(Author's note: Pal and Kate talk in this chapter. If you hate it when Pal and Kate talk, run away now!)
Sue Ellen came to stay with the Reads the very next day, as her nanny traveled to Costa Rica with Nigel Ratburn, her new boyfriend.
Baby Kate sat on the couch between Arthur and Sue Ellen, watching TV. Pal lay at their feet, gazing idly up at the screen. "We now return to Laura Cleft, Crypt Robber!" said the TV announcer.
In one of the darkest regions of Africa, crusading archaeologist Laura Cleft, a well-built cat woman clad in Indiana Jones-style archaeological gear, stood by the entrance to an underground tomb. Next to her stood a native guide dressed in tribal garb.
"I go no further," said the guide in halting English. "Legend say that terrible curse come on all who enter tomb of vampire king Nugupuku."
"Curse, schmurse," said Laura mockingly. "What are you afraid of? You're already a man."
Sue Ellen laughed. "I don't get it," said Arthur.
"Goo goo boo boo Africa baa baa," said Sue Ellen.
"Gurgle gurgle gaa gaa," said Arthur.
"I hate these stereotyped African characters," Pal remarked. "Don't you, Kate?"
"I don't know," said Kate. "I haven't been to Africa. The orange-haired girl uses the word Africa a lot. Maybe she's been there."
"It's good that the humans are starting to use words," said Pal. "Maybe someday we'll be able to understand them."
As Laura Cleft explored the underground crypt, a coffin opened in front of her. From it rose a vampire in a ragged robe. "I am king Nugupuku," it intoned in a deep bass voice. "I want to suck your blood."
"Suck this!" yelled Laura, delivering a powerful karate punch to the vampire's face. To her dismay, the creature wasn't even fazed by the blow.
"Kate, what do you call that thing humans do with their fists?" Pal asked.
"It's called hitting," Kate replied. "I think they do it to show how much they love each other."
Then Mrs. Read walked into the room. Lifting Kate into her arms, she said, "You shouldn't be watching such violent shows at your age."
Kate waved at Pal as her mother carried her into the kitchen. "Tell me how it ends," she urged the dog.
On the TV screen, Laura Cleft was executing acrobatic leaps and flips to escape the clutches of a horde of zombies. "I've decided I want to be an archaeologist when I grow up," said Sue Ellen.
"I'll bet it's not as cool as this show," said Arthur. "No vampires or zombies."
"True. It's mostly digging in the dirt for days without finding anything. But the occasional vampire or zombie makes it worthwhile."
Laura Cleft dangled from the top of a crumbling wall as zombies swarmed upon her from every direction. Suddenly the words 'To Be Continued' appeared on the screen.
"Not another cliffhanger," Sue Ellen grumbled. "This show is nothing but cliffhangers. Even the Christmas episode was a cliffhanger."
"It's gonna be a long week," said Arthur impatiently.
"I'm glad you like this show, Arthur," said Sue Ellen sweetly. "The other kids who've seen it think it's the dorkiest show in the universe."
"So what do you want to do now?" asked Arthur.
"Normally I would be getting ready for my yoga lesson. But I'm still officially grounded by Carla, and I think your mom intends to honor that."
"I guess I'll go and play with my new little sister." Walking to the base of the stairway, she called, "Hey, D.W., come down to my bedroom!"
"Coming!" D.W. shouted eagerly.
While the two girls enjoyed themselves, Arthur wandered into the kitchen to find his mother feeding Kate and his father laying hors-doeuvres on a tray.
"Hi, Mom," he said, sitting next to his mother. "I just watched the dorkiest show in the universe."
"If it's so dorky, then why did you watch it?" asked Mrs. Read.
"Because Sue Ellen likes it."
"You don't have to do everything that she likes."
"I know," said Arthur, "but with her parents and Carla gone, there's nobody around who likes the same things she likes."
The doorbell rang, and Arthur opens the door to find the heavily breathing Buster staring at him.
"Arthur! I ran over here as soon as Harry told me the news!"
"The news?" The implications flooded Arthur's brain. "You mean..."
Arthur's parents listened attentively.
"He got the job!"
"Awesome!" exclaimed Arthur.
"Buster, that's fantastic!" said Mrs. Read.
"That means you'll be moving to Chicago," Mr. Read noted.
"Can you believe it, Arthur? After all these years I'm saying goodbye to Elwood City."
"I'm gonna miss you," said Arthur to his rabbit pal. "Will you write me every week?"
"You know I will. I'll send postcards, too."
"I've got extra cream puffs if you're hungry," Mr. Read told Buster.
"I'm always hungry," said the boy as he began to scarf down one puff after another.
Mrs. Read shook her head. "You rabbit boys and your high metabolisms."
