Disclaimer: CSI and the song are both not mine
Spoiler: doubt it
A/N: the song used here is 'This time' sang by Freestyle. Thanks for the reviews and I hope to read more of what you guys think! If you want to read more chapters of these fic you could check it out at www.graveshiftcsi.com .
Oh I'm sorry girl
For causing you much pain
Didn't mean to make you cry
Make your efforts all in vain
I have hurt her. All the times she approached me, how could I have been so oblivious to all this? She was going to stop me from going to Canada, she was going to tell me she loves me ... that's what she was going to say but I stopped her and told her Wendy's pregnant. I don't think I can imagine how much I must have hurt her.
Wendy's pregnant. I'm going to be a father soon. But why am I in this plane? What am I going to do once I got to Vegas? What will I tell her?
Well I really don't know, all I know is I want to see her, I want to know if this is all true ...
All this years I never had enough courage, but Cath, she has attempted to tell me. All those efforts she must have pulled just to get enough courage but all I did was blow her off.
I should have insisted for her to tell me what she wanted to say, I shouldn't have gave up on insisting.
I apologize for all the things I've done You are loving me so much That all I did was let you down
The last time I was there, I tried to approach her but all she did was to keep distance. She's probably trying to stop herself, or to forget all about me.
I have never ever even in my wildest dream; imagine that something like this could happen. Yes, I have been dreaming of her loving me too, but not as much as this. I have never thought someone could love me, especially if that someone is Catherine.
The woman of my dreams loves me, but all I did was cause her pain.
I am now standing in front of Catherine's house. Deep breath, deep breath, deep breath.
Oh I didn't know
I just want to say
All I know is that I want you to stay
She's looking at me, with a surprise look on her face. I don't know if she's happy to see me or not, it's hard to understand; her eyes are filled with emotions. Mixed emotions.
"Um. Cath"
"Oh, right. Sorry! Come in!"
She looks tensed and probably as nervous as I am now.
"I didn't know you were coming" she said sounding calmly but seeing her hands shaking as she gave me a drink, I can say she's tensed up.
"It's suppose to be a surprise"
"Well then, you made a very good job. Congratulations!"
I can't keep on doing this. She's avoiding my eyes again. We've both been stalling far too long.
"Catherine are you in love with me?"
And for the first time in months we are finally having an eye contact. I can see that I took her by surprise, but for a moment there I saw everything I want to see ... just by looking through her eyes.
"Gil what kind o f - - "
I grab the letter from my pocket and waved it at her, I see her eyes grew and jaw dropped. So with that reaction I could definitely say that she never wanted me to receive the letter.
"How did you - - "
"Answer the question Catherine"
She shakes her head from side side, I watch her as she stood up. She's not going to answer my question.
But this time, I'm not gonna let her. I'm not going to let her back away. It's about time I hear what she has been trying to tell me, the thing I've been wanting to hear from the moment I met her.
This time I'm not gonna let you turn away
This time I'm not gonna let another day go by
Without holding you so tight
Without treating you so right
I stood up to stop her. I got a grip of her arm on my hand and I touched her face with my other hand. I look at her eyes. She tries to avoid me, but I insist on making her look at me.
"Catherine. I want to know the truth. Are you in love with me?"
We both stare at each other for a few seconds, until she gave out a fake giggle, "You are my friend, of course I love you."
She tries to move away, but I tighten my grip on her arm, "You are not answering my question. I asked you not if you love me, I'm asking you if you're IN love with me."
Her mouth is partly hanging open. She doesn't know what to say, I can see tears in her eyes, and she shakes her head from side to side. She moves away from me, as she has successfully got her arms free from my grip.
I was disappointed and shocked by her response. She shook her head from side to side, which signs as a 'no' but I don't believe her. So I snap out of my shock just like a flash. I follow her, I got her by the hand.
I made her face me. And I close the distance.
