Chapter 13: The Road Not Traveled?

Morning found the men relatively groggy and the women puzzling over the men. Claude certainly needed more than a helping hand down the stairs, and Ashton's dragons were more than a little wilted. Dias was alert perhaps, but Rena could tell he'd been up late into the night, his eyes slightly dimmer than normal and a tad puffy. Bowman looked less disgruntled; Leon looked downright cross.

Celine and Precis both looked over Dias, and Claude - Ashton too, though neither suspected he'd got involved directly - but found no traces of a physical fight. This left them puzzled, but gossiping about it there wasn't a good idea.

When Claude nearly went face first into his food, Rena finally decided to talk to the two and find out what happened. She leaned over to Opera and asked her to talk to Claude about last night - provided she could keep him awake. With a wink of her third eye, she said she would after breakfast, and that he would be wide awake, one way or another.

"Coffee, Claude?" she asked, grabbing his right arm gently while holding two cups in her other hand. "Perhaps some fresh air on the balcony would help perk you up a bit."

His blue eyes looked up at her a moment, seeming to focus a moment sharply, and then returned to that distant, hazy look he had since he'd woken up. He stood carefully with her help, and the two walked down the hall to an unoccupied balcony where the crisp morning air had stirred his senses more than sitting in the hall had. He sipped the drink tentatively, and relished in its warmth and strength. "So, Opera, what's on your mind?"

She blinked, and looked at him curiously. "What made you think that?"

"The fact I doubt you would have separated me from the others like this? Perhaps just some unknown reason why I thought so?" Claude shrugged and adjusted his jacket slightly. "Or perhaps it was the look in your eyes. I don't know. The notion just grabbed me and I spoke without thinking."

"Well, perhaps your notions were right, Claude," she said, smiling. "I did want to talk to you, about last night. About what happened between you and Dias."

"How-?"

"Because we heard you leave, us ladies," she explained patiently. "That's why. Rena's a bit worried, and frankly, so am I. We're all counting on you, you know."

Claude attempted to dig his toe into the stone balcony a moment, looking away. "Yeah, maybe you are, but... sometimes, many times, I'm just not sure. I think last night helped. I hope it did anyway. Dias and I... sorted some things out." He chuckled then, a light laugh but a hint of sadness in his voice. "He was right on counts I hadn't thought of, but it doesn't make any of this easier. I'm fighting for the people of Expel, but its... I'm not sure. It makes no sense at times."

"Such as?" she asked, looking at him, studying his face. The youthfulness was still evident, but it seemed like years had fallen into place with the expression he wore, one of mixed emotion, of a man who had seen too much, or carried too much on his soul.

He turned, leaning on the rail and looking outward over the fields, and into the sky. Somewhere on the horizon there was the blue hint of ocean in the hazy fog. "I'm not from this world, I shouldn't really care, but I do. As little time as I've spent here, I care about these people. Its like home, but so different, so... excitably different. And there's no shadows really to cover me, to make me feel so insignificant anymore."

"You have a good heart, Claude," she said after a measured pause, "and the world - hell, universe - could use more people like you. Maybe its the similarities, as you said, or maybe its just because you know it would be wrong to turn away."

"Or perhaps more selfishly, its because I do want to go back home," he breathed, then spoke more regularly, "Dias and I discussed some of this last night, though not about my saving the people and such so much." He reached up and removed his headband, gripping it in his hands and twisting it a bit as he continued. "Its more than that now, but still, its a driving factor. And proving myself. Helping everyone is an added bonus, but... trying to escape the shadow of my father has been a major burden on my shoulders. Ronoxis Kenni... he was a hero in his days."

"You love him, don't you?"

Claude considered the question a moment, looking downwards over the edge. "...I do, in some ways. I... he and I... how do I say this..." He stopped twisting the headband, and let it dangle in one hand, swaying slightly in the wind. "I care about him, I do, but sometimes his presence and overbearing way grate on my nerves. I'm nearly an adult in the eyes of everyone, and yet I'm treated like a child who can't do anything. I'm almost a man, and still handled like a boy."