"Come on," Arthur urged Buster. "Let's tell D.W. and Sue Ellen."
Buster became nervous. "Sue Ellen's here?"
"Yeah, she's been here for an hour."
"Is she, uh, doing any weird stuff? Like spray-painting mirrors?"
"No, she's fine. She's already apologized three times for licking my glasses."
In the guest bedroom, D.W. and Sue Ellen were sitting on the floor in lotus positions, doing yoga exercises.
"Now breathe in..." Sue Ellen instructed.
D.W. took a long, slow breath.
"And breathe out..."
As D.W. exhaled, a knock came at the door.
"Come in," said Sue Ellen, and the two boys stepped inside. "Oh, hi, Buster. I've been meaning to apologize for..."
"Harry got the job!" Buster exulted. "We're going to Chicago!"
"Wonderful! That means you're leaving us!" Sue Ellen caught herself. "Wait, that didn't come out right."
"Where's Chicago?" asked D.W.
Buster noticed that Sue Ellen had decorated the guest bedroom with travel posters on the walls and various exotic knick-knacks on the desk. "I see you've made yourself at home." He picked up a small stone figure. "What's this thing?"
"It's a Zuni fetish. I picked it up in New Mexico. It's supposed to bring good luck."
"Does it work?"
"Well, since I got it, my diary burned and my parents went to Indonesia without me, so I'd have to say no. But it makes a nice paperweight."
"Where's Chicago?" D.W. asked again.
"How soon are you moving?" Sue Ellen asked Buster.
"A month after the wedding."
"That's not much time," Arthur remarked.
"Where's Chicago?" D.W. asked once more.
When Buster returned home after visiting Arthur, he found Bitzi and her fiance Harry on the couch, discussing their upcoming move.
"I'd prefer to live in the suburbs and take the train into the city," said Bitzi.
"Mom, Harry, I'm back," Buster greeted them.
"Hey, slugger," said Harry.
"I told Arthur, Sue Ellen, and Francine the news," Buster reported.
"Did Sue Ellen do anything to your ears?" asked his mother.
"No, she's okay now. She's gotten over the alien possession thing."
Buster's statement led Bitzi and Harry to exchange serious looks.
"Have a seat," said Harry. Which in Buster's ears sounded like, "Get ready for a long-winded lecture about a boring subject."
When he had seated himself, Harry began, "Now that we're about to move to another city, we need to consider a lot of things. One thing is, you don't know what kind of kids you'll meet at the schools there."
"They'll be a lot like the kids here, right?" said Buster hopefully.
"Maybe, maybe not."
"I understand what Harry's trying to say," Bitzi interjected. "Buster, do you remember when Sue Ellen moved in, and you thought she and her family were aliens?"
"Yeah, I remember."
"When we go to Chicago, you'll be a new kid at school, just like she was. Now imagine if you start talking to all the kids at your new school about space aliens. What will they think of you?"
"Uh, they'll think I'm an alien?"
"They may think you're weird."
"But my friends here don't think I'm weird," Buster pointed out.
"That's because they've known you for a long time," said Bitzi.
"When I was a kid," said Harry, "I liked reading science fiction books. But to me it was just entertainment. I never believed that aliens would come and visit me."
"You didn't?" said Buster with surprise.
"It's just not a possibility, Buster. It would take an alien spaceship millions of years to reach Earth, even if the aliens could find Earth in the first place."
"Whoa," said Buster.
Begin Buster fantasy sequence.
Through the depths of space hurtles a ship carrying two alien parents and their kids, a boy and a girl.
"Are we there yet?" asked the kids.
"No, not yet," said the father.
"Are we there yet?" the kids asked again.
"Not yet, kids," said the mother.
"I have to go," said the alien girl.
"The next rest stop's not for another fifty light years," said the father.
Some time passed, during which the alien kids grew about a foot in height.
"Are we there yet?" asked the kids.
"I'll tell you when we're close," said the mother.
"Are we there yet?" the kids asked again.
"D'oh!" grunted the father.
More time passed, and the alien kids became alien teenagers.
"Mom, look what I found floating in space," said the alien boy, holding a bumper sticker with the message 'I Love Earth'.
"Decontaminate it and put it with the others," said the mother.
End Buster fantasy sequence.
"Millions of years," Buster mused. "Is space really that big?"
"Space is huge," said Harry. "Have you heard of Einstein's Theory of Relativity?"
"Yeah," said Buster. "Alan tried to explain it to me once."
"According to Einstein, a spaceship can't go faster than the speed of light. And light can take millions of years to go from one planet to another. Not only that, but there are probably millions of planets with intelligent life, and billions more that don't have life. So you see, Buster, there's just no chance of aliens visiting Earth."
