Disclaimer: CSI and the song - isn't mine

Spoiler: none

Feedbacks: thanx for all the awesome feedbacks ... i hope to read more of it!

A/N: I know that a few.. or maybe a lot of you dislike' this character. But hey, she is still part of this whole thing, so after15 chapters I finally decided that it's about time for us to hear her side of the story. And please keep in mind she loves him too.. anyway this is Chapter sixteen, with the song Think it over' by Side A and Zsa-zsa Padilla ... Wendy's POV.

Chapter sixteen: Think it over

Here I am so close to you

And yet you seem so far from me

So many times I've asked myself

Where I've been wrong


I'm comfortably seated at the couch watching T.V in the arms of the man of my dreams. I glance up at him; I can see his eyes, his beautiful blue eyes. He doesn't seem to notice that I'm looking at him, so I look back at the T.V and I wonder, what he is thinking?

Or who.

This whole week since he has arrived back from Vegas he has been acting weird. Always lost in thoughts – though it's not like it isn't normal but now well, it's a little different. Gil likes to ponder and think of things, and I really love him for that, but this past week he just seems to be confused, it's like he's in some kind of dilemma or something.

Since we were in high school I have been envisioning myself to live a life with Gil. When he told me he loved me and asked me to marry him when we were in college I couldn't think of anything else to say but to shout out loud a yes'. Anyway, it was a long engagement we had a deal to finish our studies first and as time went on we drifted apart. The wedding was not pursued but we remained very good friends over the years.

I have been in and out of relationships, and when I went to Vegas and saw Gil, I realized why all the relationships I've been doesn't work out. Because I still have feelings for Gil.

I love him and I can feel how much he cares for the baby and me. But I never cease to wonder on where he is. He's always away. No not physically but I can see it in his eyes. The way he's always lost in thought.

He is with me physically and that's that.

When all along I felt I tried to give my all

Can't you tell what's on my mind

Just like you I'm hurt inside


Here I am watching him sleep. He looks more peaceful when he's asleep. Sometimes I wish I could just watch him sleep forever. In that way I wouldn't see him hurting.

Yes, I see him hurting. He is sad, and he is hurting.

He has been trying to put on a mask and pretend that he's fine but he's not.

I know that he pains inside, he could never pretend to me that he's not sad, that he's not lonely, that he's not hurt.

I am all too familiar with that look and feeling.

I have felt that before and I'm feeling it now.

As I stare at him and think of all this I dry a tear from my eye.

I don't know what went wrong.

I don't know what I did wrong.

I love him.

I care for him.

I adore him.

I have given my all to him, but it seems like it isn't enough.

So many times I know

I've tried so desperately

to make you understand

That I have given all I can

It has now been two weeks since he has been back from Vegas and he is still acting different. I have given my all, but my all is not enough. I have nothing else neither to give nor to offer.

I'm lying all-alone in this big bed of ours. Gil is still working; sometimes I think he does that in purpose to avoid me. Sometimes I think he does that coz he just wants to be alone to think. But most of the time I try and I want to think, that he is working hard for the baby and me.

I sound so desperate. Pathetic. A fool if you may add. But I don't care.

I love him and I want a life with him.

But though I want to let things go

It's hart to say goodbye

You've heard these words before

But please let's give this one more try


It's hard to be in this kind of position. I don't want to be like this anymore, but at the same time I know I'd do everything for him.

I can feel that he doesn't love me. And I just hope that my love for him would be enough.

But as to what I see now, I don't think it is. We're drifting apart.

I don't know what to do. I have wanted this all my life and it's hard to watch it just slip away from your hands.

I know I'm gonna have to face it but I can't and I wouldn't want to.

And stay right here

Stay right here with you

I wanna stay right here with you

Try to think it over before we say it's over

Try to think it over just once more

We've come this far together

Let's keep this going on


I watch as he gathered more clothes and placed it inside his suitcase. "Gil, honey why do you have to leave?"

"I just have to do some things"

"Some things?? Mind telling me what things?"

"I told you it's uh um, uh it's about uh work."

"But you've already resigned"

"I've worked there for ages, they still need a little help and I have to do some more stuff"

"What more stuff?"

"I just have to know something."

"Fine." I give up, there's no stopping him.

So I just stood in our bedroom doorway watching him to pack his things. Work, yea right! Like I was only born yesterday!

I look at him, I place my hands on his and smile at him. I want him to think about this. I want him to think about it before he leaves.

He said he's coming back but I know deep inside me that there is a possibility that he wouldn't go back, why?

Coz I think he doesn't even want to be here.

And stay right here

I wanna stay right here

With you


I want to beg and plead. I want to beg for him not to leave, I want to plead for him to stay.

I know that he is not going away for work. He misses Catherine.

Yea that's right Catherine.

He loves her.

I can't believe it! We aren't even married yet and he's already cheating on me. This baby is the only reason why he's staying with me.

I love him. Why won't he love me? He loved me first before he even met Catherine, so why can't he just forget about her?

I need him. I need him to be with me so that I may survive. I'm ready to be a martyr. I'm ready to be the waiting and understanding wife, but I don't think he can be the husband that will realize his faults and be with his martyr wife in the end. I know he wants to but he can't.

The same way I know that I want to free him but can't.

I still hope that he will come back and when he does, even if he doesn't love me, I'll make sure that my love will be enough for him. For me, for us, for both of us.

Here I am wanting you

Can't you feel I need you too

Why don't you make it easier

By giving in

I close the door of our house and watch him go away. He kissed me in the cheek and kissed my tummy to say bye to the baby.

He left me and my baby to see some one in Vegas.

If he was able to leave now, imagine what he'll do when he finds out the truth. But that would never happen.

Before all I want is to feel the way he has love me before, now I envy Catherine. He loves her more than any love I have ever had.

But there is hope. This baby is my hope. He's coming back for us, and maybe, maybe he's just going to put closure between him and Catherine. Yea that's it, he's going to say one last good bye to her.

I had some new discoveries while he was in Vegas two weeks ago, I had a check up, I thought all along that I got pregnant when Gil and I made love the first day I came to see him back in Vegas. Yea made love' that's what I LIKE to call it, though I realize now that at those times he is probably imagining some body else with him ... I don't care.

Anyways according to my check up I'm one week pregnant than what I thought.

But hey it's just one week, I doubt that he'll count it week by week. So nothing is to be afraid of. He'll be back, for the baby. He's the father of the baby. He has never doubted it, he wants to be
a father, I want to be his wife, and this baby needs a family, there, everybody happy.

One week earlier.

Wanna know what's wrong with that?

That would mean I'm already pregnant before I even got to Vegas.

All my life I have waited

For the love you keep within.


=TBC=