Opera reached out and tentatively put an arm around his shoulder, and slid next to him, embracing him like that and looking out with him. "Growing up is hard, Claude; I'm the child in a noble family on my world, and I don't think my parents have ever quite stopped looking at me like their little girl even though I'm quite grown up. I think all parents are like that."

He glanced over at her, feeling some measure of relief form her smile, her presence. "Your parents were probably never heroes though who people look up to. Still, you do have a point, somewhat. I'll make it, eventually. I just never dreamed I'd be doing this." He slid and arm around her waist as if to confirm her presence, this morning, was real. "I just do feel alone at times, and outsider in a place - a ... wonderland, if you will."

"You're not the only one Claude," she said, "but I've seen more of this grand universe then you. so its not so disconcerting. So Dias and you didn't try to kill each other?"

"No... we really went over some matters which were close to the heart and hopefully settled most of our differences. I doubt I changed him though; I know I feel a bit different." He laughed then, one of relief perhaps, and subtle joy. "I guess I feel less apprehension about what's coming."

"That's good," she murmured, and took a long drink. "Just keep things in mind and in order, and it'll all go well. And if something goes wrong," she said, raising her voice slightly, "I'm always here."

They stood out there, watching nature and drinking coffee for sometime, while elsewhere Rena and Dias had sought a "quite place" of their own - the arena.

***

"Will you listen to me?" she asked, not with sadness, but evenly as a natural question.

He turned slightly as he stood there in the ring once more, the dummy battered a bit before him, Rena behind him on the wall and his sword gripped in one hand, not tight, but neither loose. The tip of the blade wavered and bounced a tad as he contemplated the question, giving pause enough to study Rena's features once more. When he spoke, he used a tone Rena hadn't heard in years. "Of course, little sis."

She was silent for a moment in which neither moved; she was fighting back some tears. When she spoke she had regained most of her composure. "We heard you last night leaving the room, and then Claude. Did... did something happen? A fight?"

He turned then to face her partly, the light from above illuminating him only partly, some features hidden in shadows, but his eyes glimmered clearly as he met hers. "No, Rena, we didn't fight - not in a physical sense, anyway," he answered, his voice slightly subdued as he recalled last night. "We had a war of words, one of which I'm not sure who 'won' still. We discussed some things - you as well, my past..." He trailed off, a small lump in his throat as emotion tried to take hold, flood his senses once more, but he pushed it away, diverting his eyes from Rena. "No, Rena, you don't need to worry about us."

"I will, and I do," she said, tossing a lock of blue hair form her eyes. "You're my big brother, and Claude did save me. He's not from this planet, and someone has to keep after him. And us - we - we grew up together. You can't ask me to stop ever worrying about you Dias. Even in your absence I've always worried about you, wondered. Alone... Westa's not my real mother, Dias, and though the town is kind, and nice, I still felt very much alone, a different part." She swung her feet side to side over the edge of the wall. "I felt like Claude must be being here; someone who isn't from here, an outsider."

[i]'An outsider...'[/i] Dias licked his lips then, something he did only rarely. "I know that feeling Rena, its something I've always known since the day Cecille and my parents died. I felt like someone who didn't belong, someone who cheated death only to exist caught between here and the hereafter." Another thought, darker than others, crept into his mind, one which clamped his jaw shut as he tried to scatter it to no avail.

Rena took his silence as a chance to speak again. "You know the village would have helped you, but you always were the stubborn one, never letting us girls care for your scratched when you were hurt in the woods. Still, you didn't need to isolate yourself from... from me." Tears formed at the corner of her round eyes, not enough to run free, but enough for Dias to see. She reached up quickly to wiped them away, flushed slightly.

