Part six

Unanswered questions

Climbing up she remembered the moments she had shared with him up here, despite his being afraid of heights. Somehow she had a feeling he had been mocking her on that one. He had changed her world, made her feel human, made her find her place in the world. What did it matter that the transgenics were on the run, that they had been exposed. If it hadn't been for Logan right now she would be one of the desperate fugitives, trying in vain to save her sorry ass. That is, if she would still be alive. Now she had actually become their leader, their protector. Not that she had ever wanted that position, on the contrary. But he had taught her to be at home in both worlds, not just physically, but emotionally, too. In the process he had opened up to her like to no other, had let her glimpse beneath the Eyes Only mask, had let her know about friendship and love.

Her perfect memory tortured her with snippets of their conversations: words, just words, nothing more.  But they expressed the incredible strong feelings she had known he had for her. A pale of wind tousled her hair and she remembered the day she seized on his couch. That day everything had stopped being only about saving the world and began being about saving themselves. And she had repaid him by pushing him away, discarding the gift he made to her when he confessed his love. She doubled over as the pain she felt became almost physical. Her sobs and silent tears finally erupted in an explosion of hiccups and she collapsed, crying on the Space Needle, alone with her sorrow.

Hours later the chill of the evening wind brought her back to reality. She had known this day would come but it was by far the worst scenario that could have ever occurred to her. She regretted so many things, most of all the bitchy half lie, the fact that Logan hadn't known for sure she loved him and only him. But she could not and would not trade any second spent with Logan - not for anything in the world. The prince was gone. But no matter what they did to the princess, nothing could ever take the memories away from her.  It was time to face the facts and assume responsibility for her own decisions. She had pushed him back and now he was dead, „shot execution style", all her love for him left unspoken. Suddenly something dreadful occurred to her. Was it possible ? Would he have done it ? Could it be that he had killed himself and the police had just assumed.... NO. After a few agonizing moments she was able to convince herself that he wouldn't have done it. Besides, they had never said anything about a gun. Damn, she hadn't looked for it, either, the gun he had kept locked in the drawer ever since...

Sniffling her tears back she got up and looked down onto the city one last time. Today must have been one of those days. She had let emotions interfere with her efficiency and now she needed to start again and retrace her steps. This time she would do a proper job of it.