Buster turned to his mother. "What do you think?"
"Harry's right," said Bitzi.
When both his mother and his father-to-be agreed on something, Buster knew it had to be right. The universe rapidly shrank around the increasingly dejected rabbit boy.
When Arthur and Sue Ellen arrived together at Lakewood the following Monday, Francine and Muffy were the first to greet them. Francine's arm cast was gone, but her arm was still in a sling.
"Look at the happy couple," said Francine jokingly.
"Do I hear wedding bells?" said Muffy. "Do you need a planner?"
"It's just the ringing in your head, Muffy," quipped Arthur.
Congratulations on losing the cast," Sue Ellen said to Francine.
"Thanks," said Francine. "After about a week of physical therapy, I should be ready to play sports again."
After Arthur and Sue Ellen had walked off, Muffy started to joke with Francine. "Better get on the ball. Sue Ellen's stealing your boyfriend."
"My boyfriend?" Francine replied sharply. "I thought he was your boyfriend."
"Not even," said Muffy.
"I've never had feelings for Arthur," Francine insisted. To me, he's just one of the girls."
Buster walked by the two girls, his ears sagging from depression.
"Gosh, he looks blue," Muffy remarked.
"He must have skipped a meal or something," Francine surmised.
When Mr. Wald called the roll that morning, something happened which he didn't expect.
"Susan Ellen Armstrong."
"Here," Sue Ellen piped up.
"You?" said the teacher facetiously. "But you don't sound at all like me."
The kids chuckled as Sue Ellen tried to figure out what Mr. Wald had meant.
"Clark Philip Barnes."
"Here."
"Buster Cletis Baxter."
The glum-looking Buster raised one of his ears to signal his presence.
At the end of the period Mr. Wald assigned a piece of homework. "For Wednesday, I would like you all to write a two-page paper about the most embarrassing moment in your life. You'll then give your paper to another student, who will read it out loud to the entire class. Dismissed." As Sue Ellen rose from her desk, he said, "Miss Armstrong, can I talk to you for a minute?"
Arthur and Francine looked back toward the classroom as they left. "I wonder what he wants Sue Ellen for," said Francine.
"He probably just wants to get to know her," said Arthur.
"You're certainly getting to know her."
"Yeah, well, that's kinda hard to avoid when she's living in my house."
"Some of us are going to the movies tonight," Francine informed him. "It's 101 Chihuahuas. Do you want to come?"
"I'd love to, but I can't," Arthur replied. "Sue Ellen and I are going to the new World Art Museum."
Elsewhere, Buster was sharing his disappointment with Alan. "Am I the only kid in the whole school who believes in aliens?" he inquired.
"There are two others," said Alan, "but I'm making progress with them."
In art class, Arthur admired Sue Ellen's painting. "It's beautiful! What is it?"
"Sunset on the Serengeti," the girl replied.
In another corner of the art room, Buster was inspecting Alan's handiwork-an image of a muscular, toga-clad man in the act of pushing a boulder up the side of a mountain.
"Who's that supposed to be?" he asked.
"Sisyphus."
"Who?"
"Remember when Mrs. Stiles had us write a report on a Greek myth?" Alan reminded him. "I wrote about the myth of Sisyphus. This painting shows him pushing a boulder up the side of a mountain."
"What's so exciting about that?" asked Buster.
"Nothing," said Alan. "That's the point. Every time he got near the top of the mountain he lost control of the boulder, and it rolled back to the bottom. And he had to do it again and again, forever and ever, as a punishment from the gods."
"Sounds like homework," Buster remarked. "You do your homework and turn it in, and the next day you get more homework. The same thing, day after day after day. What do they do with the stuff?"
Alan shrugged.
Buster wandered over to Beat's easel, where the British girl is painting a picture similar to Alan's, only cruder and from a different angle.
"Hi, Buster," she greeted him. "This is a painting of..."
"Don't tell me," Buster stopped her. "It's the same Sissyface guy Alan's painting."
"Sisyphus, you silly goose. Alan and I both wrote reports on him. As they say, great minds think alike."
Then Buster went back to his own easel and stared gloomily at his own magnum opus, a series of concentric, multicolored circles.
He imagined himself in the middle of a barren desert, punctuated only by a series of steep hills. A fearsome-looking man wearing a cowboy hat towered over him. "What's your name, boy?" the man growled.
"Buster Retsub, Mr. Sir," said Buster nervously.
"Do you understand why you're here, Mr. Retsub?"
"No, Mr. Sir."
"You're here to build character." The man gestured toward one of the hills, at the base of which lay a large boulder. "We take a bad boy, make him push a boulder up a hill in the hot sun all day, and it turns him into a good boy. That's our philosophy here at Camp Sissyface."
