"So, do you all have valentines yet?" Arthur asked his friends Binky, George, and Alan as they sat with him in the cafeteria, enjoying their lunches. Adil was also part of the group, but Arthur knew all too well how he had fared.

"I've got Fern," Alan answered.

"Mavis and I are still going strong," Binky replied cockily.

"Um...uh..." stammered George, whose right antler was still held together with tape and bandages after the ghost incident two weeks earlier.

"What, no valentine?" Arthur taunted him. To his left, Adil placidly grazed on a hummus sandwich while trying to understand as much of the conversation as possible.

"Uh, no." George's face fell. "There's not enough girls in our class. Muffy's gone, Beat's gone..."

"There are lots of girls you can ask," Alan reassured the moose boy.

"Yeah, I guess so," George responded, "but I'm too shy to ask a girl to be my valentine, unless I'm under the mistaken impression that she has a crush on me."

"What about Jenna?" Binky suggested. "Oh, wait, she's taken."

"Who's your valentine, Arthur?" Alan inquired. "Probably Francine again."

"Yeah," Arthur answered, "but she seems to think I should choose Sue Ellen instead. I guess that's because Francine's really Sue Ellen and Sue Ellen's really Francine."

"That's creepy, man," Binky remarked as he took another bite of his peanut butter and more peanut butter sandwich.

Arthur turned to George and smiled. "As soon as Francine and Sue Ellen are done fighting over me, you can have the loser."

"Thanks, Arthur," said George insincerely. "You're so generous."

Alan began to speak in a hushed tone. "Do you think maybe they really did switch bodies? I know things like that aren't possible with known science, but with all the weird supernatural stuff that's been going on lately..."

"That's a scary thought," Arthur mused. "What if it's contagious? What if we all start switching?"

In his mind he imagined the absolute worst situation that could possibly happen. He and D.W. had just leaped onto the couch in their living room, and were playing a game of tug-of-war with the TV remote control.

"Give it to me!" cried D.W. "It's time for New Moo Revue!"

"No, it's mine!" Arthur insisted. "I want to watch the Bunny League repeat!"

As they struggled, a magical glow suddenly burst from the remote and surrounded the two children. They blinked, gasped, and began to look at each other in shocked disbelief.

"Omigosh!" exclaimed D.W., glancing down at her pink blouse. "I'm you and you're me! How did this happen?"

Arthur reached up, felt his glasses and short hair, and smiled. "Hey, this is cool! Now I'm older than you! I don't have to do what you say anymore!"

"Oh, this is terrible!" cried D.W. in despair. "I've been cursed for my selfishness!" She jumped down from the couch. "Stay here! I'm going to get help!"

"Oh, no, you're not," said Arthur, folding his arms smugly. "You're staying right here, young lady."

"Cut that out!" yelled D.W. angrily.

"Muwahahahaha!" Arthur laughed. "You are doomed! You must obey me forever!"

A second later Francine entered through the front door, wearing her red jacket. "Hey, guys," she called out.

The panicked D.W. ran toward Francine with all the speed her short legs were capable of, while the grinning, self-assured Arthur followed after her.

"Francine, you gotta help me!" D.W. pleaded. "I'm really Arthur and Arthur is really D.W.! I'm trapped in the body of a little girl!"

"What's wrong with being a girl?" asked Francine with a deadpan expression.

D.W. gave her a surprised look. "What?"

"You gave me a bad time because I wanted to be a boy," Francine went on. "Now you're a girl, and all you can do is complain. Get over it."

With that, Francine turned and exited through the door. The horrified D.W. placed her hands over her cheeks and screamed. "NOOOOO..."

...which was how most of Arthur's fantasy sequences ended.

"You okay, Arthur?" asked Binky upon noticing that the boy looked pale and frightened.

"Uh, yeah, fine," muttered Arthur as he touched his glasses to make sure they were still present.

In the meantime, George was indulging a more pleasant fantasy. In the school playground, the shadow of Binky had plunged him into darkness. Trembling, he delivered his unopened candy bar into the greedy hands of the larger boy. Suddenly a flash of light burst from the candy, enveloping the two boys.

George raised his hands and ran his fingers over his antlers. "Oh, no!" he cried in terror. "I'm in George's body! I'm a shrimpy little moose boy!"