"I... I admit, I probably shouldn't have, little sis," he said, sheathing his sword. "But... that's the past now. I can still make amends, can't I? But now... the King here expects me to be able to help save this country, the front lines of Lacour with the Hope idle until Claude, Leon, and the others return with the stone. But... I... I don't think I'll be able to do it. I've been driven to fight for my family, but..." He sighed then, letting some of the tension and emotion run free in that one action. "Rena, I don't know if I can. I always knew what I was up against, where I was going, and now - now I'm fighting for something beyond my own, for many people. I don't want to let them down, Rena, not like I did my family." His voice was raspy now, and heated with a torrent of pent-up emotions. He looked down at the dirt of the ring. "I don't want to watch anymore innocent people die for no reason then perhaps some greedy bastard's whims or wants. Deaths in war, in fair fights - these I can accept, but not the deaths of those killed by bandits - or worse."

They were there in silence, neither looking at each other, and neither willing to turn away. Dias words shook the very foundations Rena had known of Dias; never had he admitted so much so quickly about himself, and certainly not about doubts or weaknesses. It was as thought a whole host of windows had been opened in a great house, and she was in front, looking in at the various rooms, the art, the furniture, and the walls themselves from their vibrant reds to their deepest indigos. Doubt, emotion, pains - these were all things Dias had kept hidden form everyone, and now they were free like a river whose dam had broke.

"Dias... I've known you for a long time," she said, "and this is by far the most you've ever let go. But that's ok." She jumped down to the ground, landing gracefully and smoothed her skirt. "You and I have been so very different, you the silent, strong, and protective type while I was the talkative, weak, and - well, we both had our ways to care and protect. You used your sword, and I used my healing magic and words. Now that your barriers seem to be dropping - at least to me - I..." She walked towards him slowly, her eyes dancing with tears that weren't sure whether to run or hide again. "I know you, Dias, and you can do anything you set your mind to. Once you get an idea in your head, you've never backed down from it."

She stood before him now, the faint light glimmering off her pendant and her eyes as she looked up at his face. "Remember that tree in Shingo Forest? The one no one dared to climb? You said you would, with Cecille and I watching. And you did it, despite the dangers there were, and almost falling and breaking your neck at least twice. But you did it." She reached out then, stepping forward and embracing him, much to his surprise. He found himself drawn to return the embrace as he felt her shaking slightly. "You scared me so much that day, I was worried you'd get killed. And when you survived that attack, I knew somehow there was a reason. Perhaps this is your reason, why things have happened the way they have, Dias. Apply that determination here, the same one you use to hunt bandits. It doesn't matter what you're facing, its all the same in the end. I'm always going to worry after you and protect you like I can." This time the tears broke free, and ran down her cheeks swiftly to fall into Dias' cloak and her pendant.

They stood like that for some time, an embrace which neither wanted to give up. Her words had broken through every last defense his mind could muster, and they swam through his mind like fish who had been denied water for some time, eager to have found it at last. Two long years had changed him a lot, but there were some things that hadn't changed. His feelings for Rena had - and were - however, and he couldn't deny that fact; she was nearly a grown woman now, and even though he had been stoic and cold for so long, her warmth seemed to invade him as they stood here, but he found no compulsion to break it, to tear her away. It felt so right, so calming. She was the last he had, the last person he cared about, and it was reciprocated. Now was not a time to dwell on such things, as he still had a world to help, and she was right; he could do it if he set his mind to it. And she would be there, and if he failed, he would fail her. There was no way he could accept that, though, and it steeled him like a tonic curing a disease. He held her closer, tighter, closing his eyes. More long minutes passed.

"Rena... I'm sorry." His voice was barely a whisper, but a lifetime of emotion was hidden in the softness, folded in like the filling in some pastry they'd enjoyed as kids. "For anything I've done to worry or concern or hurt you."

"Dias,... its ok. And, since I know you'll never rest without hearing it, its accepted. And I'm sorry for being such a pest at times."

He squeezed her a little tighter, an acknowledgement that that was ok too. After this moment, when they broke the embrace, it would be time for war, a time to defend a country from a threat. It could very well be the last time they might ever spend together.