Disclaimer: CSI and the song - both not mine!
Spoiler: none
A/N: the song used here is 'I know' by Ms. Regine Velasquez. Thanks for the reviews ... I really hope to see more of it and I promis to post the next parts soon.
PS: check out www.graveshiftcsi.com it's a really really cool site! most especially for all the GC shippers out there!
Chapter fourteen: I know
I know
I know how the flowers felt
when they're crushed by the rain
when they knelt in pain
As I look outside my window, as I fly away from Vegas I can feel my heart tearing apart. She didn't even bothered to say goodbye to me at the airport ... not that I would like her to say goodbye to me, it's just that, well, she didn't even called me. And the whole time I was there we were not given a chance to talk.
I have already resigned. I don't work in CSI anymore, and so I don't have an excuse to go back. I won't have an excuse to see her anymore.Oh you're like
you're like the pourin rain
Tearing me apart
Taking love that I kept in my heart
Catherine has become my source of strength and happiness all this years. And now she has become the source of my pain. I can feel the strength in my body slowly slipping away. I can feel the throb in my heart feel suffering for every in every throb I think of her. And the thought of her causes me pain.I don't want to think of her anymore. She's tearing me a part. All this years she's been my strength and my weakness. And now all I feel is weakness.
She is tearing me apart, I'm mourning over her, mourning over a woman who doesn't even care. She doesn't care.
Well she does. I know she cares. Just not to me.
I have not confronted her, because confronting will lead to opening up and I can't do that.
So besides the heartbreak, failure and regret I also have to face lies. All this I have caused to myself and now I have to face it on my own.I know
I know my strength has dried up
Just like a sun baked day
Lost my focus
I've got scattered thoughts
Got some useless dreams
How can I find balance and freedom from extremes
I remember before when I said that Catherine is the one and only dream of mine that haven't come true yet and that I believe someday all my dreams will come true.I remember when I said that I would never forget her. That she'll always be in heart and that I will always love her.
I remember when the thought of her makes my heart flutter.
I remember when the sound of her voice, and sight of her smile lightens up my day.
And now I know all those days are all over. Coz now I just want it all to go away. I want to be happy.
Before loving her has become synonymous to my whole life and happiness. Now loving her has become the one thing I won't regret at the same time wouldn't want to continue.
I want to be happy. Happy with Wendy, happy with our child, happy with my family.
I also want to fix my friendship with Catherine, the Catherine I now would never miss my wedding so maybe by then I have worked up some way to let all this go away and maybe I can be happy.
Be happy for us being friends.
Be happy with Wendy and our baby.I know
I want you
I want you to just go away
I must be happy now
Oh come what may
Please give my heart a chance
And as I walk out the airport I see a woman waving her hands at me who is happy to see me. Cath never even bothered looking me straight in the eye the whole time I was there, but this woman right here, she's in my arms now. She ran to me with a big smile as soon as she caught sight of me.And this has only motivated me. And gave me more reason on why I want all thoughts of Catherine to go away.
I have to make a space for this new love. If I won't let go of my love for Catherine there will be no space left for this new love I found.
I know I can find love without her. I know, I'm very sure, I have.
I know I have found love through Wendy. She loves me, and I know want to love her.
I know I want to be happy with her. I know I want to let go of Catherine.
What I don't know is, if I can.
To make a good love grow.
We can love without each other
I know.
=TBC=
