Title: Rakuen
Author: Gloomy Bumblebee
Genre: Shounen-Ai
Subgenre: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: KradxSatoshi
A/N: Um, I just felt like writing something angsty and dark. I hope you like it... and if you do, please leave a review. By the way, the title comes from Krad's Image Song in the DNAngel soundtrack, "Rakuen ~
fanatic~
." Rakuen means paradise, to those of you who don't know. To those who DO know... I hope I got it right. I don't really know a lot of Japanese, sadly...
-o-o-o-
Rakuen
You know exactly how to hurt me; everything you do is breathtakingly cruel. You try to find the words that will cause more pain. Yet, I cannot seem to hate you. In fact, is quite the opposite. I love you so much that I even enjoy the pain you force into me. Some would think it's pathetic. I think it's admirable. Beautiful, even.
I endure through each day of your life, bearing the jealousy whenever I see anyone coming remotely close to you. I restrain myself from hurting anyone, for fear of hurting you, but hurting you is my only opportunity for getting your attention.
Sometimes I can't control myself. You know me well. I can easily lose myself to hate and anger and you know just how to trigger those feelings in me, even if you don't want to admit it. I know everything about you. Well... almost.
Actually, there is, indeed, one thing I don't know; the one thing that brings me closer and closer to you with each passing day. Why do you enjoy hurting me? You've never been the sadistic type of person... you're not like me. Funny, I've heard many people say that opposites attract, but I don't think that is our case. Well, I suppose there has to be an exception to every rule.
But, why did it have to be us?
Is it terribly wrong for me to say that I love you? Or is it, maybe, that you just can't stand listening to those words? Do they remind you of something hurtful? Hmm... I think that is the problem, indeed. Then... you don't really mean it when you hurt me. It is a mere reflection of the pain he made you feel. No, that's not it. But it will be, eventually.
Yes, as time goes by, you learn whom to love and whom to hate. Yes... and you will learn fast, because you're very intelligent. You'll soon learn that it is only me that cares about you. No one would ever suffer so gladly just to see you happy. No one would go through everything I go through just to get attention or a little admiration. No one would go so low so as to pray to be hurt, just to see that cruel smile of triumph on your face. No one would do what I do.
No one would ever love you the way I do.
Yet no one would care.
Not even you.
Tell me, how long will it take for you to realise? You're all alone in this world, just like me and it's only me you'll ever have. Yet, I cannot ask the same thing from you. Not yet, though I have faith. Someday you'll be there for me. Someday you'll care just as much as I do and you will suffer just as much as I do, perhaps even more because you'll carry a strong feeling of guilt. Yes, someday the tables will turn for you and me. Someday those massive white wings I carry like a cross will shut themselves around us both and take us to an infinite paradise. Someday you will be mine, just like I am yours. Someday...
But until then, I'll wait. I can always wait, because there's nothing else for me to do. You are my everything, even though I can't be yours. That is why, until the time comes for you to understand, I'll be next to you, wiping those tears away from your face, even if it's only in our dreams. I'll always wait. I have eternity... I just wish you had it, too.
My Satoshi-sama...
I kill myself for you.
