Part 6

"Angel, man, what are you doing here?" Gunn asked as he took a seat on the locker room bench.

Angel finished pulling several items out of his locker before turning to face his friend. He blinked his bleary eyes, trying to focus on Gunn. "Just picking up some stuff," he answered, his voice clearly showing his exhaustion.

After Buffy had fallen asleep, he'd stayed by her bedside for over an hour, just watching the steady rise and fall of her chest. He could still remember the veiled hostility in her final words to him that night. She had such animosity towards him, and he couldn't blame her for it. He'd given her every reason to hate him. It still hurt, though, but it hurt more to know that he'd brought her such pain.

"You look like you need some sleep," Gunn pointed out after he finished tying his shoes. Standing, he pulled on his uniform shirt, waiting for Angel to speak. "You all right?"

Rubbing a hand over his face, Angel sighed. "Yeah, it's just been a long two weeks."

"Yeah," agreed Gunn. He hadn't known Oz that well, but they'd been casual friends. Gunn had always thought he seemed like a cool enough guy. "How's Buffy?"

"She's...she's okay, I guess," Angel said with a shrug. "Giles thinks she'll be okay, and the shrink said it would just take some time for her to come to grips with everything."

"Right." Gunn nodded and gathered up the rest of his stuff. "Oh, before I forget, Chief's been looking for you."

"Great, thanks," groaned Angel as he stood and followed Gunn out of the locker room.

Angel walked down the hall, coming to a stop in front of a glass paned door with the words 'Wesley Wyndham-Pryce – Chief of Police' painted in the center. He knocked lightly, silently hoping the Chief had gone home for the night. To his dismay, a curt 'come in' soon followed. Turning the knob, Angel walked into the room.

"Hey, Wes. You wanted to see me?" he asked, facing his boss.

Wesley set down the file he had been reading and studied Angel for a moment. "Yes. Please, have a seat." He waited until Angel was sitting in the chair before continuing. "I understand you have requested some time off."

"Yes," Angel replied bluntly. "I have some personal matters to take care of."

"And this 'personal matter' would be Buffy Summers, would it not?" pressed Wesley, seeing Angel's hands tighten on the arms of the chair as he said Buffy's name.

"That's none of your business," Angel stated firmly, his mind flashing back to a conversation in this same office almost three years earlier.

"Angel," Wesley said with a sigh. "I understand your apprehension in discussing this with me, but I am granting your request for time off. You haven't used any of your vacation time in the past three years so I'm giving you a month, no more, to take care of your personal matters."

"You are?" Angel asked, bewildered that Wes had given in so easily.

"Don't act so surprised. I'm not the ogre many perceive me to be," Wesley defended himself.

"I know, but I also know how you feel about this...issue," Angel clarified his shock.

"That was a long time ago, Angel. Things are clearly quite different now. And I know you know what I mean," Wes said pointedly.

Angel nodded, but said nothing. He'd had three years to reflect on what had happened between himself and Buffy; the right, the wrong, the good, the bad. All of it. Would he change anything if he could? Probably. Would the outcome be any different? Not likely. No matter how he did it, he would have broken her heart. So regretting his actions did no good.

Wesley stood and walked around his desk. He leaned against the edge and gazed sympathetically at Angel. "I'm sure she'll be fine, Angel. She's been through a lot, but she's strong."

"I know," agreed Angel, giving Wes a weak smile.

"Xander hasn't asked for it, but I've given him two weeks also. She's going to need the support of both of you, and I'm sure neither of you have your minds on work right now," Wesley explained, wondering when he'd become such a softie.

"Thanks, I'll let Xander know when I go back to the hospital," Angel replied gratefully. He knew that Xander would appreciate the time off.

"Good. I suppose I should let you get back to the hospital in case Buffy needs you," Wes said with a friendly nod of his head.

Angel stood, mumbling to himself, "I doubt she has any need for me."

"Give her time," Wesley said, offering his advice even though it wasn't asked for. "And Angel, if there is anything I can do, please do not hesitate to ask."

"Thanks. See ya later."

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Angel quietly approached Buffy's hospital room. He didn't want to disturb her if she was sleeping. When he peeked into the room, though, he saw Xander sitting by her bedside, talking softly to Buffy. For an instant, he was jealous. Jealous that Xander was so close to her, and that she wasn't pushing him away like she had done to him. Angel knew it was irrational. There had never been anything more between Buffy and Xander than brotherly friendship. Love made you do the whacky, though.

"Hey, Angel. You're back," Xander said just as Angel was about to walk away to give the two some time together.

"Yeah, sorry to interrupt. I can come back later," Angel offered, already taking a step out of the room.

"Nah! I'm kinda hungry anyway. I think I'll go down to the cafeteria and see if they have anything edible," replied Xander, standing from the chair he'd been sitting on. All the while, Buffy said nothing. She waited until Xander had left, promising to return later, to speak to Angel.

