"Erik, what if I love you?" That stopped him dead. I always knew how to shock him.
"What," he hissed, quieter than a breath. It sent a chill through me...but I wasn't sure if it was of pleasure or of fear. Probably the excitement of both, and then he grew dangerous, his voice very soft and his light, ever so menacing gait advancing on me.
"What a foolish girl you are, to think that you could win! But you won't! I will not allow you to tempt me. That time of my life is over!" He grew ever closer. I, being the "foolish girl" that I was, wisely, defiantly said, "I am NOT a child, monsieur. I know all about this world and the things that transpire within it!" This was a speech delivered with pride, and a slight lift of my chin. I looked at him with a hand on my hip, and he was suddenly right in front of me.
"Oh?" he said quietly, raising an eyebrow. "Not a child? Wise to the ways of the world, are you my dear? Of course, my little wise one!" What would have otherwise been an endearment grew cold with his derivative sneer, but I stood fast.
And then he took off the mask.
And the weirdest thing happened. The moment he took off that mask, I saw him. No, I really saw HIM! And what I saw... well it held me. With the mask off, he still held every bit of the intensity that he had before, but now...Well it didn't matter, because he wasn't getting the reaction from me that he'd hoped for, and he wasn't going to! Men are prideful, and what Erik wanted was fear, rejection, disgust, anything but the love with which I was now calmly regarding him. Later, I found that this was because he truly was afraid, but he masked this well. Forgive the pun.
In any event, he spent the next several moments experimenting, trying to get a reaction out of me. He lightly brushed his fingers across my cheek, and I stood firm. NO reaction. He then took my hand in his and raised it to touch the naked, deformed part of his face, but I didn't yank it away as he'd obviously been expecting. Instead, I cupped it there, and looked into his mismatched eyes.
"Erik, I'm not afraid of you."
"Foolish girl," he whispered brokenly, and I covered his mouth with my fingers.
"Hush," I said, simply. "You don't sicken me Erik, or disgust me or even invoke fear in my heart. You invoke something else." I blushed in spite of the situation, and I was almost certain that he did too. "I will admit that I am afraid right now, but only because of the intensity that I feel for you. You are NOT a monster, and you're not evil, and I love you!"
He finally knew that I wasn't lying, and upon coming to this realization, he just lost it. The façade came down, the mask was lowered and the denouement was ready to ride it self out. This powerful man, who held dominion over anyone whom he spoke (or sang) to was reduced to a weeping mass as soon as I wrapped my arms around him. I knew that it was a lost cause. I took his head in my hands and gently guided it to my shoulder. It was similar to comforting a child.
"Oh, Erik" I sighed. He finally put his arms around my waist, but almost hesitantly, as if he was still afraid to touch me with his body. When I held him closer, he realized that I wanted him to touch me, and a torrent of tears that had been denied him since birth was released. I led him over to the bed and sat with him still in my arms, gently rocking him and murmuring words that I've no inkling of now. It then occurred to me that I was probably the only one to have seen Erik in this state, perhaps with the exception of Nadir. But then, even the Persian hadn't held a defenseless Erik like I was. He sighed.
"It can never work," he said as I still cradled his head.
"I'm not asking you to love me back," I told him with resignation. He sat up and took my hand.
"Christine, that's not the reason. You know this, I know this. Let it go unspoken, for now. Please?" I nodded, and I felt one of the biggest sighs coming out...
How odd it is, to be recalling it and writing on paper, in a book for the child that I have never met, and won't until we both rest with our Creator. But I hope you take some comfort from my words, beautiful child. Luna, if indeed that is your name, learn from me. Love is your gift. God gave you a loving heart, if you are anything like the rest of the Corronas. Our blood flows in your veins, and in the veins of your little one. You are the legacy. It is a great responsibility, but you are equal to the challenge. You will not let us down, this I know.
Erik would have loved you, Luna. He loved anything I love. I was content to have known him. Now you understand why this had to be chronicled, and why I'm so eager to be with him again. This is the kind of love that lasts over ages, over centuries. It doesn't die with death, but lives on. It was my time, and now it is yours. This time for me is over, but I'm going to a new place, where I will be welcomed with loving arms that are opened in greeting to me and only me, as you will one day. I hope it is long and far reaching in the future, dear.
Your life is precious, and our time is short. 85 years is no time compared to the time we will spend in the place that was meant for us. Remember that in your years. Live for God, live for your family, live for the man you love, but most importantly, Luna, remember to live for you. Live for you...
