Disclaimer: CSI isn't mine, the song isn't mine either.

Spoilers: none

A/N: First of all, again I made another mistake. You see I was in some kind of hurry in sending the last chapter that I forgot that I used some spoilers in the last chapter. Anyways, there was this one paragraph at the last chapter, about Cath's past with which I based it on all three seasons – okay, so now that I've clarified that, let's move on to the next chapter. In this chapter I used the song 'Special Memory' sang by Lea Salonga. This is a really short chapter, but I love it, I hope you'll all like it too...

Chapter ten: Special Memory

You will always be

A special part of me

You will always be

A special memory

The night before Catherine went to my place and saw me with Wendy was the night when I found out about the baby. I promised Wendy not to tell anybody yet; she wants it to be a surprise. Anyways, I knew what I had to do after I found out that we are having a baby. I decided that I'd ask her to marry me. I care for Wendy a lot, and I'm happy to be with her. But when Catherine came by the next night... I realized how much love I have for her, the kind of love I could never give to Wendy or to any other human being for that matter. But that didn't stop me from doing my plan on asking Wendy to marry me, so the next night after Catherine's visit, I asked Wendy the big question and she said yes.

She has even insisted on talking to Catherine about it personally. I can see that she really likes her a lot. She also said that since I'm very close to Cath, that she wants Catherine to be the maid-of-honor. So we asked her, and I also told her some of our plans, but I didn't tell her about the baby yet. Anyway I told her about it before I left and now I'm here.

It has been a month since I was in Vegas. I'm now in Canada with Wendy. We are having a child. I'm going to be a father. And I can't tell you how excited and happy I feel. But there's a part of me that feels ... empty. I love Catherine. There is no denying that, but I'm engaged, and I'm having a child. I'll be having a family of my own. I am not going to let myself ruin this family that I'm about to have.

I love Catherine I know that. And she'd always be a part of me. A special part of me.

She'd always be part of my memory.

My memory.

A special memory.

Living here in Canada means living far from her. Though I doubt if I can, I know that I must. She's not a part of my life anymore. No, I'm not shutting her out. It's just that she can't be what she used to be to me. She used to be my life. She was my inspiration. My love. My everything. But that's before; it can't be that way anymore.

I could and would never deny the fact that I love her. But I also can't deny the fact that she's nothing but a memory. A memory, which I would cherish. A memory that I would never dare to erase.

Maybe it's really not meant to be us. Maybe I was never meant to love her this dearly. That I do not know. All I know is, I love her. May it be in this lifetime or the next, she's a part of me. The one part of me that I'll never regret nor dare to forget.

I'll always cherish

Wonderful moments

You have given me

You are in my heart

Wherever I may be

She's a part of almost all the wonderful moments in my life. Wait a minute, what am I saying? She's not a part of those moments ... she is that moment. She is the reason why each of those moments became wonderful. She brought life back to my lonesome world. She brought smile to my face. She brought joy into my life. And I'll forever cherish it.

I can vividly see her face whenever I close my eyes. I can hear her laugh. See her smile.

Those memories are enough for me to last a lifetime. Instead of being lonely, I should be happy.

Be happy that I met her.

Be happy that I spent twenty-years of my life with her.

Be happy that she has become a part of my life and I have in hers.

Be happy that somewhere along the way our paths have crossed.

Though it needed to end, at least. At least it has crossed.

All the times we shared

Will always be to me

Songs my heart will sing

Refreshing melodies

All this years I have loved her secretly. I have been loving her freely, but secretly. But now, now I am not allowed to love her, I am not supposed to love her. I have to stop myself from loving her, but I know that that is not possible.

I love her. God I love her.

They say that it is impossible to teach your heart on who to love. And it's even more impossible to teach it to whom not to love.

I for one can attest to that.

It is such a hard and painful truth to accept. But you'll have to accept it, along with the knowledge of another famous notion, 'You can never have it all'.

But you know what else, I am not asking for all. I never did.

I was just asking for one.

For one person.

And that is Catherine.

But then again, having Catherine is far more greater that having it all. That's probably why I never got it. After all, who am I to deserve it? Who am I to deserve her?

I am now standing inside the church. Asking for guidance. Asking for help. And giving thanks.

I thank God for giving me a chance to have a family of my own.

I thank God for all the blessings he has showered me.

I thank God that I was able to survive a whole month without seeing Catherine.

I thank God.

I thank God.

That he has allowed me to live part of my life with Catherine.

I am now asking him to guide me, on how to move on to my life without her by my side.

I am now asking him to guide me, on how to build a strong family, strong enough to fill the emptiness I feel.

And then I ask for his help.

Help, that I may be able to live and wake up gladly each and every day, knowing that it's another day without her.

I'll put together all of your laughter

Like a symphony

I'll remember you

wherever may be

As I escort my soon to be wife back to the car, I glance at the sky and saw the moon and the stars shining brightly in the night sky.

A smile creeps to my face to the thought that even though we are far away, Catherine and I are still looking at the same moon and stars.

I enter the car, and kissed my fiancé.

As I drive I glanced for a second to the woman beside me, I care for her and I hope that someday I will be able to learn on how to love her, it may not be as much and to the same way as I love Catherine but there are many forms of love.

And it is still love.

I am now here with Wendy, but I know for a fact that wherever I may be, I would always remember Catherine.

And I know that whatever happens, deep inside me I'll always love her.

No one could ever give objection to that nor do anything to be able to change that.

Coz I will always love her... wherever I may be.

Always.

I'll remember you wherever I may be... I'll remember you wherever I may be...

=TBC=