Fear
Chapter Four
Disclaimer: I don't own Animorphs. Period. So don't sue.
Stop! Stopstopstop! I give up! You hear me! I GIVE UP! Arnie threw my shoe on the ground, flopped down on the end of my bed, and pouted. You do it.
And once again, I found myself in charge of my own body.
Well, if I'd known it would be that easy to beat you...
Just hurry up and get dressed.
I picked up the shoe and glanced at the window.
You wouldn't make it halfway across the room, he informed me.
Yeah, well, it was just a thought. I turned back to closet. Now if you had any kind of fashion sense at all we wouldn't be going through this.
I was getting dressed for a date with Brian. I hated Brian. His Yeerk too, but mostly just Brian. Arnie didn't seem to like either one of them either. But the great collective they decided it would be more convenient for us to appear to be dating. And if I was going to be forced to date someone I hated, the least I could do was look good doing it.
Would a skirt look like I'm trying to hard? It's only the 3rd date, after all.
I don't friggin care. Just pick something and let's go. We'll be late.
I grabbed at a long black skirt hanging in the back of my closet. I'd almost forgotten it was back there. "This is nice."
Yes. Lovely. Look, just because you're female doesn't mean you have a right to be late. Emily will only hold the reservation so long.
Oh come on Arnie. How long have you known me now? I'm NEVER on time. Is this pink too pink, I asked, selecting a blouse. Maybe I should try I more mature color.
Someone, please, shoot me now.
Oh shut up. I ditched the pink and went for a loose, dark purple blouse. A few minutes later I stood in front of the mirror and made sure everything looked right.
What do you think? I asked Arnie. Am I beautiful or just cute?
Arnie felt...uncomfortable somehow. That tense, 'oh-great-now-what-do-I-do' air people sometimes give off. If he'd been human, he'd probably be nervously looking for an escape.
Well...how am I supposed to know what you humans think is cute?
Just tell me what you think. Oh, the sweet revenge.
Now, that's not really fair to be asking such a loaded question.
What, so you think I'm ugly?
I didn't... I... You're... cute. Now can we go?
Cute? Just cute? I don't really like this top. Maybe the green one.
NO!
And just like that, Arnie was in control again. He rushed around stuffing things into my purse and nearly ran down the hallway. Halfway to the front door, he stopped, turned around, and went back to my closet and changed into a green, silk blouse.
I was just kidding.
I... It matches your eyes.
I couldn't think of a single thing to say.
------------
We were only five minutes late to the restaurant. Emily, a friend from school, was chatting with Brian and taking longer than needed to get his drink order.
"Hey Connie."
"Hi, Emily." Arnie gave her a hug and sat down. "Sorry I'm late."
"No less than I expected from you." She handed me a menu. "But please try to be on time next time. We're not supposed to make reservations for parties less than ten."
"I know. I'm really sorry. And thanks again."
Emily smiled, winked at both of us, and hurried away.
"Why are you late," Brian asked us. Or rather, Sewni 8324 asked.
Arnie shrugged. "I'm never on time. Kind of a trademark thing. My mother does it too."
"Whatever." Sewni looked around the busy restaurant and grinned. "For being such a disorganized host, she does seem to know a lot of people."
"Yeah, I'm a grade-A moocher."
Now THAT's a bit below the belt.
It's true.
So.
"Arnashik, you're starting to sound really...human."
Arnie shrugged. "It happens. And please, do try to make an effort to act normal, Brian. We're in public."
"Of course."
Sewni gave a small smirk, smoothed his napkin into their lap, and pick up his menu.
Oh, dear, I think he's trying to be cool.
Arnie, don't. You're taking all my lines and it's not funny.
Just trying to lighten up the mood.
Yeah, well, it's not working. I'm not in the mood to be funny right now.
What's your problem?
My problem is that you can't act like a parasite and my friend at the same time. I'm not going to get over this one Arnie. I don't care how many times you complement my eyes.
Oh, so you can give me a hard time about getting ready, but I can't tease you about this... thing over here? Because, it is kind of your fault we're here right now.
Oh, don't blame me for this.
Why not? You're the one who wanted to date him before I got here.
Yeah, but I didn't know him. Just because I kinda liked him doesn't mean I would have dated him.
Doesn't matter. Still your fault.
Order.
What?
"Yo, Connie? The menu can't be that interesting."
Arnie looked up and saw Emily standing over us, waiting to take out order.
"Oh, uh, I'll have the chicken fajitas."
Emily rolled her eyes and walked away.
"Having a bit of trouble there, Connie?"
"Oh, no, I'm fine." Arnie glanced down, but there was no menu to look at anymore.
Looks like you'll just have to talk to the buffoon over there.
What's going on with you? You were fine at the house.
Was I?
More or less.
I didn't answer. To be honest, I didn't know what was wrong with me. Ever since the thing with Jenni, I'd been on pins and needles with Arnie. Strange things made me mad at him. Well, everything made me mad at him, but odd things made me REALLY mad at him. Like the eyes comment.
Sewni was saying something about how easy his classes were.
"Can... can we talk about something else?" Arnie asked, sighing and rubbing our forehead with one hand. "I get enough of school at school."
"Talk about what? You said we couldn't talk about work. Though, the place is so busy I really doubt anyone here would notice."
Arnie shrugged. "I don't know. What's he thinking about?"
