Disclaimer: CSI and the song isn't mine

Spoiler: doubt it

A/N: the song used here is 'Could it be' by Regine Velasquez. Don't expect any angst in this chapter .. coz this doesn't really have angst just a really problematic Gil!! hope you'll enjoy and don't forget to leave me with your review!

Chapter fifteen: Could it be

The warmth of your touch

The look in your eyes

The smile on your lips

Are still clear in my mind

I'm only starting to unpack my things now. Wendy's already at her office, me, I still have a day on leave. And as I opened my bag, I found myself staring at an envelope.

I wonder how it got in there?

So I took a sit and started opening the envelope. Inside is a paper, a letter.

I know this handwriting. And so I scurry of to the bottom to see the signature and I have just confirmed whom it is from, it's from Catherine.

A letter from Catherine, but how was it able to get in there? She never did show up, the only people there was the team, and I was the only one who carried the .... Warrick!

So that's why he and Greg were acting different, I thought I saw him slip something into my bag when he helped me carry my suitcases but Greg distracted me. Okay enough of thinking about that.

Oh God what could be inside this?

The sound of your voice

The words that you say

Your magical gaze

Still haunt me night and day

She loves me. She loves me! I mean the world to her, she's loved me all this time! O god, I don't think my smile could get any bigger. She has tried to tell me before but couldn't do it, she said now she wants to move on but don't know how. She'll always love me that's what she said. She said that she has also accepted that I love someone else and that she's sorry if she's ruining things, she said all she want is just to get it out. She said she understands that I love someone else; she said she wishes me good luck with my new family ... but she's wrong! I don't love anybody else! She is not ruining anything! She's the woman I want to have a family with.

She said she has attempted to tell me a lot of times before.

So that time, at my office, that was what she wanted to say when she said she missed me. When we had breakfast, when I told her about Wendy that was what she wanted to say. When she came by the house that night, that was what she was going to say before Wendy interrupted her. And ... at the airport ...

Oh god, I'm so stupid!!

She has tried to tell me all this time, and here I am wanting to forget about her though I know that that is not possible, that it can not be done and will never be done, I still thought about doing so.

I feel ashamed of myself. She has tried to tell me, but me, what have I done? I never dared to tell her.

Could it be

That you're just around me

I'd like to see

If this love knows no bounds

But when I wake up from this dream

I shall find you are gone

And everything's just in my mind

But what will I do now? I have committed myself to Wendy. She's in love with me and she's carrying my baby. She's wearing a diamond ring, which came from me ... we're engaged. We've started preparing for the wedding.

If I stay here with Wendy, I'll never be with Catherine ... I have known from the very start that not being with Catherine is going to be hard. But now that I know of her feelings for me, it's going to be harder to keep away from her.

She cares for me. She loves me.

But I can't be with her and it's all my damn fault!

If I go back to Vegas, I don't think I could be completely happy either. I will not be able to live with the guilt.

I am being selfish to keep thinking about myself. But what am I to do?

If I stay here .... What about Catherine?

If I go there ... what about Wendy? And our child?

I'm gonna have to choose.

But it's not like I'm really being asked to choose. Catherine never stated she wants me back in her life, she just said that she wants to get it all out in the open. What if that's all she wants? What if the letter isn't really from her?

If it is really from her, why didn't she give it to me personally or just told me. If she really wanted me to be with her then she should have not waited until I'm already gone. Then again why am I questioning her way and timing if I myself have been in love with her for all this years and never even got the chance or dared to tell her.

Am I just dreaming?

I still can't believe this. This is like a dream come true ... Catherine loves me.

But, it's not really like a dream come true. Coz it all ends up to that .. she loves me, I love her.

But this is no fairyland. I'm not in dream world nor in a romantic movie.

Though she loves me too, that doesn't mean I could be with her. The fantasy of being with her has long been gone. Though I know I still dream of it, it is not mine to fantasize, dream or even think of.

There are a lot of things to be considered. Things that neither of us has control over.

Like a mystery

A ghost in the night

A sweet reverie

A fantasy I wish was mine

=TBC=