Disclaimer: CSI isn't mine. The song isn't mine either!
Spoilers: doubt it
A/N: the song I used here is titled 'A girl can dream' sang by Nina. I hope you'd enjoy this!!
Chapter six: A girl can dream
When I was a childThe story would say
somebody would sweep you
Off your feet someday
that's what I hoped
Would happen with you
more than you could know
She remembered when she was just a little girl, when she used to read about Snow White and Cinderella, when she has hoped to meet her prince charming. She met Gil, then she got married with Eddie, she thought of him as his prince charming but all those years of marriage Grissom has been her knight and shining armor from Eddie.
After a marriage that could serve as a nightmare enough to last for a lifetime, she stopped hoping for prince charming to come and after a few more heart breaks she has totally stopped believing on such things. But that's not until she realized her feelings for Gil. After that realization, and just before Grissom told her about Wendy, she did not just believe on prince charming, she even started believing on happily-ever-after again. But that's it, it's hard enough to not let him know, it's even harder to watch him fall with some one else ... to watch him fall for some one else knowing that he thinks she supports it Grissom may think of it as a good thing or he might not even pay attention to what she said but either ways it wouldn't change the fact that what she told him back there was a complete lie.
She loves him, that's the truth, she knows it he doesn't.
It's hard, it hurts it's true ... she knows it and she blames herself.
My heart's in your hands
I prayed for the day
when I would get the chance
Just when I worked up The courage to try
much to my surprise
"Was that Catherine?" asked Sara
"Uh. Yea. I think" Nick replied mirroring the same disbelief and confusion in Sara's voice.
"I think we should check out what's wrong?" Sara suggested.
"I'll go in. She wouldn't open up with all of us in there" Warrick offered
"Okay, we'll head to the break room" said Nick as he and Sara took off.
Warrick entered at the locker room, he placed his arms around Catherine, and asked, "What happened?"
"Three days ago I was going to tell him "
"And..."
"I chickened so I didn't"
"Then what happened"
"Remember the last case we had?"
"Mm Hmm"
"Well after you asked for the leave, we headed to go breakfast. We called for each other's attention at the same time, so I insisted for him to go first"
"What did he say?"
"He's seeing someone"
"And you didn't tell him how you feel?"
"How could I? I even encouraged him to pursue it!"
"Didn't he ask what was it you wanted to say?"
"No"
"And you didn't bring it up?"
"I'm glad he didn't remember, and even if he did, I would have lied again"
"Again?"
"I encouraged him remember? But it was all a lie, it hurts so much and it's a lie."
Catherine covered her face with her hands.
"It's not a sin to cry Cath"
"I don't have any tears left Warr."
Warrick sighed, he wanted to help Catherine but he doesn't know how.
"Warrick. Thanks." She said as she flashed Warrick a light smile
"For what? I can't even do anything to help you"
"You lend me your ears. That's all I need." She said, not sure was it possible but tears started to form in her eyes again. Sara knocked and peeped her head, "Is everything okay?" she asked.
When Sara glanced and saw the tears starting to fall from Catherine's eyes, she entered the room and sat at the other side of Catherine. Catherine felt the tears and quickly wiped them off.
Sara got Catherine's hands and placed it down to stop her from wiping her tears away. Sara bent her head to Catherine's shoulder; Catherine rested her head to Sara's; Warrick patted Catherine's back; Nick walked in, he saw this so he went over and offered a hug to the two women.
"So why are we all sentimental here again?" Nick asked
The three of them chuckled. "Cath – "Sara started, but Catherine cut her off, "Sara, I just don't want to talk about it anymore." Sara nodded.
"Thanks guys. For being here."
"We're always here to bug you Cath" said Nick.
The four of them got out of the locker room and headed to the break room.You had somebody else
Cuz these feelings I keep to myselfAs they walk Catherine remained quiet. 'If I have told him how I felt instead of avoiding him or chickening out, would things be different?' she asked herself. 'If I didn't keep it to myself, would he be mine?'
"Hey Greg!" Warrick greeted as they entered the break room.
"I thought you guys left already. Where have you been?" Grissom asked as soon as the four arrived and Catherine broke from her reverie.
Catherine sat down looking at the other way she sighed and thought, 'I don't want to think about this anymore.'
"Uh - - "Warrick didn't know what to say.
"We were at the locker room" Warrick finally managed to say.
"All of you were from the locker room?" he asked with suspicion in his voice
"We were uh – "Sara thought of the right word
"Bonding." Nick stated.
"The four of you who has been working for years decided to go 'bonding' in locker room?" he asked unconvinced, with a smirk.
"It's a really cool bonding place Grissom, you should try it some time." said Catherine facing Grissom for the first time.
Nick, Warrick and Sara laughed and reluctantly stopped themselves after receiving a glare from Grissom. All three were really glad to see Catherine joking around now thinking of how gloomy she looked earlier, and of course amongst all three of them Warrick was the one who is smirking inside, he was the only one who knew that Grissom the man she just out witted was the same man she was crying about earlier.
Catherine stood up and got coffee then she faced the three younger CSI's.
"And because you three are such great bonding buddies, I'm gonna treat you guys to breakfast, so what do you say?"
"I love bonding times!" Warrick exclaimed
"Me too! Not only you get a free hug, you get a free breakfast too!" Nick commented.
Sara rolled her eyes at Nick's comment.
"Gris. Wanna come?" Catherine invited.
"Why not."
'We may not be lovers but at least we're friends. That's good enough for me' - Both Grissom and Catherine thought.
