Armed with flashlights, Special Agent Muledeer (Buster) and Special Agent Gully (Fern) carefully descended a dimly lit stairway.

"She was abusing prescription drugs," said Agent Gully. "At least that's what I was told."

"That's what the school wants you to believe," said Agent Muledeer.

"So what's your take on it?" Gully asked.

"She's been infected with alien DNA," Muledeer declared. "They're turning her into a human-alien hybrid. And the evidence I need should be right behind this door!"

At the bottom of the stairway, Muledeer and Gully encountered a metal door on which was printed the warning, DO NOT ENTER. RESTRICTED AREA. ABANDON ALL HOPE.

"I never learned to read warnings," said Muledeer, pushing his way through the door. Gully followed him into a dark, dry cave.

"Who would build a cave underneath a rehab clinic?" Gully wondered.

"This isn't a rehab clinic," said Muledeer. "It's a secret repository for alien technology."

"You're crazy," said Gully. "As I keep telling you, there's a scientific explanation for everything."

"You still don't believe?" Muledeer chided her. "How many times have you been abducted?"

"Three."

"Five! The other two abductions were erased from your memory."

A sinsister voice called to them from the darkness. "You're too late, Muledeer."

The two agents pointed their flashlights in the direction of the voice, and recognized the face of their arch-nemesis—the lollipop-sucking Cavity Man (Mr. Haney).

"Cavity Man!" exclaimed Muledeer. "I knew you were behind this!"

"The staff destroyed all evidence of alien activity, and ate all the pizza, before vacating," said Cavity Man mockingly.

"What have you done with Mrs. Stiles?" Gully demanded.

"I'm sorry, but we don't provide information about our test subjects to the general public."

"I've had it with your lies and cover-ups!" Muledeer shouted. "I want the truth!"

"You won't find it in here," said Cavity Man wickedly. "It's out there! Muwahahahaha!"

In reality, Fern and Buster were surfing the Internet on the computer in Fern's bedroom.

"Talk quietly, Buster," Fern cautioned. "We don't want my parents to know what we're doing."

"Why not?"

"Mr. Haney and the Ratburns may have tipped them off. We can't trust anyone."

"You trusted me," Buster pointed out.

"You're my partner," Fern reminded him.

"What have you got so far?"

"I called the area hospitals, and Mrs. Stiles isn't at any of them. Then I called the three rehab clinics in Elwood City, but they don't provide information about their patients to the general public. So now I'm checking their web sites."

She pulled up the web site of the Kant-Stoppe Rehabilitation Center . "Hmm, here's a link to patient information."

She clicked on the link, only to be confronted with a login window.

"Another dead end," Buster remarked.

"So it would seem. I wish I could remember the name of the drug that Miss Ratburn mentioned. Benzo...benzo something. I'd ask her to repeat it for me, but I'm afraid she'd get suspicious."

"You could try looking under the kinds of problems they treat," Buster suggested. "Maybe something will jog your memory."

"Here's a page listing their evening courses," said Fern. "Maybe we could sign up for an evening course, then slip out and snoop around."

She clicked the link, and her eyes went wide.

"A two-week course on prescription drug abuse...taught by Rodentia Ratburn!"

Buster's mouth fell open. "No way. Rodentia teaches at the rehab clinic?"

"Looks that way," said Fern. "It's got to be better than the stuff she teaches us."

"Rodentia probably referred Mrs. Stiles to the clinic where she teaches," Buster theorized. "Unless she teachers at other clinics as well."

"I'll check," said Fern.


Another Monday morning rolled along. While Arthur stuffed books and papers into his bag in preparation for school, D.W. was playing with the Tibble twins.

"Got everything you need?" Mrs. Read asked her son. "All your homework?"

"Yeah," said Arthur. "We're supposed to get a new substitute teacher today, but I still have to give Miss Ratburn this stupid essay about being a superhero."

"What's so stupid about being a superhero?" Tommy asked him.

"That would be the coolest thing in the world," said Tommy.

Begin Tibble fantasy sequence.

While Tommy and Timmy where building sand castles, they suddenly heard the pounding of giant footsteps. Looking into the distance, they saw a gigantic lizard monster stomping through Elwood City, crushing buildings under its enormous feet.

"Look, Timmy!" cried Tommy. "That big lizard is destroying the city!"

Upon closer inspection, they observed that the monster was clutching D.W. in its huge claw. "Help! Help!" screamed the girl as she struggled to break free.

"It's got D.W.!" exclaimed Timmy.

"We've got to save her!" declared Tommy.

"TIBBLE TWIN POWERS, ACTIVATE!" they shouted together.

An explosion and flash of light followed. Where Tommy and Timmy had stood, a pair of pint-sized, costumed superheroes had appeared. Each had the letter T emblazoned on the front of his uniform. Raising their fists, they leaped into the sky and flew toward the menacing monster.

"I can fly faster than you can," said Tommy.

"No, you can't," said Timmy.