"What are you doing here?" she asked wearily, not wanting to deal with him.

"I just wanted to see how you were," Angel answered, hesitantly stepping toward the bed.

"Well, I'm fine. So now you can leave," Buffy ordered, pointing to the door.

Angel sighed and paced around the bed. He stopped at the foot, glancing at her face. "Buffy, please don't do this."

"Do what?" she snapped, sitting up higher in the bed. "You made it quite clear to me three years ago that you didn't want me. So, what? Now you think you can just walk back in here like I mean something to you and you mean something to me? It doesn't work that way!"

Not wanting Buffy to see the hurt reflected on his face, Angel turned away, staring out the window at the setting sun. His mouth opened, but closed quickly as he tried to gather his thoughts. "I...I never...I'm sorry," he settled on saying finally.

Buffy slumped down against her pillows, feeling guilty. She hadn't meant to be so cruel, but her feelings were just so raw right now. And having Angel so nearby was tugging on strings in her heart that just couldn't take it. Even so, she didn't particularly feel like apologizing. Her words had been the truth, if a little harshly spoken.

Instead, Buffy simply sat there and stared at Angel's back. As much as she hated to admit it, he still made her heart pound. It had been three years since they were together, and still he was embedded so deep in her skin that she didn't know if she'd ever get him out. It hadn't always been like that. For a while he'd just been her brother's best friend. The feelings had come so fast and so hard that they had nearly knocked her off her feet.

"I remember the first time I stopped seeing you as just my brother's friend," she mused, unfortunately out loud.

Angel turned around and eyed her curiously, somewhat surprised by the maudlin statement. "What?"

Blushing, Buffy averted her eyes, embarrassed to have been so caught up in her thoughts that she'd spoken. She sighed, and mumbled, "Nothing."

"Tell me," he pleaded, hoping futilely to ease some of the tension between them.

Buffy contemplated asking him to leave yet again, but some part of her wanted to have something as normal as have a conversation, something that didn't have anything to do with her brother's death, or her mother's death, or her little trip to the hospital. They seemed to be the only things people wanted to talk about these days. All she wanted was normalcy, to not be reminded of the swirling vortex of suck that was her life. Of course, talking to Angel about their past didn't exactly qualify as pleasant. But she opted to do it anyway.

"It was about a year and a half after Mom...," she started, trailing off because she still had a hard time saying the word 'died' or anything similar. "I was almost sixteen, and I'd been invited to my first dance by a boy." She smiled wryly, remembering what a disaster her first date with Owen had been.

"I remember that," Angel replied wistfully, allowing his own small smile to form.

"Oz was going to take me dress shopping, but then he got called in to work," she continued reminiscing. "I was so disappointed because I'd wanted to get a really pretty dress and there wasn't any other time Oz could take me. I thought I was going to have to wear one of my old dresses. Then you offered to take me instead."

Angel chuckled, remembering that trip to the mall. "That was definitely an experience."

"Yeah, it was," Buffy agreed, forgetting for just a moment how much things had changed between her and Angel since then. "You spent the whole day with me at the mall, your best friend's little sister, and you never complained once, not even when you had to carry all the dresses I picked out or wait while I tried them on. That was when I really saw you for the first time. After that, you weren't just Oz's best friend. You were Angel."

His feet were moving before he could tell them not to, and soon, Angel found himself sitting on the edge of Buffy's bed, gazing into her sad eyes. "I was happy to do it," he said softly, reaching a hand up to touch her cheek. She didn't move away from the contact, but Angel quickly retracted his hand anyway.

An uncomfortable silence filled the room for a moment, neither knowing what to say or how to act. Angel wanted to climb into the bed and hold her close. He wanted to tell her he was sorry, that he'd never meant to hurt her. He wanted to soothe away her pains, tell her that he'd always be there. He wanted so many things, but they were all useless wishes, solitary pennies dropped into an overused fountain.

Though he hadn't meant to, Angel smiled as his mind drifted back to that fateful trip to the mall. Buffy didn't know it, but that was a transitional trip for him as well.

"What?" she asked when she saw the smile.

"You weren't the only one to start to see things differently that day," he revealed.

"Huh?" Buffy grunted in confusion.

"I don't remember what store we were in, but you came out wearing a royal blue dress. You looked stunning. I couldn't help but stare at you and imagine what you'd look like with your hair all done up and makeup on," he told her, embarrassed by his past actions. Angel shook his head, casting his eyes away from Buffy. "I felt like such a lecher. You weren't even sixteen yet, and you were Oz's little sister. But something changed for me that day, too. Every time I saw you after that, I would think about how beautiful you were, and how much I'd enjoyed spending time with you. I knew it was wrong, and I told myself to keep thinking of you as Oz's sister..."