At the Elwood cineplex, Francine, Muffy, Fern, Binky, Alan, and Van were enjoying the new movie 101 Chihuahuas. On the screen appeared the big-haired villainess Creepella D. Evil, clad in a wool coat instead of her usual furs, speaking to a crowd. To each side of her stood animal-rights activists holding signs with the slogan 'Fur is Dead'.
"I admit that I was once obsessed with furs," Creepella told the audience. "I worshipped furs. I had no idea of the pain I was causing to our animal equals. I had to learn the hard way, through years of incarceration. But now I have seen the light!"
"Do you think she's really changed this time?" Muffy whispered to Francine.
"Don't count on it," Francine whispered back.
Sure enough, in the very next scene, Creepella was doling out orders to her two bumbling henchmen, George and Lenny. "No Dalmatians this time. Or Shih Tzus. Or St. Bernards. I'm in a Mexican mood. Yo quiero chihuahuas!" George and Lenny gave her a blank stare. "I want chihuahuas, you imbeciles!"
"How many do you want, boss?" asked George.
"What's the title of this movie?" replied Creepella.
"Comin' right up, boss," said George. "C'mon, Lenny."
"Duh, tell me about the puppies, George," said Lenny.
"That was a pretty funny movie," said Binky as the end credits rolled and the kids exited the theater.
"Yeah," said Alan, "but I've seen it three or four times already, only with different dog breeds."
"Too bad Arthur couldn't see it with us," said Francine.
"I'm sure he's having a good time with his new girlfriend," said Muffy.
At that moment Arthur was playing the piano, and Sue Ellen the saxophone, in a lively jazz duet. Attracted by the rhythmic music, D.W. came to investigate.
"What are you playing, Arthur?" she asked.
"Jazz," Arthur answered.
"What's jazz?"
"If you have to ask, you'll never know."
Nearby, Pal was clutching his ears with his paws. "What is this cacophonous racket?" he complained.
"I think they call it music," said Kate, who sat on the floor next to the dog.
"'Crazy Bus' is music," said Pal with disgust. "This is not music!"
"Think about it," Buster said to his mother. "Somewhere in this big universe there are aliens who have the answers to all our questions. The solutions to all our problems. Maybe even the secret to immortality. But they don't know we exist, and they'll never find us. At least not in my lifetime."
"If you want to know what I think," said Bitzi, "the aliens are probably just as lost and messed up as we are."
Buster's face fell. "Oh, man. What if they are?"
"For all we know, we could be the most advanced race in the universe," Bitzi suggested.
"So maybe the aliens don't have the answers," Buster pondered. "Maybe there are no answers. Maybe we're here for no other reason but to eat, sleep, do homework, eat, grow old, die, and eat."
Bitzi nodded. "Maybe so."
At Beat's apartment, Mrs. Simon was writing another novel on the computer when Francine, Muffy, and Fern arrived to pay Beat a visit. The British girl was wearing her reading glasses when she opened the door for the girls to enter.
"Hi, Beat," said Fern. "You wear glasses?"
"Just to read," said Beat. "How was the movie?"
"Pretty good," said Muffy. "Too bad you missed it."
"I lost interest in the franchise after the first three sequels," Beat admitted.
"We've got fresh crumpets, girls," said Mrs. Simon. "Help yourselves. Francine, how's that fantasy story coming along?"
"I'm still working on it. You know how long it takes me to write with my left hand."
"You're writing a fantasy story?" Muffy marveled.
"Yeah," said Francine. "I figure if I don't get an athletic scholarship, maybe I can write fantasy books."
"Get the athletic scholarship," Mrs. Simon recommended.
After helping themselves to crumpets, the girls retired to Beat's bedroom. The room was decorated with posters featuring sites in England and famous soccer players. Numerous books graced the shelves, everything from Henry Skreever to Machiavelli. On Beat's desk sat a computer.
"For our first order of business," said Muffy, "we need to start planning Buster's going-away party."
"Isn't it a little early?" Fern remarked. "He's not moving for another six weeks."
"Yeah, but the Red Room at the Elwood Mairzydoats Hotel has to be booked a month in advance."
"I'd prefer something simpler," said Francine.
"Econo Lodge doesn't have convention rooms," Muffy reminded her.
"He looked so sad today," said Beat. "I suggest we do something right away to cheer him up."
"Why don't you buy him something?" Fern asked Muffy. "That always works."
"I'll bet he would love chocolates," Muffy mused.
"Where's Sue Ellen tonight?" Beat wondered.
"In case you haven't noticed," said Francine, "she and Arthur have become Siamese twins."