As the Super Tibbles drew closer to the lizard monster, they saw that Bionic Bunny was pounding his fists into the creature with all his might, but with no effect. The caped hare wiped his brow with relief when he saw them coming. "Oh, thank goodness!"

"Do not fear, D.W.!" cried Timmy fearlessly. "We've come to rescue you!"

"Hold it, guys, hold it!" yelled D.W. from the monster's hand. "Don't you remember what happened the last time you pretended to be superheroes? I had to go to the hospital and get stitches! I'll take my chances with the monster, thank you very much."

"She's got a point," Tommy said to Timmy.

"Yeah," said Timmy. "Besides, I'm hungry."

End Tibble fantasy sequence.

"What kind of superhero are you?" D.W. asked her brother.

"I have a genetic mutation that makes me shoot lasers out of my eyes," Arthur replied. "I have to wear special glasses to keep from vaporizing everything in sight."

"That does sound pretty stupid," D.W. remarked.

Minutes later Arthur arrived at room 18 in Lakewood Elementary. All of his regular classmates were gathered there, except for Sue Ellen. Van sat in his wheelchair next to Binky.

"Odette wants you to come over after school," Van told the bulldog boy.

"Odette does?" said Binky with a bit of surprise and anxiety.

"Yeah. She's even baking a cake."

Francine and Beat were also seated together. "Do you know how long Sue Ellen is suspended for?" Francine asked Beat.

"The whole week, I think," Beat answered.

"Suspendedand grounded," Francine mused. "I can't think of anything worse. But at least she's learned her lesson this way."

"One more week until your cast comes off," said Beat. "How does it feel?"

"Can't wait," said Francine with an eager smile.

"Then you and I can play some football together," Beat anticipated. "I mean, soccer."

At that moment a man with a horse face, moustache, and beard entered the classroom, and the kids fixed their gazes on him. Taking a piece of chalk, he wrote his name on the board-Bud Wald.

"As you see, my name's Bud Wald," he announced to the class. "I'll be your teacher until Mrs. Stiles comes back or until the end of the school year, whichever comes first. My name is nice and short, so it should be easy to write. In fact, if you think your name is too long, maybe we can negotiate a trade." The kids laughed. "Now I don't mind if you call me Mr. Wald, or Sir, but I like to be called simply Bud. So, what are you gonna call me?"

"Bud," said the kids.

"Now let's go through the roll. Susan Ellen Armstrong." There was no reply. "Not here? No problem, I can play two roles. Clark Philip Barnes."

Much to the kids' amusement, Mr. Wald occasionally switched between his own persona and that of Sue Ellen, for which he imitated a little girl's voice.

"Now, are there any questions about the Louisiana Purchase? Yes, Miss Armstrong. 'Hey, Bud, if land was so cheap back then, why is it so expensive now?' That's a good question, Miss Armstrong. And the answer is, back then the West was a huge, open frontier, and land was plentifully available. Nowadays all the useful land in the world has people living on it. Does that answer your question? 'Yes, Bud, I understand perfectly now.' Glad to hear it. Now, in the third year of Thomas Jefferson's presidency..."

The class flew by quickly.

"Oh, no, not the bell!" Mr. Wald exclaimed. "You'll have to wait until tomorrow to hear the rest of the story."

And for once, the kids looked forward to it.

"This new teacher is amazing," Muffy remarked to Arthur and Buster. "I've never been so entertained in all my long years as an elementary student."

"He didn't assign any homework," Buster noted. "Weird."

"Yeah, but it's not like I'm gonna forget anything he said," said Arthur.

"He's a lot better than Miss Ratburn," said Muffy, who proceeded to imitate the rat woman. "Now, children, count the fingers on your left hand. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Very good. Now count the fingers on your right hand. If that's too hard, just count the fingers on your left hand again."

"You sound just like her," Arthur marveled. "Do it again."

Muffy went on with her Rodentia impression. "Now let's sing a song. I like fudge, I like fudge, if you ask me what I like I'll say, I like fudge."

"I can't even tell the difference," said Arthur as Buster was struck by a sudden idea.


On the same morning, Miss Cosma was gathering her kindergarten pupils, which included D.W., the Tibbles, Emily, Vicita, and Dallin. "Miss Cosma, can we make balloon animals again?" asked Vicita.

"Not today," replied the teacher. "Today we're going to practice drawing letters and numbers. We'll make more balloon animals next..."

The door to the classroom opened, and a little girl who seemed a bit shy shuffled in, coaxed along by her mother. All the kids turned to get a good look.

D.W.'s jaw dropped halfway to the center of the Earth.

"Here she is now," said Miss Cosma. "Kids, we have a new little girl in our class today. Her name is Nadine Harris."

"She's pretty," said Dallin.

D.W. couldn't believe what she was seeing. It simply wasn't possible.

The girl walking toward her was an exact image of Nadine. Nadine, her one-time imaginary friend. A girl who didn't really exist. Yet there she was.

The squirrel-faced blond girl dragged a bushy tail along the floor as she walked. Her mother, a woman of medium height, wore a blue dress similar to her daughter's, and had a significantly longer tail. She left the classroom upon seeing that her daughter was effortlessly warming up to the other kids.

