Fear
Epilogue
Disclaimer: I don't own Animorphs. Period. So don't sue.
Life after the war went on. My family reunited at my grandparent's house in a tearful scene just a week after the war's end. Mom cried. Dad cried. Hell, even Grandpa cried. Shortly after that, Mom, Dad, and I went back to San Francisco to rebuild our home and our way of life. Samantha couldn't quite handle returning yet, so she stayed.
We went back. We fixed the house. I re-started my senior year the next fall. Mom went back to work. Dad went back to teaching. We kept living. I'd like to say that everything had changed, that life simply wasn't the same, but it was. Signs of the war were everywhere, most notably in the new alien technology. Not to mention entirely new branch of discrimination: human nothlits. Society changed. My friends changed. I changed. But that was it. We changed and then we pressed on and we dealt with it.
After graduation I did the only thing that made any sense to me. I joined the Army. After loosing my freedom so completely, I was never going to let anyone threaten it ever again. I was part of the first female infantry platoon. We adopted the grizzly as our mascot, in honor of Rachel. I still had trouble associating her with my beautiful classmate.
And so life went. Mom and Dad never divorced, even though they continued to give each other merry hell. Samantha returned to live with them just before she started middle school. We were just a normal family. A normal family with a horrifying history and occasional nightmares.
Amanda stayed an important part of my life. She continued her work as a rape victim councilor, something I'd never known about her during the war. She wrote me long, extensive letters while I was deployed and tried to solve all the problems in my platoon. She usually didn't, but we all loved her.
Brian grew up a bit. We met once after the war and went out for coffee. He was more mature, more thoughtful, and considering a career in piloting. I forgave him silently, wished him well, and never saw him again.
Jenni stayed my best friend, even though we had a rough period right after the war. Jenni took up all her old activities, throwing herself into all her clubs and projects with mad energy. I thought she might be trying to avoid thoughts of the war, but I didn't stop her. It seemed harmless enough, and after a few years she calmed down. She settled into college life, then into a home with a husband and infant twins and a job designing web pages for activist groups. She wrote to me while I was overseas, and even when I was off planet with the Second War. Jenni became almost as close to me as my sister and was my maid-of-honor when I married.
Because I did end up getting married.
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Eight years after the end of the First War, six years after the Disappearance, two years after the end of the Second War, and the day after my 25th birthday, I sat a noisy bar with my coworkers as they toasted to my health. We were celebrating both my birthday and the downfall of a much hated sergeant in one shot glass filled evening.
"Hey, Browning," Stevens started, poking my unprotected side. "So what's up with you? You gonna stay single forever?"
"Oh shut it," I replied, pushing her away from me. "Just cause I'm not hanging all over a new guy every week like you doesn't mean I've given up."
Stevens gave me a mock-indignant look. "Don't look down on me just because I've decided to enjoy my life!"
Port threw a napkin at her and laughed at us from across the table. "Stevens, if last night was any indication, you're having just a bit too much fun."
"Hey, jealous exes are a downside I'm willing to deal with."
Smit, sitting on the other side of me, snorted and muttered, "Especially when you're still letting him do you."
I let them fight for a few minute before breaking them up.
"Hey, come on you guys. It's my birthday, don't get me in trouble."
We laughed and joked and drank and after about an hour Stevens poked me again.
"What!"
"That guy over there's been staring at you for the past hour."
I followed the direction of her gaze and saw a young man glance back down at the table he was sharing with a friend. He was tall, slim but still obviously fit, with strong features and bright red hair. All things that made my knees go weak.
"Yum," I managed to whisper.
Stevens laughed and leaned in conspiratorially. "So go get him."
It was my birthday and I didn't have a good reason not to. The redhead stood and headed toward the bar, so I did the same.
"Hi," I said after he'd ordered his drink.
He smiled at me. He had a gorgeous smile and hazel eyes. "Hello." And an accent. There was no way this guy could be real.
We talked for a few minutes, going through the standard flirting ritual, when I decided I definitely liked this guy. I held out my hand and introduced myself.
"I'm Connie."
He took my hand firmly, almost as he was afraid I'd change my mind.
"My name's Arnashik 6324."