"And in case you haven't noticed," Muffy added, "Francine's jealous."
"I am not!" Francine retorted.
"You sure sound jealous," said Fern.
"Okay, maybe I'm a little jealous. But it's not because I'm in love with him or anything."
"Sure, Francine," said Muffy mockingly. "We believe you."
"He's been glued to her all weekend!" Francine complained. "Whenever I want to do something with him, it's always, 'I'm going to the art museum with Sue Ellen', or 'I'm going to the Afghan restaurant with Sue Ellen', or 'I'm going to the international cinema with Sue Ellen'."
"I can't blame him," said Beat. "Sue Ellen is, as you Americans say, a cool person."
"And I'm not."
"I'm not saying that."
"I know," said Francine darkly. "I'm saying it. Let's face it. Sue Ellen's the daughter of an international diplomat, and I'm the daughter of a garbage man. She's been all over the world, and I haven't even been out of the state. How am I supposed to compete with that?"
"What you need is a new image," said Muffy.
"Huh?"
"You're right. Boys are attracted to the exotic, the mysterious, the unknown."
"The 'unknown' part is easy."
"I'll tell you what we'll do," said Muffy. "There's a great clothing store in Crown City that sells fashions from all over the world."
"Uh, Muffy," said Francine, "I'm talking about competing with Sue Ellen, not with her mom."
"How about learning a new language?" Muffy suggested.
"Which one?"
"French, of course. It's the language of romance."
"I don't need a language of romance," said Francine sharply. "I just need a language of getting my friend back."
After returning home from school the next day, Francine sat on the couch in her apartment, as her cat Nemo purred in her lap. Again and again she thought of ways to discuss with Arthur her discomfort over losing him to Sue Ellen, but again and again she dismissed them.
"'Arthur, some of your friends are jealous of all the time you're spending with Sue Ellen.' No, not specific enough. 'Arthur, I thought we had an unspoken agreement that I was the girl you did things with.' No, too legal. 'It's either her or me. You can't have us both.' No, too blunt."
To her surprise, Arthur suddenly appeared unbidden in the doorway to the apartment, holding Pal on a leash. "Oh, hi, Arthur," she said uneasily. "Come in."
"I was walking Pal, and I thought I'd drop by," said the aardvark boy.
At the sight of Pal, Nemo hopped out of Francine's lap and started rubbing against him affectionately.
Understandably, this made Pal suspicious. "You're being friendly, Nemo. What are you up to?"
"I'm not up to anything," said the cat. "I just think it's about time we put our differences behind us."
The gibberish-speaking Arthur reached down and released Pal from his leash. "Now that you're a free dog again," said Nemo, "I have something I'm sure you'll love to see."
"Not another hairball," said Pal in disgust.
"I haven't had any hairballs since I started taking that horrible-tasting medicine. Now follow me."
"This had better be worth my time," said Pal as he followed Nemo into the kitchen
The cramped space behind the refrigerator shouldn't have been large enough for both of them, but when Pal squeezed into it, he suddenly found himself and Nemo in what appears to be a secret corridor.
"Where are we?" asked Pal.
"The girl knows nothing about this place," said Nemo with pride.
Pal was overwhelmed by curiosity, which, as far as he knew, was only fatal to cats. Following Nemo through the secret corridor, he was led into a large room full of scientific equipment. In the center of the room stood a device, attached to a swivel base, that resembled a futuristic laser weapon. The sight was more than he could believe.
"Technology?" Pal marveled. "But...but how? You're a cat!"
"I am no ordinary cat," said Nemo haughtily. "I have powers and abilities beyond those of normal felines."
"That device looks like some sort of weapon," Pal remarked.
"That's what it is," said Nemo as he rubbed his neck against the base of the device. "A weapon of peace. You see, I have known for a long time that war between my species and your species is inevitable. Being a cat of peace, I wish for the conflict to be settled in the least violent manner possible. On the other hand, being a cat, I also wish to ensure victory for my side."
"You're losing me," said Pal.
"Let me put it this way," Nemo went on. "When I said I wanted to put our differences behind us, I meant that quite literally."
While Pal puzzled over the meaning of those words, Nemo emitted magnetic rays from his eyes, which enveloped the weapon and cause it to turn around—until its muzzle was pointed directly at Pal.
"What are you doing, Nemo?" Pal demanded.
"Do not call me by that name," the cat commanded. "For I am...MAGNEMO!"
Before Pal could open his mouth again, the weapon activated, discharging an energy beam that struck him between the eyes. A weird sensation overpowered him, followed swiftly by unconsciousness.
As Nemo watched with satisfaction, the dog began to change shape.
"Welcome to the future...brother!"