After greeting everyone else, the new girl noticed D.W.'s frozen stare and waved her hand in front of the aardvark girl's face. D.W. didn't move or even blink. "I guess she's never seen a girl with a tail before," said Nadine to Miss Cosma.

Finally, D.W. started to mutter something. "You're...not...real..."

The kids fell silent, not sure of what to say. "D.W., are you all right?" asked the teacher.

"You're not real!" D.W. blurted out in terror. "YOU'RE NOT REAL!"

She then ran at breakneck speed from the classroom. By the time Miss Cosma and the other kids emerged from the building, D.W. was standing on the sidewalk and staring back at them, panting and white with fear.

"Come back," Miss Cosma called to her. "Everything's okay."

"Why is she afraid of me?" Nadine asked the teacher.

"I don't know."

Knowing of nothing better to do, Nadine stepped closer to D.W. "Keep away from me!" shouted the frightened girl. "You don't exist! I made you up!"

"What are you talking about?" asked the confused Nadine.

D.W. covered her hands with her eyes. "Nobody's there! Nobody's there!" she chanted. "I open my eyes and nobody's there!"

When she uncovered her eyes, Nadine was still standing in front of her, sporting a friendly smile. She sat down on the sidewalk and started to cry bitterly.

Nadine turned to Miss Cosma. "I don't think she wants to be my friend," she said disappointedly.

The teacher picked up her cell phone and dialed a number. "Hello, Mrs. Read?"

As Mr. Read was going about his catering work, his wife burst into the house carrying the frantic D.W. over her shoulder. "Back so soon? What's wrong?"

"Something frightened her at kindergarten," said Mrs. Read wearily. "She cried and cried all the way here."

Mr. Read took a rag and wiped D.W.'s tears with it. "Do you want to tell us about it, D.W.?"

The girl only went on crying. Her parents deposited her on the couch, where she cried for about half a minute before she finally spoke.

"Mom, Dad, I'm going crazy! I tried and tried to make Nadine go away, but now she's back again!"

"Did you try doing the things we told you to do?" asked Mrs. Read.

"It didn't work!" D.W. sobbed. "Mom, all the other kids can see her too!"

Mrs. Read turned to her husband. "I saw a new girl at the kindergarten. She had a tail."

"That's her! That's Nadine! You saw her too?"

Without another word, Mrs. Read went to the phone and made a call to Miss Cosma's cell number. "Hello, Miss Cosma? I'm sorry for interrupting your class. What can you tell me about the new girl with the tail? I see. What's her hair color? Right. What's she wearing? Uh-huh. Thank you very much. Bye."

"What did you find out?" Mr. Read asked her.

"It's a practical joke. It has to be. I'll bet the Tibbles are behind it."

Mrs. Read returned to the living room, where D.W. had curled up into a fetal position on the couch. "There's nothing to be afraid of," she reassured her daughter. "That girl isn't really Nadine."

"Yes, she is!" D.W. insisted. "She looks just like Nadine! She even has the same name!"

"Let's go back to kindergarten," said Mrs. Read. "I'm sure she's a very nice girl and she won't hurt you."

D.W. panicked. "No! No! I don't want to go back!"

"Fine," said Mrs. Read impatiently. "Just lie there and take a nap, and when you wake up, Nadine will be gone."

"Okay," said D.W.


It was a typical afternoon at the Cooper house. Van and Dallin were playing a video game, Mr. Cooper was reading the news in the study, and Odette was also in the study, reading an issue of 'Cosmo Swan' magazine. On the cover was a picture of a glamorous-looking swan woman, and the headline, 'Add Inches to Your Neck!'

"Gotcha again, Van!" Dallin gloated as he ripped his joystick to the left and right.

"Awww," Van groaned. "Best out of seven?"

The doorbell rang. Odette nearly dropped her magazine. "I'll get it," she called out.

As she expected, the visitor was Binky Barnes. "Come in, Binky."

"Hi, Odette," said the boy, who sounded somewhat nervous. He sniffed the air. "Oh, is that chocolate?"

"Yes, it'll be done in a few minutes. Sit wherever you want." Odette bounced to the kitchen to check the cake's status.

"Yo, Binkmeister!" Van called to his friend as he walked by.

Binky sat on the couch in the study and started a conversation with Mr. Cooper, who seemed interested in the she-bully trouble of the previous week. Shortly Odette entered and seated herself next to him. The top of Binky's head was more or less even with the bottom of Odette's neck, which was about eighteen inches long.

"So, uh, why'd you invite me over?" Binky asked the swan girl.

"I thought it would be nice," said Odette. "I've been rude to you lately, and I wanted to make it up."

"Rude? How?"

"Telling Van to be careful about you, and all that."

"What's wrong with that? I have a reputation for being mean, after all."

"That's not what I saw last week."

"What did you see?"

"I saw a nice boy who went to the trouble of building a ramp so that Van could get into his house," said Odette sweetly.