I stood completely still for a few seconds, still holding his hand. Then, thoughts of the war came flooding into my mind. The fear and the hatred and the sense of failure that I'd been dealing with for all those years slammed into me. I hated him. I loved him. I had no idea what to feel. For the first time since before the war, I lost control of my emotions and did what I'd been wanting to do for eight years.
I punched him.
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A few hours later in the hospital, Arnie and I talked. He'd managed to fall backward into a table and get a concussion, so I rode with him to the hospital and waited for a good time to talk.
"Feel better?" he asked as we walked though the lobby.
"A bit," I admitted. "What are you doing here?"
"What do you mean? I live here."
"Oh," I whispered, looking down at the ground. I'd half hoped he would say he was looking for me.
"I did try to find you once, but you were off flying about space somewhere and..." He trailed off a bit, staring out at the parking lot. "I wasn't sure if you would want to see me or not."
We watched as his friend pulled in and came toward us.
"I guess you didn't."
The friend pulled up and Arnie climbed in the passenger seat.
I almost let the door close when a fear I hadn't felt since Jorden stopped me. I lunged for the door and caught it with one hand. "Arnie, wait."
Both nothlits just looked at me.
"I... I'm just... Look, it's not that I didn't want to see you. I did. I do. It's just... I..."
I felt like an idiot. Arnie stopped looking shocked, but his friend's 'wtf' look was getting on my nerves.
"Can we go out for coffee or something? Talk?"
Arnie paused for a long time, watching as I held on to the car door, waiting.
"Sure."
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Arnie and I went for coffee. We talked. We fought. And then we forgave each other, though neither ever really apologized. I still loved him and we renewed our friendship, and for a while that was that.
Until about a year later when he kissed me. And I kissed back.
And then a year after that when he proposed to me. And I said yes.
We were the fifth human-nothlit couple and the first with our unique history, but no one really cared and we didn't let the media get word of it. I stayed in the military until the birth of my first of three children, all girls.
Occasionally, I would get flashbacks from the various wars I'd been in. I'd be sitting on my couch, doing something perfectly ordinary, and the fear would hit me. The fear, the doubt, the memories, the death. Everything would come back to overwhelm me until I wondered what I'd done with my life. If all the pain and sacrifice was worth it. If I'd ever really done any good in this world.
When that happened, my husband would smile and hug and tell me to look at our children. Our beautiful girls.
Life is a wonderful thing.
The (Real) End
A.N. For those of you curious as to why I called Ch 9 the end and not this, well, Fear is a story of one host's war. The end of the war is the end of her story, no matter where she is then. And, just like K A Applegate said, war sucks. But, I gave in. I love my brain children too much and though it unfair that I should know what really ended up happening to them, but not anyone else. Plus I didn't want to get tarred and feathered.
I'm considering two sequels to this thing. First, the story of Samantha adjusting after the war, the other of Connie's story during the Second War. (the one at the very end of the series with that species that I can't remember the name of.) How fast I start them will depend on reader responses to this one. Yes, that was a shameless ploy to get more reviews from you. But it's still true; reviews are extremely motivating.
Now for the kudos:
lilyofthevalley (thank you)
Wraithlord42 (not sure how heavy they are. maybe those two controllers are just really strong. )
The Xylia (yeah! my first Arnie fan!)
Tabatha (thanks for the support)
Sinister Shadow
Raevyn M (you have good taste in stories. )
rfg (what's my grade now?)
Liaranne (you're so sweet)
hybridpheonix
Eyes of Forest (don't go into mourning just yet. thanks for all the reviews)
Alouette
traycon3
Sahpira
Allison lightning
Ridea
CucumberPickles (oo! I love long reviews. thank you)
Cutie Cherry
Emma
Senri (it's so warming to hear someone appreciate all the little, specific things I worked so hard on. thank you)
T.B. Stormshot ( I love the drode. and I don't have a pet, but my roommate as turtles. I don't think they did it, tho)
zen
spicy froggy
Ender753
Lady of Romantic Dreams (so when are you going to update, huh? cause I really love your fic)
Thank you, thank you, thank you, to everyone who reviewed for me and my story. You guys are absolutely wonderful! sniff