Unaware of what was transpiring in Nemo's lab, Arthur and Francine continued their conversation. "Sure, I'd love to play the drums in your quartet," said Francine. "My arm should be fully functional again in a few days."
"I'm also trying to bring Alan on board," said Arthur. "He plays the bass. And Fern said she'd love to sing with us. And Muffy..."
"...smelled a sure thing and asked to be your manager," Francine completed his sentence.
"Yeah."
"I think it's a great idea," said Francine. "Maybe it'll go farther than U Stink."
"We can always hope."
Francine adopted a serious tone. "Arthur, I've got a question for you, and I want an honest answer."
"Go ahead."
"Do you think Sue Ellen is more interesting than me?"
Arthur didn't know what to say, as he had never actually compared the two girls in his mind.
"Well?"
"Uh, in some ways she is, and in some ways she isn't."
"You've been doing everything with her lately," Francine complained. "I know she's staying at your house, but still..."
"Oh, I understand. I'm not doing enough things with you, am I?"
"Why is that?" Francine asked earnestly.
"Well, you see, Sue Ellen is basically an orphan this week. Her parents are gone, her nanny's gone..."
"So?"
"So I thought she could use a friend who would do the same things she does. For a week, anyway."
"Do you like doing the same things she does?"
"Some of the stuff she does is okay."
Francine peered at him, as if wondering if she should ask for a more detailed answer.
"It's only for a week," Arthur explained. "Then things will be back to normal." Believing he had placated Francine, he looked around the apartment. "Where's Pal?"
"He's probably out chasing Nemo," said Francine.
Arthur ventured into the hallway outside of Francine's apartment, but he didn't see Pal. However, to his dismay, he saw Pal's collar. Puzzled, he picked it up and scrutinized it.
"Pal! Come here, boy!" he called out. Nothing happened.
"I didn't hear him leave," said Francine as she walked up to him. "He's probably still inside." At her feet, Nemo sat on his haunches with a sinister grin on his face.
"Then what's his collar doing out here?" Arthur wondered.
"Maybe Creepella D. Evil got him," Francine joked.
"No, then there would be Creepella hairs all over the carpet."
"Let's go check under the beds," suggested Francine, and she and Arthur returned to the apartment.
But they searched in vain, because Pal was nowhere near the apartment building. He was, at that moment, racing down the sidewalk in front of the Molina house, terrified beyond all reason.
The Molinas' dog saw him pass by and rushed toward him. "Amigo!" exclaimed Pal. "Am I glad to see you!"
But Amigo's reception was anything but friendly. Barking and snapping, he charged at Pal, who barely managed to leap out of his way. "Amigo, it's me, Pal!" he cried out, but the neighbor dog turned around and rushed at him again.
Sensing he was in mortal danger, Pal bounded away. He knew that his only safety was in the environs of his own house, but his instincts betrayed him, and he impulsively hurried toward the nearest tree...
...and effortlessly scaled it.
For Pal was now a cat.
As Amigo barked uselessly at him, Pal crept over the limbs of the tree until he managed to cross over the fence separating the Reads and the Molinas. Remembering something about cats always landing on their feet, he bravely jumped to the ground. A fall that might have killed him as a dog only caused him mild strain as a cat.
"I must find Kate," he told himself. "It's my only hope."
Through the dog door he ran, up the stairway and into the room shared by D.W. and Kate. Finding the baby asleep in the crib, Pal pressed his front paws against the netting and called to her. "Kate! Wake up!"
Kate slowly opened her eyes. "Wha...? Pal?" she said groggily.
However, the creature facing her through the mesh didn't look like Pal at all.
"You're not Pal!" Kate cried in terror. "WAAAAAH!"
"Stop crying!" Pal pleaded. "Listen to me! Nemo has a weapon that turns dogs into cats! I think he intends to unleash it on the world!"
Kate's wailing turned into a whimpering, then she fell silent.
"It's your voice, but it's not you," she marveled. "How did this happen?"
A flushing sound was heard from the bathroom.
"There's no time!" shouted Pal. "Kate, you must get help! Nemo is dangerous and evil!"
Before he had a chance to elaborate further, Mrs. Read stepped into the room. Seeing a strange cat near her baby's crib, she lurched forward and grabbed Pal around the waist. "Bad kitty!" she scolded. "Leave my baby alone!"
"Meeoooowwrr!" shrieked Pal. He couldn't believe the sound had come from his own mouth.
As Mrs. Read started to carry the strange cat away from Kate, both he and the baby realized one fateful truth. Pal wasn't wearing a collar. He would be taken to the pound...
The next morning, Buster remained in bed longer than he should have. "You'd better get ready for school," his mother admonished him.