"Can I come too??" Greg asked
"The more the merrier." Said Catherine
I may never get to kiss you goodnight
I may never get to look deep in your eyes
Or so it seemsAs they began eating their breakfast Catherine remained silent as she secretly watched Grissom from the corner of her eye, while everyone else watched Greg eat and have an animated story telling at the same time.
Greg started choking but thankfully water was just beside him. As soon as he has gulped enough water he took deep breaths and every one was thrown into fits of laughter, Catherine on the other hand was smiling, no not because of the same reason as the four other people in the table. She was smiling not because of Greg, but because of Grissom.
She watched as he laughed with the three other members of the team.
She looked into his eyes thinking, she could never look deep in it and see it mirror the feelings she has for him.
She stared at his lips for a second and realized she that may never feel it touch hers.
She then glanced to his arms accepting the fact that she'll never feel it wrapped around her.
She listened to his voice, then she closed her eyes to the fact that she would never hear that voice whisper sweet nottings to her ears.
She opened her eyes again and sighed as this facts down on her.
It hurts but it's true.I always will be wishing you were mine
I think about what could be all the time
All the happiness that I could find A girl can dream
Though she knows very well that all this are true, though she is trying her very best to accept it, she just can't stop herself from ....
Imagining how warm his touch is.
Dreaming of how she'll show her love to him, and his to her.
Wishing, that there will be a time that this fantasy of hers may come to life.
She just can't stop herself, she knows she has too, but she can't and she wouldn't.
Her reason. 'A girl can dream'
As long as she can be able to distinguish what's real and what isn't, she believes that it wouldn't matter in any way. As long as she doesn't hurt any one, any one but herself.
Every time she sees reality, it hurts.
Every time she opens her eyes, it hurts.
Every time she wakes up, it hurts.
But at least, every once in a while, she could think of him as hers ... even if it's just all in her mind.
"Cath, you okay?" Grissom asked noticing her silence.
"Of course I am." She said with a smile. She could see the worried look in Sara, Nick and Warrick's eyes. She can see the curious look in Greg's eyes. At first she tried to plaster a folly smile but when she saw concern in Grissom's eyes, her smile transits from a forced one to a genuine smile.
"I'm good. Just tired." She said.From the moment I wake up
'Til I fall asleep
I imagine you not with her but with me
Talkin' and laughin'
Sharin' our dreams
It's just a fantasyCatherine crawled up to her bed. She closed her eyes and drifted to sleep.
They were walking down the parking lot. He opened the door of the SUV for her. She sat up and buckled herself as she watched him made his way to the driver's seat. She was seated quietly and relaxed when she noticed that the way he was going isn't the way to her place nor to his. He noticed her questioning look, she gave him a confused look which he didn't bother giving an answer.
"Gil."
He remained silent.
"Where are we going?"
"You'll see"
RRIIIIIIIINNNGGG!!! RRIIIINNGG!!! The ringing of her phone awakened Catherine. She got up to answer the phone and when she was about to reach for it the ringing has stopped. She lifted it and no one's in the other line. She wondered why her answering machine didn't work, she checked it and saw that it's out of battery. She silently cursed herself for not buying batteries, and then cursed who ever it was who was calling. She headed back to bed, she lay down and closed her eyes as she murmured, "Now where was I?"
They are seated at the green grass of the park. They were seating there looking up at the stars that glow up in the sky. His arms were around her, while a blanket wrapped the two of them. Her head was lying comfortably at his chest.
"What are your dreams?" she asked
"Hmm?"
"Your dreams, hopes."
"I've got all I need and all I want"
"You have?"
"Yep."
"All of it?"
"I'm hugging it right now" he said as he tightens his embrace to her.
She smiled. And know it's his turn to ask.
"What about you? Mind if you tell me yours?"
"It's hugging me right now"
"Why... aren't you the lucky one?" he teased.
He looked at her and planted feather kisses on her face.
"When was the last time anybody told you how beautiful you are?" he asked
"You, I believe. Just did a few minutes ago"
"Have I told you that I admire you?"
"Mm Hmm."
"Have I told you that I love you?"
She nodded, the smile never leaving her face.
"Have I told you, you mean everything to me?" he asked again
This time she looked at him, he met her gaze.
"And you mean everything to me" she said, as he leaned and their lips met and locked into a passionate kiss.
She opened her eyes with a smile on her face.Cuz you had somebody else
Cuz these feelings I keep to myselfShe glanced at her clock and stood up. She soaked herself in the tub as her mind started drifting off to the dream she just had.
Thoughts about the dream made her smile.
She closed her eyes, and some where along the line of thinking of the dream she got lost.
Now she's thinking on WHAT IF'S.
What if I have realized it sooner?
What if I have never have doubted?
What if I never even tried to ignore it in the first place?!
What if I have told him instead of avoided him?
What if I didn't encourage him?
What if I told him how I felt when we were at his office?
What if I didn't chicken out?
What if I didn't insist on him saying what he wants to say first when we were having breakfast?
What if ....
What if I stop this now and take the risk?
At this last what if, Catherine stood up from the tub. She rummaged at her closet to find a perfect outfit. She carefully applied her make-up and made her way to her car.
She got out of her car, she took a deep breath before starting to walk.
"If you want him to be yours you have to do something" she told herself.
She walked her way to the door and rang the bell, the door swung open ...
"Gil, we have to talk!"A girl can dream it's true
And to call you my own
Is the sweetest dream of all=TBC=