Binky felt his nerves melting as the older girl gazed into his eyes. A buzzer rang in the kitchen.

Mrs. Cooper emerged from the bathroom. "I'll take care of the cake for you, Odette," she offered.

"Thanks, Mom."

"It wasn't anything big," said Binky. "Van and I are friends now, and I wanted to make life easier for him, that's all."

"But it shows you have a big heart," Odette complimented him.

The bulldog boy started to sweat. "Uh, yeah, a big heart. Well, I, uh, I think you have a big heart too, Odette."

The swan girl giggled. "Binky, I talked to the other students in my ballet class, and we all agree that we'd really like to have you back."

"Uh, yeah," said Binky clumsily. "Ballet class. I've, uh, been meaning to start again, but, well, uh, with school and everything else, um, I just haven't had the time."

"You're such a good dancer," said Odette.

Binky's sweating became more profuse. "You, uh, you really think so? I...I think I'm big and clumsy. I'm not, like, graceful and, uh, coordinated like you are."

Odette smiled and placed a hand on Binky's shoulder. The boy pulled away abruptly.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "You look nervous."

"I...I j-just remembered I have a report to finish," Binky stammered.

"Can't you..."

Binky rose quickly. "It was nice of you to invite me."

"Don't go," Odette urged him. "You haven't had any cake yet."

"I'm not really that hungry," Binky lied. "I gotta go now. Bye, Odette. Bye, Van."

As everyone looked on with surprise, Binky walked hastily out the front door. Once outside, he mopped his brow and struggled to catch his breath.


"Omigosh!" exclaimed Muffy in shock. "Why weren't we told about this?"

"I don't know," said Fern. "I guess they don't want us to worry."

"What do they think we are, children?" Muffy griped.

"So here's my plan," Buster related. "Muffy, you call the clinic and use your imitation of Miss Ratburn to try to get through to Mrs. Stiles. Once you do, then Fern can talk to her."

"I called the clinic again," said Fern. "Apparently most of the people there know Miss Ratburn, so you have a pretty good chance."

"At last, a true test of my acting talents," said Muffy wistfully.

"This was a good idea," Fern said to Buster.

Muffy called the clinic's number on Fern's speakerphone, and the three kids heard a recorded voice over the line. "Welcome to the Kant-Stoppe Rehabilitation Center. If you know your party's extension, you may dial it now. Otherwise, please stay on the line, and a customer service representative will be with you shortly."

Cheesy pop music started playing, indicating that Muffy had been put on hold. "What?" she complained. "How can they putme on hold?"

"Dial an extension, Muffy," Buster suggested.

"Which one?"

"Any one. Just dial some numbers."

Muffy dialed a few digits at random, and a woman's voice was heard through the speakerphone. "Laundry. This is Janet."

Fern gave Muffy a thumbs-up.

"Hello, Janet," said Muffy in her Rodentia voice. "This is Rodentia. Rodentia Ratburn."

"Rodie!" exclaimed the woman. "How are you? I haven't heard from you in ages!"

Fern and Buster smiled at each other. Clearly Fate was on their side this time.

"You know how it is with me," said Muffy. "Always busy inspiring the rising generation of children."

"Are you still dating Ernest?" Janet asked. "I know your brother Nigel doesn't approve of him."

"Ernest? That slob? I dumped him years ago. The man never picks up after himself, and he has no fashion sense at all."

Fern moved her finger across her throat, signaling for Muffy to stop.

"But I don't have time to talk about him," said Muffy. "I'm trying to reach a patient."

"In that case, let me transfer you to Laura."

"Yes, Laura," said Muffy. "I'd love to talk to Laura. Good old Laura."

More cheesy pop music played. "This is Laura," came another woman's voice.

"Laura, this is Rodentia," said Muffy.

"Hi, Rodie. Calling again so soon?"

"Yes, I need to talk to Jean Stiles again. Can you put me through?"

"You sound a little strange," said Laura. "Are you feeling well?"

"Uh, I'm getting over a cold."

"You sounded fine when you called ten minutes ago."

"Wait, did I say I'm getting over a cold? I meant to say I'm developing one."

"I hope you get better," said Laura. "Hold on, I'll transfer you to Jean."

The kids waited breathlessly. After a few seconds of silence on the line, they heard the weak voice of Mrs. Stiles. "Hello?"

Fern's heart leaped into her throat. "Mrs. Stiles, it's me, Fern," she spoke.

"Fern...?"

The line was silent for a moment. Then the teacher's voice came through, somewhat stronger.

"How did you get through to me? How did you know where I was? You shouldn't be calling me."

The woman's brusqueness startled Fern. "I was worried about you. I wanted to help."

"I have all the help I need," Mrs. Stiles insisted. "You mustn't call me again, Fern. Promise you won't call me again."

"But..."

"Promise me, Fern!"

"I...I promise."

"Promise you won't tell anyone where I am or how to reach me."

"I promise."

"Goodbye, Fern." The line went dead.

Fern, Buster, and Muffy stared at each other, uncertain as to why Mrs. Stiles refused to speak to them.