"I don't want to go to school," Buster moaned.
"You have to go to school, honey," Bitzi reminded him.
"Why?" the boy grumbled. "What's the point? It's just the same old homework, day after day after day."
"Yes, but if your grades are high enough, you can go to a good college."
"But that's just more homework."
"And after college, you can have a rewarding career. Like mine."
"Big deal."
"You're only nine years old," said Bitzi earnestly. "You're much too young for a mid-life crisis."
"A what?"
"Some people, as they get older, start to question whether their lives have any purpose."
"Like I'm doing now."
"Yes. And it's often the result of some terrible disappointment. In your case, it's because of the things Harry and I told you about aliens."
"So you think I'm having one of these mid-life things."
"It happens to a lot of people. It hasn't happened to me yet. I'm still young and attractive. Now would you please get out of bed and get ready for school?"
"I don't know..."
"Would you rather lie in bed and do nothing all day?"
"Uh, yes."
"Do you want to do nothing all day tomorrow?"
"I think so."
"Do you want to do nothing for the rest of your life?"
Buster rolled over and looked at his mother. "Hmm, I hadn't thought that far ahead."
"You mentioned that Greek fellow who had to push a rock up and down a hill. At least he had something to do. He could have sat at the bottom of the hill and done nothing, but he would have been bored."
"Doing nothing is easier than pushing a rock," Buster pointed out.
"I'll tell you what you can do," said Bitzi. "After school, you can help Arthur look for his dog."
Buster sat up abruptly. "Arthur lost his dog?"
"Yes, he's been missing since yesterday."
His spirits renewed, Buster climbed out of bed. "I can't let Arthur down," he said with determination. "Sissyface is back in the game."
After school, Arthur and Buster went to various locations in the neighborhood, including the library, the grocery store, and the Sugar Bowl, putting up lost dog posters with pictures of Pal on them. While they were out, Sue Ellen sat on the bed in the Read guest bedroom, writing in her journal.
"Dear Diary. Arthur's dog is still lost. Buster didn't look sad today. In school we all shared our most embarrassing moments. My most embarrassing moment would be if Arthur found out how I really feel about him."
While she wrote, D.W. walked into the guest bedroom. Upon seeing her, Sue Ellen closed her diary, leaving the pen inside to mark the current page.
"Can I look at your postcards now?" D.W. requested.
"Sure," Sue Ellen answered.
Leaving her diary on the bed, she went to the desk and started to sort through several stacks of postcards. While her back was turned, D.W. sneaked over to the bed and opened the diary to the page where Sue Ellen had been writing.
Having made a stack of postcards for D.W. to view, Sue Ellen turned around...and gasped. "Don't read that!" she cried, lunging at the diary and closing it. The postcards fell from her hand and scattered on the floor.
Her heart was still pounding as she clutched the book to her chest. "What did you see?" she demanded to know.
"I can't read," said D.W. incredulously. "Yeesh! Don't have kittens."
Sue Ellen breathed a sigh of relief and started gathering up the fallen postcards. Then Mrs. Read's voice was heard.
"D.W.! Nadine's here!"
"Nadine! Nadine!" exclaimed D.W., scurrying out of the guest bedroom.
Moments later, D.W. was in her room playing with Nadine Harris. "I've got a secret," she said gleefully.
"What is it?" asked Nadine. "Will you tell me?"
"Not yet. I'm gonna tell Arthur first."
"I have a secret too."
"Can I hear it?"
"I don't think you can keep it."
"Yes, I can."
"But you just said you were gonna tell Arthur your secret."
"That's because it's a secret about Arthur."
Nadine thought for a second, then giggled.
"I gotta go to the bathroom," said D.W.
While Nadine was alone in the room, her imaginary friend Pickles the Pomeranian friend appeared in a puff of light.
"You've established quite a rapport with the girl," said the little pom.
"What's a rapport?" asked Nadine. "Why do you know so many words that I don't know?"
"I have secrets too," said Pickles sinisterly.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Yes, but I don't have to answer."
"What will happen to D.W. and my mom when your people take over the world?"
Pickes' expression darkened. "That all depends on how well you do your job."
Needless to say, her answer didn't satisfy Nadine.
"I have a secret for you," said Pickles. "You must guard it with your life."
"I'm listening."
"The invasion will take place on the day you call Halloween."
"I won't tell anybody," Nadine promised.
"At last we will reveal ourselves to the real people," Pickles gloated. "At last we will have our revenge!" With that, she twinkled away.
Before long, Arthur and Buster returned after having searched the neighborhood in vain for Pal. While Buster wandered off to watch TV, D.W. motioned for Arthur to follow him. He did so, and she led him down the stairs into the laundry room.