I can feel her lips on mine. I was the only one kissing her, she was not kissing back ... but that was for the first five seconds. My hand is now on her face while the other is holding on to her back. I can feel her hands around my neck.
This time
I'm not gonna let go of our love
This time I promise you that we'll pass by it all
I won't ever let you fall
Gonna give you my all
This time
As we break apart to get some air, I held her face once more. "I love you."
Finally after twenty years. I have finally said it!
She looks at me, a smile curls up on her lips. "I love you too"
I don't know who closed the distance this time. We're kissing again and it isn't any less passionate than the one we just shared a few minutes ago.
She stopped.
She backs away.
Her hands are on my chest as if telling me to keep away.
"Catherine what's wrong?"
"What's wrong? What's wrong!? THIS! This is wrong!"
Oh I never thought
I was hurting you
Now I know that I was wrong
Now I know just what to do
I will try to be the best that I could be
All I need is one more chance
To make it up to you you'll see
She walks back to the living room. I watched her sat down her couch and covered her face with her hands.
I walk over to her; I kneel in front of her.
"Cath – "
"No Gil! We can't do this!"
"Why not?"
"You are getting married! I don't want to be your other woman!"
"Other woman? You are my only woman!"
And I mean that. She is indeed the only woman in my heart, in my mind, my thoughts, my life.
"You are engaged!"
"I'm calling the wedding off"
"I'm not asking you to call your wedding off."
"You're not, I am. It's my wedding, I do the decisions."
"The wedding isn't only yours Gil! What about Wendy?"
And there's one more thing that you ought to know All I know is I don't want you to go
"I don't love her"
"What about you're child? Jeez, Gil your having a baby. When I found out about that, that's why I didn't tell you how I felt! I have been hurting inside watching you go with that woman, and it's all because I found out you two are having a family together."
She stands up and started pacing back and forth. It must have been hard for her. All the pain I must've cause her. But that's in the pass, I'm going to change it. I want to make her happy. I want her to be with me. I want her to be happy with me.
"I don't need to be a husband to be a father."
"What are you saying?"
"Exactly as what I said."
"Your baby is going to need a family."
"And my baby will have one. He's gonna have a mom and a dad to love him and support him. Only his parents won't be married, but we, Wendy and I are still going to be his parents nevertheless."
"Don't be a jerk Gil!"
"If I marry Wendy I won't be happy and knowing that we can't be together despite of the fact of how much you love me, then I'll be miserable. If I'm miserable, I don't think Wendy will be happy with our relationship. And I will not let my baby grow up seeing me and his mother both miserable"
"Okay. Now this is just all my fault I should have not told you!"
This time
I'm not gonna let you turn away
This time I'm not gonna let another day go by
Without holding you so tight
without treating you so right
This time I'm not gonna let go of your love
This time I promise you that we'll pass above it all
I won't ever let you fall
gonna give you my all
"Look Cath, I love you. Even if you never told me you love me, I'll never be happy with Wendy. And she won't be happy with me. I'd rather raise my child having separated parents than marrying his mother then at a young age make him go through a traumatic experience of seeing his parents getting divorced"
"I don't want to be a home wrecker!"
Honestly, I have never thought of this, of what will happen if I marry Wendy. Coz all I have ever thought of since I was with Wendy is what will happen to me without Catherine not on what will happen to me with Wendy.
I may sound so arrogant, selfish and a self centered bastard but what I have said is true. I'd rather raise my child where I'm not married with his mother but have a good friendly relationship with her, than to raise my child letting him see how miserable me and his mother is.
I can see the doubt and hesitation in her features.
I'll do anything for her. I won't run away this time, I won't let her back away this time.
This time I'm giving her the one thing I've been wanting to give her.
My all.
So I decided to walk towards her.
I stand right in front of her, I take her hand, and I look at her .
"I do believe that a child would be happier to see his parents happy than to see them both miserable. And nothing could make me more happier than being with you Catherine."
Gonna give you my all.... This time
=TBC=
