does not go to me.

Rated: PG

Pairings: Not decided yet.

Chapter 1

     Your days you say, they're way to long

     And your nights you can't sleep at all

     And you're not sure what you're looking for

     But you don't want to no more

          --Hold On   Good Charlotte

You know how things sometimes happen, but you don't know whether it's a dream or if it's real?

You know how the fine line of reality and hallucination gets uncertain with just one bizarre piece of news?

You know how sometimes, you don't want things to happen but they do anyway?  No matter how much you pray, how much you wish or how much you hope?

I do.

I have no idea how this happened.  Just that it did.  It was only two days ago that I was watching the basketball practice without as much as a worry in my head.  But today, my head is a jumble.  It's such a huge mess that I can't even think as I write this. 

As usual, I was closing up the café … when I fainted.  I supposed it was due to the fact that I tend to overwork myself sometimes. Or so I thought when I woke up in the hospital bed with Lucas watching over me with this look in his eyes.  He really is my guardian angel. 

I had made the mistake of searching his blue eyes.  And at that moment, I knew.  He held so much intensity in his eyes that I had to look away and the grip he had on my hand was far too gentle for my condition to be nothing.  He wouldn't be here if it was nothing. 

He found me on the floor and rushed me to the hospital he said.  I asked him if I was dehydrated or something.  The answer was no.  I guessed for a while, holding my fear at arms length, joking with him, asking him if I had cancer.  But he said no again.  Finally after a few minutes I got frustrated of this little game we played and told him straight out to tell me.  And he did.  The doctors said that my heart was failing me. 

Over the years, I've been a healthy girl.  I jog three times a week and I take a dance class five days out of seven.  I don't smoke or drink.  I try to avoid eating junk food whenever I can because I'm a strict believer of everything healthy, even though I work at a diner.  And I get as much sleep as I can every night, usually 9 hours.  So how can this even happen?  Is it real?  Or am I just dreaming?

I'm only 16.

I don't want to die…

The slick black pen fell out of Haley James' hand.  She just couldn't write anymore.  The tears that brimmed in her eyes made it harder to see by each passing minute.  The hiccupping sobs caused her body to twitch ever so often.  Her body refused to do anything, she felt drained. 

So there she laid, on top of sapphire blue bed sheets, eyes boring into the milky white ceiling.  Her messy auburn hair fanned out in a crimson halo, those chocolate brown eyes of hers were closed.  Why was this happening to her?  Where was the heart in this so called God of hers?  Where was the sympathy?

The doctors told her that she had an acute form of the same thing her brother died from, a hereditary heart defect.  But because of the advances in modern medicine, if they could find her a heart donor, they could give her a new heart.  Someone had to die in order for her to live.  It went against all her values.  And Haley didn't know if she wanted the surgery even if it was an available choice for her.

Sure she wanted to live.  She wanted to live more then anything right now.  But is it right for someone to die, just so she could live?  Haley knew that because of her condition, the doctors had bumped her up the waiting list for a potential heart donor, and that meant several people might not get their wish because her condition was more 'important' than theirs.  Was it ethical for her to stand in the way of someone else living?

All of this went against so many of her values.  But she couldn't give up because of a certain promise to a certain brother of hers.  She would not die.

Closing her eyes once more, she took a deep breath, calming herself before she buried her problems under her.  She needed to get her mind off everything; her brain was in pain from trying to rationalize this problem of hers.  Eyes puffy and cheeks reddened, Haley picked up the phone and dialed that oh so familiar number. 

"…Lucas?  Up for a movie tonight?"

Her voice was surprisingly light.