Binky, meanwhile, was gazing at his own broad chest and ham-sized fists with satisfaction. "All right!" he gloated.

George began to quake and stammer. "Uh...you...you can keep your candy..."

Binky dropped the candy bar in the dirt, made a fist, and began to punch his other hand with it. "It's payback time!"

"Aaaargh!" George screamed, and his fantasy ended. He glanced down at his undersized body and sighed with disappointment.

"I...think I'll try to be nicer to my sister from now on," said Arthur.

"Yeah," Binky responded. "And I'll try to be nicer to George." He then slapped George firmly on the back, causing the boy to spit out his orange juice. "Sorry, George. There, I apologized."

"Uh, I'll see you guys later," said George, who dreaded nothing more than the prospect of Binky Barnes consciously trying to be nice to him.

After exiting the cafeteria and walking some distance down the corridor, he spotted Sue Ellen striding out of the girls' room. The girl had removed her hairbands, and placed a barette behind her ears to hold her abundant curls in place.

George approached her timidly. "H-hi, Sue Ellen. You, uh, look different."

Suefran looked at George and managed a weak smile. "Yeah, this new hair is crazy. If this doesn't work, I may have to wear a bandanna or something."

George felt as if a heretofore undiscovered breed of butterfly was reproducing at a fantastic rate within his stomach. "I...if you're not...I..."

"Spit it out," said Suefran impatiently.

"If you're not Arthur's valentine," George finally pushed out of his mouth, "then I'd like to ask you to be mine." There. He had said it.

Suefran scowled unhappily. "I should be Arthur's valentine. He thinks that just because I'm stuck in somebody else's body, I'm not good enough for him anymore. Okay, George, I'll make you a deal. If you believe I'm really Francine, then I'll be your valentine."

"I believe you," said George seriously. "I've always believed you."

Gratified, Suefran smiled, reached forward, pinched the boy's cheek, and walked away. After recovering from the shock of having his cheek pinched by an attractive girl, he yelled after her, "We must convince the others! This is only a prelude to the full-scale invasion!"

----

The kids had never seen Jenna play so lethargically and indifferently before. Half of the time she spent smiling vapidly and gazing into thin air, while the soccer ball rolled past without her notice. When she did participate actively in the game, she ran conservatively after the ball and kicked it with only slight force, as if she was afraid of breaking her glass slippers.

Although Francine and Sue Ellen were puzzled by this change from her usual take-no-prisoners attitude, they found that it was no inconvenience to them, as they were on the opposing team. What amazed their teammates even more was that, for the first time in memory, Sue Ellen was scoring more goals than Francine.

Jenna's team was defeated so crushingly that it made even Suefran wince. "What's gotten into you?" she asked the girl as they left the gym and headed toward the girls' locker room.

Jenna spoke as if she was in a blissful trance. "He thinks I'm beautiful..."

"I suppose someone has to," Suefran responded.

Finding that Jenna was not a very good conversationalist at the moment, Suefran sought out Fransue and started to chat with her. "I'm glad to see that your legs are good for soccer," she remarked.

"Uh, thanks," Fransue replied. "I guess."

"And they're not bad-looking legs, either. I've never told you this before, Sue Ellen, but I think you're really cute for a girl."

"Thanks," said Fransue as she alternated with Suefran in kicking the soccer ball toward the school building. "I...guess that's true about you now."

After a thoughtful pause, Suefran continued. "I've been thinking about the HIV thing. I may have your good looks now, but what good will they do me? What if I can never get a boy to love me?"

"Don't get me started on that," Fransue warned her. "I wrote more than twenty pages in my diary about that subject alone."

They spoke no more words to each other until they entered the girls' locker. As Fransue was pulling off her athletic shirt, she asked Suefran, "Sue Ellen, if we're still switched a week from now, can I read your diary?"

"No," replied Fransue without hesitation.

Suefran yanked off her barette and made ready to remove her shirt, when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned and saw Mrs. Taylor, a young rat woman who taught phys ed.

"Nice to have you back in our class, Miss Armstrong," the teacher said warmly. "I'd like to talk to you about something...before you get in the shower."

Suefran groaned. She knew what Mrs. Taylor had on her mind.

(To be continued...)