Chapter 3 It couldn't have been you
"Yes, we do have a lot to catch up on," Katie finally said to the wall. She turned toward Angel. Angel had stopped pacing and was leaning up against his desk, not quite trusting himself to stand up yet. He nodded and gestured at the chair with his arm, then crossed them again. Katie sat down across from Angel and stared at her clasped hands in her lap. She had a felling this was going to be extremely more difficult than she had ever imagined. After a long awkward silence, she finally spoke.
"I've carried a question all this time. How could you do that to us? We were your family, Liam. I know you had a grudge against father, but what about mother and me. I thought you loved us, Li…Angel." She looked up at him with tears already pooling up in her eyes. Angel sighed.
"I have no easy answer for that, Katie. I couldn't control it. I couldn't control him…Angelus," Angel finally said. He was on the verge of breaking down, something he had never truly done. Just when he was finding peace with his horrible, violent past, here it was to haunt him again.
"I can understand going after father, I've been a new vampire too. You felt as if you had to get back at him. I can forgive you for that," she looked Angel straight in the eye. "It's been a struggle, but I have even been able to forgive you for what you did to mother. However," Katie's voice dropped to a whisper. "I don't think I can ever forgive you for what you did to me."
Angel felt tears come to his eyes. He tried to fight them. He had to be strong. Angel balled his hands into fits and squeezed until he could feel his nails digging into his palms. The word betrayal sounded in his head over and over again. Betrayal, that's what it was.
"I loved you, Li…Angel," Katie stammered between her sobs. "I still love you. I always have, Angel."
Angel finally stood up and pulled Katie to her feet. He wrapped his arms around her and reflected back 245 years to that horrible night. What had gone wrong?
Galway, Ireland 1753
Liam, freshly born into vampirism, stood conversing with his sire, Darla. He had made his first kill of the graveyard guard who mistook them as grave robbers. He could still taste the man's warm blood on his lips. He felt free. He could do anything and no one would ever be able to stop him again. He was hungry, through. It was intense hunger like he had never felt before. After his first taste of blood, he needed more.
"You can have anyone," Darla said. She was a beautiful blonde young woman dressed in an elegant gown. "Who do you want first?"
"Just one?" Liam asked, smirking. "I'm ready for a feast." Darla chuckled and together they walked out of the graveyard and toward Liam's home.
"Remember, dear boy, you have to be invited in now," Darla informed him as they entered the property. They stopped just outside the door.
"Aye," was all Liam replied. He raised his and gave a soft knock on the wooden door. After a moment, his young sister, Katherine, opened the door. Her eyes went wide and she was speechless. Her beloved brother had come back to her, even from the dead, just as he promised the day he left.
"Liam, you…you're an angel. You came back to me!"
"Aye, I did," smiled Liam. He could smell her blood pulsing though her young body and her neck was irresistibly tempting. "May I come in?"
"You certainly may!" cried Katherine, tears of joy running down her face. It was a miracle! Liam entered the house and found himself being held tight by Katherine. He knelt down and she threw her arms around his neck. He held her at arms length.
"Ah, no more tears, sweet Kathy. I have come back for you," and with that, he turned vampire and sunk his teeth into her neck and drank. She gave a weak cry and then all was quiet except for the faint sucking noise of Liam feeding.
He pulled away and held her up for a moment. The blood was sweet and momentarily satisfying. Suddenly, Liam though he felt a pang of something as he started at her lifeless form. It wasn't guilt or sadness, nor was it triumph. It was a pang of…he couldn't describe it. Was it love? Could vampires feel love for a mere human? He turned back into human form and kissed her softly on the lips before letting her slide down the doorframe to the floor. He then looked for his next victim. He felt a bit of blood dripping down the corner of his mouth. He wiped it away with his sleeve and went in search of his father…
Oh my God! The kiss, thought Angel. That was it. I sired poor sweet Katherine and didn't even know it!
Angel pulled way from Katie. She just stood there and looked at him.
"It was the kiss, Katie," Angel started.
"What kiss?" She was confused at this seemingly unrelated statement. A look of confusion crossed her face.
"I gave you a kiss after I fed…," Angel faded off. Then quietly, "I thought you were dead. I didn't realize…"
"Angel, don't," Katie whispered as she took a step closer toward him. As painful as it was to hear him talk about that night, shoe couldn't let her brother take the blame for this. "It wasn't you. It was that awful Darla who took you way from me. It wasn't you."
"But it was," Angel argued.
"No it wasn't! It couldn't have been you. You would never do something this terrible to me. Not ever!" she pleaded. "Not you." Even as she spoke, she could see the truth in his face. She had spent all these years trying to convince herself that Liam had not been to blame. She started to believe that as truth, but deep down, she now realized, she had known the truth all along. Standing face to face with him made it undeniably clear. It had been Liam -Angelus- who had done this to her. Katie could feel 244 years' worth of emotion and denial bubbling up inside her. She felt as if she would explode. I have to get out of here!
Angel had never been more ashamed in his entire life. He had sired a few vampires in his time and had killed many people, but he never felt such an overwhelming guilt. Even is first cursed hours after the gypsies gave him back his soul, it wasn't this bad, and this was family. His most cherished member of his old family. He'd never let any harm come to her. He had failed Katie miserably. She was murdered, by his own hand! No,this was worse than murder. Murder left no torture for the victim. This was never-ending torture. How was he going to make her understand?
"I did it, Katie. I didn't mean to. I couldn't control it. You just have to accept that," Angel couldn't look her in the eye. He just sighed. What could he say? Nothing he said was going to make this go away or get any better. The tension in the room was suffocating. They stood in silence staring at the ground for what felt like forever.
"I have to go," Katie said finally as she turned to leave. She was not ready for this. She knew what being out of control felt like; she was on the ragged edge of it right now.
"Wait, where are you going? I mean, do you have a place to go?" Angel took his eyes off the floor and looked up at his sister.
"I'll find someplace. I always do." She crossed her arms and turned to leave again.
"Katie, stay with me tonight. I have an apartment in the basement. No windows," Angel tried to lighten the tension in the room.
"Thanks, but I need some time and space to think," Katie faintly smiled back and opened the door to leave.
"The door's always open," Angel called after her.