Sewni pointed at their chest. "Him?" He paused a moment. "Well, not much, really. Why?"
Arnie shrugged. "It's just, usually she knows what to say when I'm hanging out with her friends and such."
"Oh. Must be nice to have such a cooperative host."
"Well, it's... isn't he a...a..."
"Yeah. But he's not really." Sewni rolled their eyes. "These people are so stupid."
Change the subject, Arnie. This guy's going to drive me nuts.
"Seen any good movies lately?"
Sewni looked surprised. "Huh?"
"Isn't that what normal teenagers talk about?"
"Oh, yeah. Well, um, I haven't been in a while. I think the last thing I saw was Kill Bill."
"Oh, yeah, that was a good one."
"Really?"
"Yeah, what'd you think of it?"
"Oh, um, it was okay."
Uuhg
Shut up Arnie. I have no pity for you. None at all. Sorry.
Arnie did a little mental sigh thing and went back to Sewni. "So, you want to go see the new Riddick movie after dinner?"
I hate you. You just love to torment me, don't you?
Yeah.
"Doesn't that come out next week?"
"Yeah, but I got a friend who could get us into an early screening tonight at midnight if you want to go."
Sewni shifted uncomfortably in his seat and frowned. "It's a school night. We're not supposed to stay up that late."
Arnie dropped the subject, but I could tell we were both thinking the same thing. What a wuss. I couldn't tell if Brian or Sewni made that decision, but I got the feeling it didn't really matter. They were pretty much the same. Sewni just didn't have the nice sugar-coating like Brian.
You want to go? Arnie asked.
I'd rather not.
Emily brought our food and we pretty much stopped talking. A blessing, really. There was simply nothing to say to a pair of such horribly dull creatures.
------------
That night, Anrie and I curled up on the couch with a bag of BBQ flavored chips and watched What Women Want. Arnie'd never seen it, and we made silly little jokes about it.
Arnie thought the WonderBra should have been pink.
I thought the door woman was the greatest thing in the movie.
Arnie sympathized with the daughter hiding the bathroom. But he simply didn't get the prom.
I thought the girl was overreacting, but the dresses were really nice.
After the movie, we sat on the couch for a while, watching whatever was on TV. The news, I think.
So how come it works for Mel Gibson, but not for me?
Huh?
I know everything you're thinking-
Thanks a lot.
Okay, not everything, but sometimes I do and I still don't know what you want.
Women are complicated. Even WE don't know what we want most of the time.
Oh, joy. Makes it so easy for the rest of us.
Hey, you're not that easy either.
What's wrong with me?
Well, I can't figure you out. I can't figure out why you do stuff.
Well, I can't figure you out either. I never know what you're going to do or say next. It's kinda strange that you can still surprise me like that.
It's because I'm so spontaneous, I thought with what amounted to a smug, silly grin.
He laughed at me.
It's not fair, I told him, suddenly sad. Talk about spontaneous, my attitude did a complete 180.
What's not fair?
That I'm so set on hating you, but I really enjoy watching movies with you.
Right then, neither of us said anything, but I could tell we were both thinking the same thing. Not that I'm exactly sure what the thing was.
------------
Arnie confused me. I had to pick and chose my times when I could think about him. Usually if he was busy and I was quiet, we could manage to stay out of each other's way, despite the sharing one head thing. Arnie really didn't invade my every thought all the time. Just when he got bored.
The next time Arnie went to feed, Samantha couldn't come with us. Secretly, I was kind of glad. After they led me to the cages, I checked to make sure there was no one around who would want to bug me, then settled into a corner to think.
First came the bi-weekly ritual of 'what am I feeling now?' The physical sensations of feelings still amazed me. But what really impressed me was how they changed, without really changing. I held fear and hatred and love and despair, but they were all just various dull aches. Like old bruises that refused to go away and you can't help but poke them. But the ache around my heart had changed somehow. It felt more...desperate. And the fear. A cold block of ice took up permanent residence in my stomach. The fear was a hopeless, long-suffering fear of knowing what's coming but not being able to do a thing about it. It was there, just like always, but something new was added to it. A quivery, fluttering feeling, like I should be doing something but I had idea what. The new fear felt...silly. Funny how you can feel two different kinds of fear at the same time. Funnier that the silly fear felt stronger. Funny, but I wasn't laughing.
Anrie. I couldn't get him out of my head. Even when he got out, he wasn't. I was still thinking about him.
I hated him. I really, truly, honestly, passionately hated him. And at the same time I loved him. Not the kissy-huggy kind of love. More the best-friend kind of love. I mean, I actually liked the guy. He was funny and nice and respectful. Respect isn't something you find very often. Then again, he was a parasite. He was stealing my life, destroying everything I loved. He ruined innocent people for a chance to move up a rung on the corporate ladder. Besides that, he had no appreciation for the arts.
The last one didn't give me much cause to hate him, but it was true none the less.
I sat in my corner and my mind chased itself around in circles, but I never came to any conclusion. When they came to take me back, I was still sitting, staring blankly into space, thinking the same thing over and over again.
Yo Arnie said as soon as he was back. What's up?
Nothing. No one was there. I waited a few moments, hoping he would say something. He didn't. Do you...do you think it's possible to like someone and hate someone at the same time.
He chuckled a bit. I don't think I want to know what this is about. We started up the stair to the Sharing building. But, yeah. I guess it's possible.
