"Hey, Beat," Francine greeted her. "How did you like Uppity Downs?"
"Oh, it was heavenly!" Beat enthused. "I've never had such a feeling of total intellectual satisfaction. Even the cafeteria food is wonderful. And Mr. Pryce-Jones is..."
Suddenly all three girls screamed in unison.
"What?" said the confused Beat.
"Don't say the name!" exclaimed Sue Ellen.
"It's bad luck," said Jenna fearfully. "Just the sound of it means extra homework. Call him You-Know-Who from now on."
"Silly geese," muttered Beat, shaking her head incredulously.
As she turned toward the stairway leading to the entrance, the glass doors flew open and Prunella rushed out, her eyes wide with astonishment. "Omigosh! Omigosh!" she cried as she almost tripped over the stairs in her haste to reach the girls. "This is awful! You're not gonna believe it!" She was followed closely by Binky, who also wore an expression of extreme surprise.
"What is it?" asked Francine. "Has the cafeteria stopped serving kosher hot dogs?"
"Worse," said Prunella.
"Did they cut the budget for tae kwon do?" asked Sue Ellen.
"Worse!" Prunella repeated.
"Has the government finally seen professional wrestling for the relic of barbarism that it is, and banned it from the airwaves?" asked Beat.
"Better," said Binky.
"Just tell us, Prunella," said Jenna impatiently.
Prunella took a quick breath. "Mr. Ratburn has quit his job!"
The other girls couldn't believe what they had just heard.
"Ratburn? Quit?" was all Francine could force out of her mouth.
"But he can't quit," said Jenna. "He's a teacher."
"I didn't quit," came a man's voice from behind Prunella and Binky. Mr. Ratburn was standing in the doorway, holding one of the doors open. "I'm taking a leave of absence at the recommendation of the school board," he concluded.
"For how long?" asked Sue Ellen.
"Most likely for the remainder of the academic year," the teacher replied.
"But why?" asked Francine earnestly.
Mr. Ratburn shrugged. "Who is Marc Brown?"
As he turned and reentered the school building, Binky and the girls looked at each other with expressions of confused wonder.
----
They were still every bit as confused when they gathered at the Sugar Bowl after school. Arthur, Fern, George, Sue Ellen, Muffy, and Beat were sitting at a table together, discussing Mr. Ratburn's surprise move.
"I just can't believe it," said Muffy. "He's been teaching at Lakewood for such a long time."
"Five years," Beat added.
"I asked Mr. Pryce...er, You-Know-Who about it today," Muffy went on, "but all he's heard is rumors."
"What kind of rumors?" asked Sue Ellen.
Muffy glanced about and began to speak in a hushed tone. "They say he's in trouble with the law."
George gasped. "You mean...The Rat's a criminal?"
"What crime has he committed?" asked Fern.
"Tax evasion?" Beat theorized.
"Cruel and unusual homework?" Sue Ellen suggested.
"Maybe he's hiding something in those puppets of his," said Arthur suspiciously.
"The kids have been asking him about it all day," said Beat, "but he's not talking."
"Well, of course he won't tell the students if he's mixed up in something illegal," George pointed out.
"I don't get it," said Fern, shaking her head. "They say school is supposed to be educational, but all they do is hide things from us. Remember Mrs. Stiles? The kids didn't find out she was in rehab until she was out of rehab."
As the kids conversed, a rabbit man wearing a brown wool vest over a black clergy shirt walked into the ice cream shop and stood in front of the counter. "I'll have a Big Pig sundae," he told the server.
"Oh, hi, reverend," Arthur called to him upon recognizing his face.
Reverend Fulsome turned and smiled at the kids. "Well, hello, Arthur. And Fern. And...hmm..."
As the reverend pretended that he was struggling to remember the names of the kids he didn't recognize, Sue Ellen introduced herself. "My name's Sue Ellen. I've only been to your church once."
"I'm happy to meet you," said the clergyman as he fished a few dollar bills from his pocket. "Why don't you attend more often?"
"To my parents, religion is like ice cream," Sue Ellen replied. "They try a new flavor every week."
The reverend chuckled. "I love that analogy. Of course, no matter what flavor you try, it's all just vanilla with fancy stuff added."
Sue Ellen giggled for a moment, then became serious. "I don't get it."
"Do you know anything about the funeral for Grandma Tibble?" Arthur asked the reverend.
"Not a thing," the rabbit man answered. "Trixie called me this morning, but she didn't want to discuss funeral arrangements. Instead, she made a rather unusual request."
"What was that?" asked Fern.
Reverend Fulsome paused as the server handed him a large sundae. "She wants me to exorcise her house," he replied.
Arthur scratched his head in confusion as he pictured the pieces of furniture and suit of armor in the Tibble house bending back and forth as the reverend led them in an aerobic workout.
"She wants me to cast out the evil spirits," Fulsome clarified when he saw the blank expressions on the kids' faces.
George turned to Fern and grinned. "I knew it! The place really is haunted!"
"Now I don't believe in the existence of evil spirits myself," said the reverend, "but Trixie claims that she heard voices...and even saw things moving on their own...when she went inside to get her boys."
"Interesting," said Fern analytically. "What did the voices say to her?"
"She wasn't very specific." Reverend Fulsome shoveled a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth while still standing at the counter. "But she thinks the boys are in danger. She thinks something followed her to the hotel, too. If you want my honest opinion, she spent too much time under the hot sun in Egypt without a parasol."
George's face fell. "What was it you just said about the Tibble house being haunted?" Arthur teased him.
Muffy jumped down from her seat. "I need to go now. I have one more person to ask about Mr. Ratburn. You can tell me all about the ghosts later."
"I'd better go too," said Fern as she pushed herself away from the table.
Soon all six kids were filing out of the shop, buttoning or zipping their coats to defend against the cold weather. Fern and George walked in one direction, while the others took a different route.
"I don't believe everything the reverend says," Fern said to George, "but if he says Trixie Tibble's crazy, I'll believe him."
"So you really think ghosts and spirits don't exist," said George somberly.
"Yeah, I don't." Fern started to snicker. "But I sorta wish they did. I'd pay real money to see that big blowhard do battle with evil spirits."
----
The apparent hopelessness of keeping her head above water at Uppity Downs weighed heavily on Muffy's troubled mind as she rang the doorbell at Mrs. Stiles' apartment. Moments later the door swung open, and Angela Ratburn greeted her. The rat woman wore a tacky house dress, and her shoulder-length brown hair was somewhat straggly. "Come in, Muffy," she said flatly.
Muffy didn't take a step. Instead she asked, "Why has Nigel been suspended?"
The mere mention of Mr. Ratburn's situation seemed to bring Angela to the verge of tears.
"I asked Mr. Pryce-Jones, and all my friends at Lakewood, but nobody knows," Muffy continued. "You're his sister, you should know."
"You really want to know why?" the woman asked ominously. "You want the truth?"
Muffy nodded eagerly.
Angela wiped away the tears that had started to well up in her eyes, then turned and led Muffy into the apartment. She picked up a stapled set of papers that had been laid on the coffee table, and handed it to Muffy. "Here it is," she said, barely masking the despair in her voice. "Read it and weep."
"What is it?" asked Muffy as she started to silently read the ornately worded introduction.
"It's a subpoena."
(To be continued...)