"At least we know she's still alive," said Buster.


The sky was overcast the next morning, and the weather report suggested rain.

"See you later, Mom," said Binky as he zipped his book bag closed.

"Don't forget your umbrella," Mrs. Barnes advised him.

Reaching into the closet, Binky grabbed hold of the long, curved handle of his umbrella. Suddenly, in his imagination, the handle turned into the head and neck of a swan. Nervous, he shoved the umbrella back into the closet.

"What the heck," he said flippantly. "I'll just get wet."

When he arrived at the school a few minutes later, he saw an old Buick driven by Quinn Cooper at the curb. Odette, who was helping Van out of the car and into his wheelchair, saw Binky and waved.

"Hi, Binky."

"H-h-hi..." the boy stuttered.

"There's a ballet recital coming up," the swan girl informed him. "We could really use you."

"Uh..." was all Binky could choke out.

"Yo, Binky man!" Van greeted him as he rolled up.

"Er, hi, Van," said Binky with a weak wave.

"See you later, Binky," said Odette as she squeezed herself into Quinn's car, craning her neck downwards to make it fit.

"What if she's there again, Mom?" said D.W. worriedly.

"I told you, that girl is not your imaginary friend," Mrs. Read assured her. "She's someone else."

"But she looks just like Nadine!" D.W. protested.

"A lot of girls look alike, D.W. I'm sure it's just a coincidence."

"What's a coincidence?"

"It's when two things happen at the same time and...oh, I don't know. If you want, I can go to kindergarten with you and meet this girl."

"Will you, Mom? Please?"

It wasn't long before D.W. and Mrs. Read arrived in Miss Cosma's kindergarten classroom. The other kids were there, including Nadine.

"There she is, Mom!" said D.W., pointing. "There's Nadine!"

"She looks like a normal little girl to me," said Mrs. Read. "Except for the tail."

Slowly and hesitantly, D.W. walked over to Nadine, stuck out a hand, and gently laid a finger on the girl's face. "I can touch you," she marveled.

"Well, duh," was Nadine's response.

"I'm thinking of a number between one and ten," said D.W.

"Three?"

"Wrong! Six."

"Why are you so weird?" Nadine asked her.

"She has an imaginary friend named Nadine," Timmy pointed out.

Nadine gasped with delight. "You have an imaginary friend?"

"I used to," D.W. admitted. "Her name was Nadine and she looked just like you."

Seeing that her work was done, Mrs. Read turned and left the classroom.

"I have an imaginary friend too," said Nadine. "Her name's Pickles."

"Can I see her?" D.W. requested.

"No, I'm the only one who can see her."

"What does she look like?"

"She's a Pomeranian."

"Let's get started, kids," Miss Cosma called to them. Putting a pair of sock puppets over her hands, she said, "Tooty and Fruity have a story to tell you."

The school day was also beginning at Lakewood. "Let's start with the roll," said Mr. Wald. "Susan Ellen Armstrong. 'Here.' Clark Philip Barnes."

Before he could complete the roll call, the door opened and Principal Haney popped in his head. "I'd like to have a word with Fern Walters in my office," he announced.

All eyes were on the poodle girl, who began to realize that a dire fate was in store for her.

Not only Rodentia, but her own mother were waiting for her in the principal's office. Neither of them seemed very pleased.

"You called Mrs. Stiles," Rodentia accused her. "Why?"

"How did you know?" Fern asked fearfully.

"She told me. She called me right after you called her. Maybe I didn't make it clear enough to you that she wants no contact with her students."

"I just wanted to help."

"I know you meant well," said the rat woman calmly, "but what you did was wrong. And so was imitating my voice in order to trick the staff."

"That wasn't me!" Fern blurted out.

"Then who was it?"

Fern realized in horror that she had just made a huge mistake. Not only would she suffer now, but her friends as well.

"I asked, who was it?"

"It was Muffy," Fern admitted.

Rodentia rubbed her chin pensively. "So Muffy knows."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Who else?"

"Buster. No one else. Only us three."

Rodentia narrowed her eyes at Fern. "Next time I'll know better than to trust you with a secret."

"Why does this have to be a secret?" said Fern earnestly. "Why can't the kids know what really happened?"

"If you had a drug problem," Rodentia asked her, "would you want everybody to know about it?"

"No, ma'am."

"What about the people who look up to you and respect you? Would you want them to know?"

Fern found that question much harder to answer than the previous question.

"Mrs. Stiles is ashamed of what's happened to her," Rodentia went on. "She doesn't want her students to know about it. She doesn't even want her family to know about it. Can you blame her?"

"No, ma'am."

"There's another thing." Rodentia's tone became more somber. "Her condition is very delicate. I didn't tell you this before, but benzo withdrawal can be very difficult. It can involve uncontrollable mood swings, paranoia...even suicidal impulses."

Fern gasped.

"This is not a good time for her to be subjected to any unnecessary emotional strain. Fern, you were the closest to her of all her students. She talked to me again and again about you. She talked about how disappointed you would be if you knew the truth."