"But it didn't work," Buffy filled in.

"No," Angel answered with a shake of his head.

Soon, both were lost in their thoughts, thinking of how they'd each tried to stay away from the other, and of the six month relationship they had accidentally fallen into. While Angel remembered the nervous dates and hesitant kisses, Buffy's thoughts drifted in another direction. There was something she still didn't know, something that continued to plague her thoughts.

"What changed, Angel?" she asked, her voice pleading and sad. "We were so happy, and then it was all gone." Though she'd meant to stop there, her mind had other ideas. "Why did you break up with me on my seventeenth birthday? How could you start dating someone so soon after?" she continued, referring to how, only three days after the breakup, she'd gone to The Bronze to see Oz's band perform and found Angel there with some skanky blonde.

Angel winced at the memory, hating himself all over again for his actions. "Buffy, I-."

"Well, hello there, Sunshine!" a new voice interrupted from the doorway. "Hope I didn't come at a bad time!"

Buffy nearly snarled as she looked up to find Lorne, her shrink, standing just inside her room. She'd been so close to getting answers, but one look at Angel told her he was done being Mr. Chatty for the day. Grumbling to herself, she slumped back against the pillows.

"I could come back in a little bit," Lorne offered, sensing the tension in the room.

"No, stay," Angel replied, quickly standing from the bed and moving away from Buffy. "I'll go get something to eat with Xander."

Before Buffy could say a word, tell him that this conversation wasn't over, Angel was gone.

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Xander watched Angel walk wearily into the food court and then flop down onto one of the uncomfortable, metal cafeteria chairs. By the look on his friend's face, he could tell that whatever had happened after he had left Angel and Buffy alone, it wasn't exactly good. Not that he was surprised by that fact. He had just hoped otherwise.

"Rough day, huh?" Xander quipped, picking at the rather gross sandwich he'd gotten.

"Yeah," agreed Angel, thinking Xander didn't know the half of it. "Got any plans tonight?"

"Not that I know of," Xander answered, pushing his tray away. "Why?"

"I want to go over to the house and clean up everything. Buffy shouldn't have to go home to that," Angel said, explaining his idea. He didn't think it would be good for Buffy to have to see reminders of why she'd been taken to the hospital.

"Sure, I'm free. Speaking of the house, what about Argyle?" Xander asked, wondering what they were going to do with Oz's dog.

"I picked him up this morning and took him to Giles and Jenny's house. Jenny said she'd be happy to take care of him for a while," Angel responded, knowing instinctively that Buffy wouldn't want anything to happen to the dog.

The two made plans to meet later that day at Buffy's house. Angel listened distractedly as Xander rambled on about something or other. After a while, he excused himself, needing to get some fresh air and some time to himself. Xander nodded understandingly, and watched as Angel walked away, lost deep in thought.

Once outside, Angel bypassed his car and wandered in the direction of the park next to the hospital. He sat heavily on one of the benches. A giggle of laughter drew his attention and his eyes landed on a young couple happily chasing each other through the grass. The man soon caught up with the woman, his arms locking around her waist. For a moment, they only stared into each others' eyes, but soon, their lips met. Angel averted his gaze as the intimate action reminded him of one of the most defining moments in his life: his first kiss with Buffy.

(flashback)

Angel carried a bag of trash into the kitchen. He smiled when he saw Buffy standing by the counter, gathering plates for them to eat Oz's birthday cake on. She was smiling and humming to herself. He was glad she was having a good time. Things had been rough after her mother's death. Seeing her smile was enough to make him happy. Ever since he'd taken her dress shopping three months earlier, everything she did made him smile. It was ridiculous, but he couldn't seem to stop.

Setting down the bag of trash, Angel walked over to Buffy. "Need some help?"

"Sure. Can you carry the plates?" she asked, reaching down to hand them to him.

At the same time, Angel moved to take the plates. Their hands met midway and both froze, the simple touch affecting them both in ways they did not understand. Angel told himself to move, to snatch his hand away quickly, but he remained still. Buffy trembled, a myriad of new, but not unpleasant, feelings coursing through her being.

"Angel..."

"Buffy..."

That was it: the breathy caress of her voice saying his name and Angel came undone. He leaned into her, their lips meeting in a sweet, innocent kiss. It was wrong. He knew it was wrong. She was just sixteen, and he was three and a half years older than her. But he couldn't stop. It felt so right.

(end flashback)

A single kiss and it had changed everything. From that moment on, their time near each other had been filled with furtive glances and shy smiles until they could no longer fight it any longer. Looking back, Angel wanted to say he regretted that first kiss. But he couldn't. How could he regret something so absolutely wonderful? He only regretted what had happened later, when it had all fallen apart.

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TBC!!