"What do you want?"
"I've got a secret, I've got a secret..." said D.W. mockingly.
"Is it a good one?"
"Someone's in love with you."
Arthur shuddered. "Maybe it's better if I don't know."
"Too late," said D.W. "It's Sue Ellen."
"What?" Arthur exclaimed in surprise.
"I saw it in her diary," said D.W.
"But you can't read."
"I can read some things. Like 'Arthur' and 'I love you'."
"She let you look in her diary?" Arthur marveled.
"Not really," D.W. admitted. "I looked in it when she had her back turned. She wrote 'Arthur, I love you' all over the place." She pointed into the air. "Here, and here, and here..."
"You're making this up."
"Would I lie to you about something like this? Yeesh! I'm your sister. Your own flesh and blood."
Worry crept into Arthur's expression.
"Don't go spreading this around," he cautioned his sister. "This is between you and me."
"Sprout's honor," said D.W.
Later that evening, Arthur and Sue Ellen played a game of go in the guest bedroom. "You're getting good at this game," Sue Ellen complemented the boy.
"Thanks," said Arthur.
"I've been thinking," said Sue Ellen wistfully. "Maybe I was wrong to want to go to Indonesia."
"It sounds like an exciting place."
"Sure, but Elwood City's nice too. And I have so many great friends here."
"Friends are good," said Arthur glibly.
"And I'll bet the boys in Indonesia aren't as nice as you."
Arthur's eyes widened with shock.
"Are you okay?"
"Omigosh," thought Arthur. "What if D.W. was telling the truth? What if I've beentoo nice to Sue Ellen?"
"I'm fine," Arthur lied.
"It's your move," said Sue Ellen.
As Arthur reached for a stone, he heard a bolt of thunder in the distance. "Sounds like a storm's coming," he remarked.
He went to bed immediately after losing the game to Sue Ellen. A powerful storm brewed outside, and the thunder and lightning made him restless.
As he tossed and turned, the frightened voice of a little girl called to him from the doorway. "I'm scared, Arthur. Can I get in bed with you?"
"Sure, go ahead," said the boy without thinking twice.
He lay still as the little girl pushed aside the quilt and rested her body on the mattress. Then he felt curly hair pressing against his cheek. He looked to his side.
It wasn't D.W. It was Sue Ellen!
"AAAAAARGH!"
Arthur bolted upright. Checking the other half of his bed, he found to his relief that no one was there. It had been a dream.
"It's gonna be a long night," he thought.
The next school day was not an easy one for Arthur. He had never before tried to read anything into Sue Ellen's warmness toward him, but with D.W.'s secret ringing in his mind, he now interpreted everything she did as evidence that she had feelings for him.
After school, Arthur, D.W., and Sue Ellen idly watched TV from the couch. Mrs. Read came before them and said, "Kids, I'm going shopping. If you want to come along, we can stop at the bakery on the way."
"Cool!" exclaimed D.W.
"I'd love to come," said Sue Ellen.
"What about you, Arthur?" asked Mrs. Read.
"I think I'll stay home this time," the boy replied.
Sue Ellen looked at Arthur with a hint of disappointment in her face.
"We're leaving in a few minutes," Mrs. Read announced.
"How long do you expect you'll be gone?" Arthur asked.
"Half an hour to an hour, I expect."
"Good. Uh, I mean, that's good, because I can help Dad while you're gone."
Arthur stood in the doorway, waving goodbye, as Mrs. Read, D.W., and Sue Ellen bundled into the family car. He watched until the car disappeared over the horizon.
Then he walked slowly toward the guest bedroom, whistling nonchalantly. Through the rear window he could see his father working in the back yard.
He opened the door to the guest bedroom and entered. Looking around a bit, he saw Sue Ellen's diary sitting on the bookshelf. He pulled it out and held it in his hands. The front cover bore the warning: PROPERTY OF SUE ELLEN. PRIVATE. DO NOT OPEN. FAVOR NO ABRIR.
He looked around again, then closed the guest bedroom door. He sat down on the bed, still holding the diary in front of him.
"It's now or never," he thought.
In a wire cage at the Elwood Animal Shelter lay Pal, formerly a dog, now a cat.
The cages surrounding him were filled with cats of all varieties. In one corner of his cage lie bowls of water and cat food. As he pined for the company of the Reads, the tabby in the cage next to him tried to strike up a conversation.
"What'd they get you for?" asked the tabby.
"You don't understand," said Pal hopelessly. "I'm not supposed to be here. I'm not even supposed to be a cat."
"Yeah, yeah. Cry me a river."
Pal rolled onto his other side, and moaned despondently. "They'll never find me."
(Author's note: Some cliffhanger, eh?)