"I'm not disappointed!"

"I know that. But Mrs. Stiles doesn't know that. And when she heard your voice on the phone, and realized that you had learned the truth about her, it nearly broke her heart. Do you understand now why it was wrong for you to call her?"

"Yes, ma'am," said Fern, lowering her head. "I'm sorry."

"I know you wanted to help, honey," said Mrs. Walters. "But you could have helped more by listening to Miss Ratburn."

"You can go back to class now, Fern," said Mr. Haney.

"Thank you, sir."

Once Fern had left the office, the principal rose from his desk. "I'll get Muffy and Buster," he told Rodentia.

During the next day's morning recess, Binky was shooting hoops when he heard the familiar whine of a wheelchair approaching him.

"Hey, Binky, can I try for a while?" Van asked him.

"Here you go, sport," said Binky, passing the ball to the duck boy.

Van shot carefully, but missed the basket entirely. "Air ball! Air ball!" chanted Binky.

"I'll go get that," Van offered.

"No, I'll get it," Binky countered.

"No, let me get it."

"We'll both get it."

So Binky and Van went after the ball together. As Binky bent over to pick it up, Van asked him a blunt question.

"Do you have a crush on my sister?"

Stunned, Binky dropped the ball.

"M-me? Odette? A crush? Are you kidding? She's a seventh grader! What gives you an idea like that?"

"Because you've been acting really weird around her," Van pointed out.

"Uh, yeah," said Binky anxiously. "I can explain that. Is next week good for you?"

"I think she likes you," said Van.

Binky froze. A small whining noise came out of his throat.

"Binky? You okay?"

The bulldog boy groaned and sat on the ground. As Van piloted his chair to his friend's side, Binky looked at him somberly.

"Van, I'm gonna tell you a secret. And you'd better not tell anyone, or else I'll...I'll...never tell you any more secrets."

"I won't tell a soul," Van promised.

Binky glanced around to make sure nobody else was within earshot, then took a deep breath. "Yes, I do have a crush on Odette."

"I knew it!" Van exclaimed.

"Shh! Don't alert the media, you doofus!"

"Sorry."

"I've had a crush on Odette ever since we started going to ballet classes together," he admitted. "Back then it was no big deal because she hardly noticed me. But now she's being nice to me, and...and...I can't help it! I just lose it whenever I see her!"

"Are you gonna ask her out?" asked Van eagerly.

"Are you crazy? I turn into a nervous wreck whenever I come within five feet of her! I've had girls come on to me before, but never one I had a crush on. I don't know what to do! I just wanna stay away from her."

"I bet she would say yes."

"You're not listening to a word I say!" Binky complained. Then he paused for a brief thought. "You really think she would say yes?"

"I think so."

"Oh, but who am I kidding?" Binky mourned. "I'd be so nervous I wouldn't be able to put a sentence together. If this is love, it sure is scary."

"You're just bashful," said Van.

"What if I stay like this?" Binky worried. "I'll never get married! I'll be like those guys in the robes!"

"Monks?"

"Whatever."

"You need to find a way to get over being bashful," Van suggested.

"Yeah," Binky acknowledged, "but I'm too dumb to think of anything."

Van's face lit up. "Hey! Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Binky?"

"I think so, but where would I store that many shopping carts?" He sighed. "Okay, Van, what are you pondering?"

"Hypnosis!"

"Uh, let's go back to the shopping cart idea."

"No, really," Van insisted. My uncle used hypnosis to stop smoking. I read a book about hypnosis. There was a guy who was terrified of talking to strangers. They hypnotized him, and he was cured."

"That's nothing but smoke and mirrors," said Binky skeptically.

"It's almost time for class," said Van, looking at his watch.

While the duck boy rolled away, Binky stood and considered his suggestion.

After school, Binky went to meet with Prunella in her attic. As they sat on opposite ends of the crystal ball table, Binky described his dilemma.

"Yeah, hypnotism's great for that sort of thing," said Prunella. "Rubella taught me how to hypnotize people last summer. It doesn't hurt a bit."

"How long will it take?" asked Binky.

"It depends on the strength of the subject's will," Prunella told him. "Now let's get started. Look deeply into my eyes..."

It was only a few seconds before Binky's eyes glazed over.

"That was quick," Prunella remarked. "Can you hear me, Binky?"

"Yeah."

"Tell me about Odette Cooper," Prunella inquired.

"I met her in ballet class. She's the best dancer I've ever seen."

"I see. Binky, I want you to imagine yourself in ballet class, dancing with Odette. Beautiful music is playing in the background-a Strauss waltz, maybe. Odette's movements are fluid and graceful. Your movements are gross and clumsy. You step on her feet time after time."

"Oops! Sorry, Odette."

"But suddenly, something strange and wonderful happens. You feel a change coming over your body. Your limbs are becoming leaner, more supple. Your neck is growing longer. Something is coming out of your skin. Feathers! Beautiful, gossamer feathers! Your feet are nimble and light. They go exactly where you wish them to go. You are no longer human, Binky. You have become...a swan!"

"I'm a swan!" Binky exulted.

"Yes, Binky, you're a swan! Now your movements are as fluid and graceful as Odette's. You can easily match her every maneuver. You are graceful. You are coordinated."

"I am graceful. I am coordinated."

"You and Odette are no longer two swans, but one. You think each other's thoughts. You feel each other's feelings. It's magic. It's heaven."

"I'm in heaven!"

"Okay, snap out of it."

Prunella snapped her fingers, and lucidity returned to Binky's eyes. "So, are we gonna do this, or what?" he asked impatiently.

"We're done."

"Huh?" Binky looked around the attic, then at himself. "I don't feel any different."

"You will," Prunella assured him. "Are you going to ballet class tonight?"

"Hey, that is tonight!" Binky recalled. "Thanks for reminding me. See you later."

As Binky hurried down the stairs, Prunella gazed after him longingly.

"Oh, Binky. Will the stars ever be right for us?"


Determined to put Prunella's hypnotic powers to the test, Binky changed into his ballet clothes and rushed to the studio. He was stretching his calf muscles on the bar as the other dancers and students filed in. Among them was Odette, who was delighted to see him present.

"You came!" she gushed.

Feeling nervous, Binky thought it best not to talk.

"Do you remember all your old maneuvers?" the swan girl asked him.

He still had the usual butterflies in the stomach. Had the hypnosis failed?

As he anxiously glanced around at the mirrors on the walls, a strange thing happened. His reflections in the mirrors were suddenly replaced with images of a graceful swan.

"I'm a swan," he said to himself. "I am graceful. I am coordinated."

He was confident.

"Binky, why don't you..." Odette started to say.

Acting on impulse, Binky swept Odette into his arms and started to waltz with her.

"Wait!" she exclaimed. "I haven't stretched yet!"

The pair waltzed a little more, and then Binky lifted Odette from the floor, threw her into the air, and caught her on the way down.

Odette giggled. "Binky, you're amazing! But you really should let me stretch."

"Be quick about it," Binky urged her.

As the students and the ballet instructor went through their paces, Binky and Odette danced by themselves in another corner of the studio. An hour went by, and they were still dancing as rapturously as ever.

Then it happened.

While Binky tiptoed across the floor, carrying Odette in his arms, the swan images in the mirrors reverted to Binky's true form. Disenheartened, Binky stopped in his tracks-and dropped Odette.

"Ow!" cried the girl as she hit the floor. "What's the matter?"

"I...I...I can't do this!" Binky stuttered nervously.

"Yes, you can! You're an expert! Come on!"

But Binky would not be reassured.

Odette pursued him as he ran out of the studio. When he reached the sidewalk, he accidentally caught his foot in a grate, and had to ditch his shoe to escape.

The swan girl picked up the shoe and gazed at it unhappily.

Moments later, the still-frightened Binky burst through the door of his house.

"How was ballet class?" his mother asked.

"It was great, Mom," he replied. "I never want to go back."

He grumbled constantly to himself as he changed back into his street clothes. "What have I done? Now she'll be on me like a leech! Stupid hypnotism!"

He didn't know what to do. And when Binky Barnes didn't know what to do, he watched TV.

Fifteen minutes later, Binky was watching a cartoon when the doorbell rang. "Will you get that?" called his mother from another room.

He groaned and stood up.

Sure enough, Odette stood on the other end of the peephole, wearing a lovely dress, holding his lost ballet shoe in one hand.

"Just leave it on the porch and go!" he yelled through the door.

"I want to talk to you!" Odette yelled back.

Binky groaned again. He yanked open the door, turned his back, and walked to the other end of the room. "Start talking," he said gruffly.

"I don't get you, Binky," said Odette as she stepped inside and laid the shoe on the floor. "One minute you're dancing with me like you'll never dance again, the next you're turning your back on me."

"That wasn't really me," said Binky, still looking away from the girl. "I was pumped up by hypnotism."

"Hypnotism? Who hypnotized you?"

"Prunella."

"That charlatan? What were you thinking?"

"It didn't work very well, either."

Odette seated herself, gazed wistfully at Binky's backside, and said, "I don't know why a great dancer like you would want to hide his talent under a bushel."

"Maybe I just don't like ballet," said Binky flatly.

"That's not true and you know it."

"You're making me uncomfortable," Binky growled. "Please leave."

Silence greeted him. Then the sound of a girl crying. Touched emotionally, he turned around.

"Gosh, I'm sorry," he said meekly. "I shouldn't have said that."

Odette pulled a Kleenex from a nearby box and wiped her cheeks. "When you danced with me tonight, I thought you had changed," she said tearfully. "I thought you liked me. I was wrong."

A realization pierced Binky's thick skull. "You DO have a crush on me!"

"Ever since we first met," Odette admitted.

"I...I didn't know. I'm sorry. I..."

Binky suddenly noticed two very odd things. First, he was speaking normally to Odette without getting nervous. Second, his reflection in the dresser mirror had been replaced by the image of a graceful swan.

"The hypnosis!" he blurted out. "I'm a swan again!"

"What?"

Binky lit up like a torch. "Oh, man, I'd better tell you the truth before it wears off again! I have a crush on you too, Odette!"

"Really?"

"Ever since we first met! That's why I get so nervous when I see you. That's why I let myself be hypnotized. And I do want to dance with you again. I want to dance all night with you. But any minute now the spell's gonna wear off, and I'll turn into a puddle of nerves again."

Odette jumped to her feet. "In that case, let's make use of the time we have!"

Binky and Odette assumed a waltz position, but it was too late. The swan image in the mirror changed back to Binky's reflection. He groaned and backed away from Odette.

"I'm sorry...I...I can't..."

Binky collapsed on the couch. Odette approached him and put a hand on his shoulder, but he turned and faced away from her.

"It's all right," she said, withdrawing her hand. "We'll go at your speed."

As she was about to walk through the door, she swiveled. "Next lesson's on Friday," she told Binky. "I'll see you then."

"Uh-huh," the boy muttered.


The next morning, Mrs. Read came up from the laundry room with news for Arthur and D.W., who were preparing for school.

"Carla called me last night," she announced. "She and Nigel are going to Costa Rica next week to meet her parents."

"That didn't take long," Arthur marveled.

"And Sue Ellen will be staying with us!"

D.W. cheered. "Yay! She's so cool!"

Arthur's reaction was one of indifference, with a hint of concern. "What is it?" his mother asked.

"Why isn't she going with them?"

"You'll have to ask her that yourself," said Mrs. Read.

She then answered a ring of the doorbell. The visitors turned out to be Nadine, the new girl in D.W.'s class, and her mother, Maria.

"Come in, Mrs. Harris. Hello, Nadine."

"Hi, Mrs. Read. D.W.!"

"Nadine! Let's play!"

Within a split second, two happy little girls were frolicking in D.W.'s room.

"Be back down in ten minutes," Mrs. Read called after them.

"You'll have to yell louder than that to get her to mind," said Mrs. Harris as she took a seat.

"So you're Nadine's mother," said Mrs. Read.

"When I have time to be."

"And her father?"

"No longer with us."

"Oh, I'm sorry!"

"No, he's not dead. But he doesn't pay child support, so he may as well be."

"Where do you work?"

"I'm a clerk at a jewelry store."

"Which one?"

"Stephanie's."

"Really?" Mrs. Read's face lit up. "That's where we got our wedding rings!"

"I haven't been there for long."

"If you're not offended by my saying this, I don't think I've ever met someone with a tail before."

"Oh, that thing?" Mrs. Harris wagged her tail. "Only the women in the family get them. We're a dying breed. It's not good for much, except swatting people who make rude comments about it."

"Then why not have it removed?"

"That was rude." She swatted Mrs. Read with her tail.

As D.W. and Nadine played with their troll dolls, Nadine excused herself to the bathroom. Once she had closed the door behind her, there was a flash of light nearby, and Pickles, an anthropomorphic Pomeranian wearing a pink dress, faded into view.

"Report, Nadine," said Pickles, who spoke with a little girl's voice.

"The plan is going smoothly, Pickles. The girl has adjusted to my presence. She suspects nothing."

"Excellent," said the Pomeranian.

"Are the troops assembled?" Nadine asked.

"Affirmative," Pickles gloated. "The invasion will proceed on schedule. Soon the real world will be in our power! Muwahaha..."

"Shh!" Nadine quieted her.

"Sorry," said Pickles, and she disappeared in another flash of light.


Shortly after school, several of the kids met at the Sugar Bowl. Among them were Van and Binky.

"Did you try getting hypnotized again?" Van asked his friend.

"No, I'm just gonna work this out myself," said Binky. "This hypnotism stuff creeps me out. I still see a swan in the mirror every now and then."

Elsewhere, Fern, Buster, and Muffy shared a table.

"Did your mom ground you, Fern?" asked Buster.

"Worse," Fern related. "She took away my computer privileges for a week."

"Oh, that's harsh."

"I'm sorry I got the two of you involved in this."

"It's okay," said Muffy. "I care about Mrs. Stiles too."

"I still don't understand why she wants to keep it a secret from everyone," Fern mused. "Lots of people get hooked on prescription drugs, and they're the kind of people who would never use illegal drugs."

"Maybe she's hiding something else," Buster suggested. "Like, a deep, dark secret."

"You're just paranoid," said Fern.

"Paranoid is the way to be. Haven't you heard of Baxter's Corollary to Murphy's Law? 'If you think they're out to get you, they are.'"

"Oh, brother."

"He does have a point," said Muffy. "What do we really know about Mrs. Stiles? She was in Hollywood. Who knows what she was mixed up with? And why haven't we met her husband?"

"Listen to yourself!" Fern scolded her. "This is just what she was afraid of. First we learn about her drug problem, then we start jumping to conclusions about what kind of person she is. As far as I'm concerned, she's just a good woman who made a bad choice."

At least I hope so, she thought.

TBC